Crying America Begs Mommy And Daddy To Stop Fighting

Millions of people across America are collectively standing in a bedroom doorway, crying for Elon Musk and Donald Trump to end their bitter feud.

The once-perfect pairing of two overpowered narcissists with completely different world views has turned sour in a way that no one could have possibly predicted.

The catalyst has been Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill (still can’t believe it’s called that), currently trending on X as the ‘Big Ugly Bill’. As the deadline looms and lawmakers get deeper into the debate over its merits, Musk has lashed out again.

Musk went on a tweeting spree yesterday, Xing out against raising the national debt and threatening to form a new party, the cleverly named ‘America Party’, should the bill pass. 

Elon feels the bill goes too far and doesn’t go far enough, or something? Idk, it’s like the biggest tax cut the wealthy has ever seen, I don’t know why he’s not happy. It’s going to increase the national debt, I think, which Musk hates, or loves, or something, idk, not sure why he’s got skin in this game.

Any which ways, he’s escalated things, claiming Trump is in the Epstein files and most recently offering to financially support any lawmakers who go against his bill. That’s a bribe, right? We can call that a bribe.

So Trump hits back with a, “Elon may get more subsidy [sick] than any human being in history, by far, and without subsidies, Elon would probably have to close up shop and head back home to South Africa. No more Rocket launches, Satellites, or Electric Car Production, and our Country would save a FORTUNE. Perhaps we should have DOGE take a good, hard look at this? BIG MONEY TO BE SAVED!!!”

And all of this leaves us looking on, teary-eyed, thinking it’s all our fault, wondering what we could do to pull them back together. How can we make them stop? Why do they have to be so mean? Why don’t they love each other anymore? They used to love each other. They used to love each other.

At least no one will get developmental issues from this, right? RIGHT?

As for who’s mommy and who’s daddy in this scenario, I’ll let you sick freaks work that one out for yourselves.

For more on this story, click here: Trump Wins Custody Of Joe Rogan In Divorce With Musk