WASHINGTON D.C. – As the spookiest night of the year approaches, parents across the nation are being warned of a new, unexpected terror: finding snippets of Jeffrey Epstein’s infamous client list hidden in their children’s Halloween candy.
The initial reports of this peculiar phenomenon began circulating in the neighborhoods surrounding Washington D.C., where parents were left aghast upon discovering tiny scrolls of paper, each bearing a name or two, nestled among the Snickers and Skittles. However, as the days have passed, similar reports have emerged from states as far-flung as California and Texas.
“I was just checking my son’s candy for any opened wrappers or suspicious-looking treats, and there it was,” said Martha Jenkins, a concerned mother from Virginia. “A tiny piece of paper with a name I’d rather not mention. I was expecting to find a razor blade or something, not a potential lead in a high-profile investigation.”
The FBI has since issued a statement urging parents to be vigilant. “We understand that this is an unusual and concerning situation,” said Special Agent Dale Cooper. “No one truly knows the length of Epstein’s client list, so this could very well be the Halloween epidemic of the year. We advise parents to thoroughly check their children’s candy and report any findings.”
While many are left wondering about the motives behind this bizarre act, some conspiracy theorists suggest it’s an elaborate scheme by whistleblowers to ensure the list reaches as many households as possible. Others believe it’s merely a distasteful prank by individuals looking to capitalize on the ongoing media frenzy surrounding the Epstein case.
Local police departments are also chiming in, with some offering “Candy X-Ray” services on Halloween night to ensure no unwanted surprises lurk within the festive treats.
As the nation braces itself for All Hallows’ Eve, parents are reminded to prioritize safety. Whether it’s double-checking for oncoming traffic while trick-or-treating or scanning candy for unexpected scrolls of scandal, this Halloween promises to be one for the history books.
