2025 | Wall Street Memes

Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first part of the Trump ceasefire plan: the exchange of hostages, leading to global jubilation and mixed reactions from the financial sector. Come on guys, get on the hype, war’s over forever. WAR IS OVER FOREVER!!

OK, it is mostly positive, the S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 are at record highs, along with gold, and, of course, the shekel and Tel Aviv markets.

But other places are a little more cautious, European stocks are lower, and oil prices have dropped but not much.

There’s still a long way to go, basically. This is just the first part of the agreement; the hostages will hopefully be exchanged in the coming days, hopefully Monday, then after that, talks can continue.

Seems like it might be a while before Trump gets his Nobel Prize.

BUT the Israeli government is due to vote on this like today and if they agree, then a ceasefire should go into place immediately. Very exciting.

Big questions still remain, like who will be in charge of Gaza and will it have a Trump golf course? Israel obviously want to dispose Hamas and but for some reason Hamas are unlikely to agree to that. Trump wants to have some kind of protectorate, which worked super well back in world war one so yeah, let’s just do that again.

Who knows how that’ll all shake down but at least, for the first time in two years, it does genuinely feel like progress.

Congrats to everyone on finally achieving the bare minimum, here’s hoping this will save lives.

For more on this story, read this one: Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy

Yeah, it’s a lot…

On July 9, 2011, this one chump posted to a Bitcoin forum, ‘bitcointalk.org’, saying, “Bitcoin will never reach $20 again. This is why I have liquidated my position in Bitcoins.”

“There is very little upside going forward,” he continues. “No forward moves of late have any traction whatsoever and demand continues to lag. Way too little upside for such a risky proposition so my advice is to move into dollars. Only a significant change in the economy could alter this forecast.”

Bitcoin will never reach $20 again forum post hangover meme — Modern equivalent of “these new-fangled cars will never catch on”

Now the replies at the time debated whether this was just a troll or someone shilling an investment guide but let’s assume he meant it, how much money did this guy lose out on?

You ready for some MATH?!

Here’s What You Could Have Won

So, using the closing price on 9 July 2011: BTC was at $14.38 per coin.

Compare that to the price of Bitcoin at the time of writing, which is a MASSIVE $122,412 per BTC (WTF).

So we can get the missed gain on just one bitcoin by minusing the old price from the current price: $122,412 – $14.38 = $122,397.62!!!

The formula (122,412/14.38 – 1) x 100 gives us the percentage return missed and my god, it’s an eye-watering 851,166%

Damn bro. And you call yourself an economist…

For perspective, that money can get you a house, two used Lambos (or half a new one), 24531 instant Jeju matcha latte packets, 16343 Mimolette cheese slices, 35075 ketchup-flavored lattice potato chips… sorry, I’m in the middle of doing my shopping list.

Obviously, this guy’s got nothing on the all-time bitcoin loser, Laszlo Hanyecz, who a year prior made the very first bitcoin purchase of one cheese pizza with 10,000 BTC. Jesus Christ.

Hanyecz reportedly died at the last ATH from a fatal dose of FOMO.

The moral of the story? Don’t ask me, I’m not making any predictions knowing that someone could easily make fun of me in a decade. That’s the lesson I’ve learned…

For more bitcoin news, read this: Bitcoin Hits Another ATH Again Again

AI slop bots now make up 51% of the internet, and it looks like they’re probably about that much of the economy too as AI’s biggest companies are now a quarter of the S&P 500.

America has quietly become a bananai republic and everyone’s noticed.

It seems like AI companies are all anyone wants to talk about anymore, with OpenAI reaching a half a trillion valuation while every major tech firm has put all their chips on an automated future.

Meanwhile, Nvidia, AMD, OpenAI, Microsoft, and Oracle are all very publicly creating an elaborate, trillion-dollar web of circular investments, aka a Michael Bublé.

As Morgan Stanley investor Ruchir Sharma put it, the US economy is “one big bet on AI.” Lisa Shallett, another Morgan Stanley investor, says we might have another dot-com “Cisco moment” on our hands. Great.

Even Sam Altman’s getting in on the pessimism, “Between the ten years we’ve already been operating and the many decades ahead of us, there will be booms and busts… People will overinvest and lose money, and underinvest and lose a lot of revenue.”

The only one not saying there’s going to be an AI bubble is Jim Cramer…

We’re all fucked.

But some are saying maybe it’ll be a good thing. Yes, in the short term, we’ll all die, but the current state of things is that this AI boom is only really helping the super-rich and if all that comes crashing down maybe that money will be redistributed a bit… maybe. Sounds like wishful thinking.

