JD Vance Pleads Not Guilty To Pope Murder

Jay Dee ‘JD’ Vance has pleaded not guilty to the murder of Pope Francis despite being the last man to see him alive and having a compelling motive.

The Vice President met with THE Pope to admonish him for not wearing a suit and not saying thank you mere HOURS before he died of an unrelated lung something.

The Vatican will now hold a Conclave to solve the crime of the murder of the Pope. Just like in that movie, oh, what was it called? Oh yeah, the Da Vinci Code. So that’s pretty fun. Although a man did die, so that’s not fun.

Pope Francis previously objected to Trump’s anti-migration policies, so it was a lil awks with the Vance. A lil tense.

Some are saying this is maybe motive enough, but to me, that’s a red herring. I reckon the real murderer was the person you least expect, like God.

Alright, that’s enough of that, back to the news.