2025 | Wall Street Memes

First Lady and Wife To The President, Melania Trump, has become embroiled in a fraud case against a pump-and-dump scam bearing her name.

Back in April, scammed investors in the $MELANIA and $LIBRA shitcoins filed a lawsuit against Benjamin Chow and Hayden Davis, the men behind the scheme. But now they have filed an updated complaint following new information from a whistleblower.

The documents read, “On Tuesday, the plaintiffs sought the court’s permission to file yet another amended complaint, based on alleged information provided by an anonymous whistleblower. With Chow acting as the “commander,” the pair launched, pumped, and dumped at least 15 crypto coins, the proposed second amended complaint alleges, including $MELANIA.”

“The scheme allegedly inflicted millions of dollars in losses on unwitting investors. Trump, who is not a named defendant in the lawsuit, was used as “window dressing for a crime engineered by Meteora and Kelsier,” the proposed document alleged. The filing further states that the plaintiffs do not allege that Trump or Milei “operated the scheme.”

Milei here refers to Argentine President Javier Milei, who put his name behind the Libra coin as Melania put hers behind $MELANIA by posting about it on X in January. After her promotion, the coin jumped to $12.95. It’s now worth 10 cents per coin. Nice job, grifters.

And look, game recognise game. As the lowlife masterminds behind the Wall Street Memes Token ($WSM), Snorter ($SNORT), Maxidoge ($MAXI), Sponge ($SPONGE), Sloth ($SLOTHANA), BTC Bull ($BTCBULL), T6900 ($TOKEN 6900), Wall Street Pepe ($WEPE), PepeNode ($PEPENODE), Solaxy ($SOLX), the Best Wallet Token ($BEST), and probably loads of other shitcoins I don’t even know about (honestly, we seem to make like a new one every week), we know a THING OR TWO about pump and dump scams.

Are we getting sued for fraud? No. But Melania gets it in the neck. Honestly, it’s a double standard. We should leave rich, famous, powerful people alone and start going after the little guy, like us.

We’re only halfway through Trump’s second term and two-ish years out from the next presidential race, but still, everyone’s asking everyone and confirming or denying or maybe-ing if they’re going to run when really half of them shouldn’t be doing any of that.

There’s been a lot of updates on this in the last week for some reason, so let’s look at the BOTTOM five candidates who have said that they’d run next election, ranked by how much they really, really shouldn’t run. Please god don’t run.

5. Gavin Newsom

Hey look, you win some, you Newsom, and Gavin would definitely lose some. Just last week the California Governor confirmed to CBS News that he had given “serious thought” to a Presidential Run but that he’d see how next year’s midterm elections go.

Democrat Presidential 2028 Polling Graph

But Gav, I don’t think you need to wait. You might be the top choice among Democrats, but you are still deeply unpopular with half of the country, sir. Trump has long branded you enemy number one, and winning any Republican over would be a massive uphill battle. But then again, maybe they’re not the votes a Democrat would win anyway…

4. Charlie Kirk

The Republican commentator won a massive boost recently, with thousands turning out for rallies in his support and employers swiftly removing anyone who critiqued him. If Kirk can keep this momentum going into ‘28, there’s a chance that… wait, what? No, I don’t know why he’s become famous lately… he’s dead? Oh, shit, ok, my bad, scrub this one from the list. In fact, you know what, a dead person is still a better option than the next two.

3. Kamala Harris

Just yesterday, the former Vice President said “I am not done” in an interview with the BBC, firmly not ruling out that she’d run again but also not confirming it. The interviewer then pointed out that her odds were behind Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

Savage.

But she’s not wrong. Kamala. Please, you lost. It’s over. ‘You didn’t do it, Joe.’ You had your unfair shake at the stick. The American public’s confidence in you has been shot to pieces. Please, for the sake of all our attention spans, do what Joe Biden didn’t and step aside for someone else.

2. Joe Biden

Oh, can you imagine…?

…NOOOOO! GOD. NO. GOD. PLEASE. NO. NO! NO! NOOOOOO!!!

An Honorable Mention: The Presidential Also-Rans

Shout out to those who didn’t make this list because they have a better shot than the bottom of this barrel:

AOC. MechaHitler (AKA Grok). JD Vance. Me. Pete Buttigieg. Zohran Mamdani (he’s busy tho). Ted Cruz. A rotten potato. Donald Trump Jr. (AKA ‘Backup Trump’). Justin Trudeau. Mike Pence (who?). And Tim Walz (who?).

