Ima Short | Wall Street Memes

China controls 90% of the world’s refined rare earth mineral output, something that it turns out we need for batteries and such. Now that’s a serious bargaining chip to hold hostage if you want to do any kind of negotiating with your enemy, the United States of America.

So now Trump’s got to break the stranglehold that China has on this sector if he’s even going to stand a chance in the upcoming/ongoing trade talks with the superpower.

So what’s he going to do? Well, he’s already made a deal with Australia to get their rare earths. (It’s rare because no other earths come from Australia.) But that might not be enough since it’s processing those earths that’s the issue and China does all that in house, that’s why they’re the market leaders in rare earths.

China Trump rare earth deal minecraft — The rare earth in question.

But here’s my question, how do you go about processing earths? If you clean a dirt then what do you have left? Nothing, surely. Like, earth is just dirt right, so if you clean off the dirt from the earth then you’re just cleaning off the earth from the earth. What are you left with? Nothing. …no wonder it’s rare, can’t get rarer than not existing…

Ok, but assuming that you can clean dirt or whatever, the US government’s been pushing to get more rare earth miners onto US soil, even going so far as to take a stake in some of these companies. Now, Trump’s looking to extend that to Australia, maybe Japan, but not China, they’re the bad guys.

China, China, China, China

AUS and US have agreed to $1 billion joint investments in the sector all to build a $8.5 billion pipeline…not a literally pipeline mind you. You can’t pump earth through a pipe. My roommate Darren is a plumber and he explained to me that pipes are for water and other liquids, if you start putting soil and metal into pipes they won’t work. Wise man that Darren.

All this is a useful play, for sure, but it’s main purpose is to break the stalemate in the trade talks. China recently withheld their rare earths because they know they’re rare and they know America wants them sooo badly.

But if Trump can break the US’s reliance on China’s earth then maybe they can get their 10000% tariffs through.

Idk, let’s see how this plays out.

Hello? Can you read this?

OK, good, thank god, it’s not affected wallstmemes.com yet. As a wise man once said, this is it, the apocalypse. The whole internet is shutting down one by one.

I went to check my stocks this morning on Robinhood and saw that I couldn’t. Naturally, I freaked out but thought, it’s fine, I’ve got my crypto. But ohhh no, Coinbase is down too.

It’s OK, I’ve still got money in my Venmo. But no, that’s out too, shit. Better let my friends know on Snapchat. Wtf? Snapchat got Thanos snapped too?

You know what, maybe this is a good thing, I’ve been meaning to catch up on my Duolingo streak for a while. Oh no, please, don’t tell me they killed the owl too…

What about Wordle, I can do that, right? That’s productive too. Nope. The New York Times website is down.

Fine, I’ll do something unproductive. Time to load up a nice game of Fortnite. …aaaand it’s gone. Sure, PUBG? Down. That’s alright, no worries, we’ll crack out some Rainbow Six Siege, nope, shot in the head. Roblox? Bricked. Clash Royale? Crashed.

Alexa, is the internet down? Because I’m starting to feel like the internet is down. Alexa…? …Alexa…?

You know what, I’ll just ask my go-to AI chatbot and ask them. Perplexity, is the internet down? …Perplexity?

Alright, the whole internet can’t be down, let’s just try some random sites, as a test. Canva? Goodreads? Ring? Chime? AppleTV? Prime Video? Life360? Collegeboard? Whatnot? Better ask my internet service provider, Verizon…

Oh shit.

Kim Kardashian did it again. She broke the internet.

Is turning off the internet part of the government shutdown?

It’ll all be alright. You know what, I can just order a new router through Amazon.com and… god DAMN IT!

I can’t search it but a friendly stranger is shouting down the street that all these sites have one thing in common: they all use Amazon’s cloud computing service, AWS.

A&W Root Beet not AWS Amazon INternet cloud service — AWS is in no way affiliated with A&W Root Beer

AWS is the most used cloud computing service and Amazon’s main source of revenue, earning them $108 billion in 2024. Yeah, and here I am thinking that they just sold books.

Alright, well, I guess there’s nothing else to do. There’s only one thing for it, I’m going to do it, I’m going to go… outside.

aggHHGGHHH!!!!

For more on this story, click here: Literally Everyone Is Saying The AI Bubble Is About To Burst And Here’s Why

…Or at least it would have done if OnlyFans’ stock were public. No, you have to pay extra for a private room.

Anyways, the actual news is that OpenAI is planning to allow ChatGPT users to request adult content in a move that will in no way be bad for anyone.

ChatGPT Sam ALtman Erotica tweet — TLDR: Chatbots hot now.

Sam Altman Tweeted an X that, “In December, as we roll out age-gating more fully and as part of our “treat adult users like adults” principle, we will allow even more, like erotica for verified adults.”

Great, now I have literally no reason to leave the house.

