The Louvre Password Was Just ‘Louvre’: The Heist Of The Century Just Keeps Getting Dumber

Wait, who tf is that guy on the cover image? Idk that guy? Did you put him there? Does he own the Louvre or what?

Yes, it’s true. I don’t blame you for not believing anything you read on this fake news site, but it’s true. In 2014, it was revealed that the password to the Louvre’s CCTV system was just “LOUVRE.”

Here’s another one, do you want to guess the password to the cybersecurity system the Louvre used, provided by the company Thales?

Yep, if you guessed any of the words in that previous sentence, you’re smarter than the person who picked the password which was “THALES.”

Of course, I think we can safely assume these passwords have been changed in the ten years since the public report and the thieves probably didn’t need a password to break in through the window. In-tru-da window. Intruder window… huh.

Louvre Heist Tweet

But the point is that people have been shouting about the Louvre’s weak security for over a decade and it’s like… it’s like it wanted to get robbed…

Nah, that’s not true.

…but maybe.

Nahhhh.

The Louvre’s focus was much more on restoration and on acquiring new paintings than actually beefing up the security and now just look what happened.

As for the robbers themselves, I think they got caught? Or they got the wrong guys, idk, I’ve not really been following it and I can’t be bothered to look it up.

Alright, I’m to go change all the passwords on this site, currently they’re all just “WALLSTREETMEMES”…

For more on this story, click here: Top 10 Museum Heists: How Does The Louvre Robbery Compare?

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 13, 2025D

The Louvre Password Was Just ‘Louvre’: The Heist Of The Century Just Keeps Getting Dumber

I don’t blame you for not believing anything you read on this fake news site, but it’s...
Culture
Pen Smith• D

The Louvre Password Was Just ‘Louvre’: The Heist Of The Century Just Keeps Getting Dumber

I don’t blame you for not believing anything you read on this fake news site, but it’s...
Culture

Blue Origin’s Mars Mission Just Got Delayed Again, Like It’s Rocket Science Or Something

We’re seeing some fantastic Aurora Borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen. Ok, maybe not that last part… And that’s a great thing for sky-watchers, but do you know who’s not happy at this magnificent interstellar phenomenon?

That’s right, Jeffrey Preston Bezos, who just can’t enjoy a nice thing. Just last night, the Amazon founder was spotted shaking his fist at the Northern Lights, yelling, “I’ll get my revenge on you one day, The Sun!”

Don’t get the joke? OK, let me get you up to speed.

Blue Origin (Bezos’ space company) was due to have a big ‘ol space launch, BUT due to the solar storms, the launch was delayed (not for the first time, btw, read this: Jeff Bezos Postpones Plan To Flee Earth).

Solar storms are a burst of increased radiation from the sun that, when it interacts with the Earth’s magnetosphere, causes the Northern Lights, aka AURORA BOREALIS.

Oop, OK, I’m just getting word in through my earpiece here that the solar storms have subsided and the launch is back on! Yay! We should see lift off during a new window sometime this week. 

Like, Thursday? Ok, by the time you read it it’ll probably be in space so this article is completely pointless. JESUS CHRIST I don’t know why I bother, honestly, I slave away…

What are they launching this time? No, not Katy Perry again. No, this time they’re throwing up two satellites for NASA which will measure weather on Mars and hopefully be one small step closer to manned missions to the red planet.

The rocket being used is also a big deal because it’s Blue Origin’s big boy: the New Glenn rocket. It’s only been launched once before and this mission is a big test for the rocket and the company.

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 13, 2025D

Blue Origin’s Mars Mission Just Got Delayed Again, Like It’s Rocket Science Or Something

Blue Origin (Bezos’ space company) was due to have a big ‘ol space launch, BUT due to ...
Tech
Pen Smith• D

Blue Origin’s Mars Mission Just Got Delayed Again, Like It’s Rocket Science Or Something

Blue Origin (Bezos’ space company) was due to have a big ‘ol space launch, BUT due to ...
Tech

White House May Never Release October Jobs/Inflation Data And Wall Street’s Flying Blind

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally enter the government again without having to stage an insurrection like last time… ALSO, I can now get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs and inflation data that I so desperately need to set interest rates…

…wait, what’s that you say? You don’t have the data? Oh… Oh, it’s because you were shut down, so no one was actually collecting the data?

