Ima Short | Wall Street Memes

Ngl, I just learned what a capex is…

Tesla’s stock just fell a massive 2.4% as Elon Musk pours more money into spending on AI, robots and chips to snack on when he gets peckish, although shares were back up 4% after the bell so what we even talking about here?

As Elon explained, “We are going to be substantially increasing our investment in the future. You should expect to see very significant increase in capital expenditures that are I think well justified for a substantially increased future revenue stream. Tesla is not alone in this.”

Oooh, scarwee. 🙁

Because that’s the thing, every tech company is building out there data centers right now and the Tesla investors (tesltors if you will) banked on Musk. They voted for him to take the company in the direction of more AI and more robotics. What did they think that wouldn’t cost a bit of money?

And when I say a bit more I do mean more than double but shush shhhh.

So yeah, Elon is all in AI and robots if that wasn’t perfectly clear now.

Where does that leave the EV manufacturing portion of the company? Well, who knows and honestly who cares.

Maybe they’ll combine products and Elon can finally achieve the dream of creating a Cybertruck that’s also actually a Transformer.

For more Tesla news, maybe go somewhere else. We are not a reputable news source.

…get a job at the White House.

The Big Guy Upstairs: Donald Trump has just been accused of insider trading by the BBC and everyone just let out a collective, “Ya, you think?”

Just to make the point clear we’ve already covered this here:

One Gambler Made $436,000 On Maduro Capture And It’s Looking Like They Knew Something We Didn’t

And here:

This Billion Dollar Bet On Oil Prices Falling Was Placed Just Hours Before Trump’s Ceasefire

And there are numerous other examples of trading spiking just before a big government announcement and every time it looks super shady.

The BBC has collated the top five examples in this handy article but just to run you through it here we’ve got:

March 9 when oil futures spiked just 45 minutes before Trump said that the conflict was “very complete, pretty much.”

March 23 when oil trades jumped minutes before Trump posted about peace talks.

April 9 last year when traders bet on the stock market going up just 18 minutes before Trump paused tariffs and lo and below, the stock market went up.

And then there’s the Maduro capture (we mentioned that) and the February 28 Iran strikes.

I’M JUST SAYING IT’S SUSPICIOUS GUYS.

And I know, I’m constantly the guy who says don’t make connections where there are none based on little evidence, so obviously, take this with a grain of salt and wait for confirmation BUT we’re not talking about something insanely implausible like aliens here we’re talking about a grade A grifter who we’ve seen countless times exploit the Presidency for pure financial gain. This isn’t outside the realm of possibility.

I mean this is literally illegal but so is so much of what Trump’s done. No one has been prosecuted since it was made illegal for lawmakers in 2012. It’s very likely nothing will happen here again.

UGH. Just give me some justice for ONCE.

In the largest DeFi exploit of the year (so far), hackers drained nearly $300 million from the staking platform Kelp DAO.

Simply put, the hackers tricked LayerZero’s bridge designed for blockchains to communicate with each other into believing it had received a valid instruction from another network and to release 116,500 rsETH (restaked Ether and 18% of supply) worth around $293 million.

Fine, that’s just Kelp that was hit, right?

Well, no.

The problem is that rsETH is such a popular staking token, so interwoven with the Ether market and the DeFi market as a whole that the broader ramifications are massive.

For example, Aave, the largest DeFi lending platform froze all rsETH markets to retain the damage, Lido paused deposits and reportedly rsETH was “just three minutes away from losing an additional $100 million,” Meir Dolev, the Cyvers Chief Technology Officer.

But we’re also seeing withdrawals in Solana and other cryptids, sorry, cryptos (can never get the verb ending right). Morpho, Sky and JupLend are all down.

Also there’s whatever this means: “The KelpDAO exploit (~$290M, is NOT a LayerZero protocol bug. It’s a configuration issue and a case study every project with a cross-chain token needs to look at today,” one technical breakdown by cryptogoblin (?) read.

So what, everything’s at risk, or what?

Well, despite what I implied in my title, that’s hopefully the end of this specific exploit, but it’s more the knockon effect. Combined with the massive $285 million Drift attack in April, morale in crypto is at an all time low, with some even saying this is the end of DeFi although.

Who knows the ramifications of this particular hit, but right now, I’m sorry, things aren’t looking so great in the world of crypto, bro.

This story is genuinely insane.

SO let me set the scene:

Changham Kim (AKA Kim Chang-han) is the CEO of a South Korean video game publisher called Krafton. Krafton has put out numerous titles, but their flagship game is PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds (PUBG). Back in 2021, Krafton bought Unknown Worlds Entertainment, the developer behind the insanely successful Subnautica, for $500 million.

