2026 | Wall Street Memes

With bombs, probably…

Construction projects, buying concert tickets, untangling cables and going to war all seem to have one thing in common and that’s that they all take waaaay longer than you’d expect. It feels like every modern war has had a ‘this will be done by Christmas’ mentality, and this Iran ‘conflict’ is no exception.

What started as just a simple assassination turned into a bombing campaign and now seems to be an all out war pulling in much of the world, if not militarily, at certainly economically.

And just when everyone’s hoping the temperature will be turned down, Iran starts sabre-rattling again saying, that they would target “economic centres and banks” and “destroy” the global economy. No! Not the banks! We need those!

The Iran with a plan

Speaking to Reuters, Ebrahim Zolfaqari, a spokesperson for the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps said, “Get ready for the oil barrel to be at $200 because the oil price depends on the regional stability which you have destabilised.”

I mean, he ain’t wrong.

Of course, this is a threat from America’s enemy in this war so take that with a pinch of salt, but with oil already topping $100 per barrel, and the strait of Hormuz still an active warzone, we are likely to see that figure climbing for a while.

Even with Russia’s oil that we supposedly don’t want…

So who’s to say? But until this all gets cleared up, I’m putting my money into windmills.

Graphs, graphs, graphs, who doesn’t love a good graph, huh? Do you know the great thing about graphs? You can make them say whatever you like.

Case in point: this viral X post from Against Wall Street (no relation) in which they line up Bitcoin price graphs from 2022 and 2026 to imply that a big crash is on the horizon.

And yeah, when you put a big yellow line over the top of things it’s hard not to see what they’re seeing, but let’s look closer, shall we?

Bitcoin graph X post — Exhibit AAHHHH!!!

First up is the fact that the comparison is between two different price points (obviously, I guess), but more importantly, they’re completely different periods, May-June for 2022 and Feb-March for 2026. And not even that, they don’t cover the same length of time. The ‘26 one is way more spread out but I guess you just have to imagine it’s squished?

Which brings us to the main point which is that even the yellow lines don’t actually line up. These are different lines guys! Every angle is slightly different. I mean, yeah, asset price is going to up and then down and then up again but that doesn’t mean it’s the same thing. Anyone can draw lines over things and make them look the same. And like, I know that they do look spookily similar but only similar, not identical.

I’d like to point you towards this website, you’ve probably come across it, it’s called ‘spurious correlations’, have a click through some random ones, it’s really entertaining. But it just goes to show that, say it with me: correlation does not equal causation. Vaguely similar looking graphs can always be found and made to look like that means something.

Bitcoin? When Did That Ever Go Down?

Even if Bitcoin was doing exactly the same thing as before, this stuff is unpredictable, right? That’s the whole point? Why would this exact up and down from four years ago mean that this exact up and down will lead to the same next thing? Could be completely different guys.

Look, I’m not an expert in this (can you tell?) but it seems to me that people are desperate for any kind of certainty about what’s going to happen next. Even if the info is bogus, they’d rather have the feeling of security over the terror of uncertainty.

And especially when there’s money to be made, these things spread like wildfire. I guess that’s what keeps economists employed, doesn’t it?

Sure, maybe I’m wrong and Bitcoin really will dip exactly the way Against Wall Street predicts but I’m just saying, keep your wits about you, yeah? Don’t fall for everything you see. Alright, you go have fun now, I’ll see you back here for dinner.

You know in sci-fi movies when they would just fill out the background with news reports on the TV or whatever and they have these implausible futuristic headlines like “Venutian Uprising Quelled!” or “Mutant Spiders Conquer India!”? …well this is one of those, except it’s not the future. It’s now.

The robotics firm, Foundation, is reportedly sending two humanoid robots to the front line of the Ukraine war in a groundbreaking test that could shape the future of combat.

In February, two Phantom Mk-1 units, designed for simple factory work, were deployed for reconnaissance trails in Ukraine. As Foundation CEO Mike LeBlanc told Time, “We think there’s a moral imperative to put these robots into war instead of soldiers,” and eventually these robots should be able to use “any kind of weapon that a human can.”