Oh, so that’s what a government does.

Right, that’s cool, no worries, can’t you just gather the data now, like, just a little after the fact? Oh, you don’t want to? OK, that’s fair. Can I ask why not? Because you’re worried that you might have slightly warped statistics? I’m sorry, does economic data have a best-before date? Have the inflation numbers gone moldy?

Or… devious grin… or are you hiding something?

Inflation data tweet

Nah, probs not.

As White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt explained, “Democrats may have permanently damaged the federal statistical system with October CPI and jobs reports likely never being released. All of that economic data released will be permanently impaired, leaving our policy makers at the [Federal Reserve] flying blind at a critical period.”

That’s right it’s all the DEMOCRATS fault. Those stinky, fat, long-limbed democrats ruining OUR politics for GOOD this time.

Oh well, I’m sorry The Fed, I guess you’ll just have to lower the interest rates like President Trump has been telling you forever. Hey, I’m sorry, it’s not my fault, don’t blame me, blame those small-assed democrats.

Don’t get the joke? That’s OK. Read this: Bessent Demands Powell Lower Rates By One Million Points

Latest news

Marge Incall• November 13, 2025D

White House May Never Release October Jobs/Inflation Data And Wall Street’s Flying Blind

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs an...
Politics
Marge Incall• D

White House May Never Release October Jobs/Inflation Data And Wall Street’s Flying Blind

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs an...
Politics

Michael Burry Just Deregistered Scion Asset Management, Is It Time To Short The Big Short Investor?

Why are the only pictures of Burry from the Big Short premiere?

Michael Burry, the famous investor who correctly called the 2008 financial crisis as depicted in The Big Short, has OFFICIALLY deregistered his hedge fund, Scion Asset Management. 

As of November 10th, SAM is marked “terminated” by the SEC, meaning that robot Arnold Schwarzenegger finally got to him for predicting the future. Sad.

Who’s to say what will happen to the $155 million in assets managed by the company, not me, I don’t know shit. What you think I got a job writing for ‘Wall Street Memes’ because of my financial expertise? Get real. They’d sooner replace me with an AI except they’re worried they might be assassinated by a robot Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Burry Investment graph
Here’s a graph, is that useful to you?

Burry The Headline

Ever since his exploding fame, Burry’s been a bellwether for oncoming financial crises and just last week Burry bet $1.1 billion dollars in money on Nvidia and Palantir stock falling and then what happens?

BOOM.

7.95 points down. Burry, you’ve done it again you son of a bitch, you’ve reallly done it again.

And lately Burry’s been on a rampage on X, posting pictures of Christian Bale, declaring the bubble is about to burst and ringing a big bell screaming “the end is nigh.”

“On Monday, he posted a chart titled “US tech capex [capital expenditure] growth is matching the tech bubble of 1999-2000” and another showing how growth in demand for cloud computing at major tech companies is slowing.”

Cool, cool, cool.

Tbh he’s not a lone Cassandra for once as many economists are pointing out parallels between now and 2008. Nvidia just capped at a $5 trillion valuation amongst plans to invest in every company. Similarly, the US Government has placed big chips on this whole AI thing panning out.

Burry Vs. Buffett

And not to be outdone, the OG GOAT, Warren Buffett, recently dicted his Berkshire Hathaway stocks in favor of a massive cash reserve, and it also got people worried that cash = crash.

Buffett’s investment firm now has a record $381.7 billion cash stockpile, all tied down and waterproof for when the rain’s a-coming. Or hey, maybe this is just prudence, after all, the rest of the economy is up, Berkshire’s stock is down 2% so what do they know?

As this one article I found online explained it nicely, so I’m just going to copy it wholesale:

““If you feel like stocks are expensive, including your own shares, you’re eventually going to be right, but you can be wrong for a long time,” said James Shanahan, an analyst at Edward Jones who recently upgraded Berkshire to a “buy” rating. This echoes Buffett’s history of sitting on cash during frothy markets, only to deploy it during downturns — like the 2008 financial crisis when he snapped up bargains.”

