Ben & Jerry’s To Rebrand As Just “Ben &’s” After Co-Founder Quits

Woke ice cream manufacturer ‘Ben & Jerry’s’ will soon be dropping the iconic ‘Jerry’ part after woke co-founder Jerry Greenfield quit the company over some woke BS.

“It’s woke or broke,” quipped my dad in reaction to the news, and I thought that was pretty funny, so I said I’d write it into the article and give him a shout-out.

The company initially planned to rename the famed ice cream brand just ‘Ben’s’ but that was already taken by ‘Uncle Ben’s’, which rebranded a few years ago to just ‘Ben’s’ because the word ‘uncle’ is racist now.

Ben & Jerry’s? More Like Peanutbutter And Jelly

This all began when jerry and ben sold the ‘Sloppy BJ Cream Corp’ to Unilever in 2000 but insisted that they would be able to stay woke. (BJs have always been woke, they love the gays etc.)

BUT Unilever reneged on this promise in 2021 when B&J refused to sell in Israeli-occupied Palestine, prompting backlash from BJ-cream-hungry Israelis and Unilever said that was one woke too far.

BJ then sued Unilever last year for stopping them from posting pro-Palestine-abortion-climate-change-universal-healthcare-anti-trump online messages and then also Unilever fired a CEO for progressive comments. Allegedly. Please don’t fire me.

Magnum is being spun off from Unilever anyways so BJ asked last week if, whilst they’re spinning anyways they could just spin a little more and spin off a BJ too. But it’s too late BJ, you already sold your soul and you should have foreseen these exact circumstances happening 25 years later.

It’s unclear what Jerry will do next with his newfound free time but will potentially start his own rival ice cream business called, “Not Ben, Just Jerry’s” with no ice cream and just the cookie dough. AKA: a license to print money.

For more food/politics news, read this one: Coca-Cola To Change Recipe Back To Cocaine, Trump Takes Credit