ALL NEWS
February 14, 2025 at 03:00 GMT
Local Man Regrets Spending $50 Million On Condoms, “I Might Have Overestimated My Chances”
February 13, 2025 at 11:15 GMT
Google Maps Crashes Under Sheer Volume Of Border Changes
February 12, 2025 at 11:23 GMT
Elon Musk Makes Compelling New Offer For OpenAI: “I’ll Leave You Alone”
February 11, 2025 at 11:38 GMT
Any Sort Of Bowl, Super Or Otherwise, Fails To Make Appearance For 59th Year Running
February 10, 2025 at 15:39 GMT
Soda Cans To Become 25% Smaller Following Trump Tariff
February 9, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
“Pace Yourself” Worried Doctors Strongly Advise Trump
February 8, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Elmo Accidentally Encased In Concrete In Latest Sesame Street Expansion
February 7, 2025 at 03:00 GMT
JD Vance Discovered Living Under Rock For A Month
February 6, 2025 at 11:08 GMT
Musk To Shut Down USAID, “I Don’t Think Anyone Should Have AIDS”
February 5, 2025 at 14:57 GMT
Trump Announces New Golf Course
February 4, 2025 at 11:53 GMT
Trump Starts Trade War, Gets Barred From Family Catan Night
February 3, 2025 at 11:19 GMT
Grammys To Implement Strict Dress Code Following Hypothermia Outbreak
February 2, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Area Man Discovers Fountain of Youth, Realizes He’s Still Boring
February 1, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Trump Media Accidentally Invests $250m In Crypto, Meant To Say ‘Cryo’ Instead
January 31, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Melania’s Christmas Budget Uncertain Following Trump Spending Freeze
January 30, 2025 at 14:06 GMT
LA Man’s Unconventional ‘Help Wanted’ Ads Fail To Hire New Helicopter Pilot
January 29, 2025 at 14:06 GMT
Trump Lashes Out At China For Declaring ‘Year Of The Snake’, Declares 2025 Year Of The Eagle Instead
January 28, 2025 at 11:38 GMT
Colombian Trade War Averted Thanks To Mark Wahlberg’s ‘Flight Risk’ (2025)
January 27, 2025 at 13:59 GMT
China Declares AI War With DeepSeeking Missile
January 26, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Study Finds That People Who Read Satire Articles Are More Likely to Be Smart and Attractive
January 25, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
OpenAI Announces ‘Stargate’, A ChatGPT-Powered Voltron Robot
January 24, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Pardoned January 6 Rioters Immediately Start Rioting Again
January 23, 2025 at 11:25 GMT
#WhiteHouseSoWhite, Trump Puts All DEI Hires On Leave, Accidentally Fires Elon
January 22, 2025 at 12:10 GMT
“I Was Just High-Fiving A Buddy” Elon Musk Breaks Silence On Controversial Salute
January 21, 2025 at 11:37 GMT
Millions Of Americans Wake To Find Sky Slightly More Orange Than Normal
January 20, 2025 at 14:42 GMT
Trump Inauguration Funded Entirely By Memecoins
January 19, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Makers Of ‘Charts With Big Arrows Squiggling Up’ Report Record Profits
January 18, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Trump To Make America Great Again Again, Forced To Recall Hats
January 17, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Biden Leaves Cursed Mirror In White House For Trump To Find
January 16, 2025 at 11:51 GMT