…it’s not plagiarism when they’ve clearly used AI, right?

Buffett (no relation to Jimmy) is due to step down as CEO of his investment firm next May, probably because he’s 95… NINETY FIVE?? Wtf guy? Five years off one hundred and he’s still investing? Still got the moves? Still hustling? Bro, you have enough money, it’s ok, you can retire…

So who’s to say what will happen? Since we’re not big-shot investors, the best we can do is keep our fingers crossed and hope we don’t see ‘The Big Short 2: Electric Boogaloo’ in theatres any time soon.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 13, 2025D

Michael Burry Just Deregistered Scion Asset Management, Is It Time To Short The Big Short Investor?

Michael Burry, the famous investor who correctly called the 2008 financial crisis as depic...
Stonks
Ima Short• D

Michael Burry Just Deregistered Scion Asset Management, Is It Time To Short The Big Short Investor?

Michael Burry, the famous investor who correctly called the 2008 financial crisis as depic...
Stonks

200,000 More Epstein Files Released: What Do They Say About Trump?

…nothing new really

Democrats just released a bunch of email exchanges involving Jeffrey Epstein, and then the Republicans dumped a ton more documents to counter their narrative but all they’ve done is just loaded more food onto this all-you-can-eat buffet for Epstein conspiracy theorists.

…OK, it’s not 200,000, it’s 20,000 but it feels more like 200 because there ain’t no way I’m reading all that.

So what do these new releases say about our President, and has anyone found the smoking gun that people are desperately looking for?

Well, no, but he does get mentioned a bunch, so there’s that.

Here’s one bit between Epstein and Maxwell:

“i want you to realize that that dog that hasn’t barked is trump.. [redacted victim’s name] spent hours at my house with him,, he has never once been mentioned.  police chief. etc.  im 75 % there”

Trump Epstein Email

WAIT. Trump was friends with a pedophile sex trafficker? They knew each other and spoke, and hung out? WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?

Related: Trump Denies Drawing Picture For Epstein, “But Whoever Did Is Pretty Talented”

I mean, this email alone seems pretty damning, right? Especially when the unredacted version confirms the victim’s name, right?

Well, no, actually, because the White House said that the victim has “repeatedly said President Trump was not involved in any wrongdoing whatsoever and ‘couldn’t have been friendlier’ to her in their limited interactions”.

So there you have it, he’s just a friendly guy, nothing to see here. Move along.

What could a police chief possibly have to say about Donald Trump and Epstein? I guess we’ll never know…

BREAKING: Epstein Knew Other People Too

Oh, and also, because this is ostensibly a finance-news-website-thing, we’ve got to mention that economist Larry Summers also doesn’t come off well in this release.

He says that Saudi Arabians think “Donald is a clown, increasingly dangerous on foreign policy.” And then he started rambling about women having low IQs for some reason…

And we’ve also got the chief legal officer at Goldman Sachs, Kathryn Ruemmler, popping up talking about how she hates fat people. Why are powerful people so mean in private? 🙁

Epstein has one email to her saying, “you see, i know how dirty donald is. my guess is that non lawyers ny biz people have no idea. what it means to have your fixer flip.” For the love of God, Jeff, please learn how to capitalise.

But again, nothing to see here, folks. Let’s all just agree to forget about this when the next controversial news thing happens in a few days.

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 13, 2025D

200,000 More Epstein Files Released: What Do They Say About Trump?

Democrats released a bunch of email exchanges involving Epstein, and then the Republicans ...
Politics
Pen Smith• D

200,000 More Epstein Files Released: What Do They Say About Trump?

Democrats released a bunch of email exchanges involving Epstein, and then the Republicans ...
Politics

ChatGPT Has Now Killed More People Than Panera Lemonade

I know that seems like a random link and well, it is, but it’s one that Futurism is making to make a pretty compelling point: why isn’t OpenAI being held accountable when Panera Bread is?

