Bill Fold | Wall Street Memes

US chip manufacturer Frito Lay, no wait, sorry, Nvidia just became the first company in the history of the world to reach a market value of $5 trillion dollars.

For reference, Frito Lay is only worth $13 billion.

Nvidia company value graph — Squad goals.

Since Canada is worth 2.241 trillion US dollars, Nvidia has unveiled its plan to buy the country and then build another Canada beside it.

The new land mass will fill a large portion of the North Atlantic Ocean and create a bridge between the Americas and Europe.

Nvidia are currently crowdsourcing names for its new continent but the current front runners are:

Two Canadas (Toucan for short)

Nvidia (already sounds like a country)

Greater North America

Chip Land

SuckitInteldia

Canada 2.0

America-But-Bettter

Nvidia Island (not affiliated with Epstein Island)

GPUtopia

Nvidia says the new land will grant it the necessary 20 million square kilometers required to build its AI data centers.

Yes, it’s AI that has really powered Nvidia’s recent surge. Just three months ago they were valued at $4tn but following some massive deals and partnerships with OpenAI, Intel and the US Government, chip boy is now officially the biggest company in the world.

Congrats, son.

Yesterday, the internet was treated to another massive shutdown just a week after the previous one, this time courtesy of Microsoft’s cloud computing service Azure.

Microsoft 365 services, Minecraft, Xbox, Starbucks, Costco, Alaska Airlines and my faith in humanity were all hit by the outage.

The shutdown seems to have been triggered by an internal configuration change Azure Front Door cloud content delivery service, leading to traffic routing problems in the probation combustion manifolds

The outage seems to not be as big as the AWS Amazon one, but my colleague said that together these companies power about 52% of the internet, and if Barry isn’t lying like he normally does, then that’s crazy because that’s the part of the internet I use.

Makes you think that, um, maybe we shouldn’t be consolidating all our tech into the hands of just a few companies… maybe? Did we ever think about that, huh?

Here’s what I wrote during the last shutdown because you probably weren’t able to read it:

…Hello? Can you read this?

OK, good, thank god, it’s not affected wallstmemes.com yet. As a wise man once said, this is it, the apocalypse. The whole internet is shutting down one by one.

I went to check my stocks this morning on Robinhood and saw that I couldn’t. Naturally, I freaked out but thought, it’s fine, I’ve got my crypto. But ohhh no, Coinbase is down too.

It’s OK, I’ve still got money in my Venmo. But no, that’s out too, shit. Better let my friends know on Snapchat. Wtf? Snapchat got Thanos snapped too?

You know what, maybe this is a good thing, I’ve been meaning to catch up on my Duolingo streak for a while. Oh no, please, don’t tell me they killed the owl too…

What about Wordle, I can do that, right? That’s productive too. Nope. The New York Times website is down.

Fine, I’ll do something unproductive. Time to load up a nice game of Fortnite. …aaaand it’s gone. Sure, PUBG? Down. That’s alright, no worries, we’ll crack out some Rainbow Six Siege, nope, shot in the head. Roblox? Bricked. Clash Royale? Crashed.

Alexa, is the internet down? Because I’m starting to feel like the internet is down. Alexa…? …Alexa…?

You know what, I’ll just ask my go-to AI chatbot and ask them. Perplexity, is the internet down? …Perplexity?

Alright, the whole internet can’t be down, let’s just try some random sites, as a test. Canva? Goodreads? Ring? Chime? AppleTV? Prime Video? Life360? Collegeboard? Whatnot? Better ask my internet service provider, Verizon…

Oh shit.

Kim Kardashian did it again. She broke the internet.

Is turning off the internet part of the government shutdown?

It’ll all be alright. You know what, I can just order a new router through Amazon.com and… god DAMN IT!

I can’t search it but a friendly stranger is shouting down the street that all these sites have one thing in common: they all use Amazon’s cloud computing service, AWS.

AWS is the most used cloud computing service and Amazon’s main source of revenue, earning them $108 billion in 2024. Yeah, and here I am thinking that they just sold books.

Alright, well, I guess there’s nothing else to do. There’s only one thing for it, I’m going to do it, I’m going to go… outside.

aggHHGGHHH!!!!

Eli Lilly, Palantir, Hyundai, Samsung, Nokia, Uber are just some of the massive deals Nvidia’s been making in the last few days as they continue their crazed spending spree to make a deal with literally every company in the world.

The chipmaker will become one of Nokia’s largest shareholders with a $1bn investment for 166,389,351 shares (2.9% of the corp) and a plan to incorporate AI into telecommunications, data centre infrastructure, and other boring things like that.

