Google Forced To Sell Chrome, Buys Internet Explorer

Following the DOJ’s ruling that it must sell off its web browser, Google has found a clever workaround by purchasing Microsoft’s defunct browser, Internet Explorer.

“Yeah, we gotta lot of patching to do!” said lead programmer Susan DeCorastinatisazborasinoter. “It’s a broken product, it doesn’t work, it’s never worked. But what are we gonna do? We just gotta have our own browser, we gotta!”

The Dee-oh-Jay’s demand comes in an attempt to break up Google’s monopoly on the market. Chrome encourages users to make Google the default search engine and in Google search, Google can promote more Google products like Chromebooks, Android phones, and Israeli spyware. It’s called vertical integration, like when my sister Debbie said she didn’t like how we were all treating her new seven-foot boyfriend but she’s going to marry him and there’s nothing we can do about it even though she’s too good for him and now I guess we have to welcome him into the family.

To put it another way, imagine if Google owned Google Maps and Waze, then that’s like the whole maps-app market, that would be crazy, right? Oh… they do own both? Ok, never mind.

However, the government will have no qualms about Google’s ownership of IE since IE directs users to use, er, Bing which is not owned by Google (yet). And also Bing sucks and everyone hates it.

Microsoft Internet Explorer was once the most popular web browser in the world but then it wasn’t that anymore. Now, Windows Internet Explorer is called Microsoft Edge and my kids are 27 and thinking about having children for themselves. The only thing I’m on the edge of is my sanity, am I right fellas?

A Google executive spokesperson said in a statement that, “The DOJ continues to push a racial agenda that goes far beyond what would be profitable for us. This will harm consumers, developers, American technical leadership, our energy infrastructure, waste management, the troops, orphans, my pay rise, the pretty colors in the Google Chrome logo those will have to go, and of course, freedom of speech.”

It’s been a tough run recently for Google. Just a few weeks ago, the company was forced to sell off the letter ‘G’ in an anti-trust lawsuit and is still in the process of rebranding itself as ‘Oole’. This suit came in the wake of Google’s parent company, Alphabet losing a copyright-infringement case against Merriam-Webster. Then, to add insult to perjury, Russia forced the company to pay a $20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 fine.

Thankfully Google easily paid the fine with change to spare to fork up the outrageous $7 fee for Internet Explorer.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 21, 2024D

Google Forced To Sell Chrome, Buys Internet Explorer

Following the DOJ’s ruling that it must sell off its web browser, Google has found a cle...
Tech
Ima Short• D

Google Forced To Sell Chrome, Buys Internet Explorer

Following the DOJ’s ruling that it must sell off its web browser, Google has found a cle...
Tech

Biden To Hide In Amazon Until Presidency Expires

Following a trip to the Amazon ahead of Brazil’s G20 summit, President-still Joe Biden has announced his intentions to remain in the rainforest indefinitely and, “Wait for this whole thing to blow over.”

This weekend Biden became the first sitting president to visit the rainforest and the first to take up permanent residence among the trees. After a speech addressing reporters in the jungle, Biden turned from the podium and walked away into the undergrowth, never to be seen again.

Although days have now passed since Biden’s last sighting, one unverified witness reportedly saw Biden with an entomologist, claiming, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.”

Government staffers however have assured the press that the President will continue his duties from the forest and there will be no noticeable decrease in his work output. All facilities required for governance have been moved to a mobile governing unit dubbed, ‘The White House Treehouse’.

Biden’s new home away from home will have everything the regular White House has including monkeys, coconuts, and bamboo plumbing. The only difference is this seat of power will be suspended 40 feet above the ground and require a rope bridge to access.

“Yeah, he’s now 100% WFH: ‘work from hAmazon-rainforest,” said one staffer in charge of the move. “It’s fine, most of the job is done remotely now anyways. Drone strikes. Kissing babies. Declaring insurrections… The only thing we have to worry about is if the internet connection goes out or if he decides to take a nap right when Russia invades. But that was always a problem so nothing’s new.”

President Biden’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, has refused to make the transition.

Although Biden has said he will remain in the Amazon rainforest only until his term expires, experts say he could live in the trees throughout the Trump Presidency.

“Let’s imagine he camps out there temporarily, to begin with,” explained political commentator, George George. “But after a while, he ventures further and further from his home for food. Eventually, he stumbles across the rumored ‘Agazo Fruit’ hanging from a velvet-yellow tree. He takes a bite. He’s reinvigorated, feels decades younger. Little does he know but he’s stumbled across the magical, youth-giving nectar of legend. Well, in that case, I reckon he could live out there forever.”

