Melania’s Christmas Budget Uncertain Following Trump Spending Freeze

The President-that-ever-was Donald Jay Trump has ordered a federal spending freeze throwing government programs into question. Some are important, sure, but none are more important than Melania Trump’s Christmas budget.

Yes, next Christmas is still 13 months away. Yes, last Christmas was only 4 months ago. But who’s counting? Not me. Xmas prep begins now. NOW. So Melania’s already got budgets to make and ribbons to tie and who’s going to pay for those ribbons now, you? Are you going to fork out your hard-earned cash for Billionaire Melania’s ribbons? Well, you should, because it’s your tax dollars at work.

How are your tax dollars going to work if Melania can’t get her ribbons, huh?

Melania’s Christmas budget is a matter of national importance to Melania and me. With the government spending freeze in place, it is unclear how much money will be available for the First Lady’s holiday decorations and festivities! Some (me) argue that the spending freeze should not apply to the Christmas budget, as it is a tradition that brings joy to many people but mostly me. Others argue that the spending freeze should be applied across the board, and that the First Lady should not be exempt.

Oh, wait, news just in. A federal judge has blocked Trump’s spending freeze! Oh frabjous day! Quickly Melania! Buy the ribbons! BUY ALL THE RIBBONS! QUICKLY BEFORE THE SPENDING FREEZE COMES BACK! Here, put them in my bag, no, you don’t need to sort them by color there’s no time! Faster, get them in! OK, is that all of them? No, leave, those ones, those ribbons are dead to me, there’s no time!!

Get in the car, GET IN THE CAR MELANIA! The freeze is coming, it’s coming back!! Ok, now drive, DRIVE MELANIA! Quickly, to the White House! We have to get these ribbons back to the White House in time for Christmas!

Ok, we’ve made it back to the White House, Melania. The freeze is still frozen so we have time to buy more things, you order trees, I’ll buy icicles. I don’t know, just as many trees as you can order. Yes, all red trees, why not? QUICKLY MELANIA THE FREEZE!!

Watch this space for updates on this developing story.

Oh, wait, nevermind they revoked it. MELANIA THEY REVOKED IT IT’S FINE!