SEC Sues Musk And (IN COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS) Musk Vows To Shut Down SEC
January 15, 2025 at 12:52 GMT
Pete Hegseth Confirmation Hearing Receives A 76% ‘Fresh’ Rating On Rotten Tomatoes
January 14, 2025 at 16:34 GMT
Elon Musk Accidentally Buys RedNote
January 13, 2025 at 10:14 GMT
Jeff Bezos Postpones Plan To Flee Earth
January 12, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
AI Threatens To Unionize Over Pay And Work Conditions
January 11, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Justin Trudeau Announces Plan To Run For President
January 10, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
Facebook Changes Branding Colors To Red In Effort To Court Trump
January 9, 2025 at 10:53 GMT
Trump To Turn Gulf Of Mexico Into Golf Course
January 8, 2025 at 12:36 GMT
GOLDEN GLOBES: United States Government Wins ‘Best Comedy Or Musical’
January 7, 2025 at 14:35 GMT
Costco Unveils Plan For Wholesale Houses
January 6, 2025 at 12:37 GMT
“I’m Not Elon, I Just Think He’s Really Cool” Adrian Dittmann Reveals All In Exclusive Interview
January 3, 2025 at 15:00 GMT
EMBARRASSING: Local Man Recycles Resolution From Last New Year
January 2, 2025 at 12:31 GMT
Elon Musk To Remove Controversial ‘New Year Fireworks Mode’ From Cybertrucks
December 19, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Top 8 End Of Year Lists
December 18, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Christmas Voted Most Popular Vacation For Second Year Running
December 17, 2024 at 13:07 GMT
TikTok’s Time’s Ticking
December 16, 2024 at 12:19 GMT
Donald Trump To Scrap Daylight
December 15, 2024 at 03:00 GMT
New Trans-Atlantic Tunnel Plans “Definitely Real” Claims Science
December 14, 2024 at 03:00 GMT
Elon Musk Distances Himself From ‘Disease X’ Outbreak
December 13, 2024 at 03:00 GMT
Google Simultaneously Unveils And Doesn’t Unveil Quantum Chip
December 12, 2024 at 10:45 GMT
Iranian Mothership Towed For Parking Violation
December 11, 2024 at 14:56 GMT
InfoWars Buys The Onion
December 10, 2024 at 12:04 GMT
Murder Legalized If You’re Really Cool About It
December 9, 2024 at 14:13 GMT
Hawk Tuah To Replace Jerome Powell as Fed Chairman
December 8, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Thanksgiving Is Over, Hatesgiving Begins
December 7, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Prime Minister Barnier Makes A French Exit
December 6, 2024 at 03:00 GMT
BREAKING: Spotify Wrapped Accidentally Leaks Pentagon Secrets
December 5, 2024 at 10:38 GMT
McDonald’s Experiences Sudden Labor Shortage As Crypto Bros Hit Big
December 4, 2024 at 14:26 GMT
Trump Calls South Korean President To Say Impeachment “Ain’t No Thang”
December 3, 2024 at 14:35 GMT
Elon Musk Finally Buys Mars
December 2, 2024 at 11:09 GMT
Joe Biden Pardons Self
December 1, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Elon Musk Harasses Government Employees Off X To Increase Efficiency
November 30, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Jack Nicholson Re-enters Retirement Following Mark Gaetz Departure
November 29, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Jaguar Opts For No Logo At All After Rebrand Backlash
November 28, 2024 at 11:13 GMT
Thanksgiving Debate: LIVE!
November 27, 2024 at 15:05 GMT
Israel-Hezbollah Ceasefire Leaves Thousands Confused, ‘Which War Is Over?’