Obviously, Nokia got a stock boost from the news, jumping 21% to their highest price in ten years, gaining €6.7 billy, proving once again that Nokias are unbreakable.

Along with this news, Nvidia announced partnerships with a bunch of other brands, including a remit to build a 100,000 robotaxi fleet for Uber and seven new supercomputers for the Department of Energy.

All this is to say that Nvidia expects a $500 billion revenue through next year, and hey, it looks like they might get it. Just one thing the money might go to is their recent foray into connecting autumn computers to their AI chips. Because yeah, what AI really needs is the ability to touch the ethereal space between reality and non-existence.

Recently, Nvidia also invested $100 billion in OpenAI and $5 billion in Intel in an effort to connect itself with every possible company that exists. That way, no one will let Nvidia go down because if they did, they’re bringing the entire economy with them.

What’s that, you’re saying that’s a bubble? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s leave the business decisions to the experts now, shall we?

Oop, I’ve not made the word count, OK, here’s the previous article about Nvidia’s investment in Intel:

Intel’s struggling to stay afloat and has already sold off some 10% to the US Government (some how). Now it’s looking like their next biggest rival Nvidia will cut out a chunk from the company to the tune of $5 billion, about 4% of the company making it one of the largest shareholders.

I guess Nvidia doesn’t have a chip its shoulder…

Intel instantly got a boost from the purchase so that’s good but who’s to say if this represents the beginning of an upswing for the corp or it’s the start of the company being sold off for parts.

And honestly, I don’t know how this works, like, isn’t this a conflict of interest? I really don’t understand how any of this works. What am I doing here?

The new pact is for Intel and Nvidia to develop data centres together, hand in hand, like nothing ever happened.

This new alliance could represent a threat to rival chip makers AMD, TSMC, and KFC who might now face the combined might of the two biggest chip manufacturers combined.

Ooh, maybe they’ll rebrand, let’s brainstorm names:

INvidia

That’s quite could, no need to change the pronunciation or anything, smooth and easy.

Nvtel

Ngl, that’s pretty shit. Basically illegible. Not sure what we’re even achieving there.

Nvidiatel

The maximalist option. Corporate boring. 6/10.

Nvidia-Intel

Probably the option they’d actually go with. Boring. Sucks. I hate it.

Intel-Nvidia

Not going to happen. Nvidia have the power, 100% they’ll put themselves first.

Chip Boys

I’m just putting it out there, they should go with something else, something brand new no one’s expecting. My vote is Chip Boys, but Chip Brothers, Chip Men, something along those lines, that would be cool.

Big W for the convicted Binance creator Changpeng Zhao (AKA CZ, BI-Guy, or Peng-Boy as I like to call him), as he has just been pardoned. Congrats, man, we all knew you could do it.

In a statement, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said Trump had “exercised his constitutional authority by issuing a pardon for Mr. Zhao, who was prosecuted by the Biden Administration in their war on cryptocurrency.”

Zhao previously bribed away the previous administration with $4.3 billion dollars in money and then went to prison anyway. He’s out of prison now btw, he only served for four months, but still.

But Zhao might now be able to return to the world’s largest crypto exchange, the company he helped found in 2017. I mean, if they’ll have him, of course.

Binance, Get It? Like Finance, But Bitcoin? …It’s Very Clever

Trump has also recently pardoned the money launderers and founders of crypto exchange BitMEX, and also the fraudster who founded EV truck company Nikola. He also commuted the sentence of the Ozy Media executive, whom I assume committed a crime too.

For more crypto fun, read this: If You Can Read This, You Might Have Brain Rot

Current richest man, Elon Musk, just Tweeted an X in response to a post that might just change your life… ok, probably not, but let’s hear it anyway.

“True. That is why Bitcoin is based on energy: you can issue fake fiat currency, and every government in history has done so, but it is impossible to fake energy.”

Now look, I can’t be bothered to look up what the original post was. They could have said, “Energy is gay,” and then Elon’s reply means something completely different.

Or maybe the OP said, “I’m going to blow up a school Elon Musk says it’s true that Bitcoin can’t be faked.” That would also mean something different.

But hey, we’ll never know so currently it just reads like Elon doesn’t know how anything works…

In an AI-written article summarising the story, CoinPedia summarises the point: “The line hits at a simple truth: governments can print money, but they can’t print energy. Does this give Bitcoin a huge advantage?”

Err… no, because governments do print energy, that’s exactly what governments do, they build, fund, and organise power plants, energy grids, power lines, etc. What are you talking about?

What do you mean you can’t fake energy? How, what, what, who, what could that possibly mean?

