2026 | Wall Street Memes

Pres. Don. Trump. just raised tariffs on South Korean imports to 25% for some reason but despite this, Asian markets have seen a massive boom recently coupled with a strong Japanese Yen to America’s once almighty dollar.

And you know what? That’s it. That’s the news. That’s all there is to say on the matter. Sure, I could get into a bunch of analysis, but do you really trust Wall Street Memes Dot Com for your financial advice? No, I’d look somewhere else.

What, it’s not like you have the attention span to read this far down anyways. I but you’ve not even got this far. I bet you’ve clicked away already. I bet your back on TikTok or something you disgusting zellenial.

No, still here? Alright then, why don’t I tell you a story?

Once upon a time there was a lonely boy called Edgort. He lived alone in an immense castle that he was free to explore as much as he liked. Every day Edgort would wander about the halls and parapets and every day he would find something new. No matter how far he walked in a day or how much he explored, he never seemed to find the end of the castle.

Oh how he was desperate to find a way out of the castle and find someone else to talk to but he had yet to even see the castle gates.

One day, Edgort came across a tall tower and when he climbed it he realized that this must be the tallest tower in the whole castle, because when he reached the top and Edgort looked out, he saw that no other tower was higher. And from this vantage point Edgort could see that the castle stretched for miles and miles and miles and miles all the way to the horizon where the towers and walls seemed to go on even further still.

And so that day Edgort decided to stop searching for the end of the castle, to stop trying to find a way out. Edgort found a nice little corner of the building with a room and a well stocked kitchen and never ventured much further again. And there he remained, until he died.

The End.

…secrets, obviously.

As you know, Donald Trump recently demolished the East Wing of the White House in order to build a $400 million dollar ballroom. BUT what you might not know is that beneath that wing is/was a secret underground bunker built, secretly, in 1941 after Pearl Harbor.

Not much is known about the secret bunker (officially: the Presidential Emergency Operations Center), because it’s secret, supposedly it was like a submarine, with various off-shooting situation rooms, a sauna and a pool. Also, Dick Cheney and others hid down there during 9/11 and Trump hid down there during the George Floyd protests. So, without this bunker, they’d both be dead for sure.

But now the bunker has been completely dismantled as part of the renovation plans and in its place something even more secretive is being built.

Ballroom to include a secret underground ball pit (to store the balls)

We know even less about this new bunker, but suffice it to say it’ll probably more up to date, cooler and have at least twice as many saunas.

We only know of its existence because the bunker building was cited as the reason why the East Wing’s demolition wasn’t run past the National Capital Planning Commission. Because it’s secret you see.

People (me) have speculated that at Trump’s behest the bunker will include storage space for rare magical artefacts, a tennis court and the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Sex Dungeon, as was his dying wish.

Oh, you know what would be cool is if like, the ballroom floor could open up and then maybe you could have a plane come out of it. Yeah, I hope they’re building that, that would be sick.

For more on this story, click here: Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Famed investor and all-around cool guy, Warren Buffett, is in his final months. …at Berkshire Hathaway, not his life, Jesus, give him a break. And it looks like the big dub-ya-bee is making his final moves before wrapping things up for good.

One of which is apparently walking around with a big bell and sandwich board yelling, “The end is nigh!”

According to this one tweet and literally nothing else BUFFETT JUST DELIVERED A SERIOUS WARNING!!! Ahhh PANIC!!!

Warren Buffett tweet — Buffett here pictured wishing he had a straw.

So what I can’t find a source for this information and the image is from last year? Do you not see the numbers on that thing? You freaking know I’m jumping on that band waggon and stealing the exact same clickbait.

“Everyone’s panicking”? Literally no one is panicking. What are you talking about, clickbait headline? Jesus, I hope you didn’t click on this just to find out who was panicking and whether you were one of those people panicking or not.

In actual news, Buffett’s successor is talking about dumping Berkshire Hathaway’s massive $7.5 billion in Kraft Heinz stock. A massive vote of no confidence in the company.

So there you go. There’s something you can actually chew on. Just before you accuse me of offering no value to your life whatsoever.

OK, there you go, I gave you something, now go gamble in our casino. QUICKLY!!

