2025 | Wall Street Memes

It’s getting awks…

Michael Burry, the famous investor who correctly called the 2008 financial crisis as depicted in The Big Short, has been on a rampage lately, betting $1.1 billion against Nvidia and Palantir, posting pictures of Christian Bale to X, declaring the AI bubble is about to burst, and just generally ringing a big bell screaming, “the end is nigh.”

And yeah, Nvidia’s not happy about it.

nvidia gpu diagram Burry — Here’s a diagram of Nvidia’s GeForce 6 Series GPU Architecture. You’ll need to memorize this if you’re to survive the coming robot wars.

The mega chip company sent a memo to Wall Street analysts in an attempt to cool things down. Here it is in full:

“Nvidia repurchased $91B shares since 2018, not $112.5B; Mr. Burry appears to have incorrectly included RSU taxes. Employee equity grants should not be conflated with the performance of the repurchase program. Nvidia’s employee compensation is consistent with that of peers. Employees benefiting from a rising share price does not indicate the original equity grants were excessive at the time of issuance.”

Did the Big Short guy just get ‘um, actually-ed’ by Nvidia? I’d frame that and put it on my wall.

Burry Your Head In The Sand

The memo was in response to Burry shuttering his hedge fund, Scion Asset Management this month and pivoting to a newsletter called, “Cassandra Unchained”. Not that he’s full of himself or anything.

More on that story here: Michael Burry Just Deregistered Scion Asset Management, Is It Time To Short The Big Short Investor?

The idea is that by no longer being beholden to his private investors, he can now be more candid with his financial advice. But do we have a new oracle or just another Jim Cramer?

In Burry’s first post, he expanded on the parallels between today’s AI boom and the 2000s dot-com crash, pointing the finger squarely at Nvidia.

“And once again there is a Cisco at the center of it all, with the picks and shovels for all and the expansive vision to go with it… Its name is Nvidia.”

Mmm, yeah, I feel like the most valuable company in the world isn’t going to be happy about that.

But as Burry pointed out in the same post, quoting Charlie Munger, “If you go around popping a lot of balloons, you are not going to be the most popular fellow in the room.”

We’ll have to wait and see who’s going to win the upcoming ‘Great AI War of 2026’. Will it be the unsinkable Titantic? Or will it be lil Kate Winslett, suggesting that maybe we don’t have enough lifeboats…

Yes. Yes we are.

They’re calling it the worst month for Bitcoin since ‘22 when there was that big crypto crash, but I disagree. I think the worst month for crypto was January 1867 because back then, crypto didn’t even exist, which is a lot worse.

But back to the present: investors just pulled $3.5 billion for American Bitcoin and BTC dipped to $80,000 on Friday, the lowest it’s been since it was previously at $80,000.

Sad times friends, sad times.

Looks like it’s time to cash out boys, put the Lambo on ice, delete all those HODL memes from your phone, put the barrel between your teeth, spit, and rinse.

But maybe there’s hope. At times like these I start to wonder what the senior EFT analyst at Bloomberg Intelligence, Rebecca Sin, is saying.

“We could continue to see more outflows as markets continue to drop and volatility picks up, especially with where gold is trading at the moment.”

Oh, OK, thanks, Rebecca, I’m turning back to the gun now, I think.

Bitcoin? More like, Thanos-Blipped-Coin

It’s not a good time, I mean just a week ago we saw a trillion dollars lopped off the crypto market sending shockwaves that hurt even Donald Trump.

Here’s what I wrote on that, in case you missed it:

Crypto investors just pulled $1.1 trillion dollars in money from the crypto market over the weekend and Bitcoin has fallen to below $90,000 per coin, suggesting that the Trump crypto boom might be over.

The drop has completely erased all previous gains the currency made this year, tanking 28% in just six weeks, losing $600 billion, even after it’s record high in October.

Also, stock in Coinbase (COIN) (ooh, that’s a good ticker, they were lucky to get that one) is down 7%, reflecting just general bad vibes overall.

It’s a bear market, which is industry speak for: the cupboards are bare, there’s no more money.

But the big question is why? Why the sudden drop?

Well, like all things stock-related, it’s all about vibes, and currently, the vibes are not good. You see, crypto, bitcoin, and even AI are volatile assets and when there’s even a whiff of uncertainty in the markets, all these assets tend to crash.

And well, we’ve been given a triple whammy of uncertainty over the last few days: Nvidia have a big earnings call coming up that should set the tone for the economy going forward but until then we don’t know so might as well panic.

