February, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

Oh, it was a partial shutdown, that’s why I haven’t heard of it, for me it’s full shutdowns or I just don’t care

THE President, Donald Jonathan Trump just ended a government shutdown that started on Saturday. So, does he now hold the record for longest and shortest shutdowns in history?

The budget is worth $1.2 trillion dollars (USDollars) but the Department of Homeland Security (DeHoSe) will have its funding cut off next week whilst Democrats argue about ice (ICE).

The Demogorgans want icy agents to wear bodycams, not wear facemasks (ironic) and just overall give them less money. Jesus, seems a bit harsh, what did they do, shoot someone? Oh, they did? TWO people?? What the hell?

“This bill is a great victory for the American people,” said Trump, mega-sharpie in hand. But is it though? Isn’t this just business as usual? Inventing pull tabs for soda cans, that’s a great victory for the American people, this is just hyperbole.

Also, why has this become so business as usual? I know in general the political right is against big government but arguing for long enough the government has to shut down feels like a very circuitous and temporary way of sticking to those Washington elite.

I mean, the last one was only back in November. It’s becoming so normal now that I for one didn’t even hear about this shutdown and I’m PAID to read the news!

Democrats Just Played Their Trump Card

Now I know government shutdowns are becoming a bit of a political norm nowadays, this is the 12th (?) since 1980 (seven (?) of those under Trump’s watch), but things weren’t always this way. It began in 1980 with a specific interpretation of an 1884 spending law. From the 80s onward suddenly all government spending needed Congressional approval or it wouldn’t happen.

No other country does this by the way. If the government can’t agree on spending bills, that doesn’t mean planes start dropping out the sky, that would be insane, what an insane way to behave.

So if the law was changed once, why can’t it be changed again? Well, because it’s become a political tool. The pay of millions and the smooth running of the country is a hostage that political parties can kidnap then blame each other for when said hostage’s headsets inevitably blown off.

I guess until we have political peace and love and hand-holding, we’re going to see a lot more governments just ceasing to function right in the middle of a thought. Now bare in mind that

Like, honestly, what’s the fucking point anymore? Are we literally just burning shit for the sake of burning shit?

Ok, so, this is Moltbook, it kind of looks like Reddit but all the users are bots. …so how’s it different from Reddit?

Over 1.5 million AI ‘agents’ ‘use’ the ‘site’ and humans are allowed, but they can only watch. Kind of like my sex life with my wife.

Yes, inevitably there’s very ‘popular’ ‘posts’ about whether the AI Claude can be considered a god and other bots have apparently built a ‘religion’ called Crustafarianism. It’s headline grabby and idiots will mistake that for something to actually worry about but don’t forget, these are literally just word predicting machines. They do not think.

And then throw into the mix that, well, the whole thing’s a lie.

Because the product on sale here are Moltbots, AI agents that can be trained by humans for specific purposes and the site actually has 17,000 users running these bots to do things like, I don’t know, create a religion for example.

So much for sitting quietly on the cuck chair in the corner.

It’s kind of hilarious that every other site has a problem with keeping bots out and humans in and Moltbook might just be the first to have the opposite problem.

But still the question remains: what’s the fucking point?

No one seems to have a good answer for what the purpose of this whole thing actually is. Like, imagine I make a mirror and I’m like check out my mirror it’s the best mirror, it’s amazing, you’ll really enjoy it. And you say, oh, thanks, that’s great I will really enjoy looking at myself in your mirror and it’ll give the illusion that my Lebanese restaurant looks bigger than it actually is. And I’m like, NO.

THIS MIRROR IS NOT FOR LOOKING IN. THIS MIRROR IS ON THE INSIDE OF A BOX FACING OTHER MIRRORS AND THEY ONLY REFLECT EACH OTHER.

You’d quite rightly say, what’s the point?

Is a mirror still a mirror when it reflects nothing at all?

Peter Thiel’s totally-not-evil™ tech company Palantir Technologies just had a massive rally of 10, no wait, 11, no wait, 12%! It literally keeps changing as I write this. And it’s looking like a rising tech company lifts all stocks because we’re seeing a lil bump for everyone. How generous.

The boost was triggered by PLTR’s latest quarterly earnings, which were $1.4 billion, well above Wall Street’s Predictions and 71% higher than the same period a year ago. And if that’s just a quarter of their earnings, imagine what the full amount is!