At least with a crash, we won’t get as much sloppy AI chud slup any more. AND maybe it’ll avoid a Terminator-type scenario. So that’s exciting.

Yeah, I’m going to be putting my money in gold.

…the reason is Donald Trump.

An ounce of gold is now worth $4,000 in the biggest rally since the 1970s. Back in April, gold got a boost from uncertainty over Trump’s tariffs, but that’s old news; today’s rally comes courtesy of DJ Trump’s government shutdown.

Gold is the go-to stable currency, a safe haven commodity, a warm hug of an asset, because, as the old saying goes, ‘bitches always be wanting gold’. Often when currencies and politics become a lil scary, investors turn to gold instead.

Now, with all the political upheaval recently, there’s a big chance that, unlike real gold, which sinks in water, the price of gold might keep rising. If, however, the shutdown ends quickly, the gold price could plummet, much like real gold in water.

Gold is more stable, but it does still go up and down. Just this year, for example, when Trump backed off firing J-to-the-P-to-the-Powell, gold dropped 6%, like a balloon made of gold. And in 2022, gold dropped from $2,000 to $1,600 when COVID-inflation-curbing-interest-rates went up.

Rule of thumb: things are good, gold is down; things are bad, gold is up.

Good Old Gold

Gold has long been popular amongst money people not only because it’s shiny but also because, unlike other currencies, it’s real.

Metal buffs will tell you that gold is one of the most golden-colored metals ever discovered. When first discovered, gold prospectors saw gold as rare because they hadn’t found much of it yet.

Since then, however, much more gold has been discovered, mostly in the ground. Gold owners across the world have attempted to make gold more valuable by naming expensive things like memberships and casinos after the metal.

Only now has this investment finally paid off, making fictional characters such as Goldfinger and Scrooge McDuck overnight millionaires worth millions, if not billions.

So get on down to Costco and buy yourself some gold!

(This article is sponsored by: Gold.)

Trilogy Metals, $TMQ (you know them, right? Trilogy Metals, they’re famous, everyone knows Trilogy Metals) just had a 210% surge after the US government said they’d buy a 10% stake at $35.6m (million) dollars (US).

You obviously already know this, but Trilogy Metals is a Canadian minerals explorer listed in the US and Trump wants them to dig baby dig in Alaska. So a cheeky little investment was a sure thing AND DEFINITELY NOT INSIDER TRADING.

This ain’t the first time Trump’s trumped up a stock price after turning his eye on Sauron (not naming names, Intel) and it won’t be the last. Here’s our top ten list of stonks that US will invest in next:

10. OpenAI

No one wants the AI bubble to burst less than the US government and what better way to stop it than artificially jacking up their share price? Altman’s the man to watch.

9. SpaceX/Tesla

The rift hasn’t been healed but no doubt Elon will come crawling back begging for a government contract some time soon. Tesla and SpaceX are due for a boost.

8. Gold

Gold’s reached a massive ATH recently after people lost faith in the government. So what better way to renew faith in the government than buying up all the gold?

7. Pelosi Stock

It’s simple: Nancy knows what’s going to happen next because she’s got insider government knowledge. So if the government invests in the same stock she’s investing in then the money will just keep going up. Boom. Infinite money.

6. The US Government

You are your own best cheerleader. You’ve got to faith in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. So go on, turn off the phone, go out there and make something of yourself, son.

5. Trump Gold Premium NFTs

These are the most beautiful NFTs anyone’s ever seen, they’re premium and you’re gonna love ‘em, real gold, made ‘em myself and they’ll be worth millions in two days so buy ‘em now. Get ‘em today.

4. Pokémon Cards

The only investment that doesn’t depreciate. Reportedly, the US government has its eyes on water types and rare Squirtles.

3. Alphabet ($GOOGL)

They make Bing, right? Bing’s the best search engine. I use Bing for everything. Chandler Bing.

2. China

My enemy’s enemy is my friend and my enemy’s success is my failure but if I invest in my enemy and make them my friend then my enemy’s failure is my success. It’s simple math. I’m calling it, America will start buying 10% of all of China.

1. Reverse Cramer

Our number one spot is the only stock that really matters. Everything that Mad Money Jim Cramer says to do, do the opposite. 100% Trump’s going to get in on that action, just you wait and see.

The already pretty inbred AI companies just had another cousin marriage, and it might be the thing to guarantee that the bubble will pop.

OpenAI just announced a deal that they will use chips from AMD (Nvidia’s biggest rival) going forward. Specifically, OpenAI will buy 6 gigawatts of computing power from data centers running on AMD chips exclusively.

