New Study Finds Violence Causes Video Games

It’s a debate as old as video games themselves. Does violence cause video games or can video games be created peacefully? Well, new research from a team of scientists suggests that yes, violence is in fact essential to video game creation.

According to a new paper published in Nature and Gizmodo, the international team of top-notch scientists conducted a study that involved punching a child repeatedly in the head and then forcing that child to design a brand new MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) from scratch.

In every case, the child that was repeatedly punched produced a fully-playable game whereas children that weren’t punched didn’t make shit and only partially because they weren’t involved in the experiment.

The ‘scientists’ plan to use the profits from the MMORPG sales to fund further research.

People have long believed that violence causes video games ever since Pong was developed with the aid of ritualistic satanic sacrifices, but until now, this connection was only hearsay.

Despite this, game companies have long made use of this connection in a practice known as ‘crunch’ in which developers and coders are severely beaten and deprived of sleep in order to produce a successful game.

When asked whether the reverse was true and a violent video game could potentially make a player violent, the researcher spat at me and beat me until I also created a successful MMORPG.

For more video game news, you should probably go somewhere else, we don’t tend to write about that.