Houses Now Twice As Unaffordable As Not Affordable

Yeah, we’re due for a crash.

According to Reuters and literally anyone you ask on the street, the housing market is as unaffordable as it’s ever been.

Things aren’t changing soon either with that Reuters report saying that rates are slowing other rates so the rate of those rates returning aren’t highly rated.

Here, take a look for yourself: “Persistent supply shortages and stretched affordability have kept most first-time buyers on the sidelines with existing homeowners reluctant to sell properties financed at mortgage rates below 4%, further choking activity,” they said.

Phhhhtttffff, not sure what to do about that then. I mean, I’m happy with my cardboard box for now, yeah, my landlord’s shit and refuses to demould my flaps but what do you expect for $2000 a month?

House prices are expected to go up by 2.1% this year and just 1.3% next year which you know are real numbers because they have a decimal in them.

Oh that reminds me of some other dire house-financial news from back in June, I feel like I can just recycle that to up the word count here, right? No one’s actually reading these right? Ok, here it is:

In news that would give any boomer an aneurysm, the US Federal Housing Finance Agency has just issued an order to value Bitcoin and crypto as assets for a mortgage.

Real estate just got a little more virtual, paving the way for zip code NFTs and shitty timeshares scams entirely on the blockchain.

After decades of being denied access to the property ladder, coiners can now join the exclusive club of people allowed to own houses, along with anyone over the age of 50 and shady Russian oligarchs.

Bitcoin owners across the world collectively high-fived each other and said, simultaneously, “What could possibly go wrong?”

In completely unrelated news, Paramount Pictures has greenlit ‘The Big Short 2: Electric Boogaloo’.

Whilst details about the script remain under lock and key, producers have hinted that they were “Inspired by very recent events.”

“I’m not saying we’re heading for another housing market crash,” commented Adam McKay, who’s already signed on to direct the sequel. “But we’re heading for another housing market crash.”

“This one’s going to be spicier than the original, though,” McKay continued. “We’ve already cast Zach Galifianakis as Elon Musk and George Clooney as a Bitcoin.”

Alright, if that’s all the news for today, I’m off to go swap my DOGECOIN for a mansion with a view of the ocean.