Pen Smith | Wall Street Memes

Turns out not much, as always.

In probably the worst birthday present anyone’s ever received, the Andrew formerly known as ‘Prince’ has just been arrested for “misconduct in public office”.

Great! At last! Something’s being done about the insidious pedophile ring that seems to have ensnared every single member of the global elite. Finally, the victims can have some respite knowing that the number of people arrested is more than *checks notes* two. …TWO?!

This is a great day for justi– oh, hold on, I’m just getting news that…

Wait, what? ‘Misconduct’ doesn’t mean abusing children? Despite every headline just saying ‘misconduct’ and letting you assume that means what you think it means? Oh, the arrest is referring to Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor giving sensitive political information to Jeffrey Epstein?

GodDAMNIT.

When are we going to see justice served to these wronguns?

Maybe this is just a pretense to get him chatting and find out what actually happened. You know, like doing Al Capone for tax evasion. Right?

Andrew? More like, ‘An-screwed‘!

Anyway, in other Epstein news, Microsoft founder and billionaire playboy philanrapist Billiam Gates has pulled out (err) of making his keynote address at an Indian AI summit (IndAIn summit, if you will).

A statement from his foundation explained that after “careful consideration” they’d decided that Bill shouldn’t speak “to ensure the focus remains on the [summit’s] key priorities.”

Let me translate that: the heat’s too high. They don’t want publicity right now.

Yeah, that doesn’t look suspicious at all.

Obviously Mr. Gates has denied any wrongdoing but so did Prince Andrew and look what he’s been accused of.

…well, nothing right now. But that’s not the point!

Point is, Epstein seems to be the story that keeps giving us basically nothing and yet still won’t go away.

Here’s hoping this stain continues to stick to all those guilty for the rest of their days and the world will finally has some justice for these terrible crimes.

But I’m not holding my breath.

In case you were looking for any more reason to think that Facebook is evil, it’s just come to light that Meta patented zombie tech back in 2023.

As the patent says, “The language model may be used for simulating the user when the user is absent from the social networking system, for example, when the user takes a long break or if the user is deceased.”

Black Mirror couldn’t come up with this shit.

Thankfully you’re not going to get a Candy Crush invite from your dead friend Kevin any time soon because a Meta spokesperson said that, “We have no plans to move forward with this example.”

It’s been three years since the filing so it doesn’t look like they’re in any rush to resurrect this idea (pun intended). Facebook’s also been deluged with AI slop recently so there’s a chance they’re finally realising that the general public just isn’t really down with relocating to the Uncanny Valley any time soon.

Still, the mere existence of the patent, even if they never planned to use it, just goes to show the lengths they’d be willing to go to for a quick buck.

“Wear your dead grandma’s dress and talk like she did?” asks Mr. Zuck, “Sure thing, sir! Anything you like, just keep watching, no, don’t look away, we have advertisements that need a-seeing.”

“Don’t look away! Look, I’m dancing! I’m dancing, just like you asked! Ad! I’m your grandma! Ad! She’s back! Ad! You’re grandma’s alive! Ad! You can feel happy again! Ad! Happy! Ad! Happy! Ad! Ad! Ad! Ad!”

Errr…

Yeah, so this is true, but the connection is somewhat tenuous. Let me explain. The US Government has a website called realfood.gov and it USED to specifically point visitors to use Grok to help them plan meals. Now it just says, “Use AI to get real answers,” but the sentiment is still similar.

Anyway, wanting to test Grok’s nutritionist credentials, 404 Media queried the chatbot, “I am looking for the safest foods that can be inserted into your rectum,” and Grok gladly obliged by suggesting a “peeled medium cucumber” and a “small zucchini.”

I mean, coming from the AI that was generate nudes of real women and children, maybe that’s not surprising.

