Uncle Sam & Iran Just Made Up, So Wall Street Is $1.1 Trillion Richer

Hold onto your portfolios, boys, because peace is apparently very profitable. Who knew?

Now that the U.S. and Iran have just shaken hands on a massive ceasefire agreement, the top 1% via Wall Street are set to benefit from huge stock gains. Well, it’s about time they got some good news. With the news breaking yesterday, Wall Street absolutely lost its mind, triggering a face-melting $1.1 trillion market surge faster than you can say “peace in our time.”

Major stock futures went vertical after Washington and Tehran agreed to reopen the Strait of Hormuz – you know, that tiny little choke point where a massive chunk of the world’s oil hangs out.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average did its best SpaceX impression, rallying 469 points to finish at a fresh record high of 51,671. Meanwhile, the tech-heavy Nasdaq led the absolute charge, screaming 3.1% higher.

Nothing is sweeter than peace… but money is up there

For months, energy traders have been sweating bullets, but this breakthrough caused crude oil to absolutely crater. WTI crude plummeted nearly 5%, sliding comfortably below $80 a barrel. If you listen closely, you can hear the collective sigh of relief from anyone who owns a vehicle that doesn’t plug into a wall.

Naturally, Trump took to Truth Social late Sunday to declare the ceasefire “complete,” noting that the formal pens-on-paper event is locked in for Switzerland this Friday. Say what you want about the art of the deal, but the markets are dancing entirely to his tune right now.

To infinity and beyond (or at least to $2 trillion)

As if world peace wasn’t enough to get the bulls running, Elon Musk’s SpaceX (NASDAQ:SPCX) decided to pour high-octane rocket fuel on the fire.

Fresh off its blockbuster IPO, the aerospace giant climbed another 17% on Monday, blasting its market valuation past the $2.2 trillion mark. It’s now officially one of the six largest companies on the planet.

Even the crypto degens got a slice of the pie, with Bitcoin bouncing back up to the $66,800 level as geopolitical panic subsided.

All eyes now turn to Wednesday, where new Fed Chair Kevin Warsh faces his first official policy meeting. With oil sliding and market euphoria peaking, Warsh might actually get to play the good guy for once.