Turkey Bans Short Selling, Pants Sales Skyrocket

The country Turkey (not the animal, that would be stupid) has banned the sale of shorts across all markets leading to a massive spike in the sale of pants and pantsuits.

The move is an attempt to halt the country’s tumbling stock market which was triggered by mass protests. These protests in turn were triggered by President Erdogan detaining his opposition leader, Imamoglu.

Famous pants wearer, Recep Tayyip Erdogan objected to Istanbul Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu’s flagrant wearing of shorts even in cold weather and has thus sought to bolster the pants market with his arrest followed by a freeze on all sales of shorts.

Erdogan also relaxed stock market buyback rules so that Turks can more easily return their pants to shops even if there’s a little bit of spaghetti spilled on them.

Riots reportedly broke out across the country with people desperately rushing to buy up as many shorts as they could before the ban took effect.

One concerned citizen, Hussein Ekopollolah who was seen wearing multiple pairs of shorts on top of each other so that he looked dummy thicc had this to say:

“I like shorts.”

Ekopollolah was later arrested and killed for wearing shorts outside of curfew.

Since Turkey is generally a hot country, sales of shorts have been historically strong. Now financial analysts are worried this might ruin everything.

The Turkish lira, which is their silly name for ‘dollars’, is down at the moment and is likely to keep going down. In an attempt to quell the bleeding, the Turkish central bank reportedly plans to hold a 91-day maturity liquidity bill auction, but it’s unclear how selling water will help matters.

This news comes after Turkey announced it would be selling 420 million eggs to America for some reason. I guess that didn’t work out so well for them. But you know what they say, you can’t break an omelet without making a few eggs.

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