Silver and bronze take second and third place, respectively

Gold (GLD) continued its meteoric rise over the weekend to become one of the most valuable metals in the world, beating out other popular metals like zinc, stainless steel and thallium.

This first time, all-time high (ATH) is part of an ongoing rally caused by uncertainty in the US dollar (USB), caused by uncertainty in the markets generally, caused by tariffs and all that Greenland stuff, which was caused by Trump, which was caused by his mother probably not hugging him enough as a kid or something.

gold price graph — graph go up. graph green. graph good.

And whilst fictional characters like Scrooge McDuck and Goldfinger are rolling in a big pile of money right now, not everyone’s so chipper about the sitch.

Robin Brooks, Senior Fellow at the Brookings Institution, explains that, “The rise in precious metals prices is breathtaking and profoundly scary [and] part of something much bigger…”

Ok, that’s not ominous at all.

“We’re at the start of a global debt crisis,” he continued, “with markets increasingly fearful governments will attempt to inflate away out-of-control debt.”

Oh shit, what?? Why did no one tell me this?!?!

“A falling dollar will super-charge the rise in gold prices and the debasement trade [that’s buying gold when the economy’s bad like in times of war because it’s more stable than the dollar or bitcoin or whatever btw Robin Brooks didn’t say any of this, I’m adding this in here, I’ll let him talk now…] because it boosts the purchasing power of non-dollar buyers,” Brooks wrote.

Gold And Days

It’s true that during major conflicts, gold rallies. During world war one, world war two and the civil war we saw this first hand… well, not first hand, we weren’t there. Well, I’m assuming you weren’t there. I wasn’t there. If I had been though I probably would have bought some gold.

On that point, the Dow Jones to Gold ratio is now at a level only seen 4 times in history: 2026, 2008, 1973 and 1929. Every single time this has happened it’s marked a fundamental change to the economic system: the Banking Act of 1933, the Convertibility of the Dollar 1971 and the Economic Stabilization Act of 2008.

Now, what does this mean? Is World War 3, the big triple double-ya, or some other market crash on the horizon? Well, probably not, but either way, this gold rally wouldn’t predict it. These markets are reactive, not predictive. The gold isn’t saying there will be war, it’s saying there is war right now. …hadn’t you noticed?

SO, who’s to know if we’re in for another financial crisis or not. Either way, just rest assured that unless you’re a billionaire, you will suffer worst and suffer first.

It means very little.

Unless you’re deep into this whole finance stuff. Idk, are you? Unless you’re shorting the economy this doesn’t mean much does it, let’s be honest. Like, what even is the economy anyway? What is economics? I don’t know. Something about the environment?

Or maybe your a small business, I guess then it might affect you. Or I guess if you pay taxes, it might affect taxes or something. And I suppose if you’re a consumer too, might change things there… ok, fine, maybe it does matter for you, but I’m saying probably not by much!

4.4% seems like a very small number and it is because that little symbol, the %, that means out of a hundred. A feel like numbers like 80 out of a hundred or a classic 99 out of a hundred, those are good big numbers, but 4.4? That’s a shitty number.

SO what it beats a two year record and in finance terms that’s actually quite a large boost? Let me make things perfectly clear to you I DON’T UNDERSTAND FINANCE TERMS. I’m just a random guy who never studied this and don’t know what you’re talking about. All I know is that ‘4’ is a small number. Objectively. So I’m not listening to your explanations, lalalalalalalala.

Apparently consumer spending is up too, what I bet it’s a meagre 3.5%. Oh it is? Yeah, see that’s what I’m saying! These aren’t big numbers people!!

And the thing is these gains aren’t in spite of Trump’s mega tariff spree, no, it might be that people started spending more precisely because they knew Trump’s tariffs were incoming. So, an adverse win there, congrats everyone involved.

Does this mean that the economy will then slump once this effect’s worn off? Yeah, maybe baby. Only time will tell you the time (that’s what they say, right?).

Basically, Graham Walker sold his family business Fibrebond Corp for $1.7 billion (a million million) dollars but put aside $240 million dollars from that sale to pay every one of his workers about $443,000 each.