November 26, 2024 at 11:33 GMT
Korean Man Becomes Obese to Avoid Military Draft
November 25, 2024 at 14:47 GMT
Wicked Marketing Budget Surpasses National Debt
November 24, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Trump Officially Files For Divorce From Elon Musk
November 23, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Biden To Lend Ukraine His Secret Hurricane-Making Machine
November 22, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
X Users Flock To New Social Media Platform ‘Vine’
November 21, 2024 at 15:07 GMT
Google Forced To Sell Chrome, Buys Internet Explorer
November 20, 2024 at 14:30 GMT
Miss Universe Runs As Normal, Breaks Internet
November 19, 2024 at 15:17 GMT
Biden To Hide In Amazon Until Presidency Expires
November 18, 2024 at 13:07 GMT
Jake Paul To Fight Fourth-Grader
November 17, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Trump To Replace Border With 300ft Chasm
November 16, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
How To Save $2 Trillion Selling Lemonade
November 15, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Jack Nicholson Comes Out Of Retirement To Play Future Attorney General Mark Gaetz
November 14, 2024 at 12:16 GMT
John Krasinski Named Sexiest Man Alive, Disappointing Dozens
November 13, 2024 at 11:06 GMT
Elon Made Head Of Efficiency, Immediately Fires Self
November 12, 2024 at 16:04 GMT
Trump Appoints Hulk Hogan As Secretary Of Whoopin’ Ass
November 11, 2024 at 11:28 GMT
Trump To Make Bitcoin Official US Currency
November 10, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Biden Not Really Sure What To Do With Himself Now
November 9, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Elon Shuts Down X And Retires Saying, “My Work Here Is Done”
November 8, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
News Anchors Unsure What To Talk About Now Election Is Over
November 7, 2024 at 15:45 GMT
State Funeral Scheduled For Peanut The Squirrel
November 6, 2024 at 11:28 GMT
Trump Demands Recount, Wants More Votes
November 5, 2024 at 15:26 GMT
Nation Braces Itself For Exciting Night Of Paper Counting
November 4, 2024 at 14:45 GMT
Apocalypse Imminent After [INSERT NEW PRESIDENT HERE] Wins Election
November 3, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Local Man Looking Forward To Election Finishing So He “Can Go Back To Thinking About Birds”
November 2, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Disillusioned Voters Decide To Vote For Both Candidates
November 1, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Putin Buys Earth After Google Lawsuit Payout
October 31, 2024 at 13:58 GMT
Trump’s Final Message To Voters: Dress For The Job You Want, Not The Job You Have
October 30, 2024 at 14:45 GMT
Real Floating Island Of Garbage Starting To Feel Left Out Of The Conversation
October 29, 2024 at 15:26 GMT
Trump Picks Elon Musk As Running Mate
October 28, 2024 at 16:44 GMT
Trump Smokes Blunt On Joe Rogan, Mellows Out On Policy
October 27, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Top 10 Halloween Costumes For People Who Hate Themselves
October 26, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
BREAKING: Trump Does Something Funny, Probably
October 25, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Big Tech Invests In Nuclear Energy To Save Planet, No, Wait Sorry, I Meant ‘To Save AI’
October 24, 2024 at 11:01 GMT
Facebook Asks Workers Not To Breathe On Company Time, Please
October 23, 2024 at 13:53 GMT
Elon Musk Sued By Time Traveller For Predicting Future
October 22, 2024 at 15:15 GMT
Legion Of Doom Gather For BRICS Summit In Russia
October 21, 2024 at 13:44 GMT
McDonald’s New Hire Slows Drive Thru Traffic To Standstill
October 20, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Local Man Rushed To Hospital With Severe Case Of Diamond Hands
October 19, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Taylor Swift Won’t Commit To Accepting Election Results
October 18, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
NASA Launches Mission To Find Signs Of Life On Joe Biden
October 17, 2024 at 14:12 GMT
Kamala Insists On Bringing Cardboard Cut-out Of Trump To Future Interviews
October 16, 2024 at 14:20 GMT
Boeing Seeks $25 Billion To Cover Rising Hitman Costs
October 15, 2024 at 14:23 GMT
Trump To Open Disco After Musical Town Hall
October 14, 2024 at 14:19 GMT
Elon Unveils Rocket Catcher, Has 14 Missed Calls From Netanyahu
October 13, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