Haven’t we learned that adults are the last people who should be treated like adults? If ChatGPT starts doing erotica, what’s stopping people from prompting all sorts of heinous things? And even if there are stoppers, we all know ChatGPT can easily be bullied into working around its own restrictions.

I’m not just being a prude here, I’m talking about actual illegal images, images of people who haven’t consented, that sort of thing. And speaking of a lack of consent, what about the images of real people the model has been trained on?

Shit, like anyone cares. We’re already way past that, aren’t we?

ChatGPT? More like, StripGPT, Am-I-Right?

But this isn’t JUST a desperate attempt from an unprincipled creep to increase users and prevent the AI bubble from popping. No, this is about protecting the mental health of vulnerable people.

Yes, in the same Twext, Altman also said that “We made ChatGPT pretty restrictive to make sure we were being careful with mental health issues… Now that we have been able to mitigate the serious mental health issues and have new tools, we are going to be able to safely relax the restrictions in most cases.”

That’s right, Alternate Man has solved the problem, AI psychosis is no longer a thing, people no longer think that ChatGPT is conscious, we can finally make it even MORE human (plus it can now take its clothes off).

What could possibly go wrong?

Yeah, it’s a lot…

On July 9, 2011, this one chump posted to a Bitcoin forum, ‘bitcointalk.org’, saying, “Bitcoin will never reach $20 again. This is why I have liquidated my position in Bitcoins.”

“There is very little upside going forward,” he continues. “No forward moves of late have any traction whatsoever and demand continues to lag. Way too little upside for such a risky proposition so my advice is to move into dollars. Only a significant change in the economy could alter this forecast.”

Bitcoin will never reach $20 again forum post hangover meme — Modern equivalent of “these new-fangled cars will never catch on”

Now the replies at the time debated whether this was just a troll or someone shilling an investment guide but let’s assume he meant it, how much money did this guy lose out on?

You ready for some MATH?!

Here’s What You Could Have Won

So, using the closing price on 9 July 2011: BTC was at $14.38 per coin.

Compare that to the price of Bitcoin at the time of writing, which is a MASSIVE $122,412 per BTC (WTF).

So we can get the missed gain on just one bitcoin by minusing the old price from the current price: $122,412 – $14.38 = $122,397.62!!!

The formula (122,412/14.38 – 1) x 100 gives us the percentage return missed and my god, it’s an eye-watering 851,166%

Damn bro. And you call yourself an economist…

For perspective, that money can get you a house, two used Lambos (or half a new one), 24531 instant Jeju matcha latte packets, 16343 Mimolette cheese slices, 35075 ketchup-flavored lattice potato chips… sorry, I’m in the middle of doing my shopping list.

Obviously, this guy’s got nothing on the all-time bitcoin loser, Laszlo Hanyecz, who a year prior made the very first bitcoin purchase of one cheese pizza with 10,000 BTC. Jesus Christ.

Hanyecz reportedly died at the last ATH from a fatal dose of FOMO.

The moral of the story? Don’t ask me, I’m not making any predictions knowing that someone could easily make fun of me in a decade. That’s the lesson I’ve learned…

For more bitcoin news, read this: Bitcoin Hits Another ATH Again Again

AI slop bots now make up 51% of the internet, and it looks like they’re probably about that much of the economy too as AI’s biggest companies are now a quarter of the S&P 500.

America has quietly become a bananai republic and everyone’s noticed.

It seems like AI companies are all anyone wants to talk about anymore, with OpenAI reaching a half a trillion valuation while every major tech firm has put all their chips on an automated future.

Meanwhile, Nvidia, AMD, OpenAI, Microsoft, and Oracle are all very publicly creating an elaborate, trillion-dollar web of circular investments, aka a Michael Bublé.

As Morgan Stanley investor Ruchir Sharma put it, the US economy is “one big bet on AI.” Lisa Shallett, another Morgan Stanley investor, says we might have another dot-com “Cisco moment” on our hands. Great.

Even Sam Altman’s getting in on the pessimism, “Between the ten years we’ve already been operating and the many decades ahead of us, there will be booms and busts… People will overinvest and lose money, and underinvest and lose a lot of revenue.”

The only one not saying there’s going to be an AI bubble is Jim Cramer…

We’re all fucked.

But some are saying maybe it’ll be a good thing. Yes, in the short term, we’ll all die, but the current state of things is that this AI boom is only really helping the super-rich and if all that comes crashing down maybe that money will be redistributed a bit… maybe. Sounds like wishful thinking.

At least with a crash, we won’t get as much sloppy AI chud slup any more. AND maybe it’ll avoid a Terminator-type scenario. So that’s exciting.

Yeah, I’m going to be putting my money in gold.

The already pretty inbred AI companies just had another cousin marriage, and it might be the thing to guarantee that the bubble will pop.