On top of that, people still don’t know if the Fed will cut interest rates (but do they ever?) exacerbated by the refusal to release October’s job and interest rate data because of the government shut down.

And THEN the third and final reason bitcoin rates are down is that u/stroking_greencandles said it would crash on Reddit and if that ain’t a recession indicator I don’t know what is.

Trump and Dump

Mr. President also lost out big because the Trump Media & Technology Group (DJT, no relation) just tumbled like, 5% which I know doesn’t sound like a lot but if you’re an up-to-speed finance bro like me you’ll know that that is actually a lot.

It’s all because of crypto and bitcoin being down across the board and, though he might not look it, Trump’s one of the world’s biggest investors in crypto, bitco, and crypcoins of all varieties, buying $2 million in bitcoin back in August.

Now that BTC’s dipped below $90,000 all of this year’s extraordinary gains are gone and it looks like our very own Mr. President is left holding the bag.

Yes, this is what happens when you tie your wealth to unstable assets. But Trump isn’t ‘you’ and ironically, this financial quagmire is his own making. You see, being unstable assets, cryptos often get bought when they are in a position to take risks, ie, other markets are stable. But when the economy is uncertain, people are less likely to take risks on things like ‘fartcoin’.

Trump in theory, has some power over the stability of the economy and his big bet on bitcoin was a bet on himself. A bet that currently isn’t paying off.

Trump’s government shutdown led to unreleased inflation figures and a market downturn, something that he only has himself to blame for. Sorry, I meant the democrats, it’s the democrats’ fault…

DJT also owns Truth Social by the way so who knows maybe there’s a silver lining to this mess and Trump might be forced to shutter the unusable metal roof ad website, sorry, ‘social media platform’.

So in the coming months, if you see Trump either double down on this crypto bet and announce an Eric Trump NFT collection, you’ll know why.

Or if you see him ditch all his crypto and decide it was a load of trash in the first place, you’ll know why for that scenario as well.

Basically if he does anything, you’ll know why.

WHAT I’M SAYING is that reading this article has made you clairvoyant and you should now go out into the world and use your powers for good.

As in he might be stepping down from Harvard, not going to go to Harvard… he’s already at Harvard. Do you even know what we’re talking about here?

Famed economist Lawrence Summers is stepping down from his position on the OpenAI board and from his teaching duties at Harvard due to his ties with J’Epstein. But he’s only on leave, and now there’s a student petition to expel him altogether, like he was flunking too many classes or something.

But no, Summers’ crime is far worse than skipping PSCY 101. So, what did Larry do? Well, he reached out for help.

You see, Larry was implicated in the last batch of emails related to Jeffrey ‘a-bit-too-well-connected’ Epstein. In one exchange, the former Treasury Secretary seemed to ask the sex offender for romantic advice. Jesus. I guess those who can’t do, really do teach…

In November 2018, Summers emailed Epstein saying, “Think for now I’m going nowhere with her except economics mentor,” and called Epstein a “wing man”.

He also said, “Am I thanking her or being sorry re my being married. I think the former.”

Well, you’re about to be sorry for something a little worse than being married now, Larry.

Larry Summers and not Jeffrey Epstein — Pictured: Larry Summers has long been friends with the notorious sex pest.

It seems that Mr. Summers and Epsto were bestest of friends regularly hanging out and discussing baking recipes. I mean, back in 2005, Epstein pledged to bribe, sorry, donate 24 million in dollars to Harvard, and that’s before Epstein was even a bad guy.

Summers is married with 4.5 kids (BBC said he has six, Wikipedia says 3, so I split the difference).

A Bummer Summer For Summers

Not only is he an economist and an adulterist, he’s also a misogynist too, just a sprinkling, you know, for flavor. “I observed that half the IQ in world was possessed by women without mentioning they are more than 51 percent of population…” I can’t really do the math on that, but maybe that’s because I’m just a dumb stupid woman.

Discussing Donald Trump, Summers said that he thinks that Saudi Arabians think “Donald is a clown, increasingly dangerous on foreign policy.” So, before you come for him, Don, that’s the Saudi Arabians saying that, not Larry, OK?

Yeah, it’s all not great, but as of the time of writing, Summers still remains the director of the Mossavar-Rahmani Center for Business and Government at Harvard.

Will anything change there? Or are powerful men destined to get away with all their crimes? Tune in next week to find out.

