Month: January 2025

Although he literally just stepped down as Canadian Prime Minister, controversial politician Justin Trudeau has announced that he will run for the Office of the President of the United States of America in 2029.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think recently,” explained the 53-year-old has-been. “And I thought my political life was over. But then I thought, where’s the one place where it doesn’t matter where you’ve come from? The one place where being a controversial politician is actually useful? The one place where being 53 is actually really really young? That’s right. The White House.”

Although Trudeau will be ineligible to run for president as, amongst other things, he isn’t American, this doesn’t mean he can’t campaign, it would just be a bit weird. But hey, if he wants to waste his money, fine by me.

“I AM THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN BEAT DONALD TRUMP,” added Trudeau even though I could have sworn he’d left. “He’s not a man he’s a monster! The only person to bring him in line will be me! ME!”

It remains unclear if Trump will even run in 2029 however as the Constitution forbids a third term but what does it know anyway? It’s just a bit of paper. And scissors beats paper.

Trudeau’s reign has been rife with controversy from corruption scandals to blackface scandals which are the worst two scandals. Since his resignation, the Canadian Liberal party has yet to announce a successor but insiders suggest they might just not bother this time. 

“Do we really need a Prime Minister?” asks Kota Braly, my neighbor who happens to be Canadian and opinionated. “America doesn’t have a Prime Minister and they’re doing alright. Maybe a secondary minister, I’d settle for that, but a Prime one? Idk [sic] if that’s necessary.”

“Woah, slow down there,” oh my god, it’s Constitutional Jim, the only superhero with the same powers as a political constitution! “That’s right kids and I’m here to tell you that a political system that elects a single figurehead to power, whilst opening up an avenue for tyranny, actually can have the inverse effect of increased accountability. After all, if you can’t put a face to a political name so to speak then how would you know who to blame?”

Wow, thanks Constitutional Jim, you really cleared up that political dilemma for me. I guess my neighbor Kota is an idiot and a Canadian.

“She sure is, kid.”

Well, we sure could have done with your help when we were actually talking about constitutions rather than this later bit which isn’t as relevant.

“… Uhuh. Constitutional Jim, away!”

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