KITTANNING, PA – A mother of three has been arrested after paying for her groceries with an illegal campaign donation from presidential nominee Donald Trump.
The woman was shopping for her three sons when Trump, who was also shopping for his three boys, stepped in to offer a government subsidy for her groceries.
“Here, it’s going to go down a little bit,” said Trump jovially as he splashed the cash. “It’s just gone down a hundred bucks!” Trump added, referring to his own bank account.
Moments after the former president had left the store, the mom was tackled to the ground by a passing IRS operative.
The operative demanded she pay the relevant taxes on her sudden windfall but the mother explained that since she had already spent the money on groceries the best she could offer was a couple of bananas.
The tax collector was then tackled by a passing FEC operative who explained that the Federal Election Commission had jurisdiction over the IRS in this situation. After a brief altercation, the matter was settled and it was decided the mother would receive the full force of the law for accepting a political bribe.
Three dozen eggs, two loaves of bread and various other groceries were seized as evidence and will likely be presented at the trial next Thursday. The accused party also had her accounts frozen to avoid any further political manipulation.
Trump was visiting Kittaninnining, Pennsylvania on his way from a town hall in Smithton where he started a fight with a deer. Wait, no, ‘Deere’, sorry, he wants to raise taxes on John Deere if they move manufacturing to Mexico. He’s not fighting any animals.
Before heading over to a rally in Indiana (not the state) Trump passed a sign for the local neighborhood grocery store, ‘Sprankles’ and started chanting, ‘Sprankles! Sprankles! Sprankles!’ until the driver pulled over to buy some popcorn.
After spending $100 on a bag of popcorn and one vote, Trump is not the only Republican overpaying for groceries this week as JD Vance recently spent $4 on $2 eggs.
The Democrats also made a pitstop on the campaign trail, stopping at a Pennsylvania gas station, ‘Sheetz’ last month. In an effort to appeal to working-class voters, Gov. Tim Walz distracted the clerk as VP Kamala Harris shoplifted six family-sized bags of Doritos.