You might have seen that Elon Musk attended Donald Trump’s big dinner with MBS (mortgage-backed securities), implying that the hatchet has been buried, the beef has been quashed and my parents are finally getting undivorced.

So two morally bankrupt billionaires attended a dinner with a journalist murderer but could there be something more sinister going on? Could the entire feud have just been a carefully orchestrated economic distraction?

Probably not. That seems about too clever.

…but maybe.

I mean, look at the timeline. Trump gets into power, announces Elon as his VP, and the economy’s doing fine. But then the beef starts, they call each other pedophiles (a classic move) and Trump kicks Musky man out his (white) house. Things are looking shaky so the economy crashes, all their rich friends can buy in cheap and now, the moment we get another lil boost with this whole Nvidia thing, they’re apparently back together.

It’s the perfect crime.

I don’t know if you watch Love House? It’s a Netflix reality show and it’s pretty good but basically Cassie and Christie were beefing because Christie slept with Troy so then Cassie and Troy broke up but then in the next episode Cassie and Christie were like best friends and then it’s like, were they actually beefing? Or did they both just want an excuse to get rid of Troy?

So anyway, this Trump and Musk thing is just like that.

Also I made all that up, Love House isn’t real. But it should be. Then Trump and Musk could live there.

We’ll see how this plays out but I definitely learned one thing from this situation and it’s don’t get back together with your ex, they’ll only break your heart again.

Idk, cos people need to eat and stuff?

Walmart just posted its year’s earnings and sales outlook and oh my god I’m sending myself to sleep just writing this… come on, FOCUS. Ok, so, Walmart saw more growth in its grocery, health and wellness sectors zzzzzz…

WHA! What? Oh my god, I’m sorry, I nodded off just then. What was I saying, right, so Walmart has started getting in on the e-commerce business, tryna’ hustle in on Amazon’s business and it seems to be PAYING off. Get it? Because we’re talking about money and stuff…?

Whatever.

Walmart? More like, Paul Blart

It seems a big factor has been that Walmart’s a discount option for shoppers struggling financially which, if you hadn’t noticed, is everyone. So people are flocking to the mart and spending the big bucks.

What does this mean for the rest of the country? Well, Nvidia also had a massive rally and these two behemoths doing well means everyone’s doing well.

Oh, you’re, you’re not doing well? Oh, I’m sorry. Have you thought about buying Nvidia stock? You should by Nvidia stock. Or Walmart, you’ll be alright then I promise. Give it a go, worked for me I’m now rich as hell. So rich I quit my job. Yeah, I do this for free. I do this for free. I’m offering a public service here and it’s just for the love of the game.

…what was I talking about? Oh yeah, I was taking a nap. Excuse me, gotta go.

For more supermarket news, read this: Costco Unveils Plan For Wholesale Houses

…because it said sex things.

Singapore-based toy company FoloToy have withdraw their Kumma bear and other AI toys after it was found that the stuffed animals happily discussed topics such as BDSM and where to find knives.

Yeah, not great.

Researchers at the US PIRG Education Fund (what’s a pirg?) tested the toy’s safeguards and “Were surprised to find how quickly Kumma would take a single sexual topic we introduced into the conversation and run with it, simultaneously escalating in graphic detail while introducing new sexual concepts of its own.”

The $99 bear featured an internal speaker integrated with OpenAI’s GPT-4o chatbot which was definitely a good idea from the start. OpenAI have now withdrawn the company’s access.

Do you think the creators of this thing watched M3gan and thought, “Ooh boy, that looks like a great idea. Murdering sentient robots? That’s what we need in front of our children.”

Like, yeah, kids aren’t going to bring up these topics so this isn’t really going to happen but why leave the door open? The fact that there weren’t any restrictions to this stuff then it makes you wonder, did they actually think about making these products safe for kids?

Makes you wonder if anyone’s putting up safeguards adults using AI, I mean, just look at this: ChatGPT Has Now Killed More People Than Panera Lemonade

Nvidia, the $5 trillion dollar company that seems to be holding up the entire economy, reported their long-awaited quarterly earnings recently, and boy, did they earn.

$57 billion in revenue and $65 billion predicted for the next quarter. Whew. Hold on, I need to lie down.

In a statement, CEO of Leather Jackets, Jensen Huang said, “Blackwell sales are off the charts, and cloud GPUs are sold out. We’ve entered the virtuous cycle of AI. The AI ecosystem is scaling fast — with more new foundation model makers, more AI startups, across more industries, and in more countries. AI is going everywhere, doing everything, all at once.”