As to Biden’s whole reason for going to the Amazon in the first place, conservation and climate change, well, who really cares anyway?

Follow for more Biden updates.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 19, 2024D

Biden To Hide In Amazon Until Presidency Expires

President Joe Biden has announced his intentions to remain in the Amazon rainforest indefi...
Politics
Ima Short• D

Biden To Hide In Amazon Until Presidency Expires

President Joe Biden has announced his intentions to remain in the Amazon rainforest indefi...
Politics

News Anchors Unsure What To Talk About Now Election Is Over

Following the election results on Wednesday (Tuesday? What is time anymore?), political pundits have been spotted up and down the country staring, glassy-eyed at blank walls, kicking stray cans along the street, and sighing sadly.

“What do we talk about now the election is over?” bemoaned local news anchor, Stacey Ulituristos as she sat crocheting a map of Pennsylvania’s 4th congressional district. “I guess we go back to the regular news but is anyone really interested in anything other than politics? I’m not sure they are. When’s the next election? Maybe I’ll just hibernate until then.”

Some news stations have committed to a continued discussion of politics by analyzing how Kamala could have possibly lost or how it was always obvious that Trump would win but many are saying that political coverage is over and stations should simply move on.

MSNBC and FOX News have both opted to halt their broadcasts and display just static, whereas most other stations have switched back to regular non-political scheduling.

“I got a little excited when we wheeled the election forecast map into the studio again,” continued Ms. Ulituristos. “But it turns out it was just the weather forecast map. Ugh. But seriously, what other news is there? I literally can’t remember. I’m starting to wish we hadn’t euthanized our election expert, Dan. That was a dark day.”

But political scientist O.B. Oblese suggests that news-face-talkers can in fact discuss politics without anyone even noticing, “Poli-ticks all my boxes if you know what I mean,” said the distinctly unfunny Oblese, “but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to discuss. Most people, boring normies, they want to talk about other things but I’ve got a trick so you can talk politics even when you’re not talking politics.”

“I’ve been telling news channels that now the election’s over you’re going to go back to covering things like foreign wars, and, if you really think about it… that’s politics. If you cover some crime that’s happened, that’s a politics. A musician wins an award. They have political views sooo that’s-a-politics!”

“It’s easy if you know how. I’ve put it into the form of a song and I’m touring newsrooms up and down the country to present my training seminar: ‘Overcoming Post-Election-Stress-Disorder: Talking Without Talking: The Politics of Politics (musical repertoire) by O.B. Oblese’. So far I’ve had no takers but wait for the politics withdrawal to really set in and they’ll come crawling back. Just like my [then current] wife.”

Fingers crossed O.B. will be able to get the word out and we can all get some of our precious, precious news again.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 8, 2024D

News Anchors Unsure What To Talk About Now Election Is Over

Following the election results political pundits are unsure what to talk about now that po...
Politics
Ima Short• D

News Anchors Unsure What To Talk About Now Election Is Over

Following the election results political pundits are unsure what to talk about now that po...
Politics

Facebook Asks Workers Not To Breathe On Company Time, Please

Last week, Meta (the parent company of Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, and Meta) cracked down on staff members spending meal credits on non-meals, firing 24 staff members for buying toothpaste, wine glasses, and food. Now, the tech company seeks to reduce employees wasting valuable work hours on breathing.

“Time theft is not a joke, Jim,” claimed Meta spokesmodel, Jeremiah Fargenshirts. “Millions of companies suffer every year. We pay our workers to work on work time. If they aren’t working and instead engaging in frivolous activities like breathing, then that money is effectively being stolen.”

In a leaked internal memo, Meta suggested employees take “a deep breath before arriving at work so that their responsibilities can begin promptly. Short intermittent bursts are acceptable when accompanied by a doctor’s note but hyperventilation will not be tolerated.”

The move comes as other companies across the tech sector are looking to cut down on bodily functions. Google famously restricts arm movement in all its offices, and Amazon advises employees to hover a few inches off the ground to prevent unnecessary leg exertion.

Meta was asked if maybe this new anti-breath policy was an attempt to curb the spread of respiratory diseases like COVID but Meta said, “No, no, we just don’t like people.”

