Big Tech Runs Out Of Things To Break And Move Faster Than

Alright, listen up, you magnificent apes. A dark cloud is forming over Silicon Valley, and it’s not just the vape smoke from a thousand Teslas stuck in traffic. A catastrophic, existential crisis is brewing in the hallowed halls of Big Tech.

They’ve hit a wall. A big, beautiful, fully-rendered, 4K wall.

The sacred mantra, the prime directive handed down from Zuck himself, “Move Fast and Break Things“, has run its course. Why? Because they’ve officially run out of things to break.

Let’s look at the P&L on their disruption portfolio.

Taxis? Broken. Now we have surge-priced Ubers driven by guys who are definitely not crying while listening to motivational podcasts.
Hotels? Broken. Now you can pay $500 a night to sleep in some guy’s spare room that smells faintly of regret and artisanal kombucha.
Retail? Broken. Enjoy your Amazon drone dropping off a single AA battery you ordered 14 minutes ago.
Journalism? Obliterated. Your news now comes from a 15-second video of someone pointing at text while a distorted song plays.
Your Attention Span? Atomized. You’ve probably stopped reading this article twice already to check a notification about a meme stock you YOLO’d into.

They did it. The absolute mad lads actually did it. They moved fast. They broke everything. Now what?

The panic is palpable. You can feel it in the Q3 earnings calls. You can see it in the eyes of a 28-year-old “Chief Innovation Officer” who just realized his only job is to make a button slightly more blue.

The low-hanging fruit is gone. The medium-hanging fruit is gone. They’ve brought in industrial cranes to pick the high-hanging fruit, and now all that’s left is the metaphysical fruit. The conceptual fruit. The fruit that doesn’t even exist.

So what’s the new roadmap? What’s the next 10x play when you’ve already disrupted the entire tangible world?

1. The Pivot to Preposterous In-House Problems

You can’t break the world anymore? Fine. Break your own company. We’re seeing a new wave of “innovation” that solves problems nobody has.

Meta: Spent a GDP of a small European nation to build a leg-less, low-poly metaverse so their own employees could have meetings that are somehow less efficient than a Zoom call. They didn’t break communication; they broke the will to live.
Google: Has 14 different messaging apps that all do the same thing. They’re A/B testing our collective sanity. The goal is no longer to connect people, but to see how many times you can make someone download a new app before they throw their phone into a river.
Apple: Is furiously trying to break the concept of “ports.” They won’t be happy until our $3,000 laptops are just hermetically sealed slabs of aluminum that can only be charged via prayer and a $99 dongle.

2. The “AI-Powered” Everything Gambit

When you have no new ideas, just add “AI.” It’s the business equivalent of putting bacon on something.

We’re not talking about Skynet here. We’re talking about AI-powered toasters that “learn your optimal browning preference.” We’re talking about machine-learning cat flaps that “analyze your pet’s emotional state.” We’re talking about a smart water bottle that sends you 37 push notifications a day to “hydrate algorithmically.”

This isn’t innovation. This is a desperate attempt to justify a $2 trillion valuation by solving problems that were already solved in 1958.

3. The Final Frontier: Disrupting Reality Itself

This is the endgame. This is where the true degen thinking comes in. When you’ve broken all of man’s creations, there’s only one thing left to short: God.

Disrupting Time: “Why wait in line? Our new app, WaitLess, uses quantum-entangled servers to shift your consciousness forward through the queue. Subscription starts at $49.99/month.”
Breaking Physics: “Introducing Gravity-as-a-Service (GaaS). We’re A/B testing lower gravitational pull in the Bay Area to improve developer agility and reduce avocado toast-related drop incidents.”
Monetizing Air: “You’re breathing 7,000 liters of un-optimized air a day. BreatheOS delivers curated, artisanal air with premium ad-supported oxygen molecules.”

The Investor Takeaway

So what’s the trade? Do you short Big Tech because the alpha is gone? Or do you go long on the sheer, balls-to-the-wall insanity of it all?

Some say Big Tech is down bad. They’re stuck in a loop, rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic they already sank.

But the real diamond-handed apes see the opportunity. They’re not just breaking things anymore. They’re breaking the idea of things. You can’t put a P/E ratio on disrupting the space-time continuum.

So hold onto your stonks. We are entering a new paradigm. A glorious, absurd, and utterly pointless paradigm.

WAGMI. (We’re All Gonna Make It… to a slightly more inconvenient, AI-powered future).

For more tech news, click here: Jack Dorsey Unveils ‘Bitchat’, Musk Already In Talks To Buy And Rename It ‘XChat’