Republican Presidential 2028 Polling Graph

But the number one spot for the worst possible option to run for president in 2028 is…

1. Donald Trump!

Trump recently told reporters on Air Force One that the idea of running as Vice President, then slipping into the Presidential chair to circumvent the Constitution was, “too cute.”

Great! That’s great news, right? …but he did say, he’d ‘love to run’ for a third term. Oh, yes, of course, I forgot: why on earth would you bend the rules when you can just break them instead?

Shit. It’s going to be him again, isn’t it?

Big W for the convicted Binance creator Changpeng Zhao (AKA CZ, BI-Guy, or Peng-Boy as I like to call him), as he has just been pardoned. Congrats, mate, we all knew you could do it.

In a statement, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said Trump had “exercised his constitutional authority by issuing a pardon for Mr. Zhao, who was prosecuted by the Biden Administration in their war on cryptocurrency.”

Ahh, ok, right, so this is just a political thing. This is Trump trying to score points against Biden and win favor with the crypto bros (big voting bloc).

Zhao previously bribed away the previous administration previously with $4.3 billion dollars in money and then went to prison anyway. He’s out of prison now btw, he only served for four months, but still.

But Zhao might now be able to return to the world’s largest crypto exchange, the company he helped found in 2017. I mean, if they’ll have him, of course.

Binance, Get It? Like Finance, But Bitcoin? …It’s Very Clever

Trump seems to be a big fan of white collar criminals as he’s pardoned a bunch recently, including the money launderers and founders of crypto exchange BitMEX, and also the fraudster who founded EV truck company Nikola. He also commuted the sentence of the Ozy Media executive, whom I assumed committed a crime too but I cba to read what it was.

THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY, and THAT means I don’t have to hit my word count on this one, so neeeh. Bite me.

For more crypto garbage, read this: If You Can Read This, You Might Have Brain Rot

President Donald Trump has announced new sanctions on two of Russia’s biggest oil companies after talks were recently delayed. The news caused a massive price hike in oil, surely a big nuisance to fans of cars, plastics, and well-lubricated bicycle chains.

The sanctioned companies are called Rosneft and Lukoil. Not sure that’s useful information, but it’s there, so do with that what you will.

The EU and UK have followed this with similar sanctions, which is nothing new, but Trump’s position seems to be a reversal of his somewhat Russia-friendly policy that he’s previously had had. Had had? No, that can’t be right… that he previously have had had… shut up, whatever.

The move is sure to delight Vladimir Putin, no, Vladimir Zelekinsky, sorry, I always get those two mixed up. Yeah, the Ukrainian PM has been gunning for this kind of a sanction for months. But like, does he not use oil?

Hardest hit by this news will be the largest single user of oil in the US: Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs.

Baby oil is reportedly hit as well by the sanctions as Russia is also one of the largest exporter of babies. Diddy has reportedly cancelled all 14 of his upcoming freak offs due to the sanctions and also because he’s in prison but mostly because of a the sanctions.

“I just can’t afford it anymore. What was Trump thinking?” Diddy said in a note snuck out to us from prison. “He’s certainly lost my vote.”

I’ll tell you what he was thinking Diddler: he was thinking about the children. He was thinking about you, he was thinking about me, he was thinking about a world without war, a world where everyone lives in peace, and Trump has a World Peace Prize for his efforts. Isn’t that a world that YOU want to live in? Isn’t a slightly more expensive tank of gas not worth it?

Yeah. You think of that next time you look in the mirror, you selfish ass.

NBA stars Chauncy Billups, Terry Rozier and Damon Jones are among those arrested for alleged game fixing. Meanwhile, a separate but somehow related case has nabbed 31 mafia members for the lame crime of rigging poker games and not something cool like murder or something.

As FBI Director Kash Patel explained, “This is an illegal gambling operation and sports rigging operation that spanned the course of years. The FBI led a coordinated takedown across 11 states to arrest over 30 individuals today.”

According to Patel, the operation spanned years and went all the way to the top of the Casa Nostra, involving the Genovese, Lucchese, Banana, Childish Gambino, Fetachini, and Soprano families. AKA the 5.6 families.

