Logan Paul Just Sold His Pokémon Illustrator For $16.5 Million, Could Your Shitty Collection Be Worth As Much?

No. You’re an embarrassment and you’ve wasted your life.

Professional douchebag Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack