Author: Pen Smith

JD Vance has returned home from window-shopping Greenland, in which he reiterated that Trump really, really wants to invade the territory. Greenlanders have now responded to his threats with a resounding, “I’m sorry, who are you again?”

Unlike Americans, Greenlanders are not terminally online, and so to them, JD Vance was not the man of meme and legend but just some random politician who couldn’t be bothered to wear a suit.

Although J-to-the-D was supposed to spend days in Greenland, the visit was whittled down to just a few hours at Pituffik Space Base. During his visit, Vance gave a rousing speech in which he talked about the threat of China and Russia because, legally, he can’t threaten Greenland directly.

Vance then finished up his talk by planting the stars and stripes into the snow Iwo Jima-style.

However, it’s not clear that Vance actually wants the territory. When he first arrived, Vance commented, “It’s cold as shit here.” Throughout Vance’s address, he reiterated just how cold it was multiple times, a fact which the Greenlanders are likely well aware of.

“I think a lot of Americans wonder why does Greenland matter so much?” Vance said nicely in his speech. And as he continued to talk, it became clear from Vance’s expression that he was asking himself the same question.

Reportedly, Vance has taken his assessment back to Trump and both are now rethinking their plans for the golf course.

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