Last year the team were ramping up development on the hotly anticipated Subnautica 2 when internal projections predicted the game would hit the needed targets to trigger a massive $250 million earnout for the dev team (as agreed when they first bought the company).

Kim freaked out and turned to his lawyers, seeking to get out of the deal. His lawyers responded saying there was nothing he could do and in fact trying to back out or firing the devs would obviously look bad and might even be illegal.

But Kim ignored them and turned to everyone’s favorite sycophant: ChatGPT.

OpenAI’s LLM pushed back at first but when pressed, suggested Kim form “an internal taskforce, dubbed Project X.”

Following ChatGPT’s advice, Kim locked out the devs from their own Steam page in an effort to delay the game’s release.

Then Kim went full ham and just straight up fired the dev team without cause.

Obviously this triggered a lawsuit in which all of Kim’s ChatGPT logs came out and a Delaware court ruled that the dev team be reinstated and Krafton still has to pay the $250 million earnout.

Oops.

So if there’s a moral to this story it’s maaaayybe don’t lean on ChatGPT for legal advice, especially with a quarter of a trillion and a lawsuit on the line.

It’s unclear though if Changham has learned his lesson as, of the time of writing, it seems that Kim is somehow still the CEO of Krafton… and Subnautica 2 is still delayed.

ChatGPT could not be reached for comment.

A THOUSAND Disney employees have just been fired as the new CEO seeks to streamline operations, particularly in Marvel (comics and studios) as production output has been reduced significantly.

Here’s the full report from Variety:

Disney is making layoffs this week to “streamline our operations” in various parts of the company, CEO Josh D’Amaro said in a memo to employees Tuesday.

The media company is eliminating about 1,000 roles, primarily as a result of Disney’s formation of a consolidated enterprise marketing division under the leadership of Asad Ayaz, chief marketing and brand officer, a source familiar with the situation said. The cuts will span marketing functions across Disney’s studios, TV networks, ESPN, product and technology, and corporate groups, the source added.

D’Amaro, in his note to employees, said the unified enterprise marketing and brand organization is “designed to serve consumers in an even more connected way.”

“Over the past several months, we have looked at ways in which we can streamline our operations in various parts of the company to ensure we deliver the world-class creativity and innovation our fans value and expect from Disney,” he wrote in the memo. “Given the fast-moving pace of our industries, this requires us to constantly assess how to foster a more agile and technologically-enabled workforce to meet tomorrow’s needs. As a result, we will be eliminating roles in some parts of the company and have begun notifying impacted employees.”

“I know this is hard,” D’Amaro wrote. “These decisions are not a reflection of their contributions, or of the overall strength of the company. Rather, they reflect our continual evaluation of how to more effectively manage our resources and reinvest in our businesses.”

Disney reported having about 231,000 full- and part-time employees as of September 2025 (the end of its fiscal year).

It’s the first big restructuring action under D’Amaro, who took over as Disney’s CEO on March 18 from Bob Iger. D’Amaro was previously the chairman of Disney Experiences.

Read D’Amaro’s memo about the job cuts:

Dear Fellow Employees & Cast Members,

We have experienced a great deal of change these last few years, both at the company and across our industries. Knowing firsthand how these moments can bring uncertainty, I want to be open about some difficult news that will be communicated this week.

In January, we announced our unified enterprise marketing and brand organization, designed to serve consumers in an even more connected way. Over the past several months, we have looked at ways in which we can streamline our operations in various parts of the company to ensure we deliver the world-class creativity and innovation our fans value and expect from Disney. Given the fast-moving pace of our industries, this requires us to constantly assess how to foster a more agile and technologically-enabled workforce to meet tomorrow’s needs. As a result, we will be eliminating roles in some parts of the company and have begun notifying impacted employees.

I know this is hard. Those that will be leaving us have done meaningful work here and care deeply about this company. These decisions are not a reflection of their contributions, or of the overall strength of the company. Rather, they reflect our continual evaluation of how to more effectively manage our resources and reinvest in our businesses.

Compassion and respect remain at the heart of our company. As we move forward through this transition, our priority is to support those impacted and help each person navigate what comes next with resources, guidance, and direct support.

Despite these difficult decisions, I remain optimistic about where we’re headed as a company. I’m deeply grateful for all of your contributions and for the dedication, professionalism, and care you bring to your work each day. Even in challenging moments, you continue to demonstrate what makes Disney so special.

Josh

Surprise, surprise: it’s inflation.

Inflation means everything is more expensive, specifically rent is up nearly 50% from last year and clothing costs are up more that 25%. Those two factors alone are massive reasons why raising a child is so expensive now.

But it’s not the biggest cost in growing a human being

Childcare is by far the largest expense for families with kids under 5, which makes sense I guess, but then why is looking after children really expensive for some people but other people get paid to do it?