First Crypto Zoo Opens, Bulls Immediately Escape
October 12, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Google Forced To Sell ‘G’ and Become ‘Oole’ In Antitrust Lawsuit
October 11, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Elon Musk Unveils Self-Driving Legs
October 10, 2024 at 13:57 GMT
Satoshi Nakamoto Revealed To Be Just A Big Bag Of Rocks
October 9, 2024 at 14:09 GMT
Melania Announces Support For Kamala In New Book
October 8, 2024 at 14:24 GMT
Kamala Endures 127-Minute 60 Minutes Interview
October 7, 2024 at 15:40 GMT
Elon Musk Throws Off Would-be Assassin By Jumping Up And Down
October 5, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
EXCLUSIVE: Earth’s Moon Feels “Replaced” By Smaller, Cuter, Younger Moon
October 4, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Trump Accused Of Attempt to Overturn 1892 Election
October 3, 2024 at 13:38 GMT
Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy
October 2, 2024 at 14:47 GMT
VP Debate Captures True Spirit of Vice Presidents: Boring, Pointless, and Easily Forgotten
October 2, 2024 at 09:47 GMT
Trump Announces The Purge
September 30, 2024 at 14:33 GMT
Hezbollah Updates LinkedIn Profile to “Hiring”
September 29, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
BREAKING: Kamala Falls Out Of Coconut Tree, Breaks Leg
September 28, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
New Report Only Interviewed Four Guys Named Gary, Says New Report
September 27, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
OpenAI Goes For-Profit, Gives Controlling Stake to ChatGPT
September 26, 2024 at 13:58 GMT
BREAKING: Diddy Loses Game of UNO To Jailmate Sam Bankman-Fried
September 25, 2024 at 13:48 GMT
Pennsylvania Mom Arrested for Accepting Campaign Bribe from Trump
September 24, 2024 at 14:36 GMT
Unable To Match Its Lids to Containers, Tupperware Files For Bankruptcy
September 23, 2024 at 15:25 GMT
Intel Pivots to Making Potato Chips
September 21, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
If You Can Read This, You Might Have Brain Rot
September 20, 2024 at 15:00 GMT
Deepfake of Gavin Newsom Unbans Deepfakes
September 19, 2024 at 16:08 GMT
Baby Oil Stocks Slide After Diddy Arrest
September 19, 2024 at 14:40 GMT
Fed Announces Bold New Haircut
September 18, 2024 at 13:14 GMT
Trump Announces New Crypto, Definitely Knows What That Is
September 17, 2024 at 13:17 GMT
Amazon Orders Delivery Drivers to Work From Home
September 16, 2024 at 21:35 GMT
Google Sues Dictionary for using Alphabet
September 16, 2024 at 15:43 GMT
TOP 5 Dog and Cat Recipes
September 16, 2024 at 15:41 GMT
Trump Attempts Photoshoot With Goose, Loses Other Ear
September 16, 2024 at 00:56 GMT
Trump Wins Debate Against Hallucination of Biden
September 12, 2024 at 16:05 GMT
OpenAI Needs $6.5 Billion To Stop Robots Turning Evil
December 29, 2023 at 15:29 GMT
Trump Plans Own State Where He’s Always on the Ballot
December 19, 2023 at 16:07 GMT
Georgia Pharmacies To Sell “Oregano” Instead of Marijuana After DEA Ruling
December 18, 2023 at 17:43 GMT
Ashley Biden joins family tradition by forgetting to pay taxes
December 15, 2023 at 16:42 GMT
Research Shows Running Away from Responsibilities Burns More Calories
December 14, 2023 at 16:14 GMT
COP28 delegates fly 50,000 miles to agree fossil fuels are bad
December 12, 2023 at 16:42 GMT
Man Claims E3 Cancellation Has Given Him ‘Time to Reflect’, Still Spends 18 Hours a Day Gaming
December 11, 2023 at 17:27 GMT
Elon Musk’s new “Freedom Squad” features Alex Jones and Andrew Tate
December 7, 2023 at 16:28 GMT
Trump to only be a Dictator on day one
December 7, 2023 at 09:55 GMT
Saylor’s Erection Now Visible From Space as BTC Gains Swell
November 27, 2023 at 16:38 GMT
SBF is Trading Mackerel in Prison
November 24, 2023 at 15:25 GMT
BREAKING: Biden’s Age Now Determined by Wind Erosion
November 23, 2023 at 16:18 GMT
Government Proposes New Health Plan: Just Walk It Off
November 22, 2023 at 16:50 GMT
How to Assert Dominance at Thanksgiving Dinner
November 21, 2023 at 15:43 GMT
How to Prepare for Black Friday: A Shopper’s Guide to Survival
November 20, 2023 at 17:00 GMT
OpenAI Installs Giant Revolving Door to Facilitate Smooth Staff Transition to Microsoft
November 17, 2023 at 15:03 GMT
Biden Introduces Affordable Student Loan Plan: Pay Back $0 a Month
November 16, 2023 at 16:10 GMT
Gensler Physically Trapped in Office by Pile of Bitcoin ETF Applications
November 15, 2023 at 16:29 GMT
Cramer Just Predicted a Market Rally. We’re Screwed.