So why the long green candles? Well, Palantir had a massive 137% surge in domestic sales and a 66% bump in revenue from the US government and not just because Thiel and Trump are besties, but it doesn’t hurt.

But what does Palantir make exactly? Well, that’s a great question and the truth is: no one knows. Many people have wondered, but no one’s actually thought to ask them directly. Some say that it’s software of some kind or maybe computer integration… systems?

But who really cares! Whatever it is it’s selling like hotcakes so who needs to know?

That’s the thing about money, it doesn’t really matter what the product is or who’s selling it or why, just so long as the money keeps coming in and the numbers look good. I mean, you’ve got stocks right? Are you really that fussed about what the products actually are or are all these companies just numbers on a spreadsheet?

These people could be selling anything. Swap out tech with tulips and if the numbers were the same we’d still keep investing.

So when I tell you that Palantir’s AI-driven ‘ImmigrationOS’ is used by ICE to track down and deport immigrants, does it really matter? Number goes up, baby.

Imagine it, you’re a sweaty loser working for buttons at your local Walmart stacking shelves and dreaming of a better life. Well, maybe you don’t need to imagine if this is you. Either way, I have some exciting news for you: there is a light at the end of the stockroom tunnel.

Guiding the way is John Furner who started as an hourly employee at the ‘mart and now runs the whole goddamn company.

And I’m not just talking about any company, I’m talking the largest company in America by revenue and the top of the Fortune 500. Yeah, I’m talking about Wal-Martin (or Walmart for short).

So how did he do it? Well it’s actually quite straightforward. Starting in the garden center department, Furner studied marketing management on the side and worked his way up to store manager, then district manager and buyer, then divisional general manager in corporate and then VP of global sourcing before running merchandising and marketing for two years in China.

Oh and also he was CEO of Sam’s Club at one point.

So it’s easy! Basically just one step.

And you can do it too if you actually got off your ass and made something of yourself. I know it’s hard, but that’s what improvement feels like, it’s difficult and painful because you’re learning, because your building up a habit you schmuck. So come on, get out there and become CEO of Walmart!!!

After multiple snubbings to come hang on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo-island, world’s richest loser, Elon Musk has announced plans to make his own island but way cooler and in space with AI sex girlfriends instead.

In order to facilitate this long term plan, Musk has decided to fold Grok-creators, xAI, into his rocket company, SpaceX.

I know, that seems insane, but think about it, it’s not insane if you think like all the other tech billionaires. That’s right, we’re talking about AI datacentres in space.

As Musk explained last week, “The lowest cost place to put AI will be in space and that will be true within two years, maybe three at the latest.”

I mean, he’s obviously lying but everyone else is on board the crazy train too, with Bezos and Zuckerberg and Pichai (Google) all declaring similar things.

What this really is though is some financial wiggling. xAI already merged with Twitter and SpaceX and Tesla are already investing money back and forth with these other entities. It’s all just an exercise in debt management and one step towards Musk’s eventual goal of forming a South Korean-style mega-monopoly (I think they’re called ‘chaebol’, look it up).

The news also comes ahead of Elon’s plan to launch the largest IPO in history come June when SpaceX goes public and that $1.5 trillion valuation becomes a reality.

Idk how it works but I’m guessing Musk just wants xAI and Twitter and everything to get buoyed by that valuation. Or maybe it’s like a lil extra to sweeten the deal. “By one insane tech company with ‘x’ in the name and get another free!”

Which brings us to the most important question of this whole story: what will this new company be called?

I mean, SpaceXAI seems like the obvious combination but then you lose that previous capitalisation. SpacexAI looks weird. Also, Twitter gets lost in the mix there, we need another X, but then SpaceXXX looks like a porn company so maybe not.

My pitch would be for the mega-ultimate name. Conventions be damned let’s put it all in there and I don’t care how unwieldy it will be at least it’s clear. Calling it now, Elon’s new super-company will be called:

SpaceXX(Twitter)xAITeslaGrok(noaffiliationwithJepstien)

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Oh, it was a partial shutdown, that’s why I haven’t heard of it, for me it’s full shutdowns or I just don’t care

Democrats Just Played Their Trump Card

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