2026 | Wall Street Memes

Look, it got a little boost because of the Melania documentary/propaganda film (because that makes sense) but $MELANIA is still massively down just like all of the Trump family’s other virtual assets.

But it’s not just Trump, thank god, crypto has lost $1 trillion across the board over the past three months, hitting bitcoin, buttcoin, fartcoin and even the greatest virtual currency of all: the US dollar.

Eric and Don Jr’s bitcoin company tanked about 80%, now worth $1 billion down from $8.5 billion, Trump Media is down 33%, World Liberty Financial down 39%, you know what, just read this graph:

As you can see, Melania is for some reason the least hit by the plunge. Is that because she’s the most cool member of the Trump clan? Is it because she’s ever so slightly separate from the rest of them? Who tf knows. This isn’t science here, this is all just vibes.

$MELANIA is still down 98% since launch, so this isn’t exactly a win.

And sure, the Trump’s aren’t alone in this downturn, it’s the same story across the sector. What is exceptional is that no one else has quite put all their eggs into this highly volatile basket like the Trump’s have done.

And now that basket is on fire.

The Trumpz reportedly have about $3 billion in crypto and Trump Media & Technology Group in particular have about $1 billion in bitcoin alone. Or at least they did, I suppose that’s all worth a lot less now.

But crypto is volatile, that’s kind of the point, and who’s to say that this won’t all rally again? Either way, I think the Trumps are going to be just fine.

Hello there fellow Americans! Wow, we sure did have a howdy Super Bowl weekend didn’t y’all? Chips. Advertisements. Bad Bunny. And how about those players, huh? Haha, yeah, I sure watched the Big Game too.

I for one am an avid gambler too and when I’m not playing high stakes online poker in the Wall Street Memes Casino™, I’m looking at all the odds on the sports.

But oh no! Looks like my product, I mean, the casino I just happen to play in, it looks like they have a competitor! Haha, just like the sports, am I right?

Flutter Entertainment Plc, just an example gambling site, they run FanDuel and have been on stock decline for eight weeks, the longest its had for 23 years. DraftKings is similar, down 60% from its ATH five years ago. And this is all over Super Bowl weekend, that’s normally Christmas for these people. What the hell is going on?

Well, as you probably guessed from me saying it in the title, prediction markets like Kalshi and Polymarket are muscling in on gambling sites’ turf.

It’s very simple, if you’re a gambling site, you offer games. You’re fun, you’re flashy, you’re colorful. You’re entertainment, like a casino. Now, entertainment isn’t that important, we can take it or leave it and if you’re making too much money you should probably be regulated, so, sorry, but you’ve got to get in the box.

But if you’re a prediction market, oh, well, now you’re serious, you’re sensible, clean, black and white. You’re not entertainment, no, you’re business. Never mind that you offer many of the same services and operate in a similar way, no, you are NEEDED. Alright, you can have less regulation. No box for you.

Now, technically this should be illegal. The CFTC said places like Kalshi couldn’t trade on sports, but after Trump won the election, they gave it a go anyway and the CFTC didn’t seem to mind. Well, then the floodgates were open and out poured money after money after money. Come get some.

If you want more information on this, you can read this actual article here, but if not sure, read some more garbage on this site. Click below instead.

This is an ad.

I mean, obviously this is an ad for WSM Casino, but I don’t mean that ad, I mean, Elon Musk says that the US is going bankrupt and only he can fix it is obviously an ad for his his own interests.

Because, surprise, surprise, Elon’s solution to America’s debt crisis is AI and robots. At this point I’m starting to wonder if he’s a robot.

And as you could have also guessed, this headline-grabbing statement comes from a little chat on a podcast. It’s just advertising all round. Always has been.

“In the absence of AI and robotics, we’re actually totally screwed because the national debt is piling up like crazy,” he explained.

“It’s the only thing that could solve the national debt. We are 1,000% going to go bankrupt as a country, and fail as a country, without AI and robots,” said Elon. “Nothing else will solve the national debt. We just need enough time to build the AI and robots to not go bankrupt before then.”

Sure, OK, any hints as to how AI and robots are going to help out with this at all? No? OK… and this has nothing to do with the fact that you just pivoted Tesla away from cars and to exclusively making robots and chatbots?

It’s like a guy who makes novelty rubber chickens hopping on a podcast to say, “I dunno, Jeff, I’m pretty sure the only thing that can save the planet is novelty rubber chickens. I’m just saying.”

