Marge Incall | Wall Street Memes

Jerome Powell just got supeenered, wait, suibpoened, no… subpoenaed? …that doesn’t look right, what is that, Greek? What’s it in English? Anyway, Powell just got asked to testify to the DoJ about the Fed renovations and really, we’re still on this? Ugh.

And before I go off on one, yes, you will believe his response, it’s actually very reasonable.

Powell said, “This is about whether the Fed will be able to continue to set interest rates based on evidence and economic conditions, or whether instead monetary policy will be directed by political pressure or intimidation”

“I have deep respect for the rule of law and for accountability in our democracy,” he continued. “No one, certainly not the chair of the Federal Reserve is above the law, but this unprecedented action should be seen in the broader context of the administration’s threats and ongoing pressure.”

Like everything Trump does, this is so OBVIOUS and brazen. This is not about the Fed building renovations, we’ve been through this, let’s move on, please. No, this is another attack on the Fed for being independent and not bowing to Trump’s pressure.

The whole point is that the Fed is independent of the executive branch, if it’s not and the President can set interest rates then it has literally no purpose and we take one step closer to autocracy.

Yes, Trump can now invade a country, overthrow its leader and declare himself king but that doesn’t mean he can do it on home soil too. Powell isn’t some despot hoarding oil, he’s just some guy…

The dollar has obviously dipped because of this news. Surprise, surprise, attacking your own financial institutions is bad for your economy…

“The Board unanimously determined that the Paramount’s latest offer remains inferior to our merger agreement with Netflix across multiple key areas,” said WBD’s chair, Samuel A. Di Piazza, Jr. III esq.

WDB Cooper also reaffirmed their binding deal with Netflix meaning that ‘Warnet Broflix’ is looking more likely with every passing day.

And even though Paramount has the higher offer ($108 billion to Netflix’s 83), the WBoard says it’s “illusory”.

Firstly, Netflix would continue with WBD’s plan to lose the D and just be WB again. This way they can dump all their losing assets and dump a ton of debt. THIS WAS THE PLAN FROM THE START BEFORE EVERYONE EVEN OFFERED TO BUY THEM.

But Paramount want to buy the whole thing outright, loss, debt and two smoking barrels. Why? Who knows. Why don’t they change their offer to suit WB? Who knows. This is money people we’re talking about and if you claim you can understand Hollywood accounting then call me.

And the Warner Bros board see that debt retention as a bizarre move.

On top of that, Paramount’s offer is on shaky ground after Jared Kushner’s equity firm pulled out and with a consortium of Middle Eastern investors to plug the gap things have only gotten sheikhier.

“Paramount’s offer continues to provide insufficient value, including terms such as an extraordinary amount of debt financing that create risks to close and lack of protections for our shareholders if a transaction is not completed.”

So with Netflix WB on the horizon, here are the top 45 crossovers we want to see:

45: Harry Potter vs. Stranger Things

Let’s be honest, HP would DESTROY. Harry vs. Eleven. Vecna vs. Voldemort. Hagrid vs. Jim Hopper but he’s got a gun. It’s no contest. Avadaca-these-nutz. (that’s the tagline)

44: Emily In Westeros

It’ll be a charming, light hearted tour through the Seven Kingdoms. And at the end, Emily can get beheaded. What’s not to like?

43: Squid Game Squarepants

Watch Patrick Star fight for his life in a murderous obstacle course of doom. It’s ok because it’s a critique of capitalism!

(To see entires 42-1, please subscribe to Wall Street Memes Premium)

For more on this story, click here: Trump Is Backing Off The Paramount’s WB Bid, Here’s What That Means For Netflix

You might have heard of the Pentagon Pizza Index but if you haven’t, it’s very simple. The index tracks when the pizzas are ordered to the Pentagon and notes unusual increases in orders.

The theory is that the Pentagon will order more pizza when it has more people working late and that tends to happen when the Pentagon is gearing up for a big operation.

THEREFORE by tracking pizzas ordered to the Pentagon the index can predict the next major military operation.

Sounds crazy? Well, it might just be crazy enough to work.

The theory began with Frank Meeks, a Domino’s employee in Washington who noted a record order of 21 pizzas the night before Iraq invaded Kuwait and started the Gulf War in 1990. He also spotted a similar surge in 1998 during Clinton’s impeachment hearings.

Meeks also claims he noticed an uptick in 1983 and 1989 before the invasions of Grenada and Panama.

Well, now the coincidence tracker is officially a thing with someone making an account on X called the Pentagon Pizza Report that live monitors Google Maps data.

And just like clockwork, the PPR noted a spike of 300 pizzas ordered to the Pentagon from Pizzato’s Pizza two days before Trump’s airstrike on Venezuela.

