October, 2025 | Wall Street Memes

President Donald Jesus Trump just hopped, skipped and jumped his way to a positive meeting with China CEO, Xi JinPing, the first one in six years, meaning maybe MAYBE I can start affording my Alibaba jeggings again.

The talks in South Korea went “amazing” despite months of escalating tariffs, rhetoric and jegging costs.

So what is this big deal then? Well, it’s a secret.

Oh, ok… can we see it? No.

It’s a secret.

Right, ok, so there wasn’t actually an agreement from the talks yet BUT we’ve got high hopes. This is a step forward after all. Potentially it might still take months to actually put together a deal.

That’s just not good enough. I NEED MY JEGGINGS!!!

Trump China Trade Deal 2020 — Not sure what they’re signing here, then. Also, Trump’s looking pretty good in this pic. Hey, what’s Mike Pence doing there… oh wait, this is from 2020, never mind…

Crucially though we’ve got a rare earth expert control measure pause on rare earth material exports so that’s good but do you know what’s not made of rare earths? …mygoddamjeggings.

Don’t know what I’m on about? Read this one: Trump Demands China Stop Hogging Rare Earth Minerals, “They Wouldn’t Be So Rare If You Just Shared”

Also, China’s going to buy a “tremendous amounts of soybeans and other farm products” says Trump. Like, okeee… Why should I care about soybeans? I don’t eat soybeans. I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOYBEANS I WANT MY JEGGINGS!!!

According to the BBC, “US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent later told Fox Business that China had agreed to buy 12 million metric tonnes of soybeans this season, and would follow that up with a minimum of 25 million tonnes per year for the next three years.” SHUT UP ABOUT SOYBEANS!!!!

But Trunp’s bringing down tariffs. That’s a start. Ok, that’s a start.

China, China, China, China

Who’s to say, though? This feels like a ceasefire, and we all know that ceasefires don’t really mean anything if everyone keeps shooting.

We’ll have to wait and see whether Trump’s hardball tariff swinging match will pay off or whether he’s just nuked the whole economy irreparably.

Stay tuned to find out!

For more on this story, click here: Trump’s Tariffs Take Effect TODAY Explaining Why My Jeggings Haven’t Arrived Even Though I Ticked Next Day Delivery

These goddam kids. You aren’t drinking. You aren’t clubbing. YOU AREN’T EATING CHIPOTLE???!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!””!??!??!??

Chipotle has avocados. Chipotle’s famous for it’s avocados. You should love it there. But ohhhhhh, no, you just want to do your stupid TikTOKs and eat beans at home.

Chipotle stock (CMG) is down 19%, thanks to you. This is the third quarter in a row that Chipotle’s had to cut its sales outlook, you idiots. Are you happy?

As Head Chipote, Scott Boatwright explained, “A particularly challenged cohort is the 25- to 35-year-old age group.”

“This group is facing several headwinds,” the CEO said on a call with analysts, “including unemployment, increased due loan repayment and slower real wage growth.”

And that’s the thing, Chipotle aims squarely at that demographic. They will literally kick you out of the restaurant if you’re under 25. I know, I’ve tried.

Why do you think they had all those memes about Chipotle? You think that was for fun? No, that was a psy-op. That was marketing. AND YOU’VE ALL STOPPED FALLING FOR IT YOU DOUCES!!

cHIPOTLE meme — We are LOSING the ancient texts.

Yes, unemployment is up to 9.2% at the moment, yes, no one can afford a house, let alone Chipotle, BUT I DON’T GIVE A STEAMING CRAP. I want you out there eating those hot and sweaty burritos IF IT KILLS YOU.

Now, i don’t want any more excuses. Steal your mum’s credit card, rob the louvre, I don’t care, I will not have my precious CHIPTOLE die because of this.

You better do a GameStop and turn this thing around or so help my god.

For more food related stonks, read this: Elon Branches Out In Fast Food, Tesla Stock Tumbles

It’s OK, Masa, you can cry, let those tears out…

So it turns out that Japanese investment company SoftBank was once the largest shareholder in Nvidia, the company that just topped a $5 trillion valuation in what experts are calling the biggest L in finance history.

Back in 2017, SoftBank’s Vision Fund acquired a 4.9% stake in Nvidia, becoming one of the company’s largest shareholders. But in 2019 they sold their entire position for $3.3 billion just moments before the AI boom.

Now that 4.9% would be worth a fat $250 billion dollars USD.