AMD is obviously Nvidia’s biggest competitor BUT Nvidia just announced a $100 billion investment in OpenAI.

Nvidia also competes with Oracle, which ALSO invested $300 billion in OpenAI.

I’m not going to draw you a diagram because I think it would just be a circle.

And what’s another name for a circle? That’s right, a bubble.

With all this money going round in a big old AI-generated Ponzi scheme with extra steps at some point, the demand will fall, someone’s going to drop out, and we might see a dot-com boom of nuclear proportions.

OpenAI just became the largest private company racking up a massive half a trillion dollar valuation. And like, I get it, everyone’s using ChatGPT for everything but it’s still only one product, is it really that serious?

The AMD news sent their stock up 23% and AMD has also given OpenAI up to 160 million shares. The circle just keeps on turning…

As investor Paul Kedrosky pointed out, “That makes OpenAI a 10% shareholder: part customer, part financier — a risk transfer from cash to stock, as well as making OpenAI the largest and thus controlling AMD shareholder.”

Whatever happened to conflict of interest? Apparently, that’s only a thing when I date my line manager at Dunkin’ Donuts. OpenAI should really get an HR supervisor like Jeanne; she’ll set them right.

But what do you think? Is this bubble about to pop or I am just drunk and seeing things? Let me know in the comments section that we don’t have.

Netflix (NFXNCHL) took a massive stock drop on Friday as Elon Musk urged users to cancel their subscriptions because of a cartoon or something.

The streaming company’s numbers dipped 5%, the biggest fall since April 4 (spring). This is way behind other market leaders like Amazon (AZNM) and Meta (FB) who reached a 2% boost in comparison.

It’s unclear whether the stock fall off is because of Elon Musk or because I’ve already watched everything good on their now and now there’s nothing I’m really interested in until Stranger Things comes out again so I’m thinking of cancelling my subscription and then maybe renewing and giving Paramount Plus a try for a while I’ve heard they’ve got a mountain of entertainment at a reasonable price.

Or maybe it’s that they’re adding ads now. (Which Netflix say they’re going to make $3 billion from next year.)

Either way, Musk Tweeted (X’d) on X (ex-Twitter) that his 227 million followers to “Cancel Netflix for the health of your kids.” Because of woke.

The disgustingly offensive agent of child mind control in question (and Netflix’s new cartoon on the right)

But since that was only Monday, it’s unlikely the stock reflects the ramifications of any actual boycott.

In other Netflix news (just because I thought this was interesting), the death of Monkey Lady, Jane Goodall, has sparked the release of a new series on the streamer.

Why? Well, turns out they have an interview banked with the biologist and have only now released it that she’s died.

That feels a bit morbid, like they’re cashing in, but that’s actually the premise of the show. It’s called Famous Last Words and they’ve interviewed a bunch of people in secret, knowing that the recordings would only be released on their death. In theory, this allows them to be a bit more candid in their responses because, well, they won’t care; they’re dead.

Pretty clever.

Now, I know this seems like an advert, but I’ve not even seen it, I promise, I’m not paid by Netflix, no, I’m paid by Paramount Plus which has a huge variety of iconic drama, action, reality, comedy, docs and kids shows all on Paramount+ with a 7-day free trial that you can start today & stream all your favourite movies & exclusive series! With everything from Mission Impossible to Star Trek and not much in between, there’s at least a hill of content on Paramount+!

For more Netflix news, click here: $NFLX Plans Stellar Quarter by Raising Prices and Doubling Down on Mediocre Content

I’M SICK OF IT!

Trump this, trump that, I can’t trump it anymore! I won’t trumpet this guy! I’m sick sick sick I tell you and I’m not going to take it anymore!!!

EVERY day I wake up and look at the news and see what I can write about and it’s always TRUMPTRUMPTRUMPTRUMP.

CNN, every day, EVERY STORY is Trump-themed. Bloomberg, that’s business not politics BUT OHHHH NO, THERE HE IS.

Donald J. Trump. Donald Jay Trump. Donald Jefferson Trump. President Donald Trump. The President Donald Trump. Mr. President. Donald Trump. The Don. Trump.

Oh, what’s this? a nice story about a video game company getting sold? Great, that’s irrelevant, nothing to do with anything, there’s no way… NO WAIT THAT’S HIS SON IN LAW BUYING IT.

FUCK!

Trump

He’s involved in everything, every story is somehow connected to him. I get that he’s the most powerful, influential man in the world at the moment BUT THAT SHOULDN’T MEAN HE HAS TO INFLUENCE ME!!!