This isn’t the only time the PPR has picked up military movements as a pizza surge in April 2024 coincided with Iran’s drone attack on Israel and in June last year, a Papa John’s got a big order just an hour before Trump announced strikes on Iran.

It’s like Wolf Blitzer said, “Bottom line for journalists: Always monitor the pizzas.”

Maybe its just a coincidence with a healthy dollop of confirmation bias, but either way, I’m off to short the market then order 400 deep dish margaritas.

For more on this story, click here: Oil And Bitcoin Up After Trump’s Venezuela Coup, Will Greenland Be Next?

PENSACOLA, FL: Local man Gary Siphonson, (unless you’re not local to him, in which case, I don’t know what to tell you) has made his New Year(‘s) resolution to learn how to juggle for the sixth time in a row, humiliating family, friends, co-workers, and Jesus.

The incident occurred on New Year’s Eve when Mr. Siphonson was involved in a light-hearted discussion concerning resolutions with family members.

New Year, New Loser

According to witnesses, everyone took turns to say what they would like to achieve or change or give up in the next year, but when it came to Gary’s turn, he stated, “Errr, I dunno. I think I’ll pick up juggling.”

“For the love of God, Gary, pick something else,” lamented sister Georgie upon hearing the news. “You’re not going to learn to juggle, you’re never going to learn to juggle. You said you were going to learn to juggle last year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that. Just admit it, it’s not going to happen.”

“You haven’t touched my balls all year,” added Shannon, Gary’s wife. “I bought you those juggling balls when you first mentioned you wanted to learn, and I think I saw you practicing once before you said it was too hard and threw one at the dog, which really frightened him, and I had to clean up the mess he made while you went and sulked in the corner. I’m starting to think twice about buying you those miniature chainsaws for Christmas.”

Nothing More Embarrassing Than Self-Plagiarism

When encouraged to display what he had learned from six years of juggling resolutions, Mr. Siphonson stubbornly snatched up three eggs and a wine bottle, said, “Watch this,” then threw the items at the ceiling. Mr. Siphonson ducked to avoid the egg yolks and shattered glass but failed to dodge most of the debris.

After a moment of silence in which everyone stared speechless at the egg-covered man, Mr. Siphonson, 46, burst into tears and ran from the room.

When reached for comment, Mr. Siphonson said, “I don’t know why anyone cares, it’s just a stupid game. I just say ‘juggling’ so people stop asking, I didn’t think they would take it seriously. This is the least wonderful time of the year ever.”

It seems unlikely that next year Mr. Siphonson will take on his family’s advice and make his New Year’s resolution to think up an original New Year’s resolution.

…it’s from his dad. You could have guessed that.

Like all good TV dramas, the Warner Bros buyout saga just introduced a new twist with original bidder David Ellison doubling down on his bet by launching a hostile takeover bid of $30-per-share DESPITE both Warner Brothers already agreeing to Netflix’s offer of $27.75-per-share.

Awkward.

Netflix Paramount Warner Brothers Ellison Meme

But here’s a question: from where could the son of the second-richest man in the world possibly stump up the cash? Oh, from his dad? OK, that makes sense.

Ellison? More like, raising hell-isson.

The Ellison family and RedBird Capital have pledged $40.7b and the rest of the money comes as a bridge loan from Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, Qatar Investment Authority, Abu Dhabi’s L’imad Holding, Jared Kushner’s Affinity Partners, the Bank of America, Citigroup, and Apollo (or SAPIFQIAADLHJKAPBOACA for short).

Yeah, that’s quite a smorgasbord of financiers you’ve got there, bro, you must reeeally want the rights to Space Jam.

But of note, is the proximity of these financiers to Donald Trump here, idk if it’s anything but the Ellisons have long been tied to the President and with Jared Kushner’s finance firm getting in on the action maybe there’s something happening?

Like, do they know something we don’t? After Trump’s comment that the Netflix-WB merger “could be a problem” is he going to shoot down the big streamer’s purchase for anti monopoly reason but allow the Skydance-Paramount-Warner-Brothers conglomeration to go ahead because it’s his friends who will benefit?

Probably not, pleasedon’tsueme…

Oh, I heard a theory (but I do think it’s just a theory) that Netflix isn’t actually serious about their bid, they just want to freeze WB out of making any big moves for a year or so. I don’t believe that’s true, but I just think it would be funny if Netflix is then raising the price for Ellison for no reason. Or they do get the bid that they never really wanted and Netflix are stuck with an Elon Musk Twitter situation.

Whatever happens, we’re in for quite a few more twists and turns before the season finale.