See what I mean? This is copy from a cyberpunk video game, not actual news, surely?

Now, I know Mike says there’s a “moral imperative” to use his product and give him money, but if you’re going to bring up morality, let’s talk about that, shall we? Because sure, it’d be better if machines are being ‘killed’ in wars rather than people but if you’re arming those machines, you’re still arming them to shoot other people. Right?

What this’ll just end up being (and what it has been in almost every modern war) is you’ll have one side who can afford to use robots to minimise casualties whilst the other, poorer side will still be using good old disposable humans.

So it makes you wonder, is it moral to fight a war where only your enemy loses soldiers, Mike?

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves for sure. We’ve seen enough viral clips of Asimo falling over to know that we’re still a long way off any kind of terminator scenario. Additionally bear in mind that ‘Foundation’ and other tech companies have it in their interests to conjure these sci-fi headlines because it makes them seem so advanced and trailblazing that you just have to invest in them.

The future is a long way off but investing in the hype is happening right now.

Insanely bad!

Yeah, it’s $100 per hour, but it’s for a one off, eight hour stint so you’re only getting $800 dollars in money. Heck, maybe for you that’s a bargain, I mean, I spend my days bullying AI for free so might as well get paid for it, right?

Well, $800 doesn’t start to sound so worth it when you realise that you’ll be first up against the wall when the inevitable robot uprising takes place.

This job posting comes from MemVid, a startup that promises to “give your AI agent photographic memory” but otherwise seems to be only known for this job posting. Anyone else smell an advert?

Given that the job description requires “Extensive personal history of being let down by technology” and ends with “We’ll provide the chatbots – you provide the frustration” makes me think, yeah, this is literally just a stunt to put their name out there.

And we all just fell for it hook line and sinker.

ai bully job description — The full job listing.

Alright, I’m not going to spend any more time on someone else’s advert, I’ve got my own stuff to promote. Fancy a spin in the Wall Street Memes Casino? …Anyone?

Everyone? Really, everyone’s worried?

In case you don’t know, Larry Silverstein is the developer who bought the whole World Trade Center (like, all the buildings in that area, not just the twin towers) in July 2001 and after the attacks he was then the guy who organised the redevelopment.

Put those two facts together and obviously people are going to make up their own little story about it and say he was somehow involved or something like the plot of the dumbest James Bond movie.

Like what, he orchestrated the whole attack just to save money on a demolition crew? What is wrong with you?

Well, now that shitty movie’s getting a disappointing sequel because Silverstein bought the US Bank Tower in LA back in 2020. Wait six years ago? Why is this news? Sorry, I say ‘news’ it’s been posted on some crappy, clickbaity Instagram and X accounts. Wait… are we one of those accounts… oh god. Oh GOD.

Silverstein INsta post — ‘Just bought’? That was six years ago guys.

Silverstein? More like Silverstein, am I right?

OK, but the actual headline I’ve been given is that he has a terrorist insurance policy on the building which I can’t actually find anyone saying…? And I guess even if he did have that, like, yeah? I mean, that seems like a reasonable thing to have? Feels like that’s probably common place on large buildings nowadays?

And bear in mind that this particular tower has been floated as a possible terrorist target in the past so it’s not out of the question.

Can we all just go back to the actual problems in the world please? Like there’s so much bad stuff happening, if you want to feel shitty there’s plenty of real evil things to occupy your mind you really don’t need to invent new ones.

It’s not an original observation to point out that the richer you are, the less you pay. From free handouts just because you’re famous to being able to afford premium accountants to find tax loopholes, if you’ve not got money, sorry buddy, but you’re double screwed.

Nowhere is this truism more true than when it comes to these location apps that you may have heard of. You’ve not? OK, let me explain.

So apps like Monaeo, Taxbird, TaxDay, Flamingo, Domicile365, Chrono: Time in Place, TrackingStates and Duolingo all offer users the ability to track time spent in jurisdictions, purely for tax purposes.

