Intel Gains $2bn Softbank Investment, Government To Take 10% Which Definitely Isn’t Socialism

Intel shares have jumped up after Japanese tech investment firm, SoftBank has announced plans to pump $2bn dollars of money into the struggling chip maker. The news comes hot off the heels of an announcement that the government is planning on converting their government grants into shares and thus gaining a 10% stake in the company.

Now I might be a professional finance writer (barely honestly) but isn’t that like socialism? What the Trumplings all dislike? Idk. Maybe this thing happens all the time. Does the government have stock in lots of companies? Is this just how it all works? How does anything work?

The deal looks similar to Trump’s recently proposed 15% kickback from China chip sales, which again feels illegal, but I guess when the President does it it’s not illegal.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, so SoftBank will pay $23 per share and this is seen as a vote of confidence that Trump will commit to helping out Intel which is the only chip manufacturer on American soil other than Lays. 

Trump previously criticised Intel CE-NO, Lip-Bu Tan, calling for his resignation over alleged links to China. It’s not clear, though, if he just said that because he’s Asian looking.

Intel has seen slumping stocks for years now after failing to keep up with the AI boom and foreign chip manufacturers. Both these deals and the resulting stock boost could mean a comeback for the former chip-king. Hell, I’d let Intel come inside me any day. What?

What could this mean for money and stocks and your money and sports and economics and the price of fish and oh god what is even the point.

I’ll tell you what we’ll do: we’ll start again. That’s right, we’ll just cut out all the crap. No more chips and monies and investments and Telos Wealth Advisors, no we’ll just got back to eating dirt. Yeah, that sounds nicer, way more fun than what we’ve got going now. IT’S TOO COMPLICATED! It’s too complicated, I just can’t follow it all and I don’t care. Why should I care about all this? Yeah, I’m using a phone and a laptop and four ipads simultaneously but I don’t want any of that. Get rid of it all.

Whatever happened to goat herders? That’s what we should be doing. A simple life. A simple, smelly, goaty life. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, I’m going to give all this up and go herd some goats. See ya!