Marge Incall | Wall Street Memes

Hey, I’m just heading to the store, do you want anything…? A 20 billion dollar base on the moon? Yeah, that’s not on the shopping list…

Oh, OK, you’re going to cancel the Lunar Gateway Station that you had planned? And repurpose the equipment for the moon base? Well, that’s lovely, but I think they only do fruits and vegetables. I can get you a kumquat?

Yeah, I think a moon base is going to take at least seven years to build, I’ve only got the afternoon because I’ve got to pick up the cat from the vets. …put down, yeah. I mean, I can make a start on the moon base then just see where I get to in a couple hours?

What’s that? “It should not really surprise anyone that we are pausing Gateway in its current form and focusing on infrastructure that supports sustained operations on the lunar surface.” OK, but I’m telling you I am surprised, I’m telling you none of this was on the shopping list.

“Despite some of the very real hardware and schedule challenges, we can repurpose equipment and international partner commitments to support surface and other program objectives.”

Yeah, no, that’s putting it lightly. I could maybe steal you a shopping trolley but I’m not sure that’s going to be much help. Look, I’m just saying this is a really big pivot, Jared.

Can I get you anything that’s actually reasonable? Lettuce? Mayonnaise? …A nuclear electric propelled deep space rocket to Mars? …I mean, if I can get it on my loyalty points, sure.

And that needs to be launched before 2028? Well, that’s plenty of time, order online and you won’t need next day delivery, just go standard and save yourself some money.

What’s that? You want to call it Space Reactor 1 Freedom? Alright, well in that case you’ve got two years to think of a new name too.

Look, I’m going to shops anyway, no, yes, I don’t care if China gets there first, I’m getting the basic groceries and for everything else you can just sort yourself out. Got it? Alright, see you later.

You know in sci-fi movies when they would just fill out the background with news reports on the TV or whatever and they have these implausible futuristic headlines like “Venutian Uprising Quelled!” or “Mutant Spiders Conquer India!”? …well this is one of those, except it’s not the future. It’s now.

The robotics firm, Foundation, is reportedly sending two humanoid robots to the front line of the Ukraine war in a groundbreaking test that could shape the future of combat.

In February, two Phantom Mk-1 units, designed for simple factory work, were deployed for reconnaissance trails in Ukraine. As Foundation CEO Mike LeBlanc told Time, “We think there’s a moral imperative to put these robots into war instead of soldiers,” and eventually these robots should be able to use “any kind of weapon that a human can.”

See what I mean? This is copy from a cyberpunk video game, not actual news, surely?

Now, I know Mike says there’s a “moral imperative” to use his product and give him money, but if you’re going to bring up morality, let’s talk about that, shall we? Because sure, it’d be better if machines are being ‘killed’ in wars rather than people but if you’re arming those machines, you’re still arming them to shoot other people. Right?

What this’ll just end up being (and what it has been in almost every modern war) is you’ll have one side who can afford to use robots to minimise casualties whilst the other, poorer side will still be using good old disposable humans.

So it makes you wonder, is it moral to fight a war where only your enemy loses soldiers, Mike?

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves for sure. We’ve seen enough viral clips of Asimo falling over to know that we’re still a long way off any kind of terminator scenario. Additionally bear in mind that ‘Foundation’ and other tech companies have it in their interests to conjure these sci-fi headlines because it makes them seem so advanced and trailblazing that you just have to invest in them.

The future is a long way off but investing in the hype is happening right now.

Everyone? Really, everyone’s worried?

In case you don’t know, Larry Silverstein is the developer who bought the whole World Trade Center (like, all the buildings in that area, not just the twin towers) in July 2001 and after the attacks he was then the guy who organised the redevelopment.

Put those two facts together and obviously people are going to make up their own little story about it and say he was somehow involved or something like the plot of the dumbest James Bond movie.

Like what, he orchestrated the whole attack just to save money on a demolition crew? What is wrong with you?

Well, now that shitty movie’s getting a disappointing sequel because Silverstein bought the US Bank Tower in LA back in 2020. Wait six years ago? Why is this news? Sorry, I say ‘news’ it’s been posted on some crappy, clickbaity Instagram and X accounts. Wait… are we one of those accounts… oh god. Oh GOD.

Silverstein INsta post — ‘Just bought’? That was six years ago guys.

Silverstein? More like Silverstein, am I right?

OK, but the actual headline I’ve been given is that he has a terrorist insurance policy on the building which I can’t actually find anyone saying…? And I guess even if he did have that, like, yeah? I mean, that seems like a reasonable thing to have? Feels like that’s probably common place on large buildings nowadays?

And bear in mind that this particular tower has been floated as a possible terrorist target in the past so it’s not out of the question.

Can we all just go back to the actual problems in the world please? Like there’s so much bad stuff happening, if you want to feel shitty there’s plenty of real evil things to occupy your mind you really don’t need to invent new ones.