All of these stats come from a recent study from LendingTree (whatever the f that is) which broke down all the average costs state by state. Click on this article where I’m getting all this information from. It’s pretty cool, they’ve got an interactive map and you can see in which state it costs the most to raise a kid to 18.

Turns out Hawaii is the most expensive and New Hampshire is the cheapest. Who knew?

But on average the cost of raising a child to 18 is $303,418, up 1.9% from last year. (Sorry, should have been clear, that 27.8% in the title is compared to 2023, bit misleading there…)

As Matt Schulz, chief consumer finance analyst at LendingTree and co-author of the study, explains, “Inflation is just taking a toll, clearly, on people, and it’s certainly one of the reasons why we saw such significant growth here.”

“A few states and even areas within various states are what are called ‘childcare deserts,” where there’s just not nearly enough supply of daycare and child care centers to keep up with the demand for it,” Schulz explained. “So what happens is that the ones that are there—and especially the really good ones that are there—can charge basically whatever they want to charge, and it ends up driving up the rates quite a bit.”

“It’s a real challenge for people who really need the help,” Schulz said. “As much as we wish that people had a relative or a trusted friend that they could lean on for that sort of thing, a lot of people just don’t have that choice, so they have no other choice but to pay whatever they need to for daycare.”

“It just turns a really challenging situation into an almost unmanageable one for people, and that’s why we see so many people factoring in finances when it comes to deciding whether to start a family or how many kids they might have.”

“As much as we wish that we didn’t have to to think about the cost of being a parent, you’re doing yourself and your family a bit of a disservice if you don’t, because there are very, very few among us who, for for whom the cost of raising a child is not significant,” Schulz said.

Although with all of Trump’s threats you have to ask is he even going to commit to it or will he just TACO out like always? I mean he did so when he threatened to annihilate the ‘civilisation’ of Iran (thankfully), with all the other tariffs, with foreign relations, when he said he’d be a president for peace, etc, etc, etc…

BUT BY ALL MEANS let’s humor him this time.

An verified report came out suggesting that Beijing might send Iran an air defense system and Trump freaked OUT, threatening to impose a 50% tariff on China, CHINA, chinachina.

Here’s what he said:

“I hear news reports about China giving [Iran] the shoulder missiles… what’s called the shoulder missile, anti-aircraft missile. I doubt they would do that… but if we catch them doing that, they get a 50% tariff, which is a staggering — that’s a staggering amount.”

Sorry, I blacked out, what are we talking about? Oh yeah…

So obviously this would be bad for the global supply chain, most likely passing on that 50% pay hike on to American consumers, like all the other tariffs.

But will it actually happen? Idk. Probs not, right? Maybe let’s not make an article all about it until something actually happens, yeah? Maybe let’s not waste our time here. We’ve only got one life to live. One life guys, let’s not spend our brain power worrying about what Trump might maybe do based on the garbage things he says.

Probs not.

In one of the most bearish calls against Tesla stocks (and shares), JPMorgan analyst Ryan Brinkman (lol) just warned that the EV car stock could fall as much as 60%.

Yep, we’ve been here before. Tesla has just been under delivering and overpromising, missing its sales targets by over 50,000 units. Now its global unsold inventory has reached 164,000, you know, the thing that they’re supposed to make and sell?

For all the talk of the AI bubble bursting, here’s a little mini one right before our eyes. Because Tesla’s always been overhyped and underdelivering. And now with the removal of the EV tax credit and mounting competition from China, it’s no wonder Elon’s doing the frantic U-turn to AI and robotics.

But Musk himself isn’t going anyway, he’s got a big bonus check to cash, afterall. So really if anyone should be concerned about this news, it should be him…

But don’t just listen to me, here’s what AI had to say on the matter (because you’re interested, I’m sure, not because I’m under the word count…):

The Tesla Cassandra Prophecy from Wall Street

In a move that shocked absolutely no one familiar with the dynamic between legacy finance and the electric vehicle disruptor, JPMorgan Chase & Co. has issued a dire, nay, apocalyptic warning: Tesla stock (TSLA) is poised for a 60% crash.

The report, allegedly penned on parchment by a team of analysts wearing high-collared, Victorian-era waistcoats, detailed a complex financial model based primarily on The I Ching, the phases of the moon, and the current level of social media dopamine swirling around CEO Elon Musk.

“Our rigorous discounted cash flow (DCF) analysis suggests that the market has fundamentally mispriced the true value of a company that is simultaneously a car manufacturer, a battery grid operator, an AI/robotics pioneer, and the primary funding mechanism for colonizing Mars,” stated lead analyst, Bartholomew “Barty” Giltedge, who reportedly still uses an abacus for all calculations over $100 million. “Specifically, the stock is currently trading at 800 times future earnings, 400 times past earnings, and approximately 1.5 million times the average analyst’s personal sense of self-worth.”

