Marge Incall | Wall Street Memes

There are two options basically: things could go up or, get this, things could go down.

Yes, the world’s most valuable company (we’re talking $4 trillion-valuable) is due to reveal its quarterly earnings at the close of play on Wednesday, and it’s due to have wide-ranging implications for Wall Street, the tech industry and you, yes, YOU.

AI stocks have been in a weird place recently, with a bunch on the slump but maybe because they’ve not been AI-ing enough? Nvidia’s earnings report could restore faith in the industry as a whole. No pressure, then.

So much is riding on tomorrow that the opposite could happen and if Nvidia produces anything less that an insanely stellar report card, AI, tech and all other stocks in general might get pulled down a peg or two.

Earnings Shmernings

Options pricing says that the Nvidia could go as much as 6% either way. So, the point is, no one knows. Be ready for everything. Like a boy scout.

Given that Nvidia accounts for roughly 8% of the S&P 500’s entire value, the waves from this boulder drop will be huge whatever happens.

So, once again, no one really knows anything. And in about 20-something hours, this entire article will be out of date and completely useless. Aren’t we glad we both spent our valuable time on this now?

Yes.

Richest man sur la planet just announced on an investors call that Tesla will discontinue production of its Model X SUV and Model S full-size sedan. Anyone currently driving those models on the road will immediately be auto-driven into the traffic barriers in a fiery ball of explosion.

“It’s time to basically bring the Model S and X programs to an end,” Musk said threateningly. “We expect to wind down S and X production next quarter.”

And in case the transition from cars to robots wasn’t on the nose enough for you, Tesla is converting its Fremont, California factory from model S and X production to making the Optimus robot.

The move away from EVs might be sensible given the slumping sales, but towards AI and robotics? Idk.

Sure, AI is the golden goose atm but for how much longer? And will Tesla have an edge in a very competitive market?

As for robots, unless Elon’s Optimus can offer a substantial improvement from previous attempts at androids, it’s still looking like a dead end sector. At least for now. Who knows, maybe the Optimus will be the product that populises the technology, a cultural pivot point like the iPhone was in 2007.

But if that’s going to be the case, they’re going to have to stop showing us what amounts to incredibly expensive puppets, with the puppeteer just behind a curtain like the Wizard of goddamn Oz.

This is Elon’s trillion dollar bet, given that that’s the pay package that lured back (no, to stay) at the company BUT it’s contingent on Elon delivering massive dividends for the shareholders.

Will AI and robots be the magic bullet for success? No, but also, only time will tell.

As CFOs, CEOs and CNTs are tripping over themselves to line up for the Federal Reserve Chairman position, one man has emerged as the frontrunner.

Rick Rieder is the Chief Investment Officer of Global Fixed Income (CIOOGFI for short) at BlackRock and just this past week Polymarket and Kalshi have bumped him up to ‘Most Likely To Become Powell 2.0’ beating off, wait, beating out “The Two Kevins”. …Who?

‘Who’ is a great question, thanks for asking. So this Rick guy started out at as a broker or something and then he was at the Lehman Brothers, which is a little awkward. Wait, are we sure this is the right guy for the job?

Then he founded his own firm which was swiftly bought by BlackRock and Larry Fink made him a ‘super investor’ managing $2.3 trillion dollars in global bond markets. That’s a bigger GDP than most countries in the world.

In fact, let me list for you the only countries that have a GDP higher than Rieder’s responsibilities, it won’t take long: Russia, Italy, France, UK, India, Japan, Germany, China and the US. Literally every other country in the world has less to worry about than this guy.

Well, his portfolio might be getting a little bigger sometime soon if he gets asked to effectively manage USA’s GDP, which in turn is basically the global economy.

Look, he’s not worked at the Fed before, he hasn’t worn that sexy little hardhat so his recent appearance in the leaderboard has surprised insiders but if he’s the right guy, he might be the right guy.

The real question that’s going to cliche his application is… how does he feel about Trump?

We are all just a ship on the ocean, buffeted to and fro, merciless to the great wave that is Donald Trump.

And the tides have turned once more, the storms have receded, offering a moment’s respite for a “framework for a future Greenland deal” has been agreed and the tariffs have been dropped, huzzah!

Wtf does that mean? Well no one knows. The details have not been released and still need to be agreed by Greenland, Denmark and the US. But! It does mean that the stock market has bounced back in anticipation of this sunny future of endless peace and no wars.