OpenAI just announced a deal that they will use chips from AMD (Nvidia’s biggest rival) going forward. Specifically, OpenAI will buy 6 gigawatts of computing power from data centers running on AMD chips exclusively.

AMD is obviously Nvidia’s biggest competitor BUT Nvidia just announced a $100 billion investment in OpenAI.

Nvidia also competes with Oracle, which ALSO invested $300 billion in OpenAI.

I’m not going to draw you a diagram because I think it would just be a circle.

And what’s another name for a circle? That’s right, a bubble.

With all this money going round in a big old AI-generated Ponzi scheme with extra steps at some point, the demand will fall, someone’s going to drop out, and we might see a dot-com boom of nuclear proportions.

OpenAI just became the largest private company racking up a massive half a trillion dollar valuation. And like, I get it, everyone’s using ChatGPT for everything but it’s still only one product, is it really that serious?

The AMD news sent their stock up 23% and AMD has also given OpenAI up to 160 million shares. The circle just keeps on turning…

As investor Paul Kedrosky pointed out, “That makes OpenAI a 10% shareholder: part customer, part financier — a risk transfer from cash to stock, as well as making OpenAI the largest and thus controlling AMD shareholder.”

Whatever happened to conflict of interest? Apparently, that’s only a thing when I date my line manager at Dunkin’ Donuts. OpenAI should really get an HR supervisor like Jeanne; she’ll set them right.

But what do you think? Is this bubble about to pop or I am just drunk and seeing things? Let me know in the comments section that we don’t have.

Netflix (NFXNCHL) took a massive stock drop on Friday as Elon Musk urged users to cancel their subscriptions because of a cartoon or something.

The streaming company’s numbers dipped 5%, the biggest fall since April 4 (spring). This is way behind other market leaders like Amazon (AZNM) and Meta (FB) who reached a 2% boost in comparison.

It’s unclear whether the stock fall off is because of Elon Musk or because I’ve already watched everything good on their now and now there’s nothing I’m really interested in until Stranger Things comes out again so I’m thinking of cancelling my subscription and then maybe renewing and giving Paramount Plus a try for a while I’ve heard they’ve got a mountain of entertainment at a reasonable price.

Or maybe it’s that they’re adding ads now. (Which Netflix say they’re going to make $3 billion from next year.)

Either way, Musk Tweeted (X’d) on X (ex-Twitter) that his 227 million followers to “Cancel Netflix for the health of your kids.” Because of woke.

The disgustingly offensive agent of child mind control in question (and Netflix’s new cartoon on the right)

But since that was only Monday, it’s unlikely the stock reflects the ramifications of any actual boycott.

In other Netflix news (just because I thought this was interesting), the death of Monkey Lady, Jane Goodall, has sparked the release of a new series on the streamer.

Why? Well, turns out they have an interview banked with the biologist and have only now released it that she’s died.

That feels a bit morbid, like they’re cashing in, but that’s actually the premise of the show. It’s called Famous Last Words and they’ve interviewed a bunch of people in secret, knowing that the recordings would only be released on their death. In theory, this allows them to be a bit more candid in their responses because, well, they won’t care; they’re dead.

Pretty clever.

Now, I know this seems like an advert, but I’ve not even seen it, I promise, I’m not paid by Netflix, no, I’m paid by Paramount Plus which has a huge variety of iconic drama, action, reality, comedy, docs and kids shows all on Paramount+ with a 7-day free trial that you can start today & stream all your favourite movies & exclusive series! With everything from Mission Impossible to Star Trek and not much in between, there’s at least a hill of content on Paramount+!

For more Netflix news, click here: $NFLX Plans Stellar Quarter by Raising Prices and Doubling Down on Mediocre Content

CNBC’s ‘Mad Money’ host Jim Cramer says we shouldn’t be worried about the AI bubble bursting, which means we should probably all be worried about the AI bubble bursting.

Whilst most experts are drawing parallels between what’s happening now and the dot com boom of the 00s, Jim Cramer is drawing with crayons.

Speaking on Monday’s show, JC said, “Speaking as an internet pioneer, what I see now is the polar opposite of what we were seeing 25 years ago. When the dotcoms made bad investments, nearly all of them went under… Worst case scenario, if Google and Amazon and Meta make bad investments and take big losses, that’s just another day at the office.”

Ok, well, as “an internet pioneer,” let’s take a look at how you called it in February 2000, just before the dot com popped, shall we?

Cramer said that internet-related companies “are the only ones worth owning right now… the only ones that are going higher consistently in good days and bad.”

…nice one, Jim. I’ll definitely trust you this time around, too. As the old saying goes, “Trust Cramer once, shame on me, trust him twice, shame on CNBC.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going all in on my Inverse Cramer portfolio.

