March, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

He’s a real oil baron now.

Following in P Diddy’s footsteps, Barron Trump started hoarding oil just two days before his daddy, Donald, hit Iran with missiles, sending the price of gas skyrocketing and rocketing Barron to really living up to his name.

Except… it’s not true.

Or at least the only instances I can find of this story is a couple posts on Instagram and X. Zero sources, links, explanations. So yeah, I’m going to assume this isn’t real, I think that’s fair enough, right?

Barron instagram post — Instagram? More like, LIES.

A Barren Desert of Useful Information

Yes, Barron Trump might be worth more than some countries for doing exactly nothing but that doesn’t mean he deserves this random slander.

This is rumor. Gossip. Hearsay. A game of telephone. Lies. Bunkum. Falsehoods. Garbage. DON’T FALL FOR IT!!

Shit’s hitting the fan today. And by ‘shit’ I mean all the AI companies and by ‘fan’ I mean the Pentagon.

Because it seems that chatbots were heavily used in the US military’s coordinated attack on Iran for some reason.

Firstly there’s Grok that seemed to have correctly predicted when the Iran attack would occur. But genuinely that’s probably coincidence. The experiment was run by The Jerusalem Post last month but was only supposed to show that these chatbots can be easily pushed to say things they’re not supposed to.

Claude, Gemini and ChatGPT all got the dates wrong and we know that Claude was actually used, so the idea that Grok was privy to any kind of classified information isn’t really plausible. But despite that, the internet jumped on the story that Grok knew something we didn’t.

But to the actual news…

There’s a lot happening and it’s all quite messy but from what I can gather, Claude was actually used to help gather intelligence, select targets and carry out battlefield simulations for the Iran attack. Which is CRAZY on it’s own. Like, sci-fi level stuff here. But do remember that chatbots aren’t AI (despite the branding), they are just very very good LLMs so we haven’t gone full skynet/matrix just yet.

But then Trump said Anthropic is a “Radical Left AI company run by people who have no idea what the real World is all about” and told the Pentagon not to use it because they objected to its use in the Venezuelan kidnapping.

So then OpenAI swoops in and says, ‘Don’t worry! We don’t have any moral principles whatsoever!’ and signs a contract that let’s the Pentagon use ChatGPT to spy on American citizens. Obviously everyone, including OpenAI’s own employees, objected to this clause and now Sam Altman’s trying to go back on this deal and get some more human rights assurances in the deal.

*deep breath*

I mean that’s like twelve different news stories in one there and it goes even deeper than that.

But THE POINT IS it feels like we’re reaching a crunch point for AI and government influence over AI. This story likely isn’t going anywhere for a while so watch this space!

In 2017 Bulgaria had a massive stockpile of 213,500 Bitcoin but sold it all. Today that much would be worth $14,393,970,038.96 dollars. That’s not enough to wipe out its $37.1 billion national debt, but still…

Bitcoin tweet — Don’t come after me. Blame @bestplayeratlas

Bulgaria’s Bitcoin blunder will go down as one of history’s biggest fumbles, but it’s not the first time people have lost out on a bit’o’coin. Read on to learn more:

Germany’s Billion Dollar Blunder

In 2024, Germany seized around 50,000 Bitcoin worth about $2.2 billion and immediately dumped it into the market. Bitcoin obviously later surged and if they’d just held on a bit(coin) longer, they could have made gains of $3.6 billion. Damn girl. Sucks to be German right now.

Bitcoin Pizza

I’m sure you’ve heard about it, the very first Bitcoin transaction in history. On May 22, 2010, Laszlo Hanyecz made history by trading 10,000 BTC for two Papa John’s pizzas. Well, now that pizza would be worth $672,494,956.28 and Laszlo can still be heard crying into his garlic dip to this day.

Bored Ape Mispricing

Before Bored Apes were boring, NFT trader Maxnaut listing Bored Ape Yacht Club #3547 for 0.75 ETH (~$3,000) instead of 75 ETH (~$300,000). A bot purchased the listing instantly and relisted it for full market value, netting an enormous profit. Yikes.

Crypto.com’s Unrefundable Refund

In 2021, Crypto.com refunded a $100 to an Australian user but accidentally transferred A$10.5 million (~$7 million USD) due to a field entry mistake. Thevamanogari Manivel, used the funds to buy property and distribute gifts before the exchange discovered the error months later during an audit. The site recovered most of the money in a lawsuit but still lost out big.