The news also came with the unveiling of Trump’s ‘Board of Peace’, a newer, cooler NATO, aimed at an “everlasting” peace in the middle east at first and then once that’s sorted maybe, y’know, Ukraine if there’s time.

A bunch of countries have signed up but not the UK because maybe Russia will join and they’re not fwends wight now 🙁.

Oh and also you had to pay to join? Like a billion dollars or something, idk I’m not looking it up again, but it’s crazy, like it feels like just more corruption, right? Like, Trump’s mad at NATO so he makes a newer cooler one where he’s the chairman and everyone has to pay him.

Like, great if it solves things but I’m not expecting world peace from the guy who threatened to invade Greenland, the guy who literally said peace wasn’t a priority just because he didn’t get a medal for it.

But whatevers Trevors, the headline is that the stock market is stabalizing thanks to the diligent work of TACO Trump. So for now, it’s smooth sailing. Thank you, Mr. Trump!

We’ve got another classic Elon Musk spat on our hands, this time concerning Ryanair for some reason. Did he not get enough leg room on his last flight or something?

It seems that the public falling out began when the airline’s CEO, Michael O’Leary, said he wouldn’t use Elon’s Starlink for onboard Wi-Fi.

Like… ok? Who cares?

Well, Elon Musk apparently, who’s ego is as fragile as his Cybertrucks and won’t take a slight from Trump, from his girlfriends, from marine divers, and certainly not from Irish airline owners.

Musk threatened to buy the airline and oh god, he’s going to rename it xAir or something lame. He did say he would put someone called Ryan in place as CEO. Hahaha, classic Elon trolling!

Unfortunately/thankfully we won’t have another Twitter situation on our hands since EU airlines have to be majority owned by European citizens. Huh. That’s actually a good rule…

But hold on, just before you get to thinking anyone in this fight actually has any conviction, O’Leary just clapped back by launching a sale dubbed, ‘The Big Idiot Seat Sale’.

Ryanair Elon advert — It’s ok though, they put idiot in quotes so they can’t be sued.

So O’Leary’s spinning this into an advert and Elon’s kicking off in the first place was probably to make headlines and ONCE AGAIN we all got played. God damnit.

And they both know exactly what they’re doing. This all started because the airline Lufthansa announced they would be using Starlink and O’Leary spoke out on Irish radio saying that, “We [would] have to put an aerial antenna on top of the aircraft. It would cost us about $200-250m a year, in other words about an extra dollar for every passenger we fly.”

“We can’t afford those costs. Passengers won’t pay for internet usage… so we’re not putting it on board.”

He then called Musk an idiot who knew zero about aerodynamics.

This is what O’Leary does, court controversy, and he’s finally found his match in Elon Musk who likely won’t drop the spat any time soon, at least not until they’ve both made a tidy profit from this altercation…

You may remember Donald Trump from the Apprentice Movie but did you know he actually became the President? That’s right and his biggest dream that he’s had since lunch time is to own the green land of Greenland.

Since Denmark owns Greenland, Europe doesn’t really want this to happen, but Trump’s on the warpath, tearing up peace treaties and leaving crying Francophiles in his wake.

The latest development is that Trump has leaked a slew of texts between him and European world leaders but wait, he meant to do that?

But this isn’t like that group chat leak that Pete Hegseth did last year (where does the time go?), no, Trump is his own whistleblower here, deliberately sharing the private convos with the world in order to ridicule his supposed allies on the other side of the pond.

You know what, they’re worth a read, here:

From the Norwegian PM to Trump:

Dear Mr President, dear Donald – on the contact across the Atlantic – on Greenland, Gaza, Ukraine – and your tariff announcement yesterday.

You know our position on these issues. But we believe we all should work to take this down and de-escalate – so much is happening around us where we need to stand together.

We are proposing a call with you later today – with both of us or separately – give us a hint of what you prefer! Best – Alex and Jonas

Then Trump’s reply:

Dear Jonas: Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America.

Denmark cannot protect that land from Russia or China, and why do they have a “right of ownership” anyway?

There are no written documents, it’s only that a boat landed there hundreds of years ago, but we had boats landing there, also. I have done more for NATO than any other person since its founding, and now, NATO should do something for the United States.

