2025 | Wall Street Memes

Donald Trump just saved the world. Thank you, Donald Trump. Israel and Gaza and Palestine and Hamas have a ceasefire and have exchanged hostages in the next step towards peace forever in the universe forever.

Thank you, Donald Trump.

During a really long rambling press conference, in which Trump chastised other speakers for how long they spoke and took shots at Obama and Biden, Donald Trump repeatedly referred to Netanyahu by his diminutive, Bibi. But the way Trump says it with his THICK, THICK accent, it really sounded like ‘baby’.

At one point Trump spoke about the Isreali opposition leader saying that he was a good guy and that Netanyahu should concede that.

“Now you can be a little bit nicer, baby because you’re not at war any more baby.”

I guess they’re closer than anyone knew…

“I would say to baby, baby, it’s now time,” Trump continued. “This piece of land is very small. Think of what you’ve done it’s incredible *applause*.” …what?

Trump hailed everyone as saying that Israel is popular again and everyone loves Israel now.

Idk if anyone’s actually losing their minds over Trump saying this though, he’s said a lot of things. Maybe it was something else he said.

When asked by journalists on Air Force One if he would go to heaven because of this, Trump said, “I don’t think there’s anything [that’s] going to get me in heaven. Okay? I think I’m not maybe heaven-bound… I’m not sure I’m going to be able to make heaven, but I’ve made life a lot better for a lot of people.”

So whilst Trump achieves peace in Palestine, Trump has declared war on Chigaco, Portland, Washington and Bad Bunny.

Isreal has offered to suppply their now unused missile to Trump’s “war from within.”

For more on this story, read this one: Israel-Hezbollah Ceasefire Leaves Thousands Confused, ‘Which War Is Over?’

If feels like when you’re buying a Ferrari (which I do all the time) half what you pay is spent on that sound. That rrrrrMMumumumumRRRRRRUUUHHHNNNmmm. You know what I mean?

Well, imagine that iconic sound but completely silent.

Yeah, pretty cool, right?

That’s what Ferrari are banking on with the Ferrari Elettrica EV, their left turn into the electric vehicle market. Look out Tesla!

Aaaaand their stocks are down 16%, 13.5 billion euros. Oops.

That’s a bit of a spanner in the works for their 9 billion euro revenue target. “I think people were expecting a higher top line – but I think it is important that we execute what we say, we cannot commit on something we cannot achieve,” said CEO Benedetto Vigna like I’ll know what that means.

Hey, it good be worse, they could be Jaguar.

But look at that thing, it doesn’t even have wheels or a seat or doors or cupholders. Obviously, the stock price fell, call that a Ferrari? It’s not even red! This isn’t a finished car, this is a piece of crap. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Oh wait, it’s not even a full car it’s just a chassis, the actual car will come out later. Oh well, you know what I meant.

Why is this news?

Whatever, I feel like that’s all there is to say. More stories below, click them if you want, or don’t, I’m not your Uncle.

Elon Musk (who smells by the way) has reached an agreement with the executives that he fired without a severance package when they should have had a severance package.

Allegedly, Musk owed over $128 million but refused to pay as revenge for buying Twitter which he didn’t want to buy but was locked into buying it.

The group includes former Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal, former CFO Ned Segal, former Chief Legal Officer Vijaya Gadde and former General Counsel Sean Edgett. AKA the Fantastic Four.

They all sued back in 2024 as they were fired just hours after Musk took over and one day before they would have gotten $200 million in severance pay plus stock options. Damn, son.

Obviously, we don’t know the amount but I bet it’s $4 and a packet of beef jerky.

According to CNN, “The lawsuit refers to portions of the authorized Elon Musk biography by Walter Isaacson published in 2023, in which Isaacson wrote Musk did not want the executives to collect their severance or vest the stock options “because of the price he was paying and his conviction that Twitter’s management had misled him.” Instead, the book says Musk pushed through a faster close of the Twitter sale so that he could fire the executives “for cause.” The lawsuit claims the cause in the executives termination letters were not substantiated.”

Damn, son.

In other Musk news, Elon’s fighting for a trillion dollars in the upcoming Tesla Annual ShareHolder Meeting of the Shareholders. Why he deserves $1,000,000,000,000 smackerooners is anybodies business but certainly not mine. Only way I could get that money is through sexual favors and I don’t want to even think about how much I’d need to put out for that kind of pay check. Damn, son.

For more Elon news, click any of the buttons below. No, not that one that’s the off button! NOO!!!!