Those arrested include Portland Trail Blazers coach Chauncey Billups, Miami Heat player Terry Rozier, former Miami Heat, Milwaukee Bucks and Cleveland Cavaliers player Damon Jones, and former NBA player Bugs Bunny, who was detained for the unrelated charge of illegal duck hunting.

Officials began investigating unusual betting surrounding Rozier in 2023, wondering if he had manipulated his performance and faked an injury during a game or if he genuinely did come down with a sudden case of “fake-disease-itis”.

Allegedly, between 2022 and 2024, the defendants conducted fraudulent bets worth hundreds of thousands of dollars based on insider information about the NBA games. The criminals then laundered their money with bank wires, crypto, and just good old-fashioned detergent, so add all that to the list of crimes as well.

By the way, have you seen Uncut Gems? Man, I love that movie. Not that that’s related to anything. Anyways…

Separately (I think), Billups and Jones were used as famous faces to bait wealthy individuals into rigged poker games, fleecing hundreds of thousands of dollars from the mark per game. The games were fixed with a tampered shuffling machine, special contact lenses and an X-ray table, what? What even is that?

Fine, I take it back, maybe this poker rigging isn’t so lame after all.

Oh my god and to top all this off the FBI called the investigation ‘Operation Royal Flush’, yeah, we’re going to see a Netflix movie on this in a couple years, no doubt about it.

Ok, I have literally zero related sports articles on this site so best I can do is this: Any Sort Of Bowl, Super Or Otherwise, Fails To Make Appearance For 59th Year Running

President Donald Trump has already started on the demolition of the East Wing of the White House in order to build his $250m ballroom so he can at last have somewhere to dance the YMCA in peace.

It would be the most significant change to the White House since the building was painted white to hide the fire damage in 1814, which didn’t actually happen and is just a myth.

The ballroom will be capable of hosting 650 people for state visits, parties, and will be flooded in the summer to depict naval battles.

Trump Needs His Balls

Demolition began on Monday and is expected to be completed by the weekend, with the whole ballroom planned for completion before Trump’s term ends. That would be nice, it would be really sad if they go through all of this and then he doesn’t get to use it. 🙁

The Society of Architectural Historians claims that “Such a significant change to a historic building of this import should follow a rigorous and deliberate design and review process.” Phhhfff, but what do they know? What are they, some kind of architectural historians? Get out of here.

The Chairman of the National Capital Planning Commission clapped back, saying that “I think any assertion that this commission should have been consulted earlier than it has been, or it will be, is simply false.” Yeah, you tell ‘em.

And also, if you’re worried about this costing taxpayer money, Trump says he’s raised the funds himself from wealthy donors, so you can all just shut up there too.

The West Wing Avoids Destruction, As It Was Already Cancelled In 2006

Trump’s team points out that every President has redecorated the building and put their own stamp on things. Yeah, sure, but we’re talking about a couple new drapes here and there, not demolishing a whole wing of a building. Obama just painted some new lines on the tennis court and hung up a hoop; you’ve ripped down a whole wing, they’re not quite the same.

Trump Oval Office Renovation Comparison — Note, Trump also renovated Zelensky’s wardrobe

The project follows a series of renovations, including paving over the rose garden (the roses are fine, calm down, it was just the lawn), yassifying the decor into Trump’s signature gold and, of course, the latest plan to build the Arc de Trump just over the river.

The ballroom, of course, is just phase one. After the East Wing is converted, Trump reportedly plans to demolish the West Wing, the North Wing, the South Wing, and then the Middle Wing and rebuild them again in exactly the same way but made entirely of gold.

Elon Musk, the world’s most rich man by volume, just gate-crashed his own earnings call to beg shareholders to vote in favor of his controversial $1 trillion pay package. Come on, a guy’s got to eat.

Musk interrupted his CFO at the end of the 75-minute call to say, “I just think that there needs to be enough voting control to give a strong influence, but not, not so much that I can’t be fired if I go insane.”

Wait, why… why would ‘going insane’ even be on the cards, Elon? I never thought you’d go insane. Why did you bring that up? I’m definitely worried that’s now an option, ELON.

Weirdly, that’s almost exactly what he said back in August when he weaselled himself a $30 billion pay bump, “I think my control over Tesla should be enough to ensure that it goes in a good direction, but not so much control that I can’t be thrown out if I go crazy.” We get it, you could go cray-cray, please stop saying it.