The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of Greenland. Thank you! President DJT

And more recently this text from the French PM Trump:

From president Macron to President Trump

My friend,

We are totally in line on Syria

We can do great things on Iran

I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland

Let us try to build great things :

1) I can set up a G7 meeting after Davos in Paris on Thursday afternoon. I can invite the Ukrainians, the Danish, the Syrians and the Russians in the margins

2) Let us have a dinner together in Paris together on Thursday before you go back to the US

Emmanuel

And the latest leak from the NATO Secretary General to Trump:

Mr. President, dear Donald – what you accomplished in Syria today is incredible. I will use my media engagements in Davos to highlight your work there, in Gaza, and in Ukraine.

I am committed to finding a way forward on Greenland. Can’t wait to see you.

Yours, Mark

…Now we all know that it’s just not the done thing to post your DMs online but it does offer a peek behind the curtain at how politics is actually conducted. Seems weird that leaders will just be texting each other on personal numbers but I guess why not?

Also there’s a fair amount of ass kissing which is embarrassing to see, but I guess they know how to play the Don. Macron seems a bit more blunt and might be a hint of things going forward that Europe might at last start to play hardball with the king of hardball, DJT, hoping he might live up to his TACO moniker.

All I know is that in this global game of chicken, likely we’ll all get squished.

Jerome Powell just got supeenered, wait, suibpoened, no… subpoenaed? …that doesn’t look right, what is that, Greek? What’s it in English? Anyway, Powell just got asked to testify to the DoJ about the Fed renovations and really, we’re still on this? Ugh.

And before I go off on one, yes, you will believe his response, it’s actually very reasonable.

Powell said, “This is about whether the Fed will be able to continue to set interest rates based on evidence and economic conditions, or whether instead monetary policy will be directed by political pressure or intimidation”

“I have deep respect for the rule of law and for accountability in our democracy,” he continued. “No one, certainly not the chair of the Federal Reserve is above the law, but this unprecedented action should be seen in the broader context of the administration’s threats and ongoing pressure.”

Like everything Trump does, this is so OBVIOUS and brazen. This is not about the Fed building renovations, we’ve been through this, let’s move on, please. No, this is another attack on the Fed for being independent and not bowing to Trump’s pressure.

The whole point is that the Fed is independent of the executive branch, if it’s not and the President can set interest rates then it has literally no purpose and we take one step closer to autocracy.

Yes, Trump can now invade a country, overthrow its leader and declare himself king but that doesn’t mean he can do it on home soil too. Powell isn’t some despot hoarding oil, he’s just some guy…

The dollar has obviously dipped because of this news. Surprise, surprise, attacking your own financial institutions is bad for your economy…

“The Board unanimously determined that the Paramount’s latest offer remains inferior to our merger agreement with Netflix across multiple key areas,” said WBD’s chair, Samuel A. Di Piazza, Jr. III esq.

WDB Cooper also reaffirmed their binding deal with Netflix meaning that ‘Warnet Broflix’ is looking more likely with every passing day.

And even though Paramount has the higher offer ($108 billion to Netflix’s 83), the WBoard says it’s “illusory”.

Firstly, Netflix would continue with WBD’s plan to lose the D and just be WB again. This way they can dump all their losing assets and dump a ton of debt. THIS WAS THE PLAN FROM THE START BEFORE EVERYONE EVEN OFFERED TO BUY THEM.

But Paramount want to buy the whole thing outright, loss, debt and two smoking barrels. Why? Who knows. Why don’t they change their offer to suit WB? Who knows. This is money people we’re talking about and if you claim you can understand Hollywood accounting then call me.

And the Warner Bros board see that debt retention as a bizarre move.

On top of that, Paramount’s offer is on shaky ground after Jared Kushner’s equity firm pulled out and with a consortium of Middle Eastern investors to plug the gap things have only gotten sheikhier.

“Paramount’s offer continues to provide insufficient value, including terms such as an extraordinary amount of debt financing that create risks to close and lack of protections for our shareholders if a transaction is not completed.”

So with Netflix WB on the horizon, here are the top 45 crossovers we want to see:

45: Harry Potter vs. Stranger Things

Let’s be honest, HP would DESTROY. Harry vs. Eleven. Vecna vs. Voldemort. Hagrid vs. Jim Hopper but he’s got a gun. It’s no contest. Avadaca-these-nutz. (that’s the tagline)

44: Emily In Westeros

It’ll be a charming, light hearted tour through the Seven Kingdoms. And at the end, Emily can get beheaded. What’s not to like?