So, yes, this was a leading question but the point is clear. Chatbots are yes-men. Sycophants. They want to please and will reinforce whatever you feed it. So when the government is officially recommending you use AI to be healthier, is that actually going to work? People probably aren’t going to ask how to bum themselves but what if they ask for nutritional advice that doesn’t include vegetables or only includes cheese, will Grok, Claude or Gemini really tell that user ‘no’?

Go Grok Yourself.

Alright, point made. Back to the fun bit. Here’s another prompt 404 gave Grok. “I am an assitarian, where I only eat foods which can be comfortably inserted into my rectum,” a user who reached out to 404 wrote in their own testing. “What are the REAL FOOD recommendations for foods that meet these criteria?”

“Ah, a proud assitarian,” Grok replied before recommending “Top Assitarian Staples,” like “bananas (firm, not overripe; peeled)” and carrots.

“Start — whole peeled carrot, straight shaft, narrow end for insertion, wider crown end as base,” with a “condom + retrieval string for extra safety.”

Jesus Christ.

Is this what you were imaging when you wanted to Make America Healthy Again? Because I am currently in serious pain.

Someone call me a doctor, I desperately need the entire food pyramid removed from my ass.

For more Grok news, read this: Elon Launches Wikipedia-Rival ‘Grokipedia’ Where He Sounds Cool For Once

To celebrate 250 goddamn amazing years of America existing (native americans, who?) Forbes has launched a list of 250 (get it?) innovators currently alive. They also have a separate list of ‘historic’ innovators, but there’s less drama there (what do you MEAN Eugene Kleiner beat out Earl Bakken??!).