It’s the ultimate test of wits, brawn, might and muscle, that’s right, it’s Polymarket! everyone’s favorite crypto prediction platform. But the real question is which is better? Claude or ChatGPT, sorry, wait, not ChatGPT… OpenClaw.

OpenClaw? Who gives a g** about OpenClaw??? I guess this one guy I suppose…

This anonymous bettor gave Claude and OpenClaw $1,000 each and 48 hours to trade however they wanted. So let’s see how they did, huh?

Oh. Turns out it’s a complete wash. Never mind. Claude was up 1,322%, making a massive $13,216 nice, interesting, ok, thank you, good job. OpenClaw?

“Liquidated to zero in under 48h.”

Nice one, idiot. I mean, tbh I didn’t expect anything of from you, so sounds about right.

So it was less Rocky and more Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson.

Polymarket? More like, GOLLY-market!

We don’t know what the actual trades were of course or if the post is even real, so before you start putting all your chips on Claude, massive pinch of salt, guys. On top of that, OpenClaw is just that, an open source AI agent making software, so the results completely depend on how good the agent that this guy made was.

This isn’t the first time someone’s run a similar experiment (see below) so is the future of these prediction markets is entirely run by AI? Maybe. Idk. Why you asking me? Do I look like I know? Get out of here.

So this flashy chart made the rounds on social media recently because it seems to show you if you’re going to lose your job because of AI and we humans are just suckers for anything that promises to tell our future, aren’t we?

The graph comes from a research paper by economists Maxim Massenkoff and Peter McCrory working at Anthropic who definitely don’t have a vested interest in making AI look like it can do a bunch of jobs.

There’s a bunch of interesting observations such as, “Workers in the most exposed professions are more likely to be older, female, more educated, and higher-paid.” So, sorry about that, mom.

But onto the graph itself:

And it’s all pretty much what you’d expect. Stuff that requires talking directly to people or dealing with physical objects are least likely to be affected whereas more abstract, numbers focused areas and stuff will potentially be hardest hit.

What’s more interesting though than the sectors is the gap between the ‘observed’ AI coverage and the ‘theoretical’ coverage. Nice of them to put that distinction in there.

To me it kind of shows that AI’s not really hitting the way it should yet. There’s massive promises but still a big gulf between where it’s at and where it’s supposed to be.

I mean you may have seen stories of people being laid off to be replaced by AI but rumors may have been greatly exaggerated. For example Jack Dorsey’s ‘Block’ fired a bunch of people and claimed it was because of AI when really they just overhired during COVID but want to look tech-forward to investors.

I’m not saying it’s not happening (two of my writer colleagues were let go let month and AI writes all their content now), but just bare in mind that the tech industry is entirely built on hype.

Just the name itself, ‘AI’, is overpromising what it actually is because we’re yet to see sci-fi levels intelligence but they’re banking on you making that assumption yourself.

There’s a lot of hot air flying around, blowing up AI to make it something bigger than it actually is. And I’m sorry to say that this graph and indeed this article is just another example of that.

Jensen ‘Well’ Huang has come out and said that Nvidia’s massive investment in OpenAI and Anthropic will likely be its last for a long time.

At an industry conference on Wednesday, Huang explained that although the $30 billion was being finalized, investing the full $100 billion was “probably not on the cards”. …graphics cards do you mean??

I’m not sure how they can just go back on the original $100 billion promise but whatever…

The U-turn might be due to the ongoing spat between OpenAI, Anthropic and the Pentagon. After Anthropic’s military deal fell apart, OpenAI swooped in to fill the gap. As a result, OpenAI has seen droves of users uninstall ChatGPT while Anthropic’s Claude rocketted to the most downloaded free app in the charts.

Here’s the full lowdown on that:

There’s a lot happening and it’s all quite messy but from what I can gather, Claude was actually used to help gather intelligence, select targets and carry out battlefield simulations for the Iran attack. Which is CRAZY on it’s own. Like, sci-fi level stuff here. But do remember that chatbots aren’t AI (despite the branding), they are just very very good LLMs so we haven’t gone full skynet/matrix just yet.

But then Trump said Anthropic is a “Radical Left AI company run by people who have no idea what the real World is all about” and told the Pentagon not to use it because they objected to its use in the Venezuelan kidnapping.

So then OpenAI swoops in and says, ‘Don’t worry! We don’t have any moral principles whatsoever!’ and signs a contract that let’s the Pentagon use ChatGPT to spy on American citizens. Obviously everyone, including OpenAI’s own employees, objected to this clause and now Sam Altman’s trying to go back on this deal and get some more human rights assurances in the deal.

*deep breath*

I mean that’s like twelve different news stories in one there and it goes even deeper than that. So, please don’t take my word for any of this, I’ve just skim read some articles, I’d recommend checking elsewhere and not relying on Wall Street Memes Dot Com for your news.

But THE POINT IS it feels like we’re reaching a crunch point for AI and government influence over AI. This story likely isn’t going anywhere for a while so watch this space if you want to see our society collapse in real time!