43: Squid Game Squarepants

Watch Patrick Star fight for his life in a murderous obstacle course of doom. It’s ok because it’s a critique of capitalism!

(To see entires 42-1, please subscribe to Wall Street Memes Premium)

For more on this story, click here: Trump Is Backing Off The Paramount’s WB Bid, Here’s What That Means For Netflix

You might have heard of the Pentagon Pizza Index but if you haven’t, it’s very simple. The index tracks when the pizzas are ordered to the Pentagon and notes unusual increases in orders.

The theory is that the Pentagon will order more pizza when it has more people working late and that tends to happen when the Pentagon is gearing up for a big operation.

THEREFORE by tracking pizzas ordered to the Pentagon the index can predict the next major military operation.

Sounds crazy? Well, it might just be crazy enough to work.

The theory began with Frank Meeks, a Domino’s employee in Washington who noted a record order of 21 pizzas the night before Iraq invaded Kuwait and started the Gulf War in 1990. He also spotted a similar surge in 1998 during Clinton’s impeachment hearings.

Meeks also claims he noticed an uptick in 1983 and 1989 before the invasions of Grenada and Panama.

Well, now the coincidence tracker is officially a thing with someone making an account on X called the Pentagon Pizza Report that live monitors Google Maps data.

And just like clockwork, the PPR noted a spike of 300 pizzas ordered to the Pentagon from Pizzato’s Pizza two days before Trump’s airstrike on Venezuela.

This isn’t the only time the PPR has picked up military movements as a pizza surge in April 2024 coincided with Iran’s drone attack on Israel and in June last year, a Papa John’s got a big order just an hour before Trump announced strikes on Iran.

It’s like Wolf Blitzer said, “Bottom line for journalists: Always monitor the pizzas.”

Maybe its just a coincidence with a healthy dollop of confirmation bias, but either way, I’m off to short the market then order 400 deep dish margaritas.

For more on this story, click here: Oil And Bitcoin Up After Trump’s Venezuela Coup, Will Greenland Be Next?

PENSACOLA, FL: Local man Gary Siphonson, (unless you’re not local to him, in which case, I don’t know what to tell you) has made his New Year(‘s) resolution to learn how to juggle for the sixth time in a row, humiliating family, friends, co-workers, and Jesus.

The incident occurred on New Year’s Eve when Mr. Siphonson was involved in a light-hearted discussion concerning resolutions with family members.

New Year, New Loser

According to witnesses, everyone took turns to say what they would like to achieve or change or give up in the next year, but when it came to Gary’s turn, he stated, “Errr, I dunno. I think I’ll pick up juggling.”

“For the love of God, Gary, pick something else,” lamented sister Georgie upon hearing the news. “You’re not going to learn to juggle, you’re never going to learn to juggle. You said you were going to learn to juggle last year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that. Just admit it, it’s not going to happen.”

“You haven’t touched my balls all year,” added Shannon, Gary’s wife. “I bought you those juggling balls when you first mentioned you wanted to learn, and I think I saw you practicing once before you said it was too hard and threw one at the dog, which really frightened him, and I had to clean up the mess he made while you went and sulked in the corner. I’m starting to think twice about buying you those miniature chainsaws for Christmas.”

Nothing More Embarrassing Than Self-Plagiarism

When encouraged to display what he had learned from six years of juggling resolutions, Mr. Siphonson stubbornly snatched up three eggs and a wine bottle, said, “Watch this,” then threw the items at the ceiling. Mr. Siphonson ducked to avoid the egg yolks and shattered glass but failed to dodge most of the debris.

After a moment of silence in which everyone stared speechless at the egg-covered man, Mr. Siphonson, 46, burst into tears and ran from the room.

When reached for comment, Mr. Siphonson said, “I don’t know why anyone cares, it’s just a stupid game. I just say ‘juggling’ so people stop asking, I didn’t think they would take it seriously. This is the least wonderful time of the year ever.”

It seems unlikely that next year Mr. Siphonson will take on his family’s advice and make his New Year’s resolution to think up an original New Year’s resolution.

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Marge Incall• February 24, 2026D

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