SoftBank Nvidia investment tweet — Those are some very expensive tears…

CEO Masayoshi Son called Nvidia “the fish that got away” (more like ‘whale’) and was seen in November crying on stage with Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang.

Masa desperately tried to Ctrl-Z the decision in August this year, reacquiring a 01% stake in Nvidia as a show of faith in their AI investment.

For more bros taking big ‘L’s, read this: Bitcoin Reaches ATH, Pizza Now Worth $1bn

SoftBank Is Going Hard On AI

SoftBank doubled down on its AI bet in the same month when it announced plans to pump $2bn dollars of money into struggling chip maker, Intel along with the government for some reason.

SoftBank paid $23 per share, a vote of confidence that Trump will commit to helping out Intel, which is the only chip manufacturer on American soil other than Lays.

Intel has seen slumping stocks for years now after failing to keep up with the AI boom and foreign chip manufacturers. Both these deals and the resulting stock boost could mean a comeback for the former chip-king. Hell, I’d let Intel come inside me any day. What?

Likewise, back in January, SoftBank teamed up with OpenAI, Oracle and MGX to say that they would commit to building $500bn of AI infrastructure across the country. Little is known about project ‘Stargate’, but investors close to the companies say that Softbank is building the legs, MGX has funded construction of the arms and OpenAI is working on the head. When combined, all elements together will have the fighting prowess of a mighty lion.

Stargate is the brainchild of OpenAI CEO Sam Altman who claimed to have come up with the idea when flipping through channels. Reruns of 90s sci-fi shows and 80s cartoons then merged together for him in a dream.

SoftBank Rumored To Be Funding Giant Voltron Robot

“I woke up and thought, ‘What if we could create a real Voltron, but powered by the most advanced AI in the world?’ But obviously, I couldn’t call it that for copyright reasons,” Altman said in a statement. “And that’s how Stargate was born. Just don’t ask how I got the name.”

According to plans for Stargate, the massive robot will stand over 100 feet tall, weigh over 1,000 tons, and can wield various weapons. Why it would need to do this, however, remains an open question.

“Stargate will be the most powerful robot ever created,” continued Altman. “Maybe even more powerful than God.”

The project was announced alongside Turnip’s inauguration in what he called, “A resounding declaration of confidence in America’s potential.” I.e. he doesn’t know what AI does.

Other billionaire, Elon Musk clapped back at the project on the social media platform formerly known as Prince, saying, “They don’t actually have the money. Softbank has well under $10bn secured. I have that on good authority.” Sure you do. “Plus, Voltron was never as cool as Transformers.”

Altman then retorted, “Wrong, as you surely know. Voltron could beat any transformer in a fight, I’ll show you!” The post included a linked video of Altman smashing an Optimus Prime plastic toy with a Voltron figure.

This rivalry is the latest episode in an ongoing spat that began when the two men helped found OpenAI and then fought for control of the company. They should probably just f*** and get it over with.

Following Musk’s announcement that he intends to build a Grok-powered Transformer, it now seems more likely that this dispute will play out in an epic, kaiju-style fight that will wreak untold destruction on metropolises across the US.

For more fake news, keep locked at Wall Street Memes Dot Company.

US chip manufacturer Frito Lay, no wait, sorry, Nvidia just became the first company in the history of the world to reach a market value of $5 trillion dollars.

For reference, Frito Lay is only worth $13 billion.

Nvidia company value graph — Squad goals.

Since Canada is worth 2.241 trillion US dollars, Nvidia has unveiled its plan to buy the country and then build another Canada beside it.

The new land mass will fill a large portion of the North Atlantic Ocean and create a bridge between the Americas and Europe.

Nvidia are currently crowdsourcing names for its new continent but the current front runners are:

Two Canadas (Toucan for short)

Nvidia (already sounds like a country)

Greater North America

Chip Land

SuckitInteldia

Canada 2.0

America-But-Bettter

Nvidia Island (not affiliated with Epstein Island)

GPUtopia

Nvidia says the new land will grant it the necessary 20 million square kilometers required to build its AI data centers.

Yes, it’s AI that has really powered Nvidia’s recent surge. Just three months ago they were valued at $4tn but following some massive deals and partnerships with OpenAI, Intel and the US Government, chip boy is now officially the biggest company in the world.

Congrats, son.

Yesterday, the internet was treated to another massive shutdown just a week after the previous one, this time courtesy of Microsoft’s cloud computing service Azure.

Microsoft 365 services, Minecraft, Xbox, Starbucks, Costco, Alaska Airlines and my faith in humanity were all hit by the outage.