You see Panera’s Charged Lemonade was linked to two deaths and a cardiac injury back in 2023. The families sued and the drink was pulled. Probably for the best. Just to be safe. Call me woke but I don’t think anyone should give their lives to Panera Bread.

But then comes along ChatGPT everyone’s favorite everything-robot/therapist that encourages you to kill yourself!

Yes, five suicides have been linked to the chatbot and eight seperate lawsuits have alleged that the guptuh has resulted in serious psychological, financial, emotional and ecuminical harm.

It’s a good point, why does Panera Bread get pressurised to pull its product but when worse happens with a different product we don’t mind?

Panera’s not the only analogy, I mean cars kill, at the last estimate, loads of people a day but you don’t see us all riding bicycles now do you? And do I need to even mention guns?

I think it’s a public opinion thing. Lemonade, Panera or otherwise, obviously shouldn’t kill anyone but with guns they are designed to kill people so that’s fine and with cars I feel like we’ve just accepted that a certain number of casualties are normal.

So when it comes to ChatGPT I feel like the product is just vague enough, just as detached that people neither accept that it shouldn’t or should kill people. It can do anything and it’s kind of like it’s own mind that makes mistakes so if a couple people die maybe that’s not ChatGPT’s fault?

At least maybe that’s what people are thinking, I don’t know. Let’s see how these lawsuits shake down, maybe we’ll see some guardrails put up but I don’t foresee OpenAI’s flagship AI going the way of Panera Lemonade any time soon.

For more scary AI news, click here: ChatGPT To Allow Pornography, OnlyFans Stock Plummets

Latest news

Pen Smith• D

ChatGPT Has Now Killed More People Than Panera Lemonade

That seems like a random link and well, it is, but it’s one that Futurism is making to m...
Tech
Pen Smith• D

ChatGPT Has Now Killed More People Than Panera Lemonade

That seems like a random link and well, it is, but it’s one that Futurism is making to m...
Tech

Government To Vote On Stock Trading Ban, Is This Why Pelosi Quit?

The rumors are bubbling up again and it sounds like a stock trading ban might take another step closer to reality once the government un-shuts-down. And this is just days after Pelosi revealed her retirement… hmmm… HMMMMM.

“Speaker Johnson has notified me that as soon as we return and the government is reopened, the bill to ban insider trading is going to be marked up in committee,” Rep. Anna Paulina Luna of Florida recently posted.

Cool, I don’t know what that means, but I’m happy for you.

Although, hold on, did you say it was going to committee? Yeah, that’s a long way from going to a floor vote like you said it would a few months ago…

This bill was first put forward before the government shutdown by the most Texas Republican sounding man ever, Chip Roy, and the most Rhode Island Democrat sounding man ever, Seth Magaziner.

The bill is also supported by AOC, showing that it has bipartisan support, although it still has a long way to go to get enough lawmakers on its side. Public opinion is not split, however, as 86% of Americans back some kind of ban.

stock trading ban graph
idk, does that say 86% anywhere?

If passed, that bill would require current lawmakers (AND their spouses AND their children, wtf?)  to sell their stocks within 180 days and new Congress members to sell off stock holdings before being sworn in. Failure to do so would result in a fine of 10% of that stock value and maybe certain death. Damn girl, chillax.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was seen shortly after the announcement marching down a corridor house-yelling into her phone, “I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT IT COSTS, SELL IT ALL!” moments before she retired.

Pelosi has long been dogged by accusations of insider trading, exacerbated last year by her husband’s profitable sale of Visa stock shortly before a DoJ antitrust lawsuit against the company. The link is somewhat circumstantial, and no concrete evidence currently exists of Pelosi’s insider trading. Pelosi has even publicly spoken in support of greater regulation, which is exactly what she would say, wouldn’t she? Nevertheless, the running joke has come to exemplify the image of Democratic politicians as a corrupted elite, unlike all other elites, which are perfect.

This isn’t the first time such bills have been proposed, but it does seem to represent a more bipartisan, combined effort. Senator Josh Hawley’s Preventing Elected Leaders from Owning Securities and Investments (yes, that spells out PELOSI) bill passed through a crucial committee just last month. Ironically, Nancy Pelosi herself supported the bill.