IRONICALLY, for a guy named MUSK, the richest man in the world smells really strongly.

You may have already seen this, as this story dates back to 2018, but apparently, the Tesla CEO has a really strong sense of smell. Like a dog.

Weird flex, but OK.

Yes, according to WIRED, the X-owner has perhaps the shittiest X-Men superpower, and anyone interviewing for the South African future trillionaire can’t wear perfume or cologne because of his sensitive nose.

Reportedly, during one factory inspection, he asked, “What’s that smell?” regarding a vat of chemicals creating a burning plastic smell. He then claimed the smell would kill people and kill him.

Don’t fart around him, I guess.

Maybe he’s like Daredevil, like, you know, when you lose one sense, all your other senses are heightened? So I guess Elon gained his super sense of smell when he lost his sense of humor.

Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t get the answer you wanted from this headline? You actually want to know what Elon Musk smells like?

Alright, you disgusting little gremlin.

Best I can find is this video of actor Kenan Thompson presumably referencing Elon’s SNL appearance, that Musk’s musk is in fact “sweaty. He was always like, huffing and puffing-ish. So like, outside-soiled-ness.”

Cool, great, I regret knowing that now.

Of course, if you want to find out for yourself first hand, there is a company that makes Elon Musk scented air fresheners, so there’s that…

It could be worse, though. Kenan’s comments thankfully dispel the rumor that Elon Musk actually smells like burnt hair.

Why the fuck would that be a rumor, I hear you ask? Well, that’s because a few years ago, Elon’s The Boring Company launched a novelty (I hope) perfume called “Burnt Hair.”

Musk called it “the finest fragrance on Earth,” and it’s currently sold out (somehow) but at the time it sold for $100.

Elon Musk Burnt Hair perfume — Here’s a picture of the bottle… I have no idea what’s going on on the left.

As The Boring Company website describes it, it’s “Just like leaning over a candle at the dinner table, but without all the hard work” and “Stand out in a crowd! Get noticed as you walk through the airport.”

Apparently, it smells more like burnt weed than burnt hair anyway, so that’s a good thing, I guess?

Obviously, it’s just a joke. The kind of joke that only a humorless billionaire can afford to make, along with selling Tesla satin shorts when the company was shorted and bringing a bathroom sink to the Twitter HQ when he bought it. Because, “let that sink in”… eh?

MAKE COMEDY LEGAL AGAIN!!!!

So there you go, I hope this improved your life marginally. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m off for an interview to become the America Party’s Secretary of Smells, caked from head to toe in Burnt Hair and wrapped with Elon’s Musk air fresheners like I’m a Christmas tree.

Wish me luck!

Ex-Twitter X ex-co-founder, Jack Dorsey recently Tweeted (X’d) his support for tax exemptions (taxemptions, if you will) on small crypto transactions (crynsactions, if you will) as he launches his new bitcoin payment wallet.

“We need a de minimis tax exemption for everyday bitcoin transactions,” he said, quote-tweeting his X announcing the launch of his own Bitcoin wallet, ‘Square’ from his company ‘Block’. …Yeah, that’s not confusing at all.

So it would be in Jack’s interests if the government dropped the tax on crypto transactions. The IRS currently defines crypto as property, meaning that even small purchases can trigger a tax, significantly lowering the speed of transactions and being a big roadblock to its mainstream adoption.

There’s some hope this wish might come true as under Jack’s TweX, Senator Cynthia Lummis replied, “Working on it.”

Back in July, Lummis previously tried to push this agenda through with Trump’s “One Big, Beautiful Bill” (who names these things? Oh yeah…) but failed to get the amendments onto the Senate floor.

Crypto tweet lummis — Here’s a tweet from June that might be relevant, idk, I haven’t read it

Additionally, just before the government shut down, the Senate Finance Committee had a hearing to discuss just this matter, saying that the Tax Code “does not provide straightforward answers for many digital asset transactions.”

“Taxpayers are left with many unanswered questions, and individuals, businesses, and our country’s finances bear that burden.” Which “makes the U.S. a less attractive place to do business and invest and hurts tax compliance.”

For an administration that bills itself as ‘the crypto government,’ this is one small step that they’ve yet to take. But who knows, maybe this will be a change in the near future and might be one step towards widespread adoption of the currency.