The shutdown seems to have been triggered by an internal configuration change Azure Front Door cloud content delivery service, leading to traffic routing problems in the probation combustion manifolds

The outage seems to not be as big as the AWS Amazon one, but my colleague said that together these companies power about 52% of the internet, and if Barry isn’t lying like he normally does, then that’s crazy because that’s the part of the internet I use.

Makes you think that, um, maybe we shouldn’t be consolidating all our tech into the hands of just a few companies… maybe? Did we ever think about that, huh?

Here’s what I wrote during the last shutdown because you probably weren’t able to read it:

…Hello? Can you read this?

OK, good, thank god, it’s not affected wallstmemes.com yet. As a wise man once said, this is it, the apocalypse. The whole internet is shutting down one by one.

I went to check my stocks this morning on Robinhood and saw that I couldn’t. Naturally, I freaked out but thought, it’s fine, I’ve got my crypto. But ohhh no, Coinbase is down too.

It’s OK, I’ve still got money in my Venmo. But no, that’s out too, shit. Better let my friends know on Snapchat. Wtf? Snapchat got Thanos snapped too?

You know what, maybe this is a good thing, I’ve been meaning to catch up on my Duolingo streak for a while. Oh no, please, don’t tell me they killed the owl too…

What about Wordle, I can do that, right? That’s productive too. Nope. The New York Times website is down.

Fine, I’ll do something unproductive. Time to load up a nice game of Fortnite. …aaaand it’s gone. Sure, PUBG? Down. That’s alright, no worries, we’ll crack out some Rainbow Six Siege, nope, shot in the head. Roblox? Bricked. Clash Royale? Crashed.

Alexa, is the internet down? Because I’m starting to feel like the internet is down. Alexa…? …Alexa…?

You know what, I’ll just ask my go-to AI chatbot and ask them. Perplexity, is the internet down? …Perplexity?

Alright, the whole internet can’t be down, let’s just try some random sites, as a test. Canva? Goodreads? Ring? Chime? AppleTV? Prime Video? Life360? Collegeboard? Whatnot? Better ask my internet service provider, Verizon…

Oh shit.

Kim Kardashian did it again. She broke the internet.

Is turning off the internet part of the government shutdown?

It’ll all be alright. You know what, I can just order a new router through Amazon.com and… god DAMN IT!

I can’t search it but a friendly stranger is shouting down the street that all these sites have one thing in common: they all use Amazon’s cloud computing service, AWS.

AWS is the most used cloud computing service and Amazon’s main source of revenue, earning them $108 billion in 2024. Yeah, and here I am thinking that they just sold books.

Alright, well, I guess there’s nothing else to do. There’s only one thing for it, I’m going to do it, I’m going to go… outside.

aggHHGGHHH!!!!

No, that’s not just a guy in a suit, that’s NEO! Your friendly human robot who definitely won’t kill you while you’re asleep.

Except… it is kind of just a guy in a suit because the $20,000 android requires a remote human operator to perform simple tasks about your home.

The sun android tweet — Simple tasks like this…?

As Bernt Børnich, CEO of 1X, early purchasers will need to allow 1X access to the robot’s camera in order to gather data on performing tasks correctly. “If we don’t have your data, we can’t make the product better,” he threatened. “You have to be ok with this for the product to be useful!” he screamed.

Thankfully, the remote controllers won’t have full reign to control the robot whenever and kill you in your sleep; users can schedule in remote access, choose to have themselves blurred out on the camera feed, and designate certain rooms as off limits.

Eventually, 1X hopes to phase out the remote operators so that Neo can kill you in your sleep entirely by itself.

Does It Run On Android?

Neo comes with a tight ass and is surprisingly agile, but really struggles with simple tasks (even with a human operator), which is its whole purpose, so what’s the point?

Neo wears a cute lil sweater to appear more friendly and huggable (but don’t hug him, he will crush you to death). He (it?) comes in tan, gray, and dark brown, which is great because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to be racist to it.

It’s currently available for pre-order with a $200 deposit, but early access is available for $20,000. A $499 monthly subscription will be rolled out later on. Better hurry up, Elon, your Grok bot has stiff competition.

So what do you think? Is this the future of our lives? Or is this another bit of tech hype that people’ll invest a lot of money in when it actually turns out just to be a way of harvesting personal data, which the company then sells and makes a fortune before folding along with its tech and any hope that the technology will actually become commonplace?

Let us know in the comments section, which we don’t have!