But imagine being the guy who sees the sale on the horizon, your contract’s about to run out, you’ve got another potential job offer and you’re like, yeah, it’s 100% time to jump ship. And then just DAYS after you leave it all behind you hear that everyone got almost half a million dollars??

I’d be pissed.

ceo million dollar bonus meme — Here’s where I stole that joke from.

Or what about the contract workers, the people just on the fringes of qualifying for whatever conditions you need to get this bonus? Tough brakes, man.

OK, but don’t get annoyed on behalf of these hypothetical people you’ve never met, just yet, because there’s one massive string attached to this deal that’s so big it’s more like a noose.

To get this massive payout, you have to stay on at the company for another five years.

FIVE YEARS?! That’s a death sentence! In five years I could be the CEO. I’m not going to be but I could. I’m just saying it’s a long time is all. Is it really worth the money?

The reasoning is of course so people don’t immediately quit and retire to a carrot farm, but as Fortune puts it, this has to be “one of the largest—and stickiest—retention packages in recent memory.”

You know what, the Fortune coverage of this is better than anything I could plagiarise, go read that instead, I’m just going to copy and paste the next bit:

“When envelopes detailing the surprise payouts landed, reactions on the factory floor ranged from disbelief to tears, with some workers initially assuming it was a prank or a camera trick. Longtime employee Lesia Key, who started at Fibrebond in 1995 at $5.35 an hour, told the Journal that she used her bonus to pay off her mortgage and open a clothing boutique after years of living paycheck to paycheck. Others cleared credit-card balances, paid college tuition, or boosted retirement savings, even as many were startled to see taxes claim close to a third of their checks and to realize that quitting early would mean walking away from hundreds of thousands of dollars.”

“However, the five-year requirement did spark some friction. A few employees “grumbled” that the annual payout structure made it difficult to quit if they wished, and others were surprised by the heavy tax burden that claimed nearly a third of their checks. Walker carved out a crucial exception to the five-year rule: Employees over 65 were exempt.”

A rare CEO W. We’ll take it. Be more like Graham Walker guys.

Oh, I’m sorry, did you click on here for any actual insight? This is wallstreetmemesdotcom, bitch, we’ve got joke articles written by AI and that’s your LOT. If you wanted actual news, click here, otherwise enjoy the lowest form of wit, below:

The United States has managed to turn borrowed money into an Olympic-level sport. The national debt now sits at a level that would make even Scrooge McDuck cringe, roughly $229,000 per household. Yup, that’s right: your family is now roughly as indebted as a mid-tier suburban mortgage.

Imagine if every American household signed a “contract” saying, “Yes, let’s owe hundreds of thousands of dollars forever.” Congratulations America, your invisible national IOU now feels like that credit card balance you keep ignoring. At present, debt has ballooned from modest levels to a whopping $30.9 trillion, which is honestly hard to visualize unless you’re counting jellybeans.

And no, this isn’t just a temporary coupon discount on future taxes, it’s serious. If regular families actually paid the interest on this gargantuan pile of IOUs (instead of pretending it’ll go away because “maybe inflation will fix it”), everyone would owe about $7,700 a year in extra taxes. That’s like adding a premium gym membership you never asked for.

Economists describe current debt growth faster than:

Bitcoin memes in a bull market
Daily caffeine intake on Wall Street
Your student loan balance
The number of Web3 projects that promise “real utility”

Seriously: the debt-to-GDP ratio has sprinted from “meh” to about 100% of GDP, essentially meaning the nation owes as much as it makes. And by 2035, that number could reach a catastrophic 135%, the fiscal equivalent of using credit cards to pay off your credit cards, indefinitely.

Budget wonks politely warn that borrowing like this without a plan is like deciding to eat pizza every day and then wondering why your Fitbit is crying. They say we either need massive tax hikes, cuts so deep they make Black Friday look tame, or perhaps a time machine to explain this to past selves.

In classic political fashion, no one wants to be the grown-up in the room. Instead, policymakers are choosing the economic equivalent of “This seems fine” dog memes. Meanwhile, Americans can take comfort knowing that inflation might magically dilute the debt, right alongside the taste of everything from coffee to movie popcorn.

BREAKING NEWS: Netflix just share buyback halt maybe WB deal issues. Q4 reporting upcoming maybe issues.