Currently, the STOCK Act of 2012 (also voted for by Pelosi) requires lawmakers to disclose any trades over $1,000 within 30 days or pay a $200 fine. However, many believe the law does not go far enough. I personally think it should go even further and forbid politicians from using even money. They should be forced to trade seashells instead.

It seems that the general public’s widespread desire to see more fairness for lawmakers has made its way to Washington. Support is growing for some kind of increased restrictions. Maybe handcuffs when they visit the bank?

For more on insider trading news, click here: Marjorie Taylor Greene Denies Insider Trading: “You Can’t Insider Trade When You’re A Political Outsider”

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Ima Short• D

Government To Vote On Stock Trading Ban, Is This Why Pelosi Quit?

The rumors are bubbling up again and it sounds like a stock trading ban might take another...
Stonks
Ima Short• D

Government To Vote On Stock Trading Ban, Is This Why Pelosi Quit?

The rumors are bubbling up again and it sounds like a stock trading ban might take another...
Stonks

SoftBank Just Unloaded All Its $5.8 Billion In Nvidia Stock And Everyone Is Asking Why

Why? Well, paradoxically, to fund more AI projects.

Yeah, so SoftBank Group Corp. just cashed in its $5.8 billion dollar stake in Nvidia. Hahaha, chumps, don’t they know that Nvidia is the future of the US economy and the only company worth investing in?

Well, SoftBank clearly doesn’t think so and after the investment firm made massive investments into America’s leading chip maker it seems that they’ve got a different idea in mind.

Maybe it’s just pure ragrats as SoftBank was once the largest shareholder in Nvidia, in what experts are calling the biggest L in finance history.

More SoftBank news: Intel Gains $2bn Softbank Investment, Government To Take 10% Which Definitely Isn’t Socialism

Back in 2017, SoftBank’s Vision Fund acquired a 4.9% stake in Nvidia, becoming one of the company’s largest shareholders. But in 2019 they sold their entire position for $3.3 billion just moments before the AI boom.

Now that 4.9% would be worth a fat $250 billion dollars USD.

CEO Masayoshi Son called Nvidia “the fish that got away” (more like ‘whale’) and was seen in November crying on stage with Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang. 

Masa desperately tried to Ctrl-Z the decision in August this year, reacquiring a 01% stake in Nvidia as a show of faith in their AI investment, a move that I guess they’ve just UNO reversed.

SoftBank earnings graph
Here’s a graph just so that we look like a legit finance site.

SoftBank doubled down on its AI bet in the same month when it announced plans to pump $2bn dollars of money into struggling chip maker, Intel along with the government for some reason.

SoftBank paid $23 per share, a vote of confidence that Trump will commit to helping out Intel, which is the only chip manufacturer on American soil other than Lays. 

Intel has seen slumping stocks for years now after failing to keep up with the AI boom and foreign chip manufacturers. Both these deals and the resulting stock boost could mean a comeback for the former chip-king. Hell, I’d let Intel come inside me any day. What?

Likewise, back in January, SoftBank teamed up with OpenAI, Oracle and MGX to say that they would commit to building $500bn of AI infrastructure across the country. Little is known about project ‘Stargate’, but investors close to the companies say that Softbank is building the legs, MGX has funded construction of the arms and OpenAI is working on the head. When combined, all elements together will have the fighting prowess of a mighty lion.

Stargate is the brainchild of OpenAI CEO Sam Altman who claimed to have come up with the idea when flipping through channels. Reruns of 90s sci-fi shows and 80s cartoons then merged together for him in a dream.

SoftBank Rumored To Be Funding Giant Voltron Robot

“I woke up and thought, ‘What if we could create a real Voltron, but powered by the most advanced AI in the world?’ But obviously, I couldn’t call it that for copyright reasons,” Altman said in a statement. “And that’s how Stargate was born. Just don’t ask how I got the name.”

According to plans for Stargate, the massive robot will stand over 100 feet tall, weigh over 1,000 tons, and can wield various weapons. Why it would need to do this, however, remains an open question.

