North Korea Promises To Return Stolen ETH “When We’re Done Using It”

Last week, the crypto world was left shooketh when North Korean hackers pulled off the single largest heist in history. Now, in a dramatic cooling of geopolitical tensions, North Korea has agreed to return the $15bn worth of stolen Ether, “When we feel like it.”

Speaking in a televised address, Kin Jong-un explained that they had the money but assured the rest of the world that they are just borrowing the funds and they would happily give it back once they had a Lambo and been “to da moon”.

The heist is rumored to have been carried out by ‘Lazarus Group’ a hacker group presumably named because they have been tasked with resurrecting North Korea’s dying economy. The group was linked to the Sony email hack in 2014 in which my cousin Darryl lost his job because everyone found out that he’d been emailing James Franco unsolicited erotica.

Whilst North Korea could not return my cousin Darryl’s emails, they can return the hacked $1.5bn in Ether and plan to do so! And I for one put my undying faith in the dedicated agents working for Pyongyang.

Bybit insists that the money was fully backed and they don’t actually need the crypto returned which sounds a little fishy to me, a little hmmmmmmmm if you ask me a mmmmmm, ok?? A little, ohhhhh hmmmmmm mmmmmhmmmmm? You might say.

Whilst Bybit was able to replace all the money this is a completely different scenario to when the government just prints money willy nilly so don’t even bring it up, ok?

The money was stolen from a ‘cold wallet’ which is a crypto wallet that’s stored in a fridge rather than your pocket. How the hackers were able to get inside the fridge when it’s not even an internet fridge is anybody’s guess and Bybit’s employees are looking into the matter probably.

For more updates on this developing story probably look somewhere else, we’re not a real news source.