Some apps even generate logs for audits, will send you alerts when you’ve only got 48 hours left in Geneva, that kind of thing. It’s crazy. These people just exist in another world, don’t they?

Apps? More like GAPS in the law! Am I right?

But if YOU want to cosplay as an expensive bitch you too can download these apps for the low low price of $39.99 for TaxBird or $99 for Monaeo. Not bad, wait, per MONTH? Are you kinding me?? Who’s using these things, the ultra-rich? …Oh, yeah.

These apps exploded (not literally) when COVID made remote working more of a thing and suddenly people need to know where they are right now. If I’m not at work, where the hell am I?

So there you go, a new age of app integration in a way that no one expected and if you can afford it, well, then you’ll save some money to afford it. Pays for itself, really, doesn’t it?

It’s the ultimate test of wits, brawn, might and muscle, that’s right, it’s Polymarket! everyone’s favorite crypto prediction platform. But the real question is which is better? Claude or ChatGPT, sorry, wait, not ChatGPT… OpenClaw.

OpenClaw? Who gives a g** about OpenClaw??? I guess this one guy I suppose…

This anonymous bettor gave Claude and OpenClaw $1,000 each and 48 hours to trade however they wanted. So let’s see how they did, huh?

Oh. Turns out it’s a complete wash. Never mind. Claude was up 1,322%, making a massive $13,216 nice, interesting, ok, thank you, good job. OpenClaw?

“Liquidated to zero in under 48h.”

Nice one, idiot. I mean, tbh I didn’t expect anything of from you, so sounds about right.

So it was less Rocky and more Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson.

Polymarket? More like, GOLLY-market!

We don’t know what the actual trades were of course or if the post is even real, so before you start putting all your chips on Claude, massive pinch of salt, guys. On top of that, OpenClaw is just that, an open source AI agent making software, so the results completely depend on how good the agent that this guy made was.

This isn’t the first time someone’s run a similar experiment (see below) so is the future of these prediction markets is entirely run by AI? Maybe. Idk. Why you asking me? Do I look like I know? Get out of here.

Maybe the real Warner Bros Discovery was the AI Ben Afflecks we bought along the way

Still feeling like their studio-buying itch hasn’t been scratched, Netflix has announced that they’ve just bought InterPositive, Ben Affleck’s AI production software company for anywhere up to $600 (million) dollars in real money.

Affleck (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) worked on the technology in secret for years before securing investment in 2025. The tools he developed have already been employed in an upcoming David Fincher (Alien3) film staring Brad Pitt (Cool World).

Announcing the merger, Netflix has released a sit-down discussion between Affleck and Netflix’s CPTO and CCO. The video, which I found surprisingly wholesome and persuasive, features an oddly exasperated Baffleck explaining that, “No, no! Don’t worry! This isn’t the bad kind of AI, we promise!!”

Ben Affleck is just really tired and doesn’t want to act anymore

As he explains, the tools he’s developed at InterPositive consist of simple post-production AI tools that aren’t designed to replace actors, artists or create a whole movie for you. No, you still have to shoot the whole movie first but then you can use Affleck’s (now Netflix’s) AI tools to train on what you’ve shot and get it to remove booms in frame, replace some set dressing, tweak some lighting.

If you’re still sceptical, well, you should be. All those changes are still jobs that require humans and artistry. We’ve seen enough AI slop and Tilly Fucking Norwoods to know that AI cannot fully replace human filmmaking.

But maybe that’s old man yelling at cloud. Technology has constantly changed and shaped the industry and at every stage, people have ‘yelled at cloud’.

Matte paintings. Sound. Miniatures. Color. Green screen. Digital camera. CGI. At one point all of these were seen as a lazy filmmaking and taking away from the artistry of the filmmakers. Now all of them are indelible to modern films.

But then on another, third hand, it could be argued that these powerful technologies have allowed filmmakers to lean on a ‘fix it in post’ mentality. To not light properly because the digital cameras will catch everything. To not to decide on costumes, sets, locations ahead of time because it can be CG-ed or reshot later. It could be argued that tech that makes filmmaking easier leads to lazier, flatter and less technically competent films that makes audiences ask, “Why don’t movies look like movies any more?”