Elon’s Inevitable Response: The Tweet Heard ‘Round the World

As the financial world convulsed, bracing for a response that could range from a simple ‘u ok hun?’ to an announcement that Tesla would now accept payment in Dogecoin minted on the surface of the Moon, Elon Musk delivered.

At 3:00 AM PST, precisely 48 minutes after Barty Giltedge’s report hit the wire, Musk tweeted a single, cryptic image: a picture of a particularly smug-looking Shiba Inu piloting a Tesla Roadster into orbit. The caption, which instantly became the new gospel for retail investors, read: “JPMorgan is just jealous they didn’t get to name their satellite company ‘Starlink.’ 🚀 LMAO.”

In the subsequent hours, Tesla stock briefly dipped 0.5%, then inexplicably soared 7% after an army of retail traders—affectionately known as the “Musketeers”—interpreted the tweet as a clear signal that the next quarter’s earnings would be entirely denominated in space-based digital assets.

Tesla? You Betcha

So, will Elon Musk “back down” from his current trajectory of pioneering technologies, defying traditional valuation metrics, and occasionally causing multi-billion dollar swings with a single emoji?

Market consensus suggests that this is about as likely as a hedge fund manager admitting they were wrong about Gamestop.

“Asking Elon Musk to ‘back down’ is like asking the ocean to stop being wet,” commented Dr. Minerva Quibble, Professor of Technosocial Dynamics at the University of Unquantifiable Metrics. “His valuation model isn’t based on EBITDA; it’s based on sheer, unadulterated narrative momentum and the future utility of memes. JPMorgan is operating in 3D chess, but Elon is playing 5D quantum Go Fish.”

Meanwhile, Barty Giltedge and his team are reportedly updating their model, factoring in the newly discovered variable of “Inu-Astronautical-Market-Sentiment.” Their new price target, subject to change based on the weather in Boca Raton, Florida, is expected sometime next week, provided the abacus doesn’t run out of beads.

Who could have possibly foreseen this?

It’s almost as if we don’t have the infrastructure to make everything powered by neural networks. It’s almost like the companies that have been investing over $600 billion dollars in data centers failed to consider the time and resources required to overhaul civilisation. It’s almost as if this whole AI thing is all hype and no bite…

As Bloomberg explains, the main pinchpoint is electrical components. Things like transformers, switchgears, batteries. China’s increased its output but its not nearly enough to meet the demands.

Before 2020 delivery of transformers took 24 to 30 months, now it takes up to five years. That’s err, that’s too long.

I’m also slightly confused because can’t the transformers just go into plane mode and fly over here and that would be quicker, right?

And of course we’re not even talking about Iran’s impact on energy and of course we’re not even talking about the massive tariffs on China affecting the supply chain here.

So much for the promised new electrical grid that the tech world has been promising. So much for nuclear power. So much for my AI girlfriend, I guess I’ll just have to put her down now…

Guys. I’ve worked it out. I’ve solved the problem guys. It’s so OBVIOUS.

Look, it’s a well known thing now that OpenAI just doesn’t make money and has been struggling to find out how to capitalize off their insanely costly technology.

But guys. That’s the point. They can’t make a profit off ChatGPT because they’re a non-profit. It all makes sense now! They can’t legally make money because they exist for the good of humanity. Of course! It’s so OBVIOUS now! Those defense contracts were a charitable endeavor!

Wait, what’s that? OpenAI is still technically a non-profit but it’s a shell company that manages a for-profit company within that non-profit? …oh. Well. ok. I mean, that doesn’t sound shady at all…

So what’s the actual headline? Oh yeah. I couldn’t actually find this headline outside of a tweet, but I buy it. AI can’t make money, but people keep spending on it. $121 billion sounds small even.

Does it mean there’s a bubble? Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to pop any time soon nor does it mean that AI has no utility.

I for one use AI to supplement my personal human social relationships.

Will I ever pay for that service? Fuck no.

And that’s part of the problem, right? Everything’s free now so everyone expects everything for free which means no one wants to pay and we need another revenue stream and all anyone’s ever been able to think of is advertising so adverts are literally everywhere now and everything is unusable.

Can’t wait for ChatGPT to go the same way.

Oh the other model is selling data to the advert companies. OpenAI’s doing that too.

OH but there’s a secret third option if you don’t mind going evil and that’s defense contracts. Yeah, if consumers refuse to pay you any money then force them to through taxes and get your friends to agree to funnel that money into your face.

Easy. Peasey.

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Ngl, I just learned what a capex is…

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…get a job at the White House.

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