BREAKING: Biden’s Age Now Determined by Wind Erosion

Washington, D.C. — As President Joe Biden celebrates his 81st birthday, a group of innovative geologists have proposed a groundbreaking method to measure his age: wind erosion analysis. This unconventional approach, typically used for dating cliffs and mineral deposits, is now being hailed as the next big thing in presidential age assessment.

“The method has proven incredibly accurate for aging fossils, so it only makes sense to apply it to the President,” stated Dr. Sandy Rockwell, a leading geologist known for her work in sedimentary structures. “Our team has been closely monitoring the effects of wind erosion on President Biden, and the results are promising.”

The proposal, while met with some skepticism, has sparked interest in various scientific communities. Experts in geomorphology have already begun developing models to correlate the President’s exposure to natural elements with his age, citing that the technique could revolutionize how we view aging in political figures.

Not to be outdone, dendrochronologists have come forward with their unique method of age determination. “If we take a cross-section of the President, we could theoretically count the rings to determine his age, much like we do with trees,” explained Dr. Woody Barkman, a specialist in tree-ring dating. “While the practical application of this method might be challenging, the science behind it is solid.”

Amid these scientific breakthroughs, the White House has yet to issue an official response. Sources close to the administration, however, reveal that President Biden is amused by the creative methods proposed by the scientific community.

As the debate continues, one thing remains clear: the age of President Biden has become a topic of national interest, transcending traditional boundaries and entering the realms of both science and satire.