“The ideal employee,” continued Fargenshirts, “doesn’t need to breathe. They don’t complain, they don’t unionize, they don’t take sick days. They are intelligent, sure, but that intelligence is more artificial. Artificial intelligence if you will, or for short, ‘artifint’. Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

“It’s not so hard, look, I’ll show you.” Fargenshirts then proceeded to demonstrate his devotion to the company by holding his breath. The spokes-speaker went for an impressive seven minutes without oxygen, batting off bystanders’ attempts to make him breathe.

All without breathing, Fargenshirts overdramatically mimed an employee going about their day-to-day duties, entering the office, typing at their computer, receiving an irate email from Deborah, responding to said email politely, getting up to fetch a coffee, accidentally passing Deborah in the corridor, failing to avoid eye contact with Deborah, receiving an in-person admonishment from Deborah, laying out a clear series of steps and procedures to avoid such an incident in future, being told that she tried that and ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about’, rolling eyes after Deborah leaves, and handing in their notice citing Deborah’s disrespect as a primary motivator for quitting.

Eventually, however, Fargenshirts turned a worrying shade of blue and collapsed to the floor, presumed dead.

Meta has announced the spokes-guy will receive a posthumous ‘employee of the month’ award for his sacrifice.

Latest news

Ima Short• October 24, 2024D

Facebook Asks Workers Not To Breathe On Company Time, Please

Last week, Facebook cracked down on staff members spending meal credits now, the tech comp...
Tech
Ima Short• D

Facebook Asks Workers Not To Breathe On Company Time, Please

Last week, Facebook cracked down on staff members spending meal credits now, the tech comp...
Tech

Elon Musk Sued By Time Traveller For Predicting Future

Elon Musk has been accused of plagiarizing material from Dr. Edwin Dewhickity, a time traveler from the year 3000 A.D.

The suit adds mounting legal troubles for the billionaire who found himself in hot water this week when the production company behind ‘Blade Runner 2049’ sued him for using AI marketing generated to look like the film. Similarly, the director of ‘I, Robot’ accused Mr. Musk of copying designs from his film. Why Musk thought it was a good idea to imply he was bringing about the dystopian hellscapes seen in these films he did not answer.

Now adding to these accusations, a time traveler from the future claims that Musk’s concepts for a Martian colony, robot butlers, and an entirely autonomous social media platform are derivative of his work.

Little is known about Dr. Edwin Dewhickity since he has yet to be born, but the eccentric scientist claims to be a brilliant inventor and “Engineerist of the highest order!” Dewhickity materialized in the Los Angeles courthouse this Tuesday, throwing down papers and accusing Musk of plagiarism, copyright infringement, patent fraud, and arson.

“Every idea, every single one, I say, is the spitting image of my design,” explained the traveler. “T’was I who founded Dewhickity City upon Martian soil! T’was I who first engineered Roboti-Slave the robot slave who could also feel guilt! T’was I who bought the failing social media platform ‘X’ and renamed it ‘Twitter’ and replaced all four remaining users with bots! AND NOW sirs and madams, I entreat you for compensation!”

Dewhickity goes on to explain that Musk first gained access to his designs by plagiarising Dewhickity’s time-travel machine and traveling forward in time to steal his other designs so Musk could claim he had invented them in the present.

“He did not steal the idea for the cybertruck though, that I do not take credit for,” added Dewhickity. When asked about the outcome of the upcoming election so I could put money on it, Dewhickity said, “Trump flips Georgia, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin, he wins 312 electoral votes and 50.2% of the popular vote.” When I told him that would be impossible he spat in my face and said I would die alone which felt more worrying coming from someone who could actually know my future.

The litigious Dewhickity has previously filed similar suits against ‘The Simpsons’ for predicting the future however the cases were settled out of Time Court.

Latest news

Ima Short• October 23, 2024D

Elon Musk Sued By Time Traveller For Predicting Future

Elon Musk has been accused of plagiarizing material from Dr. Edwin Dewhickity, a time trav...
Elon
Ima Short• D

Elon Musk Sued By Time Traveller For Predicting Future

Elon Musk has been accused of plagiarizing material from Dr. Edwin Dewhickity, a time trav...
Elon

Boeing Seeks $25 Billion To Cover Rising Hitman Costs

This week, aircraft manufacturer Boeing said it could raise as much as $25 billion to cover a falling share price, workers’ strike, and the skyrocketing cost of private assassins.

“Everyone’s been hit hard by inflation and hitmen aren’t alone in that,” said Bill Sigh, chairman of the International Union of Assassins and Hitpeople (pronounced, ‘IUoAaH!’ as if being garrotted). “We’ve got domestic abuse settlements to pay just like everyone else. Boeing was our biggest client but if they can’t pay, well, then maybe they might have a little… accident.”

