Trump Says Tim Cook Called To “Kiss My Ass”, Read The Full Diary Entry Here

Donald Trump has spoken out about Tim Cook stepping down from his position as Apple CEO in a long-winded Truth Social post that honestly reads like a high schooler’s secret diary entry.

Here’s the post in full: 

Dear Diary, “I have always been a big fan of Tim Cook, and likewise, Steve Jobs, but if Steve was not taken from the Planet Earth so young, and ran the company instead of Tim, the company would have done well, but nowhere near as well as it has under Tim. For me it began with a phone call from Tim at the beginning of my First Term. He had a fairly large problem that only I, as President, could fix. Most people would have paid millions of dollars to a consultant, who I probably would not have known, but who would say that he knew me well. The fees would be paid but the job would not have gotten done. When I got the call I said, wow, it’s Tim Apple (Cook!) calling, how big is that? I was very impressed with myself to have the head of Apple calling to “kiss my ass.” Anyway, he explained his problem, a tough one it was, I felt he was right and got it taken care of, quickly and effectively. That was the beginning of a long and very nice relationship. During my five years as President, Tim would call me, but never too much, and I would help him where I could. Years latter, after 3 or 4 BIG HELPS,  I started to say to people, anyone who would listen, that this guy is an amazing manager and leader. He makes these calls to me, I help him out (but not always, because he will, on occasion, be too aggressive in his ask!), and he gets the job done, QUICKLY, without a dime being given to those very expensive (millions of dollars!) consultants around town who sometimes get it done, and sometimes don’t. Anyway, Tim Cook had an AMAZING career, almost incomparable, and will go on and continue to do great work for Apple, and whatever else he chooses to work on. Quite simply, Tim Cook is an incredible guy!!! President DONALD J. TRUMP”

Man, Truth Social’s content is really verging on LinkedIn levels here.

But anyway, to break it down, you’ve got the classic platitudes, but crucially those compliments keep Trump as the only one who could help out Tim Apple. There’s also the paradoxical fawning over Cook’s celebrity, “When I got the call I said, wow, it’s Tim Apple (Cook!) calling, how big is that?”

Again, though, I guess the bigger he makes Tim seem the bigger Trump is because Cook came to him like he’s the Godfather.

There’s also the brazen admission of what looks like bribes to me (see above Godfather analogy). With Trump doing favors for the mega corporation just because Tim asked nicely.

On top of all this is the strange news that Tim Cook is only stepping down as CEO but remaining at Apple as Executive Chairman. One of his primary roles will be serving as liaison to the White House and the President. So, why all the tears and the long goodbye then?

Oh well, I’m just glad they could stay friends.