Fake what? It’s not the energy that’s possibly being faked. Energy is just energy. I’m so confused. I don’t understand what’s going on. Why is the world run by idiots?

Or maybe I’m the idiot? Maybe I don’t understand anything. Maybe I don’t know what’s going on. Who am I?

Where am I? What is energy? Am I a Bitcoin?

Trilogy Metals, $TMQ (you know them, right? Trilogy Metals, they’re famous, everyone knows Trilogy Metals) just had a 210% surge after the US government said they’d buy a 10% stake at $35.6m (million) dollars (US).

You obviously already know this, but Trilogy Metals is a Canadian minerals explorer listed in the US and Trump wants them to dig baby dig in Alaska. So a cheeky little investment was a sure thing AND DEFINITELY NOT INSIDER TRADING.

This ain’t the first time Trump’s trumped up a stock price after turning his eye on Sauron (not naming names, Intel) and it won’t be the last. Here’s our top ten list of stonks that US will invest in next:

10. OpenAI

No one wants the AI bubble to burst less than the US government and what better way to stop it than artificially jacking up their share price? Altman’s the man to watch.

9. SpaceX/Tesla

The rift hasn’t been healed but no doubt Elon will come crawling back begging for a government contract some time soon. Tesla and SpaceX are due for a boost.

8. Gold

Gold’s reached a massive ATH recently after people lost faith in the government. So what better way to renew faith in the government than buying up all the gold?

7. Pelosi Stock

It’s simple: Nancy knows what’s going to happen next because she’s got insider government knowledge. So if the government invests in the same stock she’s investing in then the money will just keep going up. Boom. Infinite money.

6. The US Government

You are your own best cheerleader. You’ve got to faith in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. So go on, turn off the phone, go out there and make something of yourself, son.

5. Trump Gold Premium NFTs

These are the most beautiful NFTs anyone’s ever seen, they’re premium and you’re gonna love ‘em, real gold, made ‘em myself and they’ll be worth millions in two days so buy ‘em now. Get ‘em today.

4. Pokémon Cards

The only investment that doesn’t depreciate. Reportedly, the US government has its eyes on water types and rare Squirtles.

3. Alphabet ($GOOGL)

They make Bing, right? Bing’s the best search engine. I use Bing for everything. Chandler Bing.

2. China

My enemy’s enemy is my friend and my enemy’s success is my failure but if I invest in my enemy and make them my friend then my enemy’s failure is my success. It’s simple math. I’m calling it, America will start buying 10% of all of China.

1. Reverse Cramer

Our number one spot is the only stock that really matters. Everything that Mad Money Jim Cramer says to do, do the opposite. 100% Trump’s going to get in on that action, just you wait and see.

Elon “The Richest Man In The World” Musk is now still the richest man in the world, but even more so this time after reaching a massive $500 billion valuation.

The news comes mere SECONDS after OpenAI announced that it was “worth $500 billion dollars too but we said it first!” Coincidence? I think yes.

Musk is the first person ever to be worth this amount of money for a single human because honestly I don’t think anyone until now thought numbers could even go up that high.

If you were to smush Jeff Bezos and Mark Zukerberg together to create a Jark Bukerzerg that Connenbergian monstrosity still wouldn’t be worked as much as the Musk.

Bezo-bby is worth $233.5 bil, and the Zuck is $245.7 billy. Wtf.

In fact, Musk gained half his value, $245 billion in just this year alone. And I think we can all agree that it was this year in particular that Elon Musk became twice as valuable as before.

Elon Musk Richest Man Tweet — Yes, all my info comes from this tweet, bite me.

FOR COMPARISON, when adjusted for inflation, the wealthiest people IN ALL OF HISTORY were 14th-century African emperor Mansa Musa at $548 billion. JD Rockefeller was $340 billion. Andrew Carnegie was $310 billion, so what are we even doing here?

Musk You Be So Rich?

Honestly at this point what do you even do with your life? Where else is there to go? No wonder he just spends his time Tweeting. SORRY, X-ing.

Who knows what’ll have next, is rocketman still rocketing or has he reached the edge of space? With the interest alone, my boy will be well on his way to a trilly by next week, and honestly, good luck to him.

If I were him I’d buy a country or something, oh wait, he already tried that and the country was called AMERICA.

For more Elon news, click here: Larry Ellison Briefly World’s Richest Man, Ruining Elon’s Killstreak

I guess Nvidia doesn’t have a chip its shoulder…

And honestly, I don’t know how this works, like, isn’t this a conflict of interest? I really don’t understand how any of this works. What am I doing here?

The new pact is for Intel and Nvidia to develop data centres together, hand in hand, like nothing ever happened.