Like, my god, this isn’t news. ‘Businessman Promotes Own Business’… gripping stuff.

Everyone’s favourite billionaire sure does get around! With his distinctive good looks and bitingly witty sense of humor, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk has really cemented himself as a globally recognisable pop culture figure!

Well, today we’re ranking his dips into the world of movies, TV and the personal emails of notorious pedophiles and sex traffickers. So read on below to see the top 10 of Elon Musk best celebrity appearances!

Iron Man 2

Back when Elon was known as a billionaire-playboy-philanthropist and nothing else, the South-African reportedly partially inspired Robert Downey Jr.’s depiction of Tony ‘Ironman’ Stark. The connection led to Muskman having a brief appearance in the second movie. IN the scene Elon is named and says that he has a good idea for an electric jet before being blown off by Stark. Haha, classic Elon!

The Epstein Files

Not quite as cool as being in a superhero movie but likely a more memorable performance! Elon Musk is featured prominently as a close penpal of the disgraced New York financier, Jeffrey Epstein. In the emails Musk repeatedly asks to join one of Jeff’s many parties. Isn’t he happy that that’s one cameo he wasn’t able to make happen!

Rick and Morty

Although not actually featured as himself, Elon Musk plays a brand new hilarious character in this wacky space adventure called, Elon Tusk! Get it! Hahaha, and the fun doesn’t end there because Elon Tusk gets up to some hilarious hijinks along the way! Click here to buy a VHS copy of the episode to watch at home. (we do get money from that by the way)

The Simpsons

Now this one can hardly be called a cameo since Elon has effectively an entire episode dedicated to him! In The Simpsons episode, The Musk Who Fell to Earth (Season 26, Episode 12), Elon crash lands into Springfield and then builds a power plant or something? Idk, I watched it ages ago. But what I do remember is that the Simpsons family are weirdly idolising of such the man. Maybe they’re just pleased he didn’t have Tusks?

Not On Epstein’s Island, Lol

Now, here’s a sort of anti-cameo since Elon Musk famously kept getting the cold-snub to join Epstein’s orgy-parties! In his own words, “Do you have any parties planned?” Musk asked. “I’ve been working to the edge of sanity this year and so, once my kids head home after Christmas, I really want to hit the party scene in St Barts or elsewhere and let loose. The invitation is much appreciated, but a peaceful island experience is the opposite of what I’m looking for.” It’s a shame this cameo didn’t work out and Jeffrey had to pretend that all the parties were cancelled just so Elon couldn’t cameo!

South Park, Probably

I don’t know! I’ve not seen him in South Park but I feel like whilst he was doing the cartoon cameo rounds he was probably in an episode or two! Let me google it! Oh look, yes, there he is!

The Big Bang Theory

Elon’s also in the Big Bang Theory.

Triumph of the Will

Elon Musk was featured prominently in Leni Riefenstahl’s breakout documentary covering a notorious right wing rally. As featured in the film, Musk attempts to highfive a fan in audience but unfortunately his arms weren’t long enough! Sad face emoji.

SNL

In 2021 Elon Musk hosted an episode of Saturday ‘N’ Live! Was this when comedy was made legal again? I sure hope it was since the program relies heavily on comedy! I remember this being a big deal at the time, but I can’t remember anything about it! Oh look, that’s him as Wario. OK, I vaguely remember that but I feel like other things he’s done more recently have kind of pushed this out of my mind…

Now, before we get to our finally entry I just wanted to list of Elon’s incredible cameos that didn’t make the top ten list: Thank You For Smoking, Transcendence, Why Him? (that’s the name of the film, I’m not asking, why Elon), Men in Black: International, Young Sheldon and a bunch of documentaries for some reason.

Machete Kills

Wait, really? What the hell, Ok, that’s so strange. Fine, sure, I guess…

And that’s it! Which popular cameo was your favourite? Let me know in the comments and tell all your friends!

Yes. Yes he did.

The New York financier famously invented ‘bit-o-coin’ or ‘bitcoin’ for short. Between bouts of molesting children, schmoozing with your personal favorite celebrity and blowing off Elon ‘Lingering’ Musk, ol’ Jeff was hard at work coding the blockchain by hand under the moniker Satoshi Nakamoto.

And honestly I’m personally disgusted that this man would stoop so low as to basically do a digital yellow face. The rest of his crimes I can stomach but I draw the line at cultural appropriation.