Until then, I’m sticking with my pesos. Sweet, sweet pesos…

For more bitcoin news, read here: Emirates Now Accepting Bitcoin, Schedules Flights To Da Moon

Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first part of the Trump ceasefire plan: the exchange of hostages, leading to global jubilation and mixed reactions from the financial sector. Come on guys, get on the hype, war’s over forever. WAR IS OVER FOREVER!!

OK, it is mostly positive, the S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 are at record highs, along with gold, and, of course, the shekel and Tel Aviv markets.

But other places are a little more cautious, European stocks are lower, and oil prices have dropped but not much.

There’s still a long way to go, basically. This is just the first part of the agreement; the hostages will hopefully be exchanged in the coming days, hopefully Monday, then after that, talks can continue.

Seems like it might be a while before Trump gets his Nobel Prize.

BUT the Israeli government is due to vote on this like today and if they agree, then a ceasefire should go into place immediately. Very exciting.

Big questions still remain, like who will be in charge of Gaza and will it have a Trump golf course? Israel obviously want to dispose Hamas and but for some reason Hamas are unlikely to agree to that. Trump wants to have some kind of protectorate, which worked super well back in world war one so yeah, let’s just do that again.

Who knows how that’ll all shake down but at least, for the first time in two years, it does genuinely feel like progress.

Congrats to everyone on finally achieving the bare minimum, here’s hoping this will save lives.

For more on this story, read this one: Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy

Yeah, it’s a lot…

On July 9, 2011, this one chump posted to a Bitcoin forum, ‘bitcointalk.org’, saying, “Bitcoin will never reach $20 again. This is why I have liquidated my position in Bitcoins.”

“There is very little upside going forward,” he continues. “No forward moves of late have any traction whatsoever and demand continues to lag. Way too little upside for such a risky proposition so my advice is to move into dollars. Only a significant change in the economy could alter this forecast.”

Bitcoin will never reach $20 again forum post hangover meme — Modern equivalent of “these new-fangled cars will never catch on”

Now the replies at the time debated whether this was just a troll or someone shilling an investment guide but let’s assume he meant it, how much money did this guy lose out on?

You ready for some MATH?!

Here’s What You Could Have Won

So, using the closing price on 9 July 2011: BTC was at $14.38 per coin.

Compare that to the price of Bitcoin at the time of writing, which is a MASSIVE $122,412 per BTC (WTF).

So we can get the missed gain on just one bitcoin by minusing the old price from the current price: $122,412 – $14.38 = $122,397.62!!!

The formula (122,412/14.38 – 1) x 100 gives us the percentage return missed and my god, it’s an eye-watering 851,166%

Damn bro. And you call yourself an economist…

For perspective, that money can get you a house, two used Lambos (or half a new one), 24531 instant Jeju matcha latte packets, 16343 Mimolette cheese slices, 35075 ketchup-flavored lattice potato chips… sorry, I’m in the middle of doing my shopping list.

Obviously, this guy’s got nothing on the all-time bitcoin loser, Laszlo Hanyecz, who a year prior made the very first bitcoin purchase of one cheese pizza with 10,000 BTC. Jesus Christ.

Hanyecz reportedly died at the last ATH from a fatal dose of FOMO.

The moral of the story? Don’t ask me, I’m not making any predictions knowing that someone could easily make fun of me in a decade. That’s the lesson I’ve learned…

For more bitcoin news, read this: Bitcoin Hits Another ATH Again Again

AI slop bots now make up 51% of the internet, and it looks like they’re probably about that much of the economy too as AI’s biggest companies are now a quarter of the S&P 500.

America has quietly become a bananai republic and everyone’s noticed.

It seems like AI companies are all anyone wants to talk about anymore, with OpenAI reaching a half a trillion valuation while every major tech firm has put all their chips on an automated future.

Meanwhile, Nvidia, AMD, OpenAI, Microsoft, and Oracle are all very publicly creating an elaborate, trillion-dollar web of circular investments, aka a Michael Bublé.

As Morgan Stanley investor Ruchir Sharma put it, the US economy is “one big bet on AI.” Lisa Shallett, another Morgan Stanley investor, says we might have another dot-com “Cisco moment” on our hands. Great.

Even Sam Altman’s getting in on the pessimism, “Between the ten years we’ve already been operating and the many decades ahead of us, there will be booms and busts… People will overinvest and lose money, and underinvest and lose a lot of revenue.”

The only one not saying there’s going to be an AI bubble is Jim Cramer…

We’re all fucked.

