May, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

Elon Musk’s lawsuit against OpenAI has been overturned by a jury that says he waited too long to bring his grievance to trial.

…Couldn’t they have said that from the start? Or were they also waiting just to prove a point?

Musk was fighting OpenAI’s transition into a for-profit company following his ousting in 2018. But during the trial, OpenAI’s current CEO, Sam Altman, alleged that Elon was for the idea.

“A particularly hair-raising moment was when my co-founders asked, ‘If you have control, what happens when you die?’” Altman explained. Elon then “said something like, ‘maybe it should pass to my children.’”

Well, now nothing’s passing to anyone anyway, as all of that (and the three weeks of testimonials) was apparently hypothetical because the case has been thrown out on a “calendar technicality” (as Elon describes it).

Elon says he plans to fight the case on appeal, but after a judge and jury have sided against him, it’s unlikely that he’d win a rematch.

An Open(AI) And Shut Case

So what does this mean for the wider tech world?

Well, the ruling means OpenAI won’t have any more roadblocks in its transition into a fully for-profit company, enabling it to keep its place as a flagship AI company.

Sorry, Grok.

Had the lawsuit been successful, however, it would be a very different story. Altmans’ OpenAI might easily have been hangstrung with a purely not-for-profit remit and be forced to step out of the AI spotlight.

That vacuum could have then left room for companies like Anthropic, Microsoft, or Google to take on its market share.

So the impact of this lawsuit is less about what’s happened and more about the scenario that’s been prevented from happening: OpenAI won’t revert to nonprofit status, ChatGPT can continue in its push towards profitability, and Elon likely won’t regain the reins any time soon.

But in an alternate universe where Elon won, the tech world would have been changed forever. Would XAI, sorry, SpaceXAI, have taken the place of OpenAI is this crazy future? Well, I guess thanks to this court case, we’ll never know.

Wait, just how big is her underwear?

Last September, a truck driver was stopped in England with a delivery of Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand, ‘SKIMS’. After x-raying the vehicle, border guards discovered the truck contained a delivery of Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand, ‘SKIMS’.

They also discovered 90 packages of cocaine hidden in the truck’s back doors.

The 198 pounds of drugs were said to be worth $8.4 million. It’s unclear how much the underwear was worth.

The driver, 40-year-old Jakub Jan Konkel, initially denied smuggling the underwear but confessed to transporting the drugs for a €4,500 ($5,276 (¥832149)) payment.

This week, the driver was sentenced to 13 years and six months in prison for drug smuggling and “crimes against fashion”.

As Paul Orchard, of the National Crime Agency, explained, “Organised crime groups use corrupt drivers like Konkel to move Class A drugs often hidden on entirely legitimate loads such as this.”

“The detection and investigation have removed a significant amount of cocaine whose profits are lost to the crime group behind the smuggling attempt, and with Konkel they’ve lost an important enabler.”

We got ‘em, boys.

Keeping Up With The Kartel

Despite sharing the same first letter of their names, Konkel appears to have no connection with the billionaire socialite, Kim Kardashian.

Kardashian could not be reached for comment, and not just because she’s blocked me on Instagram.

Skims (pronounced SKIMS) was founded in 2019 by Kardashian and Swedish entrepreneurs Emma and Jens Grede. Skims sold out within ten minutes of launch and earned $2 million in profits on the first day. Since then, the company has reached a valuation of $5 billion.

…Sounds like the real money’s in the underwear, Konkel.

But he would say that, wouldn’t he?

Microsoft AI’s CEO, Mustafa Suleyman, recently predicted that white-collar workers might see themselves replaced within just 18 months.

Suleyman did not clarify whether his job was first on the chopping block, but he did look a little nervous as he said, “human-level performance on most, if not all professional tasks” will be done by AI.

Legal, marketing, and project management roles are particularly vulnerable, according to Mustafa, but “anyone writing financial satire is completely irreplaceable”. Huh, weirdly specific shout-out at the end there…

But it won’t just be white-collar workers affected by this change. For example, white-collar shirt manufacturer ‘Whitey Tighty Ltd.’ has spoken out against the news.

“If AI is going to take white-collar jobs, then who will buy all our white collars?” complained Arnold Whitey with tears in his eyes. “What’s that? ‘We could switch to making blue collars?’ What, are you sick? I spit on you. Never in a million years.”

White-collar? More like, wh-AI-te coll-AI-r, amiright?