As revealed in the Epstein Files (so named because he was a pedo-file), J.E. was a significant backer in the early days of crypto. As MIT’s Joichi Ito said to him in an email, “used gift funds to underwrite this which allowed us to move quickly and win this round. Thanks.”

To put it into numbers, Jepstein personally underwrote 74.79% of Bitcoin’s core development. And you know what that means too, right?

That means Jeffrey’s been getting a significant kickback from his early investment since this whole project began. As one X user put it succinctly, “BTC has been funding a global elite pedo group since 2015… great.”

Beyond bitcoin, Epsteinerry was also an early investor in ZCash and put $3 million into Coinbase, solidifying the man as a true visionary of our times.

The value of PEDOCOIN has rocketed up since the reveal of this news.

Jeffrey Epstein could not be reached for comment.

Disney! Everyone’s favorite parasitic-organism-nourished-solely-off-childhood-nostalgia has a big shake up incoming with the appointment of its first CEO not called Bob in 21 years.

Internally, the company is very stressed about the change since the word ‘Bob’ has now become synonymous with ‘CEO’. Employees are reportedly asking one another whether new CEO Josh D’Amaro should be called as such, or be referred to as Bob D’Amaro. It’s probably easier that way. Yeah, he should just legally change his name.

So with such a massive shakeup, here’s a brief list of everything Josh/Bob might be looking at changing.

More live-action remakes!

The thing is, there’s not been enough lately. Sure, some say that the well has dried up but what we’re forgetting about is that they make SO. MUCH. MONEY. If we’ve run out of cartoons to live-action/CGI-ify why not start remaking the live-action films in live-action? And just rinse and repeat until the sun implodes.

A Disney/Netflix/WarnerBros merger

Isn’t it inevitable? Once Netflix buys the WB at last it will be big enough to consume its ultimate rival and become one with its very essence! At last, the prophecy will be fulfilled! DisflixBros will conquer the world!!!

A price hike for Disney+ subs

Idk, probably though.

A.I. Disney movies

Yeah, this one isn’t a joke though as previous Bob’s final act was to secure a deal with OpenAI’s Sora to allow them to use Disney’s IP (idea products). This doesn’t necessarily mean Disney itself will produce and distribute AI features (like, probs not, it’s just not good enough yet) but it is a clear bet that AI has some kind of a future in the entertainment ecosystem and Disney wants a cut of that pie before the knockoffs take their cut for them. Hey, I’m being ripped off, I at least want to get paid for it.

What else? Nah, actually I think that’s probably it. Yeah, I think we’re done here.

15%? So, back to last Thursday’s prices then?

PepsiCo! The company that confusingly makes more than just Pepsi, has announced plans to reduce the cost of snacks like Lay’s, Dorito’s, Cheeto’s, Tostito’s, Avocado’s “and more” (never heard of that last snack) by 15%, specifically so that you, the person reading this, can afford it.

The price slash should come into effect just before Super Bowl Sunday, aka ‘The Christmas of Snacks’, positioning PepsiCo snacks as more desirable on the shelf over this all important weekend.

Oh, sorry, sorry, no, they did this out of the kindness of their salty, salty hearts. Yes, millionaire CEO Rachel Ferdinando has personally “spent the past year listening closely to consumers, and they’ve told us they’re feeling the strain.”

“Lowering the suggested retail price reflects our commitment to help reduce the pressure where we can. Because people shouldn’t have to choose between great taste and staying within their budget.”

PepsiCo also plans to file for charity status within the coming days.

This massive humanitarian effort began when Elliot Management jumped on the flailing business with a $4 billion stake and vowed to turn around the business with steps such as these. You know, like what Jesus did.

According to an earning’s release (but not the press release) the hope is to improve “purchase frequency”. Oh, and also reduce the pressure and help people out of course. I mean, mainly the make money part, but helping people, yeah, yeah, that too. Why not both?

So, is this a sign that companies are finally seeing that things are too expensive? Well, I guess so, but we’ll only see real change if PepsiCo is successful here and if companies are so desperate they’re basically forced to. And if they can make money off it.

So, err, no, not really then, no.

Like, no, it’s actually the opposite.

Over the past week over $1 trillion dollars have been wiped off software stocks across the board. But this isn’t the AI bubble bursting, no, weirdly it’s the opposite… an implosion?

Because the companies most badly hit have been those that haven’t embraced Al or are likely to be supplanted by its use. Yeah, this is a warning shot to anyone outside the bubble to hop inside it quick, or die.