But some are saying maybe it’ll be a good thing. Yes, in the short term, we’ll all die, but the current state of things is that this AI boom is only really helping the super-rich and if all that comes crashing down maybe that money will be redistributed a bit… maybe. Sounds like wishful thinking.

At least with a crash, we won’t get as much sloppy AI chud slup any more. AND maybe it’ll avoid a Terminator-type scenario. So that’s exciting.

Yeah, I’m going to be putting my money in gold.

…the reason is Donald Trump.

An ounce of gold is now worth $4,000 in the biggest rally since the 1970s. Back in April, gold got a boost from uncertainty over Trump’s tariffs, but that’s old news; today’s rally comes courtesy of DJ Trump’s government shutdown.

Gold is the go-to stable currency, a safe haven commodity, a warm hug of an asset, because, as the old saying goes, ‘bitches always be wanting gold’. Often when currencies and politics become a lil scary, investors turn to gold instead.

Now, with all the political upheaval recently, there’s a big chance that, unlike real gold, which sinks in water, the price of gold might keep rising. If, however, the shutdown ends quickly, the gold price could plummet, much like real gold in water.

Gold is more stable, but it does still go up and down. Just this year, for example, when Trump backed off firing J-to-the-P-to-the-Powell, gold dropped 6%, like a balloon made of gold. And in 2022, gold dropped from $2,000 to $1,600 when COVID-inflation-curbing-interest-rates went up.

Rule of thumb: things are good, gold is down; things are bad, gold is up.

Good Old Gold

Gold has long been popular amongst money people not only because it’s shiny but also because, unlike other currencies, it’s real.

Metal buffs will tell you that gold is one of the most golden-colored metals ever discovered. When first discovered, gold prospectors saw gold as rare because they hadn’t found much of it yet.

Since then, however, much more gold has been discovered, mostly in the ground. Gold owners across the world have attempted to make gold more valuable by naming expensive things like memberships and casinos after the metal.

Only now has this investment finally paid off, making fictional characters such as Goldfinger and Scrooge McDuck overnight millionaires worth millions, if not billions.

So get on down to Costco and buy yourself some gold!

(This article is sponsored by: Gold.)

Trilogy Metals, $TMQ (you know them, right? Trilogy Metals, they’re famous, everyone knows Trilogy Metals) just had a 210% surge after the US government said they’d buy a 10% stake at $35.6m (million) dollars (US).

You obviously already know this, but Trilogy Metals is a Canadian minerals explorer listed in the US and Trump wants them to dig baby dig in Alaska. So a cheeky little investment was a sure thing AND DEFINITELY NOT INSIDER TRADING.

This ain’t the first time Trump’s trumped up a stock price after turning his eye on Sauron (not naming names, Intel) and it won’t be the last. Here’s our top ten list of stonks that US will invest in next:

10. OpenAI

No one wants the AI bubble to burst less than the US government and what better way to stop it than artificially jacking up their share price? Altman’s the man to watch.

9. SpaceX/Tesla

The rift hasn’t been healed but no doubt Elon will come crawling back begging for a government contract some time soon. Tesla and SpaceX are due for a boost.

8. Gold

Gold’s reached a massive ATH recently after people lost faith in the government. So what better way to renew faith in the government than buying up all the gold?

7. Pelosi Stock

It’s simple: Nancy knows what’s going to happen next because she’s got insider government knowledge. So if the government invests in the same stock she’s investing in then the money will just keep going up. Boom. Infinite money.

6. The US Government

You are your own best cheerleader. You’ve got to faith in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. So go on, turn off the phone, go out there and make something of yourself, son.

5. Trump Gold Premium NFTs

These are the most beautiful NFTs anyone’s ever seen, they’re premium and you’re gonna love ‘em, real gold, made ‘em myself and they’ll be worth millions in two days so buy ‘em now. Get ‘em today.

4. Pokémon Cards

The only investment that doesn’t depreciate. Reportedly, the US government has its eyes on water types and rare Squirtles.

3. Alphabet ($GOOGL)

They make Bing, right? Bing’s the best search engine. I use Bing for everything. Chandler Bing.

2. China

My enemy’s enemy is my friend and my enemy’s success is my failure but if I invest in my enemy and make them my friend then my enemy’s failure is my success. It’s simple math. I’m calling it, America will start buying 10% of all of China.

1. Reverse Cramer

Our number one spot is the only stock that really matters. Everything that Mad Money Jim Cramer says to do, do the opposite. 100% Trump’s going to get in on that action, just you wait and see.

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