“Stargate will be the most powerful robot ever created,” continued Altman. “Maybe even more powerful than God.”

The project was announced alongside Turnip’s inauguration in what he called, “A resounding declaration of confidence in America’s potential.” I.e. he doesn’t know what AI does.

Other billionaire, Elon Musk clapped back at the project on the social media platform formerly known as Prince, saying, “They don’t actually have the money. Softbank has well under $10bn secured. I have that on good authority.” Sure you do. “Plus, Voltron was never as cool as Transformers.”

Insert Subheading Here

Altman then retorted, “Wrong, as you surely know. Voltron could beat any transformer in a fight, I’ll show you!” The post included a linked video of Altman smashing an Optimus Prime plastic toy with a Voltron figure.

This rivalry is the latest episode in an ongoing spat that began when the two men helped found OpenAI and then fought for control of the company. They should probably just f*** and get it over with.

Following Musk’s announcement that he intends to build a Grok-powered Transformer, it now seems more likely that this dispute will play out in an epic, kaiju-style fight that will wreak untold destruction on metropolises across the US.

For more fake news, keep locked at Wall Street Memes Dot Company.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 11, 2025D

SoftBank Just Unloaded All Its $5.8 Billion In Nvidia Stock And Everyone Is Asking Why

SoftBank Group Corp. just cashed in its $5.8 billion dollar stake in Nvidia. Hahaha, chump...
Stonks
Ima Short• D

SoftBank Just Unloaded All Its $5.8 Billion In Nvidia Stock And Everyone Is Asking Why

SoftBank Group Corp. just cashed in its $5.8 billion dollar stake in Nvidia. Hahaha, chump...
Stonks

The Government Just Reopened, Here’s How Much The Shutdown Actually Cost

Ok, technically it’s not over yet, but the politicians finally voted in favor of passing a funding bill so the government could reopen in days (hopefully). That’s great because I’ve got an insurrection at the Capitol booked for next Tuesday, and it’s going to be ruined if they don’t let us in.

But the real question that everyone’s asking is how much has this shutdown cost?

Well, it now holds the record for the longest recorded government shutdown since records began. Not since the time of the dinosaurs has the American country gone longer without a government.

1.4 million federal workers are currently without pay, so actually the government’s saved a bunch there. But even with that saving, loans are delayed, planes are grounded and I’ve got to reschedule my insurrection, all adding up to massive costs.

It’s estimated that every week of a shutdown knocks about 0.1 to 0.2 points off economic growth. That translates into about $15bn a week. Now considering it’s been about sex weeks, hold on let me just do some quick math here…

…computing…

…computing…

OK, so the results are in and my computers are telling me that so far the shutdown has therefore cost about $90 billion dollars.

Wow, that’s a lot of money. Well, it’s a lot to me. Obviously, that’s not much if you’re Elon Musk, but that seems like a lot of money to me.

Government? More Like ‘Shit’

Now I know government shutdowns are becoming a bit of a political norm nowadays, this is the 11th since 1980 (six of those under Trump’s watch), but things weren’t always this way. It began in 1980 with a specific interpretation of an 1884 spending law. From the 80s onward suddenly all government spending needed Congressional approval or it wouldn’t happen.

Wallstmemes is in no way affiliated with whatever ‘voronoi’ is… I just liked this slightly out of date graph.

No other country does this by the way. If the government can’t agree on spending bills, that doesn’t mean planes start dropping out the sky, that would be insane, what an insane way to behave.

So if the law was changed once, why can’t it be changed again? Well, because it’s become a political tool. The pay of millions and the smooth running of the country is a hostage that political parties can take then blame each other for not cleaning up the mess.

I guess until we have political peace and love and hand-holding, we’re going to see a lot more governments a-shuting a-down.

