Socialist Mamdani Wins NYC Mayor, Here’s Where All The Billionaires Are Fleeing To

On January 1st, Zohran Mamdani will be sworn in as the youngest New York City Mayor and the second to have a successful rap career (Rudy Giuliani beatboxed for Run DMC).

M-a-m-d-a-n-i won one million votes and 50% of the vote (over Cuomo’s 42%), double the turnout four years ago and almost one million times the turnout from 400 years ago.

But here’s the problem, the guy’s a freakin’ commie and wants rent freezes, free buses for everyone, workers rights, all that garbage.

High-net-worth New Yorkers are already scouting luxury properties in Palm Beach and Miami, anticipating Mamdani’s tax hikes on the ultra-rich. Miami developers are pitching the area as a “sanctuary city” for fleeing millionaires, with relocation inquiries up 40% in the past week.

Upon accepting the award, the commie, Zohran delivered a commie speech laying out his progressive commie vision for NYC, shouting out brow-beaten workers, a taxi driver he once met, trans people, his wife, and a bunch more people that millionaires are afraid of.

And to Trump specifically, “We can respond to oligarchy and authoritarianism with the strength it fears, not the appeasement it craves. After all, if anyone can show a nation betrayed by Donald Trump how to defeat him, it is the city that gave rise to him. And if there is any way to terrify a despot, it is by dismantling the very conditions that allowed him to accumulate power. This is not only how we stop Trump; it’s how we stop the next one. So Donald Trump, since I know you’re watching, I have four words for you: Turn the volume up.”

Idc how you feel about him, those lines go pretty hard.

Mamdani? More Like, Commie

But for the Republicans shitting enough bricks to build a house right now, don’t worry, Mamdani was born in Uganda. Haha! Never gone-be president now. Unless… if Trump can run for a third term, maybe the rules can be rewritten so a foreigner can run too… But we’re getting very far ahead of ourselves.

Of course, Mamdani isn’t the only reason the pub-os (that’s what I call republicans) are a-quaking in their boots. Republicans were beaten at the ballot box by the likes of Democrats Abigail Spanberger and Mike Sherrill in a big vote of no-confidence in Trump’s presidency. 

Trump responded on Truth Social saying, “…AND SO IT BEGINS!” Huh, OK, I guess he’s happy about it. Trump previously threatened to cut funding to New York if Mamdani wins. …can he do that? Wait, maybe the President is a bit too powerful.

For more updates on whether New York will still be standing by the summer, you know there’s only one credible source of information, that’s right: Wall Street Memes Dot Company.