Well, If You Musk Ask… ELON musg thad is.

But other than that, I feel this is a weirdly measured response which basically boils down to ‘I need more power, please.’

Elon carried on, “I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis who have no freaking clue.” Jesus, no one’s asking you to build a robot army. I think you might have already gone insane, sir.

Look, a big fat trilly sounds insane for the man who’s already worth more than the entire GDP of his home South Africa, BUT, as a spokesperson put it, “The proposed pay package is actually worth zero to our CEO unless and until the shareholders see the value of the company nearly double and an operational milestone is met.”

Basically, look at this graph:

It’s not money for nothing; Musk would have to see a massive turnaround in the EV maker’s fortunes if he’s to get even close to that trillion number. But he’s got to have incentives and what could possibly incentivise a man who’s worth 489.6 billion USD?

I’m sure you’re job is the same, I just know that you wouldn’t get out of bed if you weren’t dangled a massive bonus of double your current earnings ON TOP OF your current pay. What, you work to the best of your ability and still only get paid your normal rate? Well, shit, sorry mate, maybe you should have thought about that before you became poor.

Elon might have an uphill battle for the monies, considering Tesla’s been in a rut lately. Yes, they had a record quarterly revenue from buyers trying to cash in their expiring tax credits, BUT profits dropped 37%. The company continues to face threats from all sides: the US government, Chinese competition, and this random bill for one trillion dollars that no one can seem to explain…

China controls 90% of the world’s refined rare earth mineral output, something that it turns out we need for batteries and such. Now that’s a serious bargaining chip to hold hostage if you want to do any kind of negotiating with your enemy, the United States of America.

So now Trump’s got to break the stranglehold that China has on this sector if he’s even going to stand a chance in the upcoming/ongoing trade talks with the superpower.

So what’s he going to do? Well, he’s already made a deal with Australia to get their rare earths. (It’s rare because no other earths come from Australia.) But that might not be enough since it’s processing those earths that’s the issue and China does all that in house, that’s why they’re the market leaders in rare earths.

China Trump rare earth deal minecraft — The rare earth in question.

But here’s my question, how do you go about processing earths? If you clean a dirt then what do you have left? Nothing, surely. Like, earth is just dirt right, so if you clean off the dirt from the earth then you’re just cleaning off the earth from the earth. What are you left with? Nothing. …no wonder it’s rare, can’t get rarer than not existing…

Ok, but assuming that you can clean dirt or whatever, the US government’s been pushing to get more rare earth miners onto US soil, even going so far as to take a stake in some of these companies. Now, Trump’s looking to extend that to Australia, maybe Japan, but not China, they’re the bad guys.

China, China, China, China

AUS and US have agreed to $1 billion joint investments in the sector all to build a $8.5 billion pipeline…not a literally pipeline mind you. You can’t pump earth through a pipe. My roommate Darren is a plumber and he explained to me that pipes are for water and other liquids, if you start putting soil and metal into pipes they won’t work. Wise man that Darren.

All this is a useful play, for sure, but it’s main purpose is to break the stalemate in the trade talks. China recently withheld their rare earths because they know they’re rare and they know America wants them sooo badly.

But if Trump can break the US’s reliance on China’s earth then maybe they can get their 10000% tariffs through.

Idk, let’s see how this plays out.

Bing, Yahoo, the US Government, a good encyclopedia, so many have tried to break Google’s near-total monopoly on searching for information that I think we all just imagined typing in what we were looking for, clicking a link, and calling that a ‘google’ would just always be how we connected with reality.

But just building an identical search engine was never going to take on the goog. No, we needed to rethink everything, not just offer a slightly different search, but change the way we think about retrieving information altogether.

And you know the next part of the story: AI.

Yeah, turns out people like talking to something to get their information, you know, like we’ve evolved to do for millions of years.

Google Shmoogle

ChatGPT’s long been coming for Google’s lunch, and now they’ve really stepped onto their turf with the launch of the shitily-named OpenAI’s ChatGPT Atlas. Don’t worry, I’m sure we won’t shorten it to Atlas, which would make sense, no, we’ll keep calling it ChatGPT forever.

It’s currently only available on Mac (because of course it is) and replaces regular web browsing with an AI-enhanced search. Yay…

Now no one can make fun of grandma for googling, “Excuse me, Mr. Google, but please do you happen to know what the capital of Gibraltar is? And if so, please could you tell me the answer?” rather than just, “Gibraltar capital.”