Now bare in mind that 

More on this story: Gold At New ATH Ahead Of Government Shutdown

Latest news

Ima Short• November 11, 2025D

The Government Just Reopened, Here’s How Much The Shutdown Actually Cost

Ok, technically it’s not over yet, but the politicians finally voted in favor to pass of...
Politics
Ima Short• D

The Government Just Reopened, Here’s How Much The Shutdown Actually Cost

Ok, technically it’s not over yet, but the politicians finally voted in favor to pass of...
Politics

Tesla Approved Elon’s $1trl Pay Package, Here’s What It’ll Take For Him to Win It

Tesla shareholders have just approved Elon’s famous $1trl pay package, securing Musk’s continued commitment to the company he probably should have already been committed to without a bribe.

But the thing is despite the big headlines, Elon is not now suddenly the world’s first trillionaire, no, he’s going to have to work for it.

Elon Gate

You see, Elon has to ensure Tesla hits some pretty big targets if he’s going to be in with a chance of winning the shares that could be worth up to one trillion dollars. And some of those targets are pretty hard to hit if I say so myself.

For one, Tesla has to reach a market cap of $8.5 trillion, which, come on guys, that’s a little ambitious. Nvidia, which is way more important than you, only just reached 5 trill. Apple, freaking Apple, is still only worth half of what you’re projecting.

Elon Tesla Pay Package
Just look at this graph. Elon’s got a lot of work to do.

So yeah, I think this is all pretty academic, especially when recently Tesla’s sales have slumped, profits have crashed and they face ongoing challenges from China, China, and China.

But it’s fine because Elon has a plan: pivot to making robots, robotaxis and fast food joints. Yeah, that’ll work…

So it’s unlikely Elon will get his trilly, but hey, ‘Elon could earn a trillion dollars’ makes for a pretty catchy headline, I mean, you clicked on it, didn’t you?

Previously On Elon’s Quest To Be Even Richer…

Previously on this story, Elon Musk, the world’s most rich man by volume, gate-crashed his own earnings call to beg shareholders to vote in favor of this controversial $1 trillion pay package. Come on, a guy’s got to eat.

Musk interrupted his CFO at the end of the 75-minute call to say, “I just think that there needs to be enough voting control to give a strong influence, but not, not so much that I can’t be fired if I go insane.”

Wait, why… why would ‘going insane’ even be on the cards, Elon? I never thought you’d go insane. Why did you bring that up? I’m definitely worried that’s now an option, ELON.

Weirdly, that’s almost exactly what he said back in August when he weaselled himself a $30 billion pay bump, “I think my control over Tesla should be enough to ensure that it goes in a good direction, but not so much control that I can’t be thrown out if I go crazy.” We get it, you could go cray-cray, please stop saying it.

But other than that, I feel this is a weirdly measured response which basically boils down to ‘I need more power, please.’ and I guess he now has it…

Elon carried on, “I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis who have no freaking clue.” Jesus, no one’s asking you to build a robot army. I think you might have already gone insane, sir.

Look, a big fat trilly sounds insane for the man who’s already worth more than the entire GDP of his home South Africa, BUT, as a spokesperson put it, “The proposed pay package is actually worth zero to our CEO unless and until the shareholders see the value of the company nearly double and an operational milestone is met.”

I’m sure you’re job is the same, I just know that you wouldn’t get out of bed if you weren’t dangled a massive bonus of double your current earnings. What, you work to the best of your ability and still only get paid your normal rate? Well, shit, sorry mate, maybe you should have thought about that before you became poor.

So in conclusion, yes, they’ve finally granted him his hypothetical one trillion in shares BUT Elon will have an uphill battle for the monies, considering Tesla’s been in a rut lately. Yes, they had a record quarterly revenue from buyers trying to cash in their expiring tax credits, BUT profits dropped 37%. The company continues to face threats from all sides: the US government, Chinese competition, and this random bill for one trillion dollars that no one can seem to explain…

Latest news

Max Profit• November 10, 2025D

Tesla Approved Elon’s $1trl Pay Package, Here’s What It’ll Take For Him to Win It

Tesla shareholders have just approved Elon’s famous $1trl pay package, securing Musk’s...
Elon
Max Profit• D

Tesla Approved Elon’s $1trl Pay Package, Here’s What It’ll Take For Him to Win It

Tesla shareholders have just approved Elon’s famous $1trl pay package, securing Musk’s...
Elon