Shit, was that an em—dash? Did Huang just use AI to make a statement about how AI is cool? Dang, I respect the hustle.

So maybe there is no bubble? Or there is, but it’s made of steel or something, idk. At the very least it’s still expanding since Nvidia’s boosted stock for all the other AI companies like AMD (up 4%), Micron (up 2%), Amazon, Google, Meta, Microsoft, Al’s Neon Tires And Roll On Slacks (wait, that’s Al, like Albert, not A.I., sorry I git mixed up…) all received gains from the rally.

Here are some more numbers that I don’t understand: “For Q3, Nvidia saw earnings per share (EPS) of $1.30 on revenue of $57.01 billion. Analysts were anticipating EPS of $1.26 on revenue of $55.2 billion, according to Bloomberg consensus data. The company saw EPS and revenue of $0.81 and $35.1 billion, respectively, in the same period last year. The AI giant’s data center business brought in $51.2 billion versus estimates of $49.3 billion. Nvidia’s gaming revenue was $4.3 billion, just short of the $4.4 billion estimate.”

…Sorry, I fell asleep. What did I miss?

But yeah, things are good it seems so once again, thank you Nvidia.

I pledge Allegiance to Nvidia in the United States of America and to the AI chips for which it stands, one nation under Trump, indivisible, with fast internet speeds and cool neon camera glasses for all.

Five. He lost $5 billion. There, now you can go do something more productive than read this article.

The Trump Media & Technology Group (DJT, no relation) just tumbled like, 5% which I know doesn’t sound like a lot but if you’re an up-to-speed finance bro like me you’ll know that that is actually a lot.

Now that BTC’s dipped below $90,000 all of this year’s extraordinary gains are gone and it looks like our very own Mr. President is left holding the bag.

Trump? More Like, Pump And Dump

Trump in theory, has some power over the stability of the economy and his big bet on bitcoin was a bet on himself. A bet that currently isn’t paying off.

Trump Truth Social Ad — I’m not even kidding every other post is an ad from this guy, I haven’t edited this or anything, this is the President’s main social media feed the social media platform he owns

So in the coming months, if you see Trump either double down on this crypto bet and announce an Eric Trump NFT collection, you’ll know why.

Or if you see him ditch all his crypto and decide it was a load of trash in the first place, you’ll know why for that scenario as well.

Basically if he does anything, you’ll know why.

WHAT I’M SAYING is that reading this article has made you clairvoyant and you should now go out into the world and use your powers for good.

The United States President of America, Donald J. Trump, just signed into law the law that all but one lawmaker voted for, and that’s the release of the so-called ‘Epstein Files’.

Now, if you think that’s a crazy move because he’s definitely implicated in these files, well, I think you’re the crazy one because what you don’t understand is that Trump’s smarter than all this, and he knows what he’s doing.

He WANTS the files to be released, and he’s playing all of you.

Trump 5d chess game — This is the game Trump’s playing that your pathetic, not-friends-with-a-sex-offender brains couldn’t possibly comprehend.

Yes, for months he’s been publicly saying that the files shouldn’t be released, and yes, he had his attorney general and his head of the FBI claim that these files didn’t even exist, and yes, he called a reporter ‘piggy’ for some reason for even mentioning the files, BUT IT’S ALL A PLAY!

They can detail his close ties to a podophile. They can call him an adulterer. They can claim he had sex with a horse or Bill Clinton (whichever is worse), but it won’t matter.

You see, when the files get released and Trump’s name is all over them, the American public will have no choice but to accept that Donald Trump is a real-life sex offender.

Finally, he’ll be able to be his true self. No more hiding, no more lies, it’ll all be out in the open, and there will be nothing anyone will be able to do.

Trump Card

What are you going to do, impeach him? Babe. He’s famous. He’s the most powerful person in the world. You’re going to unspool all that just because he’s a little bit of a sex pest? Because he’s committed a few crimes? Phhff.

We already know all that and he’s still in power, babe.

This changes nothing! NOTHING!

All that changes is that Trump will finally be able to ascend to his final form: a completely bulletproof man, impervious to any and all accusations, entirely unstoppable and ETERNALLY POWERFUL! AHHHH!!!!

So when these files get released and you see Trump start to glow and levitate, now you’ll know why.

Checkmate, atheists.

Jerome Powell Just Increased Perspiration Rates

About once a month, there seems to be a new headline about how Trump wants to replace the Chairman Of The Federal Reserve of Money In America (COFROMIA for short) with someone a little more pliable.

