Trump Delays TikTok Ban: “I Have Too Many Bangers Waiting In My Drafts”
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President Donald Trump has once again extended the deadline for TikTok to be sold to an American company, citing a backlog of videos deemed “certified bangers” that “the world needs to see.”
“We’re going to extend the ban. There won’t be a ban for now,” Trump explained to reporters aboard Air Force One. “I’ve got too many videos, great videos, beautiful videos, you’re going to love them, and they’re all backed up just waiting in my drafts folder.”
“I showed them to JD, and he loves them, and he says I have to post them. But I said, JD, I can’t post them, I have to ban this CHIna app, this app from CHIna. And he said you could just post them all now, and I said, but JD, you can post them all at once, you’ll get delisted, but he doesn’t know.”
“You have to stagger them, JD. He doesn’t know about the stagger. I invented that, the stagger, I call it. You have to post daily if you want traction. You have to have traction; it’s all about the traction. So I said OK, I’ll delay. I’ll extend the deadline. It’s done. And now you will all get to see these beautiful videos. And you’re going to love them.”
Insiders close to the president have suggested that Trump’s TikToks are predominantly AI-generated videos of Trump wrestling foreign leaders and videos of “little monsters made of fruit who enjoy eating goop and slime”.
Joe Biden signed into law the bill insisting the app be sold or banned and congress still remains in support of the ban, but they would, wouldn’t they because none of them have a killer drafts folder with some top-notch AI-goop-monster vids.
During Trump’s first term, the President was apparently anti the Tok but has since u-turned on that opinion after realising that there are voters on TikTok too.
Some analysts suggest that this is another example of TACO Trump and the ban could potentially be perpetually extended indefinitely forever.
If Trump wants to be popular he should ban Facebook. Go on, do it you coward.
Trump’s extension of the ban also gives @wallstmemesofficial time to get their content off the ground because it’s just gathering dust and I know, I’ll get round to it, I’ve just got a lot on my plate and I really need more time. I NEED MORE TIME!!!
For some probably-now-very-out-of-date jokes on this story, click here: TikTok’s Time’s Ticking
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