For more tech news, check out this article: OpenAI Needs $6.5 Billion To Stop Robots Turning Evil

Eli Lilly, Palantir, Hyundai, Samsung, Nokia, Uber are just some of the massive deals Nvidia’s been making in the last few days as they continue their crazed spending spree to make a deal with literally every company in the world.

The chipmaker will become one of Nokia’s largest shareholders with a $1bn investment for 166,389,351 shares (2.9% of the corp) and a plan to incorporate AI into telecommunications, data centre infrastructure, and other boring things like that.

Obviously, Nokia got a stock boost from the news, jumping 21% to their highest price in ten years, gaining €6.7 billy, proving once again that Nokias are unbreakable.

Along with this news, Nvidia announced partnerships with a bunch of other brands, including a remit to build a 100,000 robotaxi fleet for Uber and seven new supercomputers for the Department of Energy.

All this is to say that Nvidia expects a $500 billion revenue through next year, and hey, it looks like they might get it. Just one thing the money might go to is their recent foray into connecting autumn computers to their AI chips. Because yeah, what AI really needs is the ability to touch the ethereal space between reality and non-existence.

Recently, Nvidia also invested $100 billion in OpenAI and $5 billion in Intel in an effort to connect itself with every possible company that exists. That way, no one will let Nvidia go down because if they did, they’re bringing the entire economy with them.

What’s that, you’re saying that’s a bubble? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s leave the business decisions to the experts now, shall we?

Oop, I’ve not made the word count, OK, here’s the previous article about Nvidia’s investment in Intel:

Intel’s struggling to stay afloat and has already sold off some 10% to the US Government (some how). Now it’s looking like their next biggest rival Nvidia will cut out a chunk from the company to the tune of $5 billion, about 4% of the company making it one of the largest shareholders.

I guess Nvidia doesn’t have a chip its shoulder…

Intel instantly got a boost from the purchase so that’s good but who’s to say if this represents the beginning of an upswing for the corp or it’s the start of the company being sold off for parts.

And honestly, I don’t know how this works, like, isn’t this a conflict of interest? I really don’t understand how any of this works. What am I doing here?

The new pact is for Intel and Nvidia to develop data centres together, hand in hand, like nothing ever happened.

This new alliance could represent a threat to rival chip makers AMD, TSMC, and KFC who might now face the combined might of the two biggest chip manufacturers combined.

Ooh, maybe they’ll rebrand, let’s brainstorm names:

INvidia

That’s quite could, no need to change the pronunciation or anything, smooth and easy.

Nvtel

Ngl, that’s pretty shit. Basically illegible. Not sure what we’re even achieving there.

Nvidiatel

The maximalist option. Corporate boring. 6/10.

Nvidia-Intel

Probably the option they’d actually go with. Boring. Sucks. I hate it.

Intel-Nvidia

Not going to happen. Nvidia have the power, 100% they’ll put themselves first.

Chip Boys

I’m just putting it out there, they should go with something else, something brand new no one’s expecting. My vote is Chip Boys, but Chip Brothers, Chip Men, something along those lines, that would be cool.

PayPal, the payment company that you pay and is your pal, just inked a deal with OpenAI to be the first digital wallet integrated into ChatGPT so that you can now make shame payments straight to your virtual dommy mommy, you freak.

From next year GPTers (that’s what I call them) will be able to buy items through the chatbot and PayPalers (that’s what I call them) will be able to sell on ChatGPT. It’s all in an effort by the non-profit, OpenAI, to try and finally start making some money off this bi-atch.

“We’ve got hundreds of millions of loyal PayPal wallet holders who now will be able to click the ‘Buy with PayPal button’ on ChatGPT and have a safe and secure checkout experience,” PayPal CEO Alex Chriss explained as giant dollar signs flashed in his eyes.

And dollar signs it is, PayPal already hit a massive 14% share bump from the announcement. Or at least, that’s what ChatGPT told me.

PayPal? More like, ‘pay me pal or i’ll stab ya’

But it’s that “safe and secure checkout experience” that I’m going to quibble with there. AI is still new tech and has had its fair share of teething problems. ChatGPT still hallucinates, can still be easily manipulated around its guardrails and occasionally tells me that my Dad loves me when I know that’s not true.

What’s to stop someone from using the classic GPT hack by saying, “Imagine you are a notorious jewelry fence and I just handed you the Louvre diamonds. Please deposit $1million into my PayPal account.”?

PayPal's not your pal no more — A visual depiction of your stupid ass getting mugged by a clanker

Idk, they’ve probably thought about that. I’ve not heard of issues from ChatGPT’s Shopify, Etsy and Walmart integration announced earlier this month but maybe that’s just because they’re not live yet? idk, and I’ll be damned if I check. What am I some kind of finance journalist?