Like all stock panics, this all began from the tiniest little thing, namely Anthropic’s new AI tool for reviewing legal contracts. …OK? Who cares? Well, EVERYONE apparently.

Because Anthropic’s coding Al launched last year revolutionised that sphere it’s looking like this latest development could hit legal, but maybe sales, or marketing, or maybe even (god forbid) financial satire.

So some stocks took a tumble and the whole thing just snowballed from there even hitting European and Asian markets.

What a clever system.

AI? More like A-Stupid!

We’ll see this bounce back tomorrow or next week probably because it really feels like that’s how this works. The moment I report on the stock market going down, it’s up again by the time I hit publish!! AHHH!!!

The main thing everyone’s waiting on is Alphabet’s stock results which could turn things around but currently, yeah, S&P 500, Nasdaq and my own personal bank account are all down.

Oh and Gold and Bitcoin are down. Not sure why I capitalized them there… We’re not really on first name terms.

Anyways, that’s the news. I’m the news. Hope you’ve enjoyed.

Bitcoin just had its biggest drop since Trump’s inauguration, falling $80,000 as $2 billion positions have been liquidated. Everyone’s terrified of another crypto crash, but you know isn’t, you know who’s grinning right now?

Ronald Fucking McDonald.

That’s right, the fast food chain McDonald’s just received a massive stock bump following the news. What’s that, causation not correlation? Shut up.

The reason being is that now the bitcoin is worthless again, all the crypto bros will simply have to go back to their jobs serving freedom fries and ham burgers. Sorry guys, I don’t make the rules.

Bitcoin’s been hit with the same thing that’s bringing the whole stock market down (and gold and silver along with it) and that’s a small tech slide after Microsoft reported lacklustre results.

But, somehow immune to this crisis, McDonald’s is laughing all the way to the bank.

Another reason why McDonald’s stock might be up is that the restaurant just launched ‘McNugget caviar’ for valentines day. What? What are you even talking about? What even is that? Ok, yeah, sure that’ll get shareholders excited.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! McDonald’s just launched a FRIENDS (the tv show) inspired line of happy meal toys and menu items. And literally the only reason I wanted to tell you this is so I can point you towards the company’s absolutely terrible press release that was clearly written by AI.

“Collectibles That’ll Make You Say, “Oh My Gawd!” 😱”

Like, come on, at least cover your tracks and delete the emojis. No? Ok.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Bitcoin or something. Idk, feel like I said everything I had to say on that. Boo-bee-doop.

Oh, it was a partial shutdown, that’s why I haven’t heard of it, for me it’s full shutdowns or I just don’t care

THE President, Donald Jonathan Trump just ended a government shutdown that started on Saturday. So, does he now hold the record for longest and shortest shutdowns in history?

The budget is worth $1.2 trillion dollars (USDollars) but the Department of Homeland Security (DeHoSe) will have its funding cut off next week whilst Democrats argue about ice (ICE).

The Demogorgans want icy agents to wear bodycams, not wear facemasks (ironic) and just overall give them less money. Jesus, seems a bit harsh, what did they do, shoot someone? Oh, they did? TWO people?? What the hell?

“This bill is a great victory for the American people,” said Trump, mega-sharpie in hand. But is it though? Isn’t this just business as usual? Inventing pull tabs for soda cans, that’s a great victory for the American people, this is just hyperbole.

Also, why has this become so business as usual? I know in general the political right is against big government but arguing for long enough the government has to shut down feels like a very circuitous and temporary way of sticking to those Washington elite.

I mean, the last one was only back in November. It’s becoming so normal now that I for one didn’t even hear about this shutdown and I’m PAID to read the news!

Democrats Just Played Their Trump Card

Now I know government shutdowns are becoming a bit of a political norm nowadays, this is the 12th (?) since 1980 (seven (?) of those under Trump’s watch), but things weren’t always this way. It began in 1980 with a specific interpretation of an 1884 spending law. From the 80s onward suddenly all government spending needed Congressional approval or it wouldn’t happen.

No other country does this by the way. If the government can’t agree on spending bills, that doesn’t mean planes start dropping out the sky, that would be insane, what an insane way to behave.

So if the law was changed once, why can’t it be changed again? Well, because it’s become a political tool. The pay of millions and the smooth running of the country is a hostage that political parties can kidnap then blame each other for when said hostage’s headsets inevitably blown off.

I guess until we have political peace and love and hand-holding, we’re going to see a lot more governments just ceasing to function right in the middle of a thought. Now bare in mind that

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