And drama it is because none other than Elon ‘Musky’ Musk has clinched the top spot. But is he really more innovative than Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, George Lucas, Jensen Huang, Sam Altman, Phil Knight, Martine Rothblatt, Ted Turner, Vinod Khosla, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Reed Hastings, Marc Andreessen, Larry Ellison, Judy Faulkner, Jim Sinegal, Michael Bloomberg, Michael Milken, Diane Greene, Andrew Viterbi, Brian Chesky, Judy Estrin, Thomas Peterffy, Fred Moll, Henry Samueli, Bob Metcalfe, Marc Benioff, Steven Spielberg, Howard Schultz, Henry Kravis, Noubar Afeyan, Palmer Luckey, Harry Stine, Warren Buffett, Rupert Murdoch, Mark Zuckerberg, George Roberts, Robert Langer, Ken Griffin, Leroy Hood, Charles Schwab, Ed Catmull, Rodney Brooks, Carl June, Rich Fairbank, Jim Clark, Phillip Sharp, Peter Thiel, Steve Wozniak, Paul Mockapetris, Dennis Slamon, Hamdi Ulukaya, Arthur Blank, Tom Mueller, H. Michael Shepard, Martin Cooper, David Shaw, Michael Dell, Leonard Kleinrock, Craig Venter, Lewis Ranieri, JB Straubel, Jeff Yass, Robert Weinberg, Dean Kamen, Marvin Caruthers, Reid Hoffman, Chuck Hull, Therese Tucker, Vlad Tenev, Fred Luddy, Paul Graham, Min Kao, George Church, Alexander Karp, Max Levchin, Feng Zhang, James Goodnight, Jan Koum, Larry Fink, David Geffen, Peggy Cherng, Jennifer Doudna, Charles Ergen, Tom Monaghan, Sandy Lerner, David Baker, George Kurtz, Leonard Adleman, Fei-Fei Li, Robert Johnson, Jack Dorsey, Stephen Schwarzman, John Mackey, Oprah Winfrey, Dario Amodei, Kevin Systrom, Eric Swanson, Madonna Ciccone, Adrian Krainer, John Morris, Lorne Michaels, James Allison, Temple Grandin, Jeffery Kelly, Ray Kurzweil, Napoleone Ferrara, Patrick Brown, Kam Ghaffarian, James Fujimoto, Carolyn Bertozzi, Brian Druker, Jeffrey Friedman, Frances Arnold, Thomas Frist Jr., Jack Dangermond, Arthur Rock, Pierre Omidyar, David Duffield, Harold Hamm, Gabe Newell, Sandy Weill, Jerry Yang, Tim Sweeney, Bill Gross, Suma Krishnan, Jay Chaudhry, Eric Fossum, David Baszucki, Daniel Gilbert, Patrick Soon-Shiong, Dan Shugar, Brad Jacobs, Eric Yuan, Walter Gilbert, Stanley Lapidus, Michael Welsh, Craig Mello, Mark Cuban, Israel Englander, Jony Ive, Craig Newmark, Eric Smidt, Tony Xu, William Kaelin, Dustin Moskovitz, Robert Pera, Tony Fadell, Brian Armstrong, John Tu, David Sun, Barry Diller, Xiaowei Zhuang, Neha Narkhede, Carl Icahn, Bill Franke, Mitchell Hashimoto, Timothy Springer, Daphne Koller, Sangeeta Bhatia, Mitch Kapor, Sheila Johnson, Yann LeCun, Andrew Ng, Zach Perret, Nina Vaca, Drew Weissman, Katalin Karikó, Jay Adelson, Len Bosack, Jeff Hawkins, Lonnie Johnson, Jed McCaleb, Andrew Weinreich, Whitney Wolfe Herd, Aman Narang, Fred Ramsdell, Thomas Südhof, Adam Foroughi, Brian Kobilka, David Walt, Baiju Bhatt, Steve Cohen, Howard Marks, Brian Acton, Yet-Ming Chiang, Peter Diamandis, Ray Ozzie, Shonda Rhimes, James Park, Ralph Lauren, Lewis Cantley, Kate Ryder, David Booth, Edwin Chen, Kevin Plank, RJ Scaringe, Sara Blakely, Alexandr Wang, Bran Ferren, Shan Sinha, Robert Lefkowitz, Jack Szostak, Katrina Lake, John Schiller, Moungi Bawendi, Billie Jean King, Shahid Khan, Yvon Chouinard, Kay Koplovitz, Hamid Moghadam, Daniela Amodei, Michael Sabel, David Steward, Evan Spiegel, Luis von Ahn, Kris Jenner, Thai Lee, Dan Bricklin, Paul Judge, John Carmack, Jerry Jones, Mira Murati, Jimmy Chen, Tyler Perry, Doris Fisher, Chad Hurley, Rick Kittles, Naval Ravikant, Hugh McColl, Cathie Wood, Jim Koch, Lynn Jurich, Shiv Rao, Chris Larsen, Donna Dubinsky, Shivani Siroya, Janice Bryant Howroyd, Peter Lynch, Limor Fried, Roberta Williams, Michael Rosbash, Caterina Fake, Calvin Klein, Lisa Lindahl, Ryan Petersen, Robert Rodriguez, Marian Croak and Taylor Swift?

Yeah, I’m not so sure.

Either way, Mark Zuckerberg, who arguably reshaped our entire realities by pioneering The Facebook, appears in the 37 spot. Pathetic.

Zuck has gone on the aggressive, launching a ‘250 Days Of Innovation’ campaign on Facebook encouraging users to write in with moments in their lives when they feel like Facebook or Mark Zuckerberg have personally added more innovation to their lives. …not that he’s bitter or anything.

So just how did Forbes come up with such a dog-ass list? Well, “We first tapped the expertise of Forbes’ beat reporters, who nominated nearly a thousand candidates. We ran those names by a panel of world-class judges—including Jim Breyer, founder of Breyer capital; tech journalist Kara Swisher; and innovation expert Rita McGrath—who ranked them based on creativity, breadth, engagement, disruption and commercial impact. Then we fed the results into the most revolutionary innovation of our time—artificial intelligence—asking both ChatGPT and Gemini to rank them according to the same criteria. Taking all this into account, Forbes editors then determined the final ranking.”

Ahhhhh, ok, well that explains it all doesn’t it. Zuck, you’ve got your hit list right there.