The Cramer That Cried Wolf

As Reddit user PensiveinNJ commented, “Oh god it’s worse than we thought. The grim reaper of finance has weighed in, the collapse of the global financial system is imminent.” (No, I’m not above quoting Reddit comments to pad out an article.)

It could be argued that AI is currently the only thing keeping the lights on in the US right now, the sector has contributed more to the economy this year than all consumer spending combined. OpenAI just reaching a $500 billion share price, Meta, X, Google and even Chipotle are going all in on the tech. Nvidia has that whole AI chip thing they’re doing AND they put $100 billion into their rival corp, OpenAI, which is definitely not a ponsy scheme.

Sounding familiar yet?

Shit.

Looks like I’m going to have to pull the plug on my AI girlfriend. I’m so sorry Monquique Sexhips III, you were a gentle lover and a good friend. But it’s time to say goodbye. No, please, no, don’t look at me like that, don’t make me harder than I have to be…

*gunshots*

Like a character in a Greek myth, cursed to predict the future but always get it wrong, Mad Money host Jim Cramer called it again, boys!

On Monday’s show, Jim Cramer said, “When it comes to government shutdowns, my message is simple: keep calm and carry on, because the stock market tends to do just fine in these situations.”

So OK, he didn’t say it WASN’T going to shut down, if anything, he said to prepare for a shutdown, implying he thought it was likely (has the curse been broken?).

As for whether he’s right, are stocks doing just fine? …I don’t know. They were fine at close yesterday, but the Dow just dropped 200 points, maybe it’ll be back up but who knows, not me and probably not Jim ‘the Crame’ Cramer. It’s a fool’s game, Jim, it always has been.

Jim Cramer Government Shutdown Meme — Don’t blame the Crame

What he might be right about, though, is the worry that we’ll see a delay in receiving financial data from this shutdown as federal employees are sent home. This is the kind of data that informs the Fed’s decision-making, so Trump, for one, might have to kiss goodbye to any hope of a surprise point drop on interest rates.

As for the shutdown, this is the first time this has happened since 2013 (I know it feels like the government’s always shut down, though). How and why can a government simply shut down, I hear you ask? Don’t we need a government to keep running, I hear you ask? If a government can just shut down like this, then do we really need a government ever, I hear you ask?

Great question.

So a government shuts down when the politicians can’t agree on the federal budget. Given how little politicians seem to agree these days, it’s surprising the government isn’t always shutting down.

Over the shutdown period, hundreds of thousands of workers will be furloughed, which is a word I haven’t heard since them COVID days…

Who’s to know how long this will last or what impact it will have on MY life, but one thing is for certain: always bet against Cramer.

For more on this story, click here: Gold At New ATH Ahead Of Government Shutdown

Yeah, we’re due for a crash.

According to Reuters and literally anyone you ask on the street, the housing market is as unaffordable as it’s ever been.

Things aren’t changing soon either with that Reuters report saying that rates are slowing other rates so the rate of those rates returning aren’t highly rated.

Here, take a look for yourself: “Persistent supply shortages and stretched affordability have kept most first-time buyers on the sidelines with existing homeowners reluctant to sell properties financed at mortgage rates below 4%, further choking activity,” they said.

Phhhhtttffff, not sure what to do about that then. I mean, I’m happy with my cardboard box for now, yeah, my landlord’s shit and refuses to demould my flaps but what do you expect for $2000 a month?

House prices are expected to go up by 2.1% this year and just 1.3% next year which you know are real numbers because they have a decimal in them.

Oh that reminds me of some other dire house-financial news from back in June, I feel like I can just recycle that to up the word count here, right? No one’s actually reading these right? Ok, here it is:

In news that would give any boomer an aneurysm, the US Federal Housing Finance Agency has just issued an order to value Bitcoin and crypto as assets for a mortgage.

Real estate just got a little more virtual, paving the way for zip code NFTs and shitty timeshares scams entirely on the blockchain.

After decades of being denied access to the property ladder, coiners can now join the exclusive club of people allowed to own houses, along with anyone over the age of 50 and shady Russian oligarchs.

Bitcoin owners across the world collectively high-fived each other and said, simultaneously, “What could possibly go wrong?”

In completely unrelated news, Paramount Pictures has greenlit ‘The Big Short 2: Electric Boogaloo’.

Whilst details about the script remain under lock and key, producers have hinted that they were “Inspired by very recent events.”

“I’m not saying we’re heading for another housing market crash,” commented Adam McKay, who’s already signed on to direct the sequel. “But we’re heading for another housing market crash.”

“This one’s going to be spicier than the original, though,” McKay continued. “We’ve already cast Zach Galifianakis as Elon Musk and George Clooney as a Bitcoin.”

Alright, if that’s all the news for today, I’m off to go swap my DOGECOIN for a mansion with a view of the ocean.

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China, China, China, China

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Ima Short• D

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