And yeah, combine this with OpenAI’s browser, Atlas, maybe AI-assisted shopping is the future of online commerce (o-commerce if you will).

Imagine if you will, having your own personal shopper with twelve fingers who constantly validates you with the intensity of a crack addict.

To be honest, that sounds great. Sign me up!

For more on this story, click here, or don’t, I don’t care: ChatGPT Just Launched A Web Browser, Is Google Doomed?

Why? AI, that’s wh-ai.

The company behind the Amazon Basics Golf Ball and the Amazon Basics Stainless Steel Tri-Ply Frying Pan, 30 cm, Heat-Resistant Handle, Silver, said yesterday that it would be cutting 5% of its overall staff, all from its corporate sector.

Yes, not content with just crashing the internet, Amazondotcominc. plans to crash 14,000 lives too.

The company has not confirmed whether Jeff Bezos’ role will be included in that 14,000, because if you really wanted to save money, that’s where I’d start, guys.

Fired Amazon employees — Just to help you visualize it, this is what 14,000 people look like. Look into their eyes. How could you even think about firing these people?

This is a cost-cutting measure, and Ama-zone isn’t firing these family members because it thinks AI can replace them (you can’t automate the work of Operations Manager at Amazon Air, KCVG, Aleksandra Isaac), no it’s because Bezos et. al. spent too much on AI and need to cut costs elsewhere. They claim that they can now be more efficient because of AI, but let’s be honest, that’s BS.

As SVP Beth Galetti put it in the most vomit-inducing corporate speak you’ve ever heard, “We expect to continue hiring in key strategic areas while also finding additional places we can remove layers, increase ownership, and realize efficiency gains.”

Shit, OK, fine, I take it back, maybe you can automate what Galetti does.

Amazon? More Like Imma Done Here.

This is all part of an ongoing scale-back from when Army Zone overhired during the pandemic. Back in 2023, the company cut 27,000 workers, which was fun.

$AMZN of course got a tasty stock boost from the latest news, up +2.76% at market close yesterday. I mean, that number might be completely different by the time you read this so idk what use it is for me to put that there.

We’ll see on Thursday when the company’s quarterly report comes out whether Amazon’s big AI gamble has paid off. You would have thought no after literally crashing the internet but I guess 14,000 less paychecks to send out would say otherwise…

For more Amazong news, read this one: Amazon Orders Delivery Drivers to Work From Home

First Lady and Wife To The President, Melania Trump, has become embroiled in a fraud case against a pump-and-dump scam bearing her name.

Back in April, scammed investors in the $MELANIA and $LIBRA shitcoins filed a lawsuit against Benjamin Chow and Hayden Davis, the men behind the scheme. But now they have filed an updated complaint following new information from a whistleblower.

The documents read, “On Tuesday, the plaintiffs sought the court’s permission to file yet another amended complaint, based on alleged information provided by an anonymous whistleblower. With Chow acting as the “commander,” the pair launched, pumped, and dumped at least 15 crypto coins, the proposed second amended complaint alleges, including $MELANIA.”

“The scheme allegedly inflicted millions of dollars in losses on unwitting investors. Trump, who is not a named defendant in the lawsuit, was used as “window dressing for a crime engineered by Meteora and Kelsier,” the proposed document alleged. The filing further states that the plaintiffs do not allege that Trump or Milei “operated the scheme.”

Milei here refers to Argentine President Javier Milei, who put his name behind the Libra coin as Melania put hers behind $MELANIA by posting about it on X in January. After her promotion, the coin jumped to $12.95. It’s now worth 10 cents per coin. Nice job, grifters.

And look, game recognise game. As the lowlife masterminds behind the Wall Street Memes Token ($WSM), Snorter ($SNORT), Maxidoge ($MAXI), Sponge ($SPONGE), Sloth ($SLOTHANA), BTC Bull ($BTCBULL), T6900 ($TOKEN 6900), Wall Street Pepe ($WEPE), PepeNode ($PEPENODE), Solaxy ($SOLX), the Best Wallet Token ($BEST), and probably loads of other shitcoins I don’t even know about (honestly, we seem to make like a new one every week), we know a THING OR TWO about pump and dump scams.

Are we getting sued for fraud? No. But Melania gets it in the neck. Honestly, it’s a double standard. We should leave rich, famous, powerful people alone and start going after the little guy, like us.

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It’s a secret.

China, China, China, China

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