Following Ukraine’s first use of US missiles and Biden’s agreement to supply anti-personnel mines to the country, the President has now revealed that he will also allow Zelensky to use America’s secret weather-controlling technology.
The top-secret tornado machine was the same machine successfully deployed by Democrats this October in Florida to punish the red state for being red. Although details are scant on how it actually works, experts suggest the device may involve a giant teaspoon suspended by a helicopter that spins around really fast until a cyclone is created.
Now this same tech will be transported to Ukraine and operate against frontline Russian troops. The ‘Hurri-kraine’ as it has now been dubbed will likely disrupt communications, supply lines, and if we’re really lucky maybe we’ll even get a little snow and we can make snowmen or have a snowball fight, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?
Zelensky was happy to receive the machine, commenting, “Thank you.”
Putin however was not happy Ukraine now has the machine, commenting, “No thank you.”
The war rages on.
President Biden gave the order from his secret treehouse in the Amazon rainforest where he now lives. Some have accused Biden of attempting to start World War III before Trump can enter office. To this, Jobs Golightly, a White (Tree)House spokesperson said, “No, that’s poppycock. Everyone knows that WWIII has already begun. What else would you call an armed conflict in which all the nations of the globe have become involved? Please.”
When asked about the rain-maker and whether it would be deployed again on American soil where it belongs, Golightly responded, “Wait, that’s classified, how do you know about that? Why would you say that out loud? What the hell is wrong with you? Ugh. The lame-stream media make me sick. SICK! Sorry, I have to go and throw up.” He then promptly fled the room.
Here’s hoping Biden’s storm-o-matic 3000 will bring about a swift end to the war and have no other repercussions whatsoever like summoning the wrath of the weather spirits angered for challenging their might.
Stormy Daniels could not be reached for comment.