Earlier this year multiple former Boeing employees raised concerns over safety at the company. Some were later found dead. In response, Boeing slashed its whistle budget and fired anyone caught breathing out a bit too overzealously, but whistleblowing incidents remain high.

“There’s only one surefire way to stop someone yapping and that’s a bullet sure-fired into their head, you know what I’m saying? That, or just settle out of court,” threatened Mr Sigh. “Sure murder creates a paper trail and makes you the prime suspect for a crime far greater than the one you’re trying to cover up but when did being sensible stop anyone?”

Early on in negotiations with the assassin’s guild, Boeing attempted to pay the hitmen in airline vouchers, which were promptly refused. “You take me for a chump? Oh, sure, I’ll get on the flight and it’ll have a little ‘software malfunction’ and before I know it, I’m sleeping wid da fishes? DA FISHES?! No, way. Oldest trick in the book”

Boeing then floated the idea of paying a different set of hitmen to take out the first group of hitmen. When asked how they would pay off that second group of hitmen, Boeing explained that they would simply hire another group and then another group after that and it’s, “Hitmen all the way down.”

With negotiations broken down and no other options, Boeing now seeks to sell off shares to pay the full $25 billion ransom to the hitmen waiting outside ominously hitting baseball bats against their palms.

This news is just the latest in nearly a decade of headaches for the company that began with those meddling safety regulations. Boeing has long fought regulators for the right to make planes that can fall out of the sky but has met roadblocks at every turn.

Regarding those crashes, Mr. Sigh had a conspiracy theory of his own. “Now, I’m not saying it was us hitmen who originally tampered with those aircraft so that people would whistleblow and then we’d be employed to orchestrate the coverup… But if we did, well, let’s just say I probably wouldn’t tell you.”

Latest news

Ima Short• October 16, 2024D

Boeing Seeks $25 Billion To Cover Rising Hitman Costs

Aircraft manufacturer Boeing says it could raise as much as $25 billion to cover the skyro...
Loss Porn
Ima Short• D

Boeing Seeks $25 Billion To Cover Rising Hitman Costs

Aircraft manufacturer Boeing says it could raise as much as $25 billion to cover the skyro...
Loss Porn

First Crypto Zoo Opens, Bulls Immediately Escape

The world’s first ‘crypto zoo’ opened in Oklahoma this month but already faces difficulties after half the animals escaped in a massive bull run, leaving only bears as the primary attraction.

The crypto-themed zoo, which only accepts payments in crypto, opened to tepid fanfare with early visitors waiting in line to see Big Foot and the Loch Ness monster. Most left disappointed after realizing the zoo was for crypto, not cryptids.

Animals currently featured on display include two grizzly bears, four apes and a Shiba Inu petting area. Although further expansions have yet to be announced, the massive water tank under construction behind the zoo suggests the park’s managers are hopeful they may attract a whale.

The zoo was previously home to a large open field of bulls to host rodeos, bullfighting, bullhorn blowing competitions, bullwhip stunt shows, an antique china shop and a crypto bullpit trading floor.

On the first day of trading, however, one bull apparently saw the company was financially in the red and bolted, prompting all the bulls to stampede. The irate bovines crashed out of their enclosure, through the park, and out of the entrance, running onward to pastures new where they will be free to roam once more.

Thankfully only children were injured.

“In hindsight, putting a flock of bulls together in one field was a bad idea,” claimed the zoo’s former managing director, Gale Prosturni. “I had dreams, big dreams. But maybe this dream was too big for a little lad like me.”

When asked whether his crypto zoo had any connection to Logan Paul’s NFT scam, ‘Crypto Zoo’ (“let the breeding begin”), Prosturni seemed confused, “Paul who? Wait, someone’s already done this? Hold on, I’ll Bing it… Ew, what are these disgusting Pokémon knockoffs? What the hell is this? No, gross, I’d never let a freaky blobfish-molerat freak into my zoo and his animals can stay out too.”

Logan Paul has announced plans to sue.

The crypto zoo has also released its own memecoin trading under the $Z00 ticker. The zoo’s financiers initially planned to accept their coin within the park however upon release the coin’s value immediately tanked and the project was abandoned.

Adding to management’s headaches, the crypto zoo is being investigated for possible animal abuse and food safety violations following the discovery of three dead fruitflies in the zoo’s cafeteria.