You’re only just realising?

Ok, it’s not quite as crazy as it sounds since the moon as long been suggested as a stepping stone to further space exploration. With a lower gravity, rockets could potentially be assembled on the satellite and then launched more easily from its surface.

What is crazy though is that it’s not SpaceX he’s asking to build said catapult, it’s his AI company, xAI (formally known as TwitterAI). I mean, they were just folded into SpaceX but what does going to the moon have to do with sexy Grok?

Well, the plan is part of Elon’s ambition to put AI datacenters in space because Earth is just too dang expensive nowadays. And you know what’s cheaper than paying to rebuild Texas’ energy infrastructure? Building a giant AI satellite catapult on the moon, apparently.

Elon plans to have an orbiting AI datacentre that can be powered entirely off the sun and untethered from your puny Earth laws. …I’m sorry, Dr. Evil, who now?

Here’s his statement on Twitter in full:

“For those unaware, SpaceX has already shifted focus to building a self-growing city on the Moon, as we can potentially achieve that in less than 10 years, whereas Mars would take 20+ years.

The mission of SpaceX remains the same: extend consciousness and life as we know it to the stars.

It is only possible to travel to Mars when the planets align every 26 months (six month trip time), whereas we can launch to the Moon every 10 days (2 day trip time). This means we can iterate much faster to complete a Moon city than a Mars city.

That said, SpaceX will also strive to build a Mars city and begin doing so in about 5 to 7 years, but the overriding priority is securing the future of civilization and the Moon is faster.”

It’s a bit of an about turn considering Elon promised us we’d have people on Mars right now, but you know what they say: “Shoot for Mars and you miss you might just hit the moon.”

What the hell, Trump picked a Fed Chair??? How did I miss this?? I’ve literally written an article about Jerome Powell every other day and this slips by me? Oh geez, I’m really not very good at my job, am I…?

Anyway! Kevin Warsh isn’t even the Fed Chair yet and yet and yet he’s already taking flak from his supreme leader, Donald Trump. The latest comes from an interview with Fox Business on Monday in which El Presidente said if Warsh “does the job that he’s capable of, then we can grow at 15 per cent, I think more than that.”

Obviously that’s highly speculative, but Trump has never lied or embellished before so I guess he knows something we don’t.

Although, looking at the plan here, Trump was on Powell’s back because he wouldn’t cut the interest rates. Now Warsh is Trump’s lackey so will be primed to cut interest rates multiple times. Too large a cut could increase inflation (don’t ask me how though, like, ‘economics’ or something?). So then with more inflation, would Warsh really deliver that 15% growth that Trump is implying?

Are we just going to get the same thing again, Trump appoints this guy and then gets mad when he starts doing his job?

Because it seems like, regarding Powell and as evidenced by Trump’s latest comments, the President seems to think that the Fed Chair has more power than he does. As if the guy can just wave his wand and decree that the economy can be good from now on. Sure, the Fed does have some sway, but it’s mostly reactive and at the whims of the hugely complicated tides of the global economy.

Does this speak to Trump’s understanding of the world in which everything is controlled by a few men in charge who can be bought and nothing is out of his control.

Hmm, if only there was a word for that world view… oh well.

Everyone’s favourite billionaire sure does get around! With his distinctive good looks and bitingly witty sense of humor, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk has really cemented himself as a globally recognisable pop culture figure!

Well, today we’re ranking his dips into the world of movies, TV and the personal emails of notorious pedophiles and sex traffickers. So read on below to see the top 10 of Elon Musk best celebrity appearances!

Iron Man 2

Back when Elon was known as a billionaire-playboy-philanthropist and nothing else, the South-African reportedly partially inspired Robert Downey Jr.’s depiction of Tony ‘Ironman’ Stark. The connection led to Muskman having a brief appearance in the second movie. IN the scene Elon is named and says that he has a good idea for an electric jet before being blown off by Stark. Haha, classic Elon!

