Trump Announces China Trade Deal, Can We See It? “No.”

President Donald Jesus Trump just hopped, skipped and jumped his way to a positive meeting with China CEO, Xi JinPing, the first one in six years, meaning maybe MAYBE I can start affording my Alibaba jeggings again.

The talks in South Korea went “amazing” despite months of escalating tariffs, rhetoric and jegging costs.

So what is this big deal then? Well, it’s a secret.

Oh, ok… can we see it? No.

It’s a secret.

Right, ok, so there wasn’t actually an agreement from the talks yet BUT we’ve got high hopes. This is a step forward after all. Potentially it might still take months to actually put together a deal.

That’s just not good enough. I NEED MY JEGGINGS!!!

Trump China Trade Deal 2020 — Not sure what they’re signing here, then. Also, Trump’s looking pretty good in this pic. Hey, what’s Mike Pence doing there… oh wait, this is from 2020, never mind…

Crucially though we’ve got a rare earth expert control measure pause on rare earth material exports so that’s good but do you know what’s not made of rare earths? …mygoddamjeggings.

Don’t know what I’m on about? Read this one: Trump Demands China Stop Hogging Rare Earth Minerals, “They Wouldn’t Be So Rare If You Just Shared”

Also, China’s going to buy a “tremendous amounts of soybeans and other farm products” says Trump. Like, okeee… Why should I care about soybeans? I don’t eat soybeans. I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOYBEANS I WANT MY JEGGINGS!!!

According to the BBC, “US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent later told Fox Business that China had agreed to buy 12 million metric tonnes of soybeans this season, and would follow that up with a minimum of 25 million tonnes per year for the next three years.” SHUT UP ABOUT SOYBEANS!!!!

But Trunp’s bringing down tariffs. That’s a start. Ok, that’s a start.