“We’ll get things back on track,” continued Prosturni after gaining a sudden surge of enthusiasm from a shot of a non-descript substance. “I’ve got plans, big plans! There are dozens more references I can still make, dozens! Chickens, cats, dogs, sheep, sharks, rabbits, pigs, turtles, ostriches, wolves, stags, hawks, doves, ducks, swans, they’re all financial terms, look it up. We’ll get them all in, then you’ll be sorry!”

Mr. Prosturni awaits sentencing for (among other things) wire fraud, regular fraud, embezzlement, racketeering, and arson.

Latest news

Ima Short• October 13, 2024D

First Crypto Zoo Opens, Bulls Immediately Escape

The world’s first ‘crypto zoo’ opened this month but already faces difficulties afte...
Memecoins
Ima Short• D

First Crypto Zoo Opens, Bulls Immediately Escape

The world’s first ‘crypto zoo’ opened this month but already faces difficulties afte...
Memecoins

Google Forced To Sell ‘G’ and Become ‘Oole’ In Antitrust Lawsuit

The Department of Justice has confirmed it is considering forcing Google to sell off parts of its business including the ‘G’ from its name to become ‘Oole’. 

The case comes in response to Google parent company Alphabet’s attempt to sue Merriam-Webster for copyright infringement. The court ruled in favor of the dictionary and suggested it was in fact Google that was monopolizing letters. 

Now the DoJ says it is considering, “behavioral and structural remedies that would prevent Google from using products such as Chrome, Play, Android, and the letter ‘G’ to advantage Google.”

Antitrust suits ordinarily bring about the breaking up of large firms meaning Google might be forced to sell off assets deemed monopolizing such as Google Glass, Google Buzz, and even the letter ‘G’. It is unclear whether other letters are on the table at this time.

The filing continued to explain that when the letter ‘G’ or ‘g’ is typed into the Google search bar, ‘Google’ and related products are the top results. The DoJ argues that this is unfavorable to other search engines such as the Turkish propaganda search engine, ‘Geliyoo’ or the defunct British real estate search engine, ‘Globrix’. Google should thus divest itself of the letter ‘G’ so it no longer comes up when that letter is typed.

Exactly how Oole is supposed to be pronounced has yet to be decided but amateur linguist Derbert Monfreese explains that the company’s name should rhyme with ‘hooole’ and the sound of retching.

Despite the massive rebranding required, insiders at Oole are said to be thrilled with the change. “I never liked the letter ‘G’ anyways,” said Oole spokesperson Gary G. Giggs. “As the story goes, the original name was supposed to be ‘Oole’ anyway, that’s French for when you’re surprised by a very large number, but they misspelled it as Google and the name stuck. So I’d be happy to go back to the O.G. name. I say, Olé!”

Early bidders for control of the letter ‘G’ include Apple, who have long talked about rebranding themselves as Gapple, and Microsoft’s search engine ‘Bing’, who is just happy to be involved.

Were the move to go ahead, this would be the biggest antitrust breakup since ‘Llama Zone’ was forced to sell off the letters ‘L’ and ‘E’ along with their lama petting zoo division to focus solely on online shopping as ‘Amazon’.

Latest news

Ima Short• October 12, 2024D

Google Forced To Sell ‘G’ and Become ‘Oole’ In Antitrust Lawsuit

The Department of Justice has confirmed it is considering forcing Google to sell off parts...
Tech
Ima Short• D

Google Forced To Sell ‘G’ and Become ‘Oole’ In Antitrust Lawsuit

The Department of Justice has confirmed it is considering forcing Google to sell off parts...
Tech

Elon Musk Unveils Self-Driving Legs

BURBANK, CA — Tesla boss Elon Musk unveiled his new product, ‘Self-Driving Legs,’ at his ‘We, Robot’ event today.

Whilst many were expecting the announcement of Musk’s long-awaited Cybercab, instead the billionaire took to the stage with long, leggy steps to discuss Tesla’s new division, ‘LegsX’, and their first product, ‘The CyberLeg’.

As Musk spoke it became clear to the audience that these were neither futuristic prosthetic legs, nor shiny cybernetic legs but simply regular legs.

“They really do drive themselves,” Musk chirpily explained, “Look, I just lean forward a little, and off they go. I don’t even know where they’ll take me next, that’s the beauty of it.” Musk then proceeded to strut about the stage for the next 40 minutes.

Once Elon had finished mincing about, he invited CyberLegs lead designer Franz von Holzhausen to the stage to throw heavy steel balls at his legs. The demonstration was supposed to show off the legs’ safety features but instead left Musk crippled on the ground and screaming in pain.