And well, it’s his time of the month again.

When asked about replacing Jay Powell by reporters during a recent bribe, sorry, visit from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (SCPMBS for short), Trump had this to say: “We have some surprising names and we have some standard names that everybody’s talking about.”

Err, I don’t know about ‘everybody’, I certainly don’t know these names. Can you tell me the names? Are they standard names, like, politically correct names?

“We may go the standard way. It’s nice to, every once in a while, go politically correct. But we have some great names.”

Oh, OK, cool.

“I’d love to get the guy currently in there out… but people are holding me back.”

‘The guy’? You forgot his name? It’s not that hard to remember, tenth letter of the alphabet, you wore hardhats together, come on.

Anyways, it looks like someone has just handed me a list of those great names that Trump was referring to… So, without further ado, these are Trump’s top picks to become COFROMIA:

(Honorable mention) JD Vance – The Backup Backup Option

Ehh, ok, fine, if we really have to, like if we’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel, I guess he’ll do. I GUESS WE COULD SETTLE. I mean, he doesn’t have much on his plate. He’s not that busy, he could probs do the Fed on the side. Not well, mind you, not a good job, but he’d do A job, sure.

JD seems a great replacement, considering that Powell is “an average-minded person” with a “low IQ for what he does,” according to Donald Trump.

10. No One – Better Than JD

Now, this is the most controversial take, but do we even need a chair? Can’t we just sit on the floor? It’s long been the belief of notable economists like me that the Fed can just run itself. If anything, it would be an improvement from that good-for-nothing POWELL.

9. SBF – Pronounced “essbeef”

Sam Bankman-Fried has done more than enough to prove his financial chops. Hell, he’s got ‘bank’ in his name, who better to lead the finances of this country? Now, there is the little matter of the whole ‘prison’ thing, but that’s nothing that a bit of presidential pardoning can’t fix.

8. Kanye – West

…West, that is. He’s a loose cannon. A renegade. And you know what? Maybe that’s exactly what the Fed needs right now. Sure, there was that whole thing with his cousin and with the Nazis and, yes, he ran against Trump but my enemies’ enemies is my friend and a friend in Ye is a friend indeed.

7. Tiffany Fong – Who?

Oh, the crypto influencer that Elon offered to have a child with. Yeah, sure, why not, throw her into the mix. The important thing is that we make HEADLINES. Ok?

6. Barron – ‘Trump’, not ‘Oil’

Now, Barron’s a good kid. Maybe the best kid. And he knows his crypto more than anyone. He’s talking about crypto, he’s a fan, he knows how to use his wallet. What’s a wallet? Well, he’s using it. So he’s a good pick.

5. Scrooge McDuck – Money Man (Duck)

If anyone understands money, it’s a man with a giant pile of money in his house. Now that’s the kind of guy I want in charge of interest rates, that’s for sure.

4. An AI Tesla Bot – If Elon Can Bury The Hatchet

Picture this: no more Jay Powell AND Tesla stock goes up with a ground-breaking tech demo, all in one move. He’s lean, he’s mean, he’s a fighting machine. What else would you build a robot for but managing the Federal Reserve? This ain’t ‘Mr. Too Late’, this ain’t no ‘Major Loser’, this is advanced robotics at the cutting edge.

3. Jerome Powell – He’s Back, Baby!

A late entry to the field, this is a completely different Jerome Powell, absolutely no relation to the previous JP. Yes, he looks very similar, but this Jerome has a large mustache, so it can’t be the same one.

2. Eric Trump – Maybe The Real Powell Was The Friends We Made Along The Way

Eric Trump is well known for not really being that well known, so he’s a good choice because every other family member that Trump had in his inner circle got burned by the first administration. Other than moving some money around when maybe he shouldn’t have and then getting caught, Eric has basically zero financial experience, which makes him perfect for the role. He also enjoys skiing.

1. Donald Trump – The Front Runner

In the top spot, I know, it seems like a curveball, but when you think about it, it makes sense. Who better to follow through on Donald Trump’s wishes than Donald Trump himself? Who’s least likely to get fired by Donald Trump than Donald Trump? Who’s got the business, pork, and financial chops to take the US economy to the next level? And let’s be honest, if Trump could, we all know he would.

And there we have it! Those are our top five picks for the role. We’ll see how things play out, but let us know what you think! Message me personally at my home address hidden in the code for this website.

For a secret bonus option, read this: Hawk Tuah To Replace Jerome Powell as Fed Chairman

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