Trump Has Bought $104 Million In Government Bonds, “Always Bet On Yourself”

Since entering office, Mr. “The President” Donald Trump has reportedly spent $103.7 million buying up government bonds in the greatest example of putting your money where your mouth is since Quinto Banes won the 14th annual dollar bill eating contest.

The truly inspiring news comes from a report that all officials are forced at gunpoint to release. This one says that he made 690 (nice) transactions, beginning the day after his inauguration. Bonds were bought in local governments, school boards, airport authorities, and gas districts. Ok, so I guess that’s not directly government bonds? Whatever, the joke in the title doesn’t work otherwise. I’m not changing it.

It’s unclear if by “bonds” Trumpet thought he was investing in Amazon’s upcoming James Bond movies; either way, it’s a savvy move.

Trumpybaby also bought a ton of corporate debt for some reason. He spent $500,000 EACH on Qualcomm Inc, Home Depot, and T-Mobile debt on February 10 and bought $250,000 of debt from Facebook. Why you’d want to buy debt is anyone’s guess. Why would you want more debt?? This is the poor kind of financial planning that we’ve all come to expect from Mr. Jonathan Trump!

Some of these trades cover companies that recently lost government contracts, potentially representing a conflict of interest or insider trader. Not that Grump’s an insider, no, he’s going to drain the swamp, not drown in it.

Presidents aren’t required to release their potential conflicting interests, but they have done so anyway out of tradition. Trump’s the first not to. Idk, I really think politicians shouldn’t be allowed to trade at all. I get you’ve got separate trusts and things, but Trump’s got his divested crypto investments, which you can’t tell me are insulated from his own rhetoric hyping the product.

If Pelosi gets it in the neck for insider trading, Trump and everyone else should too. Grab your pitchforks, who’s with me!?!

For more EXPERT financial opinions, read this one: Trump’s Tariffs Take Effect TODAY Explaining Why My Jeggings Haven’t Arrived Even Though I Ticked Next Day Delivery