Marge Incall | Wall Street Memes

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Look, this is good news really, should have been done from the start. I know some people think that philosophers are useless, but when big tech has dived in headfirst into maybe the most complex moral and existential questions humanity has ever faced, it seems insane in hindsight that they didn’t think to hire a lifeguard.

But then on the other hand to some extent it’s more AI hype, like, please, please, please, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT: AI IS NOT ‘AI’. It is not conscious, it’s not intelligent and hiring a philosopher I’m worried is just a marketing strategy to signal to investors that yeah, we’re on the brink of human-level intelligence here.

I hope it’s not just that, I’m just so weary of these fuckos because all they do is lie and hype and lie some more. Everything is marketing to these people.

But I hope this is an exception, because if anyone needs a philosopher on board it’s the people who outsourced their moral compass to ChatGPT years ago.

The philosopher in question is Henry Shevlin, former associate director at the University of Cambridge’s Leverhulme Centre for the Future of Intelligence.

Writing on LinkedIn Shevlin said, “It’s a rare privilege to work on questions I’ve spent my career thinking about, now with the resources and urgency that come with being inside one of the world’s leading AI labs.”

Oh wait, I forgot about my clickbait headline, sorry, I always do that. So, why is this terrifying? Well I guess the placement implies AI is super sophisticated and needs reigning in by a philosopher. But yeah, like I said, that’s just hype. Please ignore my shitty titles, they really are just to get you in the door, but you knew that right?

God, I’m just as bad as the AI hype men!! AAHHHHHHH!!!!! HHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNMMMPHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

Oh, sorry, we’re just talking about the cartoon movie here, not the James Cameron, blue aliens one. Was that not clear? Hey, don’t blame me I didn’t name two fantasy franchises the exact same name…

Anyways, yeah, this is the story that the upcoming Nickelodeon movie based on that cartoon TV show called Avatar (that I thought everyone had moved on from) just got leaked, maybe from a hack.

Sorry, sorry, I know you’re still confused, so just to make it clear, we’re not talking about Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005), Avatar: The Last Airbender (2024), Avatar: Seven Havens (2027), The Last Airbender (2010), Avatar (2009), Avatar: The Shape of Water (2022), Avatar: Fire and Ash (2025), no, we’re talking about Avatar: Aang, The Last Airbender (2026).

It’s a cartoon movie sequel to the original TV show and it’s not out yet but two clips have been posted to social media well before any official material has been released.

Claiming credit is a hacker group named PeggleCrew and a leaker called @ImStillDissin who says that Nickelodeon accidentally emailed him the full movie and script. So I guess this was a phishing scam then?

The clips have since been copyright striked and taken down but not before Mr. Dissin could issue a threat for Paramount (Nickelodeon’s parent company) to release a trailer or else he’ll “I’ll livestream the entire movie alongside some Peggle Deluxe gameplay.”

So we’ll just have to wait and see if the threat is hollow or not or if Paramount capitulates but probs they’ll just ignore this publicly and have some lawyers on it in the background.

Paramount could not be reached for comment. Jks, I’m not emailed Paramount, what do I look like to you a real journalist? Getoutahere…

It’s a crazy time we live in, huh?

Iran is planning on requiring ships passing through the Strait of Hormuz a toll in Bitcoin in what would be a major move away from the US’s control of the economics of that area for now maybe.

Bitcoin is obviously up following the news, rising above $72,500. Maybe Trump’s massive investment into Bitcoin was him playing 4D chess all along.

It’s a big deal because people are talking about how America has this leverage over the global economy because the dollar is the reserve currency. Obviously places like Iran and China don’t want that and now Iran’s holding all the cards they have the political sway to kneecap the dollar.

Here’s an idea though. Maybe rather than Bitcoin or dollars or yuan, why don’t we try something else, why don’t we use buttons?

Now here me out.

Firstly, everyone has buttons, everyone owns buttons so you’ve got a good supply there. They have a practical usage as well because they hold up my pants which dollars don’t do so you’re already winning there.

