Author: Ima Short

No: It’s Fine.

Ngl, turns out this headline was a day old when I banked it and now Bitcoin has risen back up again above $100,000 so we’re fine I guess.

The ORIGINAL value slide came about, though, because all risky assets were hit in favor of more stable monetary monies. Why even that though? Well there’s been a lot of talk about an AI bubble but eh, who knows, there’s a lot of talk these days, who knows. Me? No, I know nothing, I’m just paid to pretend I know what I’m talking about… what was I talking about…

Oh yeah, so Bitcoin fell 5%, down below $100,000 for the first time in four months, BUT now it’s bounced back again above so who cares.

Solana and Ether was also down. Are you going to ask about our coin? The WSM Token? You want to know about that price? No one ever cares about our crypto but we have our own crypto guys and it’s really cool. Yes, it’s pretty much worthless. Yes, it was all a big joke from the beginning but still, it would be nice if you asked about it every once in a while…

Related: “Bitcoin Will Never Reach $20 Again” He Said In 2011, Here’s How Much He’s Lost Now

I’m looking at it now and Bitcoin’s at like, $103,195 so yeah, you’re fine. That’s still below it’s atl of 126, but who cares you know up is up and nothing can take that away from me.

Bitcoin? More Like Shit Coin

“The main driver was stronger-than-expected data, alongside growing speculation that the government shutdown might come to an end soon,” the analysts said. Which analysts? Well, I’m just copying this from another article that I haven’t read so honestly don’t ask me.

I mean, Jesus Christ, if you’re really relying on a website called Wall Street Memes for your financial information, you should probably take a good, hard look in the mirror, son.

You know what? Fuck it, here’s the rest of that article just copied and pasted from Yahoo Finance, where you should probably be instead of here:

Fundstrat head of digital assets Sean Farrell said on Monday that “whale selling,” or investors with large holdings, had risen over the past few weeks.

“Whales — they continue to hammer price,” he said, noting that billions in bitcoin (BTC-USD) have recently been moved from private wallets to exchanges, presumably to be sold.

Simon Peters, crypto analyst for eToro, said in commentary on Wednesday that the fall in bitcoin (BTC-USD) “stemmed from the recent FOMC meeting, where Chairman Powell poured cold water on the idea of a December rate cut”.

Last week, the US Federal Reserve lowered interest rates by 0.25% to a range of of 3.75% to 4.00%. However, Powell said in press conference following the central bank meeting last week that another rate cut in December is “not a foregone conclusion – far from it”, dampening hopes of a reduction next month.

In addition, Peters said that bitcoin (BTC-USD) liquidations of $915m since the start of November had also contributed the recent fall in the token.

“While the pullback is likely to rattle some investors, volatility of this scale is not unusual,” Peters said. He highlighted that bitcoin (BTC-USD) had seen several drawdowns of over 30% in recent years, such as between January and April this year, when the price slid from $109,000 to $74,500, before soaring 70% to an all-time high of $126,300.

“Despite the current correction, bitcoin (BTC-USD) remains in a long-term uptrend, forming higher highs and higher lows,” he said. “Short-term catalysts such as renewed expectations for rate cuts or continued inflows into spot bitcoin ETFs [exchange-traded funds] could quickly cause prices to reverse and rally again very quickly.”

Cool, you happy now? You enjoy that? Yeah, me neither. Go home.