An anonymous trader just made an insane bet: $14 million that Netflix will lose its bid for Warner Brothers BUT still profit from the whole thing.

The trader (who will remain anonymous because I don’t know who they are) bought 55,000 call options with a $90 strike price that expire in May but also sold 55,000 call options at $105, offsetting the premium, totally $2.51 per contract and a $13.8 million outlay. …And if you know what any of that means, you’ve got more right to write this article than I do…

It’s a hefty bet, that’s all I know, and it seems crazy given that Warner Bros already accepted Netflix’s offer. But Paramount just recently boosted their offer to the point where Warner Bros is interested again (if the price is right, right?) so there’s a chance they might just win out this battle afterall.

And even with Paramount’s fresh and tasty bid, Netflix still had a massive stock surge of 6% and analysts predict that even with a loss on this bid, Netflix might just profit from this whole debacle either way.

So who exactly made this bid that views Netflix so favorably? Well, reportedly it rhymes with Sned Snarandos, but we’ll likely never know.

Whether this mystery trader gets their winnings or not is still very much up in the air. But who knows, there is still such a long way to go. Netflix might yet raise their offer. The government might actually do its job for once and shut down both acquisitions (unlikely). But the point is it’s all still on the table and we’ll just have to wait and see.

I really don’t get what Warner Bros is playing at. They’ve just come out and said that Paramount’s latest $31-a-share could lead to a better deal than what they’ve agreed with Netflix. But… they’ve already agreed to the Netflix deal? Surely everything else is off the table? What does an agreement mean if not that?

DOES A MAN’S WORD MEAN NOTHING ANY MORE??

The only way this makes sense to me is if there’s some internal conflict at WB. Like, maybe one Warner Brother likes Paramount but the other brother wants to go to Netflix. That’s the only way this works, right?

Tbf WBD haven’t thrown out Netflix’s offer completely, only that Paramount’s new bid reaches the threshold for further talks.

But previously WBDD spoke out against Paramount’s offer on the grounds that they didn’t have the funding, wouldn’t merge in the way they wanted and was just an all round shittier company.

It seems everyone has a price, however and WBDDD happily reopened talks with shitty Paramount, discussing the new offer right up until midnight on the dot when they were legally forced to hang up the phone.

Wild stuff.

So basically, like always, there’s still a lot of irons to be kinked out and we won’t know any more actual info until the dust settles a bit more.

But whatever happens, you just know that they’ll make a Netflix series about this whole saga.

There are two options basically: things could go up or, get this, things could go down.

Yes, the world’s most valuable company (we’re talking $4 trillion-valuable) is due to reveal its quarterly earnings at the close of play on Wednesday, and it’s due to have wide-ranging implications for Wall Street, the tech industry and you, yes, YOU.

AI stocks have been in a weird place recently, with a bunch on the slump but maybe because they’ve not been AI-ing enough? Nvidia’s earnings report could restore faith in the industry as a whole. No pressure, then.

So much is riding on tomorrow that the opposite could happen and if Nvidia produces anything less that an insanely stellar report card, AI, tech and all other stocks in general might get pulled down a peg or two.

Earnings Shmernings

Options pricing says that the Nvidia could go as much as 6% either way. So, the point is, no one knows. Be ready for everything. Like a boy scout.

Given that Nvidia accounts for roughly 8% of the S&P 500’s entire value, the waves from this boulder drop will be huge whatever happens.

So, once again, no one really knows anything. And in about 20-something hours, this entire article will be out of date and completely useless. Aren’t we glad we both spent our valuable time on this now?

Yes.

Richest man sur la planet just announced on an investors call that Tesla will discontinue production of its Model X SUV and Model S full-size sedan. Anyone currently driving those models on the road will immediately be auto-driven into the traffic barriers in a fiery ball of explosion.

“It’s time to basically bring the Model S and X programs to an end,” Musk said threateningly. “We expect to wind down S and X production next quarter.”

And in case the transition from cars to robots wasn’t on the nose enough for you, Tesla is converting its Fremont, California factory from model S and X production to making the Optimus robot.

The move away from EVs might be sensible given the slumping sales, but towards AI and robotics? Idk.

Sure, AI is the golden goose atm but for how much longer? And will Tesla have an edge in a very competitive market?

As for robots, unless Elon’s Optimus can offer a substantial improvement from previous attempts at androids, it’s still looking like a dead end sector. At least for now. Who knows, maybe the Optimus will be the product that populises the technology, a cultural pivot point like the iPhone was in 2007.

But if that’s going to be the case, they’re going to have to stop showing us what amounts to incredibly expensive puppets, with the puppeteer just behind a curtain like the Wizard of goddamn Oz.

This is Elon’s trillion dollar bet, given that that’s the pay package that lured back (no, to stay) at the company BUT it’s contingent on Elon delivering massive dividends for the shareholders.

Will AI and robots be the magic bullet for success? No, but also, only time will tell.

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