Buttons already look like coins so you won’t be needing to change slot machines or anything like that.

Buttons have holes in the middle so if you wanted to you could tie them together and keep your money safe like that.

Buttons are much lighter than coins or gold so you can have fun with them there.

Buttons come in all sorts of shapes and sizes so that’s more fun for you there.

Anyways, yeah, what I’m saying is we should go for the petrobutton. Iran should be demanding buttons not Bitcoin. It’s the currency of the future.

Thank god Trump Always Chickens Out because honestly, who wanted him to follow through on his threat that “A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will.”?

He’s an idiot. A posturing, insecure, narcissistic coward. He says whatever comes to mind, without considering the consequences and all the world tumbles over itself, scrambling to make sense of his stream of consciousness.

Meanwhile his actions tell a different story. His acts don’t need to align with his words because he’s not motivated by integrity, or consistency, he only says and does what he thinks will benefit him in the moment.

And in this case, sabre rattling seemed like a good idea at the time. He thinks it makes him look strong and powerful. But then he didn’t think that wiping out a civilization is probably a bad idea for everyone and was thankfully talked down from his war crime. And it’s easy to talk him down, you just have to show him that another situation will benefit him more and he’ll spin on a dime.

But how did Wall Street react? I’m told I have to talk about that…

Oil prices have crashed of course, which is great for my bank account.
The trading floor went wild with an influx of last minute trades reacting to the news.
The larger investment firms have gone all in on AI and treasury funds while the price is right.

In short: it’s a massive rally as Wall Street heaves a sigh of relief that we might have some stability for two weeks at least.

We’ll see if it’ll last of course. Who knows, Trump will probably TACO out of his TACO and Uno Reverse us again. You never can tell with this guy…

On a final note, I want to leave you with some of the statements that Trump said back when persuading voters he’d be peaceful benefited him. Not for any reason at all. Just you, just going to leave them right here…

“As president, my highest aspiration is to bring peace and stability to the world.”

“I’m not going to start a war. I’m going to stop wars.”

“I will very simply put America first, our sovereignty will be reclaimed, our safety will be restored, the scales of Justice will be rebalanced.”

“I want peace in the Middle East. I want peace. I did the Abraham Accords. I want peace in the Middle East.”

Do you remember when the first news about COVID first broke? I don’t know about you but I really discounted it. We’d had so many pandemic scares on the news before it was like the boy who cried wolf. I know that’s maybe selfish, like, these were affecting places and my first thought was ‘don’t care until it affects me’.

But my point is that when a disease gets reported on it is hard to tell if this is the real deal or just another sensationalist headline (because they do like those).

So just keep your wits about you when we talk about Cicada, a new COVID variant officially called BA.3.2. It’s from the Omicron strain (remember that one?) and the current vaccine is less effective against it (but does provide some resistance).

Since its identification in November 2024 it’s spread to 23 countries and at least 25 US states.

“These are still early days,” said professor of infectious diseases at Vanderbilt University Dr. William Schaffner. “But at the moment the conclusion seems to be there is this capacity for this new variant to evade some of the protections we have all acquired over the years.”

“Whether it will push itself to the front of the line remains to be seen. We’ll have to wait and see.” Encouraging stuff.

Oh here’s a good quote: “We haven’t seen evidence of this variant causing more severe disease or an increase in hospitalizations elsewhere,” according to CBS News medical contributor Dr. Celine Gounder, editor-at-large for public health at KFF Health News (what a mouthful).

So we’re OK, right? RIGHT? I CAN’T HANDLE ANOTHER LOCKDOWN!!!

Hey, I’m just heading to the store, do you want anything…? A 20 billion dollar base on the moon? Yeah, that’s not on the shopping list…

Oh, OK, you’re going to cancel the Lunar Gateway Station that you had planned? And repurpose the equipment for the moon base? Well, that’s lovely, but I think they only do fruits and vegetables. I can get you a kumquat?