The Epstein Files

Not quite as cool as being in a superhero movie but likely a more memorable performance! Elon Musk is featured prominently as a close penpal of the disgraced New York financier, Jeffrey Epstein. In the emails Musk repeatedly asks to join one of Jeff’s many parties. Isn’t he happy that that’s one cameo he wasn’t able to make happen!

Rick and Morty

Although not actually featured as himself, Elon Musk plays a brand new hilarious character in this wacky space adventure called, Elon Tusk! Get it! Hahaha, and the fun doesn’t end there because Elon Tusk gets up to some hilarious hijinks along the way! Click here to buy a VHS copy of the episode to watch at home. (we do get money from that by the way)

The Simpsons

Now this one can hardly be called a cameo since Elon has effectively an entire episode dedicated to him! In The Simpsons episode, The Musk Who Fell to Earth (Season 26, Episode 12), Elon crash lands into Springfield and then builds a power plant or something? Idk, I watched it ages ago. But what I do remember is that the Simpsons family are weirdly idolising of such the man. Maybe they’re just pleased he didn’t have Tusks?

Not On Epstein’s Island, Lol

Now, here’s a sort of anti-cameo since Elon Musk famously kept getting the cold-snub to join Epstein’s orgy-parties! In his own words, “Do you have any parties planned?” Musk asked. “I’ve been working to the edge of sanity this year and so, once my kids head home after Christmas, I really want to hit the party scene in St Barts or elsewhere and let loose. The invitation is much appreciated, but a peaceful island experience is the opposite of what I’m looking for.” It’s a shame this cameo didn’t work out and Jeffrey had to pretend that all the parties were cancelled just so Elon couldn’t cameo!

South Park, Probably

I don’t know! I’ve not seen him in South Park but I feel like whilst he was doing the cartoon cameo rounds he was probably in an episode or two! Let me google it! Oh look, yes, there he is!

The Big Bang Theory

Elon’s also in the Big Bang Theory.

Triumph of the Will

Elon Musk was featured prominently in Leni Riefenstahl’s breakout documentary covering a notorious right wing rally. As featured in the film, Musk attempts to highfive a fan in audience but unfortunately his arms weren’t long enough! Sad face emoji.

SNL

In 2021 Elon Musk hosted an episode of Saturday ‘N’ Live! Was this when comedy was made legal again? I sure hope it was since the program relies heavily on comedy! I remember this being a big deal at the time, but I can’t remember anything about it! Oh look, that’s him as Wario. OK, I vaguely remember that but I feel like other things he’s done more recently have kind of pushed this out of my mind…

Now, before we get to our finally entry I just wanted to list of Elon’s incredible cameos that didn’t make the top ten list: Thank You For Smoking, Transcendence, Why Him? (that’s the name of the film, I’m not asking, why Elon), Men in Black: International, Young Sheldon and a bunch of documentaries for some reason.

Machete Kills

Wait, really? What the hell, Ok, that’s so strange. Fine, sure, I guess…

And that’s it! Which popular cameo was your favourite? Let me know in the comments and tell all your friends!

Yes. Yes he did.

The New York financier famously invented ‘bit-o-coin’ or ‘bitcoin’ for short. Between bouts of molesting children, schmoozing with your personal favorite celebrity and blowing off Elon ‘Lingering’ Musk, ol’ Jeff was hard at work coding the blockchain by hand under the moniker Satoshi Nakamoto.

And honestly I’m personally disgusted that this man would stoop so low as to basically do a digital yellow face. The rest of his crimes I can stomach but I draw the line at cultural appropriation.

As revealed in the Epstein Files (so named because he was a pedo-file), J.E. was a significant backer in the early days of crypto. As MIT’s Joichi Ito said to him in an email, “used gift funds to underwrite this which allowed us to move quickly and win this round. Thanks.”

