Just one week before the election, Donald Trump has declared Elon Musk as his Vice Presidential pick in a move that has surprised and baffled voters.
The decision was declared spontaneously at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally to confusion from his supporters. “And EElon! Musk. Beautiful guy. Great guy. Where is he? He has his rockets. Maybe I’ll make him my Vice President? Who knows? I think I’ll do it. JD you’re out of here! Get him out of here! EElon! EElon! Come up here. Next Vice President everybody!”
Musk then took the stage to accept the role saying, “I’m not just MAGA, I’m ‘dark, gothic MAGA.” This was in reference not only to his black ‘Make America Great Again’ hat, the ‘dark MAGA’ meme, and the time he’d said this before but also to the fact the font was in gothic script. There are so many layers you see, it’s very clever. You’ll get it, just let it sink in.
JD Vance was said to be blindsided by the announcement. When asked what he would do now replied that he’d probably go back to his job selling sofas in IKEA. Vance now joins a long list of Trump’s dumped VPs including Mike Pence, celebrity Apprentice contestant Meat Loaf, and the haunted corpse of Steve Bannon.
Elon Musk has been campaigning vigorously for Trump on the campaign trail making him a natural VP choice since much of his business relies on government contracts. In return for the promotion, Trump has offered the billionaire a role in the Department of Government Efficiency (which spells DOGE because of course it does). In this capacity Elon pledges to cut $2 trillion in government spending by removing the olives from the White House canteen.
It is unclear whether Musk is eligible to be Vice President, however, as his student visa is due to expire in December. If voted into office the new VP might be faced with the awkward task of deporting himself.
The news also comes off the back of a lawsuit from the Philadelphia District Attorney against Musk who is running a $1 million lottery for registered voters in Pennsylvania. In retaliation to the suit, Musk immediately offered a $2 million lottery prize for anyone who countersues the DA. Experts say that election fraud will have no bearing on the results.
The newly rebranded ticket of ‘Trump Musk’ (which in some cultures translates to ‘fart smell’) is estimated to put the campaign back $400 million in rebranded lawn signs alone.