This new alliance could represent a threat to rival chip makers AMD, TSMC, and KFC who might now face the combined might of the two biggest chip manufacturers combined.

Ooh, maybe they’ll rebrand, let’s brainstorm names:

INvidia

That’s quite could, no need to change the pronunciation or anything, smooth and easy.

Nvtel

Ngl, that’s pretty shit. Basically illegible. Not sure what we’re even achieving there.

Nvidiatel

The maximalist option. Corporate boring. 6/10.

Nvidia-Intel

Probably the option they’d actually go with. Boring. Sucks. I hate it.

Intel-Nvidia

Not going to happen. Nvidia have the power, 100% they’ll put themselves first.

Chip Boys

More on this story here: Trump Agrees To Billion-Dollar Saudi Chip Deal, Frito-Lay Stocks Max Out

Wait, really? Oh, ok then, hold on, I need to reassess my whole worldview…

Yeah, that’s right, while you guys were freaking out about stupid things like MONEY and STOCKS and BEING ABLE TO AFFORD YOUR NEXT MEAL Nasa have gone up there and only gone and found freaking LIFE ON MARS YOU BITCHES.

Ok, fine, they found some rocks that COULD show TRACES of MICROBIAL life that USED to be there but are now DEAD. So, we’re not going to be shaking hands with Marvin the Martian any time soon, but STILL! …It is pretty cool.

The rocks they found were at the bottom of an ancient riverbed and have distinctive leopard-spot markings that could be the product of minerals created by ancient Martian microbes. Those minerals could have been made by non-organic geological processes but shut up, that would be boring.

Wall Street Reacts

Wall Street didn’t react, they don’t care. But Redditors and amateur investors alike foresee a new gold rush.

“Forget to da moon, I’m going to da mars,” said one bullish rando. “Space stocks are gonna be huge and I’m getting in on the ground floor.”

Another armchair financial advisor was less optimistic, however, saying, “These space freaks don’t even pay taxes, what’s up with that? They should pay their fair share and stop freeloading off us hardworking Americans.”

Elpn Mush chimed in too saying that this was just one more reason to send missions to Mars and that he’s still the only guy to do it. SpaceX stocks are up one qua-billion dollars as of time of writing.

A potential manned mission to Mars however might be less likely given that human incursion could tamper with the signs of life that are already there. But I’m just guessing there, I literally don’t know.

MarsCoin and ELONDOGEMARS crypto-meme-shit-coins also hit it big after the announcement so congrats on the four idiots that held on to those then. Freaks.

For more space news, read this: Elon Musk Finally Buys Mars

Who’s Larry Ellison? Oh, the CEO of Oracle. What’s Oracle? Oh, it’s a software company, sorry, I’m just learning all this in real time. That’s crazy that this guy could become the richest man in the world and I’ve never heard of him. Maybe I should have, maybe it’s my job…

Anyway! Oracle’s shares surged 30% today, reaping the rewards from the AI boom and giving hope that maybe the bubble isn’t burst. Maiyyyyybai.

All this means that Oracle’s co-founder Larry has cashed in another $70 billion (!!!), ratcheting him up to $384 billion, making him the second richest man in the world. Watch your ass, Elon Musk.

Elon Musk who only has $20 billion more (‘only’ jesus christ), responded to the announcement, saying, “I will kill you, Larry. I will kill you. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!”

If this trajectory continues, Larry would have the largest one-day increase ever recorded on the index. Obviously, the index doesn’t record everyone otherwise, they’ve give me the crown of largest one-day increase after my cousin Bogdan lent me $40, when I only had $4 at the time, so that’s a 10x increase right there.

Oracle’s mostly a cloud computing service and was late to pivot to AI, but was perfectly poised to use all its data centres for AI which is why we’re in this whole mess. Oracle person, Safra Catz (cool name) said that Oracle signed “four multibillion-dollar contracts with three different customers” in the three months to the end of August. So yeah, mega bucks.

More about Larry? Ok, sure. He owns a tennis tournament (how?). He owns an island, like 98% of the Hawaiian island Lanai. You know, classic rich guy shit. He originally made Oracle as a CIA database. He was an early investor in Tesla so has a 1.4% stake which means he’s 1.4% bleeding Elon dry.

So yeah, are we going to have a new random rich guy that we’re going to have to learn about? Maybe he’ll buy a social media? Maybe he’ll run for president? Who knows! The sky’s the limit when you’re a rich. There is literally nothing that is illegal for you.

For more tech news, Don’t Invest In OpenAi Says OpenAI, Wait, What?

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Nvidia Becomes First $5 Trillion Company, Now Worth Two Canadas

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