Hey, remember Donald Trump? Well, it turns out that since hosting the Celerity Apprentinces, Donald “Trump” Trump has gone on to become the President Of America. Who knew?

And even though he’s long since hung up his The Apprentice hat, it seems like Old Don is up to his old tricks again but this time he’s targeting impending media conglomeration WarnerFlix NetBrothers for the “you’re fired treatment”. Haha.

Yes, this is the news that Netflix just agreed to a deal to buy Warner Bros Studios for an equity value of $72 billion and a total enterprise value of $83 billion BUT NOT SO FAST!

Donald John Trump just pointed out that Netflix had a “very big market share” which would “go up by a lot” under this deal and that “could be a problem” (not a threat).

Of course, this has nothing to do with Trump’s best pal’s son wanting to buy Warner Bros. No, that would be a conflict of interest, Trump would never go for that sort of thing.

You see, second richest man in the world, Larry ELLIOSN, sorry, I sneezed, ‘Ellison’, well, ignore him, his son David he bought Skydance, then Paramount and he’d set his eyes on the WB, but they weren’t even for sale and Netflix saw that and were like, hold on, if the Warner Bros are for sale I want in on that action.

And just like that, they outbid everyone else and suddenly, Warner Bros is for sale. Sale. Sold.

As they say, if the price is right, everything is for sale.

Of course the deal won’t be inked for at least a year and it’s still got to go through regulators which might be when Trump steps in and pulls the plug on the whole thing like he should have done with Fox/Disney *ahem*.

But assuming this does go ahead, what does that mean for my monthly entertainment budget? Currently I’m paying $50 a month for Tubi so if that goes up I’m going to be mad otherwise I don’t really care.

Here’s a good question though, what would the new company be called? Take your pick from the options below:

Netflix, Just Netflix

And I mean that’s the full tile, the ‘just netflix’ part as well.

Warner Flix

No.

Net Brothers

Sounds like they’re fishermen or spiders. No.

Netflix AOL Time Warner Brothers Discovery (A Gulf Western Company)

Rolls off the tongue.

Super Warner Brothers

Because it just got a powerup.

HBO Go

I would also accept: HBO Max, HBO Now, HBO, Max, and WBO.

Please-Mr-President-Let-Us-Merge-Companies-Flix

…probably the only one that will actually work.

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally enter the government again without having to stage an insurrection like last time… ALSO, I can now get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs and inflation data that I so desperately need to set interest rates…

…wait, what’s that you say? You don’t have the data? Oh… Oh, it’s because you were shut down, so no one was actually collecting the data?

Oh, so that’s what a government does.

Right, that’s cool, no worries, can’t you just gather the data now, like, just a little after the fact? Oh, you don’t want to? OK, that’s fair. Can I ask why not? Because you’re worried that you might have slightly warped statistics? I’m sorry, does economic data have a best-before date? Have the inflation numbers gone moldy?

Or… devious grin… or are you hiding something?

Nah, probs not.

As White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt explained, “Democrats may have permanently damaged the federal statistical system with October CPI and jobs reports likely never being released. All of that economic data released will be permanently impaired, leaving our policy makers at the [Federal Reserve] flying blind at a critical period.”

That’s right it’s all the DEMOCRATS fault. Those stinky, fat, long-limbed democrats ruining OUR politics for GOOD this time.

Oh well, I’m sorry The Fed, I guess you’ll just have to lower the interest rates like President Trump has been telling you forever. Hey, I’m sorry, it’s not my fault, don’t blame me, blame those small-assed democrats.

Don’t get the joke? That’s OK. Read this: Bessent Demands Powell Lower Rates By One Million Points

Elon Musk, the world’s most rich man by volume, just gate-crashed his own earnings call to beg shareholders to vote in favor of his controversial $1 trillion pay package. Come on, a guy’s got to eat.

Musk interrupted his CFO at the end of the 75-minute call to say, “I just think that there needs to be enough voting control to give a strong influence, but not, not so much that I can’t be fired if I go insane.”

Wait, why… why would ‘going insane’ even be on the cards, Elon? I never thought you’d go insane. Why did you bring that up? I’m definitely worried that’s now an option, ELON.

Weirdly, that’s almost exactly what he said back in August when he weaselled himself a $30 billion pay bump, “I think my control over Tesla should be enough to ensure that it goes in a good direction, but not so much control that I can’t be thrown out if I go crazy.” We get it, you could go cray-cray, please stop saying it.

Well, If You Musk Ask… ELON musg thad is.

But other than that, I feel this is a weirdly measured response which basically boils down to ‘I need more power, please.’

Elon carried on, “I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis who have no freaking clue.” Jesus, no one’s asking you to build a robot army. I think you might have already gone insane, sir.

