MrBeast Starts Funding Round, Must Not Leave Circle For $5 Billion

“I’M HERE, IN A CIRCLE AND IF I LEAVE I LOSE 5 BILLION DOLLARS!!!” shouts Mr. Beast, grinning ear to ear whilst somehow also maintaining no expression whatsoever.

Yes, this is the news that Mr. James Stephen “MrBeast” “Jimmy” Donaldson Beast III is looking to raise a few hundred million dollars in investments into the holding company that controls his various business assets. The fundraising would value his company at $5 billion which according to experts is a lot of money.

This funding round comes after Jimmy Beast was featured on the Diary Of A CEO podcast claiming that he lost “TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ON BEAST GAMES” which may be true but also can’t be true since he’s keen to do a season 2. Anyway, that’s probably why he needs to raise the money, or maybe just so he can buy TikTok.

But what’s the real reason for the money? What’s the real reason for Ms. Beast in the first place? OK, he puts a lot of money into the videos but then he gets a lot of money back. But then he puts that money back into more videos. So the purpose of the money is the videos? Or is it the money? Do we really need Mr-Beast vids? Are they really that entertaining? Dare I ask, is it art? Or does it exist simply because it exists like an accidental child?

“BUT HERE’S THE CATCH,” continues MrBeast (one word it turns out). “I CAN’T LEAVE THIS CIRCLE OR I DIE!!!”

Wait, what? Jimmy, what do you mean you’ll die, you don’t have to die.

“THAT’S RIGHT I’LL DO IT! I’LL DO IT, DON’T PUSH ME!”

No, OK, Jimmy, we’ll get the money, please, just don’t leave the circle OK?

“OK, I WON’T LEAVE YET BUT YOU HAVE 48 HOURS TO GET ME $5 BILLION OR I’LL KILL MYSELF DON’T FORGET TO LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!!!”

Oh, ok, right, oh god, quickly where am I going to get the money? Wait, I thought you were worth 5bil not that you needed…

“I’LL DO ITTTT!!!!!!”

Ahh! OK! Oh god, he’s got a gun. I gotta go, but please, please give this millionaire more money, I beg of you, ok, ahhhhh…