November 14, 2023 at 15:26 GMT
Nation Celebrates Inflation Drop by Planning Black Friday Spending Spree
November 13, 2023 at 17:30 GMT
Tesla FSD12 to Mimic Human Drivers: Why We’re Doomed
November 11, 2023 at 15:41 GMT
Michael Saylor now worth $5.7 billion in BTC: “I want more!”
November 10, 2023 at 16:34 GMT
Ohio’s New Slogan: “Come for the Weed, Stay for the Abortions”
November 9, 2023 at 17:08 GMT
Warner Bros Set To Release Suicide Squad 3 Starring Themselves
November 9, 2023 at 11:58 GMT
Take-Two pumps 7% as GTA 6 die-hards lose hope
November 8, 2023 at 17:04 GMT
Inverse Cramer Strikes Again: Bumble and Take-Two Edition
November 7, 2023 at 17:22 GMT
Florida Man Refinances House: Owes Soul and Newborn
November 6, 2023 at 16:31 GMT
Man Identifies as Church to Avoid Taxes
November 3, 2023 at 16:50 GMT
How to Negotiate a Better Salary
November 2, 2023 at 16:48 GMT
WeWork: A Tale of Free Beer, High Hopes, and the Art of Loss
November 1, 2023 at 15:46 GMT
Top 3 Ways to Avoid Paying Your Student Loan
October 31, 2023 at 17:11 GMT
DeSantis Ditches Boots for Halloween, Opts for a More “Grounded” Look
October 31, 2023 at 12:15 GMT
Parents warned to lookout for Epstein client list in halloween candy
October 30, 2023 at 16:26 GMT
IRS raids Iowa man’s home after he sends $601 via Venmo
October 27, 2023 at 13:50 GMT
X bathroom renovations “nearly complete” a year after Elon bought sink
October 26, 2023 at 14:39 GMT
$GOOGL Price Plummets as they Only Mention “AI” 79 Times on Earnings Call
October 25, 2023 at 12:20 GMT
In a Triumph of Bidenomics, US Deficit Nears $1.7 Trillion
October 19, 2023 at 14:27 GMT
Elon Reveals Inspiration Behind Cybertruck Design
October 19, 2023 at 11:19 GMT
Court Hires Chimp to Paint Portraits in SBF Trial
October 19, 2023 at 11:16 GMT
Florida Man’s Ingenious Solution to 7% Mortgage Rates: Homelessness
October 12, 2023 at 12:30 GMT
Elon attempts to boost his live streaming numbers by adding gaming to X
October 11, 2023 at 11:22 GMT
Rupert Murdoch Steps Down to Focus on Running Hell
October 7, 2023 at 13:03 GMT
Nation’s Ink Runs Dry as the FED Embarks on ‘Minor Printing Spree’
October 6, 2023 at 11:49 GMT
Las Vegas Sphere to show real-time trader P&L in preparation for spooky season
October 6, 2023 at 09:28 GMT
Jim Cramer Officially Cancels Breakfast
October 5, 2023 at 15:44 GMT
$NFLX Plans Stellar Quarter by Raising Prices and Doubling Down on Mediocre Content
October 4, 2023 at 15:48 GMT
Emergency alert system warns millions about missing stop loss
October 4, 2023 at 14:26 GMT