Author: Bill Fold

Alright, I’m going to break this down real simple so even a billionaire can understand.

It’s summer and your mom has given you $6.75 trillion to start a lemonade stand. Now you’re a savvy business boy and think that’s far too much to spend on a lemonade stand. What you’ve got to buy lemons, some sugar, how much could that possibly cost? No, you can definitely do it for like, $4 trillion and save yourself 30%.

But here’s the problem. Your mom lent you the money and she wants a return on her investment, you know, for her retirement. She needs back $1.46 trillion and that’s non-negotiable so you can’t use that.

Oh, and she also needs $0.8 trillion back to cover the interest on her loan. You know, in line with inflation. Your mom’s always been savvy like that.

Fine, well what about your overheads? Well, you get to the store and turns out lemons are $0.9 trillion dollars now, sugar is $0.8tr and the trident missiles in case terrorists attack your lemonade stand, that’s another $0.8tr. And you need all those things.

Well, what else? Maybe you don’t need a stool to sit on, maybe you can stand up. And maybe you don’t need a table. And maybe you don’t need jugs and cups to serve the lemonade in, you can just leave it in a puddle on the floor and customers can just suck it straight out of the pavement.

Ok, so let’s not spend money on all those things that you need and…

Congratulations, you did it! You’ve saved $2tr by literally cutting everything you could until you have nothing left!

But then you think for a moment, sitting there in your lemonade puddle… wait a minute, my mom wouldn’t trust me with 6.75 trillion dollars let alone a lemonade stand. I asked her to buy me the lemons and a stand and print flyers and she said she really appreciated my advice but didn’t do anything I suggested.

And wait another minute, maybe there never was a lemonade stand maybe this was all pretend.

And wait a final minute, I’m a 53-year-old man!

Oh, well, that was all just a bit of fun anyway. At least people are now talking about you and at least you’re still rich, richer even. And at least, God preserve us, at least, “The merch will be 🔥🔥🔥”

Tesla’s latest Full Self-Driving (FSD) update, FSD12, promises to mirror human driving behaviors so closely, we might as well throw road rules out the window. Scheduled for release in a mere two weeks, this update shifts from traditional code-heavy development to an approach more reminiscent of a teenager learning to drive by watching YouTube.

The Learning Curve: A Steep Drop into Chaos

FSD12’s groundbreaking learning algorithm is set to absorb millions of videos from Tesla drivers worldwide. While this might sound innovative, it’s essentially preparing to learn all the bad habits that make human drivers a menace on the roads. Blinker usage? A thing of the past. Staying in one’s lane? Optional, especially if there’s an urgent text or a fascinating billboard. Speed limits? More like speed suggestions.

Live Demo: A Wild Ride with Musk

https://t.co/VzTxpktH1q

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 26, 2023

Elon Musk, in his typical showman fashion, debuted the FSD12 update in a livestream that turned into a heart-stopping rollercoaster. Viewers watched with a mix of horror and amusement as Musk narrowly prevented the Tesla from running a red light and making an impromptu pit stop at Chipotle – because who doesn’t crave a burrito while testing groundbreaking AI?

The Future of Driving: A Nightmare?

As we brace for the arrival of FSD12, one can’t help but wonder if Tesla’s vision of the future includes a world where cars honk obscenities, casually speed, and treat driving guidelines as mere suggestions. In this new era, the term “autopilot” might just become synonymous with “your guess is as good as mine.”

it’s clear that Tesla is not just revolutionizing transportation; it’s also inadvertently championing a return to the wild, wild west of driving. Seatbelts fastened, everyone – it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

In a revelation that has left both the tech and gaming communities utterly bamboozled, Elon disclosed the muse behind the Cybertruck’s notoriously unconventional design. Just weeks before the much-anticipated delivery event, Elon confessed that the inspiration was none other than the angular bosom of Lara Croft from the original 1996 Tomb Raider game.

“It’s all about nostalgia and aerodynamics,” he stated during a press conference. “Anyone who’s ever navigated Lara through the pixelated tombs of yesteryears knows the…um, iconic geometry she was rocking. I was replaying the classic, eating a sandwich, when it hit me – those angles could literally cut through air.”

Determined to validate their sudden hypothesis, the team embarked on what can only be described as one of the most bizarre R&D projects in automotive history. They 3D printed a life-sized model of 90s video game icon Lara Croft, not for any weird reasons, but for science, specifically wind tunnel testing.

“To be honest, I half-expected security to escort me out of my own building,” said one engineer, still seemingly recovering from the experience. “But when Lara – I mean, the model – was placed in the tunnel, you could hear a pin drop. Then the data came in, and it was a eureka moment.”

The results were astonishing, to say the least. The angular, polygonal design principles from the blocky rendition of Ms. Croft proved to be unexpectedly aerodynamic, outperforming several traditional vehicle models. It wasn’t long before these principles were incorporated into what the world now recognizes as the Cybertruck, an electric vehicle seemingly designed by a kindergartener who refuses to be constrained by the societal norms of “curves” and “non-lethal edges.”

As the news broke, social media went into a frenzy. “I always knew my hours dedicated to Tomb Raider were contributing to a greater societal good,” tweeted one fan. In contrast, others expressed concern, questioning what other design inspirations they might unveil in the future.

The automotive industry has seen its fair share of eccentric innovations, but none quite match the journey from a pixelated video game character to a futuristic electric vehicle. As we anticipate the Cybertruck’s official roll-out, one can’t help but wonder if the vehicle’s rugged terrain capabilities can match the tomb raiding, dinosaur-dodging, and puzzle-solving skills of the legendary Lara Croft herself.