Tether Mints $5 Billion USDT By Accident

In July 2019, Tether, the issuer of the world’s largest stablecoin, USDT, accidentally minted $5 billion worth of tokens on the Tron blockchain while performing a routine chain swap. The mistake happened during a migration process between Omni and Tron networks, when the operator misentered a decimal value. Those pesky periods. Women and Bitcoin miners worst enemy.

Shout out to this article that I cribbed those last three entries from! Anyway, what do you think? You think these were massive fumbles? Babes, I’m fumbling my whole life.

AWS! Amazon Web Services, the cloud computing firm that is down more than its up, just reported another outage, but this time it really wasn’t their fault.

On Sunday, 4:30pm local time, Dubai, United Arab Emirates, Middle East, Earth, Space… one of Amazon’s data centers was HIT with an unidentified object. That’s right, an ALIEN.

The impact sparked a fire that required power to be shut off while the fire department put out the blaze.

During this period a number of services were down including my gf’s Skype because I was trying to call her on Skype and she said she couldn’t pick up because of the Amazon Web Services outage in Dubai and I said, but you’re not in Dubai we both live in Buffalo. And she said, no, but it’s still affected her connection, she can’t video call right now. And I said, OK, then, I’ll just come over, I’m only a seventeen minute drive away and she said no, don’t come over, it’s really bad, she’s been electrocuted by the Skype AWS outage and I said Ok, well, I’m definitely coming over and then she said she wanted to break up with me.

It remains UNCLEAR if the AWS outage and the subsequent deterioration of my relationship was caused by the Iran/US conflict that’s happening right now but it’s does seem to coincide suspiciously well. Who knows. What do I look like, someone who knows these things? I’m going through a lot right now, please let me be.

This news follows a streak of shitty performance issues from AWS. A couple of weeks ago it was reported that the December outage was caused by an AI coding bot (lol) in a fine example of tech eating itself.

So that’s interesting.

THE PRICE OF OIL IS UP! PEOPLE ARE DEAD! AMERICA HAS ATTACKED THE MIDDLE EAST! THE PRESIDENT HAS KILLED A FOREIGN DICTATOR!

Hehe, now, I know what you’re thinking, but no, this isn’t 1949, 1953, 1958, 1963, 1979, 1987, 1990, 2001, 2003, 2014 or 2020, no, this is completely different.

America is ISOLATIONIST now. Our America first president pulled our troops out of the Middle East. We’re not going to get involved in Israel or Iran or Lebanon or Syria or…

No, this isn’t a war because legally Congress would have to approve that. No, this is a conflict, completely different. These are limited airstrikes. This isn’t a full scale war (even though it’s spilled over into multiple countries).

But you’re not interested in any of this are you? No, you’re interested in your MONEY. Well, here’s a short list of all the assets and stocks hit by this war, sorry, conflict. Enjoy:

OIL

Mentioned at the top, oil prices have spiked because, don’t you know? Oil comes from the middle of the east? You thought it was shat out by dinosaurs? What? What is wrong with you? No, oil comes from the blood of dead civilians. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY.

STOCK FUTURES

Somehow affected by the present, American stocks tumbled following the news with Dow Jones Industrial Average Futures (DJIAF!) down 1%. Which doesn’t sound a lot but it is if it’s your one percent.

INFLATION

Is up, of course. So, good luck with that house you were planning on never buying because now it’s definitely not happening.

GOLD

The stability indicator. Gold is up. That’s not a good sign for anyone.

AMAZON

Amazon’s data center or something was hit or something? Idk, I’ve not read up on it, yet, that’s the second article I’ve got to write. I’ll let you know when it’s up.

OUR ATTENTION SPANS

I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but I can only handle about one major news story a week. Now that this war has come around, Epstein, Venezuela, Gaza, Ukraine have all been completely pushed out of my brain. I can’t wait for next week’s story that’ll push out this one too!

OH, YEAH AND ALSO PEOPLE AND STUFF

Sorry, forgot to mention like, people and property and infrastructure and soldiers and government regimes and cars and airports and children and teddy bears probably have also been hit but that just goes without saying.

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He’s a real oil baron now.

A Barren Desert of Useful Information

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