After Musk was wheeled off stage the event quickly transitioned to a slideshow noting the legs’ various features: rechargeable battery (stomach), reduced carbon footprint (regular footprint instead), adjustable height (shoes) and best of all… “Feet!”

The announcement follows significant delays to Musk’s Cybercab project with some pundits commenting that the leg revelation (‘revelegtion’, if you will) was merely a stalling technique (‘treading water’, if you will) to delay a project that fundamentally would not work (‘it did not have legs’, if you will).

Supposedly CyberLegs is just the beginning for Musk with CyberArms, CyberEars and even a CyberPancreas all rumoured to be in the works. Of course, like the legs, these would just be the regular body parts you would already own but licensed out from Elon’s company for a proportional fee.

It’s clear that Musk hopes to make strides in the growing leg market with Google-parent Alphabet already walking out their self-driving legs ‘Google Hobble’ for a trial run last spring.

Whether Tesla can guarantee its legacy by taking the right steps to keep pace with Google or whether it will be left running on the spot depends on whether Musk can put in the leg work and step up production. This ‘legs race’ is a sprint, not a marathon and fancy footwork alone won’t guarantee putting the best foot forward.

Legs.

Latest news

Ima Short• October 11, 2024D

Elon Musk Unveils Self-Driving Legs

Tesla boss Elon Musk unveiled Tesla’s new division, ‘LegsX’, and their first product...
Elon
Ima Short• D

Elon Musk Unveils Self-Driving Legs

Tesla boss Elon Musk unveiled Tesla’s new division, ‘LegsX’, and their first product...
Elon

Unable To Match Its Lids to Containers, Tupperware Files For Bankruptcy

The world-famous kitchen container brand, Tupperware, has filed for bankruptcy following the discovery of 462 million surplus lids in storage.

The company attempted to find the corresponding tub (or ‘tup’ in industry parlance) to every lid but was unable to find a single matching pair. Many lids were reported to be almost exactly right but upon pressing down the final side, the opposite side would pop up.

“Over the last several many years, the company has been tossing unmatched lids straight into storage with the intention of getting around to it later,” said Tommy Tupperson, Tupperware’s tip-top talker. “This last Tuesday we opened said storage for the first time and were overwhelmed with an outpouring of plastic lids. Three workers were sadly crushed to death.”

“After dedicating all our resources to finding the missing tups, I am sorry to admit that we have failed and are now bankrupt.”

Tupperware claims (and wait this one’s a real quote) they will, “Pursue strategic alternatives to support our transformation into a digital-first, technology-led company.” How a plastic food container will be ‘digital-first’ is anyone’s guess but maybe we shouldn’t expect business logic from a company that’s going bankrupt.

All twelve fans of Tupperware have written to the company expressing their heartfelt sorrow and shame for the company’s failure. The letters included several suggestions to make use of the excess lids including; surfboards for rats, windows for houses inhabited by rats, and spare lids in case you lose your Tupperware lid (also you’re a rat).

Over 78 years of operation, Tupperware rose to prominence in the 1950s by deploying the then-groundbreaking business model of ‘the pyramid scheme’. The company used direct selling and so-called, ‘Tupperware parties’, in which housewives would ritualistically seal the least popular member of the group in a Tupperware coffin and set it on fire.

These controversial gatherings were banned in most states and although the company denied their existence, it was just the beginning of Tupperware’s many PR disasters. 

Throughout the 1970s reports of toddlers falling into the pots and suffocating made headlines. The summer of 1982 saw the spread of the ‘Tupperwerewolf’ hoax leading to another earnings slump.

In the late 90s, the company attempted to change its fortune by branching out into fashion. The large, angular, see-through plastic dresses known as ‘Tupperwear’ were highly impractical and unpopular and the company has been on a downward trend ever since.
Whether Tupperware can find the missing tups (tubs) and become unbankrupt remains to be seen but, for now, the fate of this once-fresh brand appears to be sealed… in a Tupperware container.

Latest news

Ima Short• September 24, 2024D

Unable To Match Its Lids to Containers, Tupperware Files For Bankruptcy

The world-famous kitchen container brand, Tupperware, has filed for bankruptcy following t...
Loss Porn
Ima Short• D

Unable To Match Its Lids to Containers, Tupperware Files For Bankruptcy

The world-famous kitchen container brand, Tupperware, has filed for bankruptcy following t...
Loss Porn