Look, a big fat trilly sounds insane for the man who’s already worth more than the entire GDP of his home South Africa, BUT, as a spokesperson put it, “The proposed pay package is actually worth zero to our CEO unless and until the shareholders see the value of the company nearly double and an operational milestone is met.”

Basically, look at this graph:

It’s not money for nothing; Musk would have to see a massive turnaround in the EV maker’s fortunes if he’s to get even close to that trillion number. But he’s got to have incentives and what could possibly incentivise a man who’s worth 489.6 billion USD?

I’m sure you’re job is the same, I just know that you wouldn’t get out of bed if you weren’t dangled a massive bonus of double your current earnings ON TOP OF your current pay. What, you work to the best of your ability and still only get paid your normal rate? Well, shit, sorry mate, maybe you should have thought about that before you became poor.

Elon might have an uphill battle for the monies, considering Tesla’s been in a rut lately. Yes, they had a record quarterly revenue from buyers trying to cash in their expiring tax credits, BUT profits dropped 37%. The company continues to face threats from all sides: the US government, Chinese competition, and this random bill for one trillion dollars that no one can seem to explain…

It was the Gaza Peace Summit this week and all the world leaders were there for peace. All except one: Donald Trump, who had a grand plan to turn this peace summit into the 2025 46th World Armwrestling & 27th Para-Armwrestling Championships.

It’s Trump’s go-to move. A show of force and indisputable proof that you don’t actually have small hands or a small penia. All you have to do is, when you go for a handshake, grab your opponent’s hand as tightly as you can, then yank them towards you and hold on for dear life. If you let go first, you’re a pussy.

Trump arm wrestling hulk hogan — Trump deep in diplomatic negotiations. Hulk Hogan is now dead.

Most cave in and you’re the clear winner. The Pope, the Queen of England, Barron Trump, all losers. But some, a small few, actually step up to the plate and play you at your own game. You yank, they yank, canceling out the yank. You squeeze, they squeeze. The squeeze has been negated. What is this? You don’t break, but neither do they, and you find yourself holding hands, staring into his eyes for the rest of eternity.

Shit, you’re in a dick measuring contest and this guy brought his own measuring tape.

That’s right, it’s French President and sole owner of the largest dick-to-hand-ratio in the world, Emmanuel Macron.

Yep, Macron and Trump held hands in a weird bro-fist-grab thing for an uncomfortably long time, leaving both with brittle, bloodless fingers and shattered egos. Geez, just get a room.

Trump Seen Squeezing Grip Strengtheners Backstage

But this isn’t an early heat, no this is a rematch. It’s become a sort of tradition between these two that Macron’s the only one dumb/smart enough to play Trump at his own game. DING DING DING! Round Two.

But who won? Who’s next? Well, I can’t find a video of the whole thing after 10 seconds of looking so I think we can assume it doesn’t exist. Probably because it would last two hours and no one’s watching all that. Sorry, there’s just simply no way of knowing who broke first and who has the smaller penial appendage. Let’s chalk this up as a draw.

Tune in next year for the 47th World Armwrestling & 28th Para-Armwrestling Championships when Trump will face off against 100 gorillas.

Elon Musk (who smells by the way) has reached an agreement with the executives that he fired without a severance package when they should have had a severance package.

Allegedly, Musk owed over $128 million but refused to pay as revenge for buying Twitter which he didn’t want to buy but was locked into buying it.

The group includes former Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal, former CFO Ned Segal, former Chief Legal Officer Vijaya Gadde and former General Counsel Sean Edgett. AKA the Fantastic Four.

They all sued back in 2024 as they were fired just hours after Musk took over and one day before they would have gotten $200 million in severance pay plus stock options. Damn, son.

Obviously, we don’t know the amount but I bet it’s $4 and a packet of beef jerky.

According to CNN, “The lawsuit refers to portions of the authorized Elon Musk biography by Walter Isaacson published in 2023, in which Isaacson wrote Musk did not want the executives to collect their severance or vest the stock options “because of the price he was paying and his conviction that Twitter’s management had misled him.” Instead, the book says Musk pushed through a faster close of the Twitter sale so that he could fire the executives “for cause.” The lawsuit claims the cause in the executives termination letters were not substantiated.”

Damn, son.

In other Musk news, Elon’s fighting for a trillion dollars in the upcoming Tesla Annual ShareHolder Meeting of the Shareholders. Why he deserves $1,000,000,000,000 smackerooners is anybodies business but certainly not mine. Only way I could get that money is through sexual favors and I don’t want to even think about how much I’d need to put out for that kind of pay check. Damn, son.

For more Elon news, click any of the buttons below. No, not that one that’s the off button! NOO!!!!

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