Yeah, I think a moon base is going to take at least seven years to build, I’ve only got the afternoon because I’ve got to pick up the cat from the vets. …put down, yeah. I mean, I can make a start on the moon base then just see where I get to in a couple hours?

What’s that? “It should not really surprise anyone that we are pausing Gateway in its current form and focusing on infrastructure that supports sustained operations on the lunar surface.” OK, but I’m telling you I am surprised, I’m telling you none of this was on the shopping list.

“Despite some of the very real hardware and schedule challenges, we can repurpose equipment and international partner commitments to support surface and other program objectives.”

Yeah, no, that’s putting it lightly. I could maybe steal you a shopping trolley but I’m not sure that’s going to be much help. Look, I’m just saying this is a really big pivot, Jared.

Can I get you anything that’s actually reasonable? Lettuce? Mayonnaise? …A nuclear electric propelled deep space rocket to Mars? …I mean, if I can get it on my loyalty points, sure.

And that needs to be launched before 2028? Well, that’s plenty of time, order online and you won’t need next day delivery, just go standard and save yourself some money.

What’s that? You want to call it Space Reactor 1 Freedom? Alright, well in that case you’ve got two years to think of a new name too.

Look, I’m going to shops anyway, no, yes, I don’t care if China gets there first, I’m getting the basic groceries and for everything else you can just sort yourself out. Got it? Alright, see you later.

You know in sci-fi movies when they would just fill out the background with news reports on the TV or whatever and they have these implausible futuristic headlines like “Venutian Uprising Quelled!” or “Mutant Spiders Conquer India!”? …well this is one of those, except it’s not the future. It’s now.

The robotics firm, Foundation, is reportedly sending two humanoid robots to the front line of the Ukraine war in a groundbreaking test that could shape the future of combat.

In February, two Phantom Mk-1 units, designed for simple factory work, were deployed for reconnaissance trails in Ukraine. As Foundation CEO Mike LeBlanc told Time, “We think there’s a moral imperative to put these robots into war instead of soldiers,” and eventually these robots should be able to use “any kind of weapon that a human can.”

See what I mean? This is copy from a cyberpunk video game, not actual news, surely?

Now, I know Mike says there’s a “moral imperative” to use his product and give him money, but if you’re going to bring up morality, let’s talk about that, shall we? Because sure, it’d be better if machines are being ‘killed’ in wars rather than people but if you’re arming those machines, you’re still arming them to shoot other people. Right?

What this’ll just end up being (and what it has been in almost every modern war) is you’ll have one side who can afford to use robots to minimise casualties whilst the other, poorer side will still be using good old disposable humans.

So it makes you wonder, is it moral to fight a war where only your enemy loses soldiers, Mike?

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves for sure. We’ve seen enough viral clips of Asimo falling over to know that we’re still a long way off any kind of terminator scenario. Additionally bear in mind that ‘Foundation’ and other tech companies have it in their interests to conjure these sci-fi headlines because it makes them seem so advanced and trailblazing that you just have to invest in them.

The future is a long way off but investing in the hype is happening right now.

Everyone? Really, everyone’s worried?

In case you don’t know, Larry Silverstein is the developer who bought the whole World Trade Center (like, all the buildings in that area, not just the twin towers) in July 2001 and after the attacks he was then the guy who organised the redevelopment.

Put those two facts together and obviously people are going to make up their own little story about it and say he was somehow involved or something like the plot of the dumbest James Bond movie.

Like what, he orchestrated the whole attack just to save money on a demolition crew? What is wrong with you?

Well, now that shitty movie’s getting a disappointing sequel because Silverstein bought the US Bank Tower in LA back in 2020. Wait six years ago? Why is this news? Sorry, I say ‘news’ it’s been posted on some crappy, clickbaity Instagram and X accounts. Wait… are we one of those accounts… oh god. Oh GOD.