But despite the tech, every decade has great films and bad films. There’s clearly a happy middle ground.

And love it or hate it, AI is the next technology on that list, it will (and already is) being employed to make films and that’s only going to become more common. Ben Affleck (of all people) saw this and thought, I’mma get ahead of this before it gets ahead of me.

And now Netflix are paying him millions for the foresight.

“Welcome to JuraXic Park!”

As if he hadn’t learned the lesson from any of the seven movies, two animated TV shows, twenty-nine comic books, one-hundred-and-twelve video games and one pair of novelty Jurassic World Washing Up Gloves… ELON MUSK is forging ahead with building his very own Jurassic Park/World.

That’s of course if his joke Tweets are intended to be taken entirely literally, which this braindead clickbait writer assumes is true.

Here’s what Elon actually said:

Elon jurassic park tweet — He’s not even saying he’d be the one to do it guys…

That’s right, we’re at the point in the news cycle where a six-word joke retweet from Elon Musk is headline worthy. Thanks UniLadTechDotCom!

Knowing full well there wasn’t really a story here, Harry Boulton (not naming names here) needed to pad out his word count for ‘the Lad’ so spent the first three paragraphs saying, “Elon is the richest man, he could probably afford Jurassic Park” but using different words.

No shade Harry, I’m also padding like crazy right now. Game recognise game.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Elon made a joke. That’s the news. You can go home now.

But if you’re going to stick around, I’ll indulge the concept. Is is possible to bring back dinosaurs? Well, kind of. We for sure have the tech to make a dino-shaped genetically modified chicken. Something that publications like WallStMemes and UniLad wouldn’t hesitate to call dinosaurs, just like when the world was duped into thinking the dire wolves had returned in what was just some extra fluffy pups in a PR stunt.

Could those turkey-dinosaur genetic monstrosities then populate a zoo-type theme park? Yeah, maybe? But I bet you anything they wouldn’t be able to reproduce, would be riddled with genetic diseases and would just wilt and die very quickly. Throw enough money at the project and maybe it could keep going for a bit but you’re making a loss here and that’s just not sustainable is it?

So no, I don’t think it’s possible. I don’t care if it’s a joke, Elon, you got my hopes up!

So this flashy chart made the rounds on social media recently because it seems to show you if you’re going to lose your job because of AI and we humans are just suckers for anything that promises to tell our future, aren’t we?

The graph comes from a research paper by economists Maxim Massenkoff and Peter McCrory working at Anthropic who definitely don’t have a vested interest in making AI look like it can do a bunch of jobs.

There’s a bunch of interesting observations such as, “Workers in the most exposed professions are more likely to be older, female, more educated, and higher-paid.” So, sorry about that, mom.

But onto the graph itself:

And it’s all pretty much what you’d expect. Stuff that requires talking directly to people or dealing with physical objects are least likely to be affected whereas more abstract, numbers focused areas and stuff will potentially be hardest hit.

What’s more interesting though than the sectors is the gap between the ‘observed’ AI coverage and the ‘theoretical’ coverage. Nice of them to put that distinction in there.

To me it kind of shows that AI’s not really hitting the way it should yet. There’s massive promises but still a big gulf between where it’s at and where it’s supposed to be.

I mean you may have seen stories of people being laid off to be replaced by AI but rumors may have been greatly exaggerated. For example Jack Dorsey’s ‘Block’ fired a bunch of people and claimed it was because of AI when really they just overhired during COVID but want to look tech-forward to investors.

I’m not saying it’s not happening (two of my writer colleagues were let go let month and AI writes all their content now), but just bare in mind that the tech industry is entirely built on hype.

Just the name itself, ‘AI’, is overpromising what it actually is because we’re yet to see sci-fi levels intelligence but they’re banking on you making that assumption yourself.

There’s a lot of hot air flying around, blowing up AI to make it something bigger than it actually is. And I’m sorry to say that this graph and indeed this article is just another example of that.

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With bombs, probably…

The Iran with a plan

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