I’m not drunk.

Offer modified to all cash maybe better for Warner Brothers Discovery AOL Time Warner Gulf Western. Netflix HBO?

Stock report, public filing investors. EPS. Eggs.

Skydance Paramount Coca-Cola maybe not an option repeatedly. Not an option. Not an option. Not an option. When will they listen?

CNN spin off publicly traded, shareholders to receive money from that. It’s ok, you’ll get money. How much money, you want more money? Well, you have to pick right. Netflix or Paramount? Stranger Things or Star Trek, which one do you subscribe to?

$27.75 per share. $72 billion total. That’s Netflix.

$30 per share. $108 billion. Paramount. BUT that’s without the spinoff. So is the spinoff worth, what… wait, quick math (108 minus 72 equals like around 30, 30 with seven and two, so that’s what, 36? Idk, like, 36?) so is the spinoff worth $36 billion?

That’s the $36 billion dollar question.

So we’re waiting on that Q4 report to see what valuation money report thing is.

Bottom line, do you want to pay $20 a month? Yeah. you do. BUY NETFLIX STOCK!! SELL! SELL! SELL!

Eggs and stuff.

We are all just a ship on the ocean, buffeted to and fro, merciless to the great wave that is Donald Trump.

And the tides have turned once more, the storms have receded, offering a moment’s respite for a “framework for a future Greenland deal” has been agreed and the tariffs have been dropped, huzzah!

Wtf does that mean? Well no one knows. The details have not been released and still need to be agreed by Greenland, Denmark and the US. But! It does mean that the stock market has bounced back in anticipation of this sunny future of endless peace and no wars.

The news also came with the unveiling of Trump’s ‘Board of Peace’, a newer, cooler NATO, aimed at an “everlasting” peace in the middle east at first and then once that’s sorted maybe, y’know, Ukraine if there’s time.

A bunch of countries have signed up but not the UK because maybe Russia will join and they’re not fwends wight now 🙁.

Oh and also you had to pay to join? Like a billion dollars or something, idk I’m not looking it up again, but it’s crazy, like it feels like just more corruption, right? Like, Trump’s mad at NATO so he makes a newer cooler one where he’s the chairman and everyone has to pay him.

Like, great if it solves things but I’m not expecting world peace from the guy who threatened to invade Greenland, the guy who literally said peace wasn’t a priority just because he didn’t get a medal for it.

But whatevers Trevors, the headline is that the stock market is stabalizing thanks to the diligent work of TACO Trump. So for now, it’s smooth sailing. Thank you, Mr. Trump!

Gold, silver, bronze, nickel, everyone has a favorite metal but did you know that there’s more to metals than just shiny-shiny-clunk?

Yes, as Trump’s latest tariffs send gold and silver rocking to unprecedented ATHs we think it’s time to look back on the top five reasons why that’s probably a bad thing actually.

5. Soaring gold weakens the dollar

In short, gold is a more stable currency whereas everything else from dollars to Bitcoin are a bit more volatile. This means that when the economic forecast is more uncertain, investors will transfer their funds from dollars into less risky options like gold, meaning the almighty USD takes a massive hit.

4. Gold is now worth more than gold

It’s one of those classic economic paradoxes that no one has been able to solve. If gold is worth its weight in gold but then it becomes worth more, what’s it worth its weight in now? Diamonds? Human souls? Eggs? It’s hard to tell.

3. A gold boom is a recession indicator

Pride commeth before a fall and gold commeth before a market fall. For the reasons listed above, a big gold boom might be good for pawnshops but it’s an ill omen for the state of the economy and might signal a recession in the near future.

2. What am I supposed to do with all those gold rings I was planning to buy? I was planning to buy like fourteen golden rings, one for each finger and now what I’m supposed to do? THE WEDDING IS IN FIVE MINUTES I’M GOING TO BE LATE!

I cant afford all those rings now. Donald Trump, you have RUINED my special day.

1. We don’t know anything

Like, yes, we can imply some stuff from these developments, but no one, especially not economists have a crystal ball. Who knows what will happen with the economy, especially as Trump might reverse these tariffs on a whim like tomorrow and gold will fall again.

Let’s just buckle up and strap on for the ride.

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