OpenAI's ChatGPT Google Rival, Atlas — Great, but does it have a little animated logo for when the Olympic Games come around?

Atlas has come about because the non-profit OpenAI has only now realised that they need to make money. Funny that. So the idea is that brands will pay OpenAI to have their products listed higher than others. Oh, I’m sorry, did you want reliable information? Phhf, gtfo.

It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for ‘em

Google is still king with the most popular web browser in the world, Chrome. Microsoft Edge is the default on all Windows computers, and here’s the crucial thing. Both browsers are already offering their own AI search options, basically the same product ChatGPT just launched, but with more core users.

And here I am, writing this in a Google doc, Google News opened in another tab, running in Chrome, all on my Chromebook. So yeah, un-monopolising this monopoly will be an uphill battle for sure.

Who knows, maybe someday OpenAI or someone else will dethrone the king, but whatever happens, whether we’re searching with ChatGPT, Bing, or Ask Jeeves, I think we’ll always call it a ‘google’.

At 9:30 in the morning, four masked intruders climbed a ladder, broke intruder window, and stole over $102 million worth of jewels from the Louvre museum in Paris, all in under eight minutes… and they didn’t even pay for any of it.

Yes, this is the Louvre jewelry heist, the biggest heist in France since Nicolas Sarkozy heisted dirty Libyan money for his presidential campaign.

But how does it compare to previous heists in the world? Let’s take a look at the top ten museum heists ranked by how cool they were (plus some random means because why not?):

10. The Louvre Jewelry Heist That Just Happened

We’re starting with the most recent one in which priceless crown jewels, including ones owned by THE Napoleon were stolen. The jewels will likely be removed and the metal melted down, basically for the scrap value alone. Not cool.

9. Ocean’s 8

Obviously, the Ocean movies have to make an appearance on this list and I’m NOT talking about Finding Nemo here. The eighth entry into the series is maybe the worst, but not because it has women in. I am not a misogynist. No, this movie sucks because the plot sucks. There literally isn’t a clever heist in here, no clever twist; they just take the necklace. It sucks.

8. The Heist of Jacob de Gheyn III

Yeah, I’d never heard of it either, but apparently this is one of the most stolen paintings in the world, having been stolen in 1966, 1973, 1981 AND 1982 wtf guys, literally just put it somewhere else.

7. Ocean’s 13

The second worst Oceans film is the third in the original trigonal. I literally don’t remember the plot of this one. Forgettable. Not as good. 2/5.

6. The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum Heist, Boston in 1990

Probably the biggest art heist in American history and still unsolved. 13 priceless works were nabbed by two men disguised as police officers in the early morning. They tied up the security guards and made away with half a billion dollars worth of merch. You know, movie shit.

5. Ocean’s 12

Speaking of movies, it doesn’t beat the original, but it’s better than the other two. Ocean’s 12 is a fun return to the series and I think this is the one where Julia Roberts plays Not Julia Roberts and everyone hated that plot point but I thought it was really funny.

4. Van Gogh Museum Heist, Amsterdam

This one is SUSPICIOUSLY similar to the Louvre heist that just happened. It also involved a ladder and breaking in with sledgehammers so idk, maybe the same guys? The paintings were only recovered from the Naples mafia 14 years later. Crazy.

3. This one time I forgot my wallet but I needed milk and so I just put some in my coat pocket and walked out of the store and no one even stopped me.

Ngl, it was pretty slick. Felt like I was in Finding Nemo and everything.

2. The Mona Lisa Heist, the Louvre (again, lol)

Literally the reason that the Mona Lisa is famous. It got stolen the Lovre by an Italian employee who thought the painting belonged in Italy. Fair point. The painting was only recovered years later but by that point it was too late, they’d already made mugs and t-shirts and everything.

1. Ocean’s 11

The OG, the GOAT, the HTMI cable, Ocean’s 11 is actually a remake, not a lot of people know that, but it’ll always be the original in my heart. Maybe the coolest heist out there so I think it trumps all the real ones imo.

But what do you think? Let me know in the comment section we don’t have below.

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5. Gavin Newsom

4. Charlie Kirk

3. Kamala Harris

2. Joe Biden

An Honorable Mention: The Presidential Also-Rans

1. Donald Trump!

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