Silverstein INsta post — ‘Just bought’? That was six years ago guys.

Silverstein? More like Silverstein, am I right?

OK, but the actual headline I’ve been given is that he has a terrorist insurance policy on the building which I can’t actually find anyone saying…? And I guess even if he did have that, like, yeah? I mean, that seems like a reasonable thing to have? Feels like that’s probably common place on large buildings nowadays?

And bear in mind that this particular tower has been floated as a possible terrorist target in the past so it’s not out of the question.

Can we all just go back to the actual problems in the world please? Like there’s so much bad stuff happening, if you want to feel shitty there’s plenty of real evil things to occupy your mind you really don’t need to invent new ones.

It’s the ultimate test of wits, brawn, might and muscle, that’s right, it’s Polymarket! everyone’s favorite crypto prediction platform. But the real question is which is better? Claude or ChatGPT, sorry, wait, not ChatGPT… OpenClaw.

OpenClaw? Who gives a g** about OpenClaw??? I guess this one guy I suppose…

This anonymous bettor gave Claude and OpenClaw $1,000 each and 48 hours to trade however they wanted. So let’s see how they did, huh?

Oh. Turns out it’s a complete wash. Never mind. Claude was up 1,322%, making a massive $13,216 nice, interesting, ok, thank you, good job. OpenClaw?

“Liquidated to zero in under 48h.”

Nice one, idiot. I mean, tbh I didn’t expect anything of from you, so sounds about right.

So it was less Rocky and more Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson.

Polymarket? More like, GOLLY-market!

We don’t know what the actual trades were of course or if the post is even real, so before you start putting all your chips on Claude, massive pinch of salt, guys. On top of that, OpenClaw is just that, an open source AI agent making software, so the results completely depend on how good the agent that this guy made was.

This isn’t the first time someone’s run a similar experiment (see below) so is the future of these prediction markets is entirely run by AI? Maybe. Idk. Why you asking me? Do I look like I know? Get out of here.

So this flashy chart made the rounds on social media recently because it seems to show you if you’re going to lose your job because of AI and we humans are just suckers for anything that promises to tell our future, aren’t we?

The graph comes from a research paper by economists Maxim Massenkoff and Peter McCrory working at Anthropic who definitely don’t have a vested interest in making AI look like it can do a bunch of jobs.

There’s a bunch of interesting observations such as, “Workers in the most exposed professions are more likely to be older, female, more educated, and higher-paid.” So, sorry about that, mom.

But onto the graph itself:

And it’s all pretty much what you’d expect. Stuff that requires talking directly to people or dealing with physical objects are least likely to be affected whereas more abstract, numbers focused areas and stuff will potentially be hardest hit.

What’s more interesting though than the sectors is the gap between the ‘observed’ AI coverage and the ‘theoretical’ coverage. Nice of them to put that distinction in there.

To me it kind of shows that AI’s not really hitting the way it should yet. There’s massive promises but still a big gulf between where it’s at and where it’s supposed to be.

I mean you may have seen stories of people being laid off to be replaced by AI but rumors may have been greatly exaggerated. For example Jack Dorsey’s ‘Block’ fired a bunch of people and claimed it was because of AI when really they just overhired during COVID but want to look tech-forward to investors.

I’m not saying it’s not happening (two of my writer colleagues were let go let month and AI writes all their content now), but just bare in mind that the tech industry is entirely built on hype.

Just the name itself, ‘AI’, is overpromising what it actually is because we’re yet to see sci-fi levels intelligence but they’re banking on you making that assumption yourself.

There’s a lot of hot air flying around, blowing up AI to make it something bigger than it actually is. And I’m sorry to say that this graph and indeed this article is just another example of that.

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Google DeepMind Just Hired A Philosopher And Here’s Why That’s Terrifying

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Oh, sorry, we’re just talking about the cartoon movie here, not the James Cameron, blue aliens one. Was that not clear? Hey, don’t blame me I didn’t name two fantasy franchises the exact same name…

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