On TV: Trump. Social media: Trump. Read a book: Trump. When I look in the mirror: Me. But then I turn around: AH! Trump!

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES EVEN IN A FLASH AS I BLINK IT’S HIM HE’S ALL I SEE.

He’s genuinely not a person anymore, he’s become a concept, like an energy field that just surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds everything together.

I went to the doctor recently because I wasn’t sleeping and you know what he diagnosed me with? TDS.

That’s TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME. I didn’t even think that was a real disease!!! It has its own Wikipedia page!!!!!!

He said I should take a lie down and maybe quit my job but I said I couldn’t I have no qualifications and 14 cousins to feed.

So here’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to just write around him. Any story that’s about him, I just won’t cover. Anything that mentions him tangentially I’ll just ignore, I’ll write him out of it. That’s fine, how hard can that be?

PLEASE I NEED HIM TO LEAVE MY DREAMS.

…

For more on this topic, click here: Donald Trump

Elon “The Richest Man In The World” Musk is now still the richest man in the world, but even more so this time after reaching a massive $500 billion valuation.

The news comes mere SECONDS after OpenAI announced that it was “worth $500 billion dollars too but we said it first!” Coincidence? I think yes.

Musk is the first person ever to be worth this amount of money for a single human because honestly I don’t think anyone until now thought numbers could even go up that high.

If you were to smush Jeff Bezos and Mark Zukerberg together to create a Jark Bukerzerg that Connenbergian monstrosity still wouldn’t be worked as much as the Musk.

Bezo-bby is worth $233.5 bil, and the Zuck is $245.7 billy. Wtf.

In fact, Musk gained half his value, $245 billion in just this year alone. And I think we can all agree that it was this year in particular that Elon Musk became twice as valuable as before.

Elon Musk Richest Man Tweet — Yes, all my info comes from this tweet, bite me.

FOR COMPARISON, when adjusted for inflation, the wealthiest people IN ALL OF HISTORY were 14th-century African emperor Mansa Musa at $548 billion. JD Rockefeller was $340 billion. Andrew Carnegie was $310 billion, so what are we even doing here?

Musk You Be So Rich?

Honestly at this point what do you even do with your life? Where else is there to go? No wonder he just spends his time Tweeting. SORRY, X-ing.

Who knows what’ll have next, is rocketman still rocketing or has he reached the edge of space? With the interest alone, my boy will be well on his way to a trilly by next week, and honestly, good luck to him.

If I were him I’d buy a country or something, oh wait, he already tried that and the country was called AMERICA.

For more Elon news, click here: Larry Ellison Briefly World’s Richest Man, Ruining Elon’s Killstreak

CNBC’s ‘Mad Money’ host Jim Cramer says we shouldn’t be worried about the AI bubble bursting, which means we should probably all be worried about the AI bubble bursting.

Whilst most experts are drawing parallels between what’s happening now and the dot com boom of the 00s, Jim Cramer is drawing with crayons.

Speaking on Monday’s show, JC said, “Speaking as an internet pioneer, what I see now is the polar opposite of what we were seeing 25 years ago. When the dotcoms made bad investments, nearly all of them went under… Worst case scenario, if Google and Amazon and Meta make bad investments and take big losses, that’s just another day at the office.”

Ok, well, as “an internet pioneer,” let’s take a look at how you called it in February 2000, just before the dot com popped, shall we?

Cramer said that internet-related companies “are the only ones worth owning right now… the only ones that are going higher consistently in good days and bad.”

…nice one, Jim. I’ll definitely trust you this time around, too. As the old saying goes, “Trust Cramer once, shame on me, trust him twice, shame on CNBC.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going all in on my Inverse Cramer portfolio.

The Cramer That Cried Wolf

As Reddit user PensiveinNJ commented, “Oh god it’s worse than we thought. The grim reaper of finance has weighed in, the collapse of the global financial system is imminent.” (No, I’m not above quoting Reddit comments to pad out an article.)

It could be argued that AI is currently the only thing keeping the lights on in the US right now, the sector has contributed more to the economy this year than all consumer spending combined. OpenAI just reaching a $500 billion share price, Meta, X, Google and even Chipotle are going all in on the tech. Nvidia has that whole AI chip thing they’re doing AND they put $100 billion into their rival corp, OpenAI, which is definitely not a ponsy scheme.

Sounding familiar yet?

Shit.

Looks like I’m going to have to pull the plug on my AI girlfriend. I’m so sorry Monquique Sexhips III, you were a gentle lover and a good friend. But it’s time to say goodbye. No, please, no, don’t look at me like that, don’t make me harder than I have to be…

*gunshots*

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