Following a trip to the Amazon ahead of Brazil’s G20 summit, President-still Joe Biden has announced his intentions to remain in the rainforest indefinitely and, “Wait for this whole thing to blow over.”
This weekend Biden became the first sitting president to visit the rainforest and the first to take up permanent residence among the trees. After a speech addressing reporters in the jungle, Biden turned from the podium and walked away into the undergrowth, never to be seen again.
Although days have now passed since Biden’s last sighting, one unverified witness reportedly saw Biden with an entomologist, claiming, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.”
Government staffers however have assured the press that the President will continue his duties from the forest and there will be no noticeable decrease in his work output. All facilities required for governance have been moved to a mobile governing unit dubbed, ‘The White House Treehouse’.
Biden’s new home away from home will have everything the regular White House has including monkeys, coconuts, and bamboo plumbing. The only difference is this seat of power will be suspended 40 feet above the ground and require a rope bridge to access.
“Yeah, he’s now 100% WFH: ‘work from hAmazon-rainforest,” said one staffer in charge of the move. “It’s fine, most of the job is done remotely now anyways. Drone strikes. Kissing babies. Declaring insurrections… The only thing we have to worry about is if the internet connection goes out or if he decides to take a nap right when Russia invades. But that was always a problem so nothing’s new.”
President Biden’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, has refused to make the transition.
Although Biden has said he will remain in the Amazon rainforest only until his term expires, experts say he could live in the trees throughout the Trump Presidency.
“Let’s imagine he camps out there temporarily, to begin with,” explained political commentator, George George. “But after a while, he ventures further and further from his home for food. Eventually, he stumbles across the rumored ‘Agazo Fruit’ hanging from a velvet-yellow tree. He takes a bite. He’s reinvigorated, feels decades younger. Little does he know but he’s stumbled across the magical, youth-giving nectar of legend. Well, in that case, I reckon he could live out there forever.”
As to Biden’s whole reason for going to the Amazon in the first place, conservation and climate change, well, who really cares anyway?
Follow for more Biden updates.