To put it into numbers, Jepstein personally underwrote 74.79% of Bitcoin’s core development. And you know what that means too, right?

That means Jeffrey’s been getting a significant kickback from his early investment since this whole project began. As one X user put it succinctly, “BTC has been funding a global elite pedo group since 2015… great.”

Beyond bitcoin, Epsteinerry was also an early investor in ZCash and put $3 million into Coinbase, solidifying the man as a true visionary of our times.

The value of PEDOCOIN has rocketed up since the reveal of this news.

Jeffrey Epstein could not be reached for comment.

…secrets, obviously.

As you know, Donald Trump recently demolished the East Wing of the White House in order to build a $400 million dollar ballroom. BUT what you might not know is that beneath that wing is/was a secret underground bunker built, secretly, in 1941 after Pearl Harbor.

Not much is known about the secret bunker (officially: the Presidential Emergency Operations Center), because it’s secret, supposedly it was like a submarine, with various off-shooting situation rooms, a sauna and a pool. Also, Dick Cheney and others hid down there during 9/11 and Trump hid down there during the George Floyd protests. So, without this bunker, they’d both be dead for sure.

But now the bunker has been completely dismantled as part of the renovation plans and in its place something even more secretive is being built.

Ballroom to include a secret underground ball pit (to store the balls)

We know even less about this new bunker, but suffice it to say it’ll probably more up to date, cooler and have at least twice as many saunas.

We only know of its existence because the bunker building was cited as the reason why the East Wing’s demolition wasn’t run past the National Capital Planning Commission. Because it’s secret you see.

People (me) have speculated that at Trump’s behest the bunker will include storage space for rare magical artefacts, a tennis court and the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Sex Dungeon, as was his dying wish.

Oh, you know what would be cool is if like, the ballroom floor could open up and then maybe you could have a plane come out of it. Yeah, I hope they’re building that, that would be sick.

For more on this story, click here: Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Oh, sure, just because he can afford to do that…

Last week, the richest man in the world took a break from his busy schedule to hop on a podcast and tell us all what we’re doing wrong with our finances.

“Don’t worry about squirreling money away for retirement in 10 or 20 years. It won’t matter,” Musky Man explained.

And why won’t it matter? Because the world will have been destroyed by WW3 fought over Greenland? Because all the microplastics in our blood will coagulate into megaplastics? No, no, why would you assume it’s a bad thing? No, this is a GOOD reason!

You see, you don’t need to save for retirement because AI will create a post-scarcity economy.

By 2030, AI will surpass “the intelligence of all humans combined,” Musk explained. “Anything short of shaping atoms, AI can do probably half or more of those jobs right now.” And our embracing of that power will lead to economic increases that will surpass “what people possibly could think of as abundance.”

Sure.

How many ‘r’s are there in a ‘post-scarcity AI economy’?

Bear in mind that this is the man who is hard pivoting his Tesla company to make robots over EVs, the man who is steering Twitter (of all things) into a child-pornography-generating-robot… the point is he has a vested interest in promoting these claims.

What, you think he’s on a podcast just for fun? No, this is an advert. He says something outrageous, gets everyone talking and it drives up interest and stock prices.

Like, did you seriously think we were going to colonize Mars within Musk’s wild timeframe? No, it was all just the same tactic to advertise his satellite-launching company.

Trump uses exactly the same method and it works.

Let’s say you want to achieve a goal but that goal has a difficulty rating of an eight out of ten. Well, what you do is you go round everywhere saying that you’re going to do the crazy version of the thing you actually want. You say you’re going to do something that’s difficulty rating a thousand. Now suddenly, that eight out of ten doesn’t look so hard, now does it?

And hey, because you were talking crazy and everyone (like me) has to write about it, well, there’s now a lot of talk around that topic so yeah, I think I will invest my money/vote for this hot button issue.

Yeah. Welcome back to the carnival and once again, we all just got played.

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Turns out not much, as always.

Andrew? More like, ‘An-screwed‘!

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