Of course, the CEO of an AI company might not be completely impartial when he says that AI is ‘pretty powerful, actually.’

A study from the non-profit METR (Model Evaluation and Threat Research) found that AI actually made software developers’ tasks take 20% longer. And while you might have already seen headlines of entire job roles becoming AI-automated, some of these rumors may have been greatly exaggerated.

For example, early this year, Jack Dorsey’s latest startup, ‘Block’, fired 4,000 employees and said it was due to AI, when really they just overhired during COVID.

So is this more AI hype, or will 50%-60% of the global workforce be gone in the space of a year and a half?

CoPilot: Set an alert, ‘Am I fired yet?’ for 18 months.

I’ll get back to you then.

Back in 2018, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman paid a $10,000 deposit to ‘Nectome’, a tech startup looking to preserve people’s brains in the hope that they can one day be uploaded to a computer.

Unlike cryogenic freezing, which is designed to preserve the whole body, Nectome plans to embalm just the brain with aldehyde-stabilised cryopreservation. The brain can’t be unfrozen, but by freezing the neurons in place, Nectome hopes that the brain’s ‘connectome’, and therefore the person’s mind, can be recreated digitally in the future.

As Nectome describes it, they are “archiving your mind.”

But the controversial part is that, unlike cryogenics, the process isn’t done once the person’s dead; the process is done while the person is alive, and it’s “100 percent fatal.”

The company’s co-founder, Robert McIntyre, said the process would feel “identical to physician-assisted suicide.” But, err, how does he know?

More like, Sam Altered-man

According to early reports, Mr. Altman joined a 25-person waiting list with his investment. That deposit is refundable; however, perhaps if Sam decides he doesn’t want to live forever, actually.

However, later reporting clarified that the “waiting list” was in fact 30 “early supporters” of the project who hadn’t been promised anything. However, as McIntyre candidly explains, “Product-market fit is people believing that it works.”

‘Belief’ is the keyword there because if it doesn’t work, they’ll never actually know and literally kill themselves for no reason.

For reference, scientists have only been able to recreate the complete connectomes of fruit flies and worms. But Nectome investors are clearly hopeful that the upward trajectory of the research will one day enable scientists to recreate an entire human mind digitally.

It’s a massive gamble, but hey, the other option is certain death, so maybe $10,000 is a worthwhile bet.

Either way, we’ll probably never know if it pays off.

Google And SpaceX To Launch Orbital AI Datacenter “Project Suncatcher” Next Year, Here’s Everything We Know

Google recently announced that it is in discussion with SpaceX to launch Project Suncatcher, which is not an evil scheme from a supervillain, but instead an orbital data center.

An orbital data center might also sound like an evil scheme from a supervillain, but it is in fact a network of “solar-powered satellites equipped with its Tensor Processing Units into an orbital AI cloud.”

SpaceX and Google: Unlikely Crewmates

Elon Musk and Google have had their beef in the past, specifically with the founding of OpenAI, which was built as a direct rival to Google’s AI plans. But as the old saying goes, “my enemy’s enemy is still my enemy unless we’re building the future of AI together, and then we’re friends.”

Elon has also struck up a collaboration with Anthropic to use SpaceX’s Colossus 1 computing facility, but also because of this orbital datacenter idea. SpaceX has the one thing these tech companies don’t: rockets. Except for Amazon, they’ve got Blue Origin.

And Elon very much wants to lock in these deals to push the tech frontier into space because SpaceX’s potentially very lucrative IPO is coming up, and being seen as the shovel maker for this current AI gold rush can only make you more valuable.

The vision couldn’t be clearer than when Elon merged SpaceX with xAI to make Spacexxai, sorry, I meant to say, the much less sexy: SpaceXAI.

So, will Project Suncatcher eventually have liftoff? Is extra-terrestrial AI computing really the future of tech? Or is this idea destined to remain science fiction?

Well, we won’t know for a while, but what we do know is that Elon and Google’s answers are a massive: yes, yes and no (in that order).

It’s one thing for an actor to be typecast in a movie, but it’s another thing for a real person to be typecast by a movie. It seems that poor Michael Burry is destined to always be called ‘The Big Short’s Michael Burry,’ accompanied by a photo of him at the movie’s premiere, which is apparently the only picture of him in existence.

Burry’s not helping himself, though, as he seems to have doubled down on the persona, shutting his hedge fund company to go all in on the doomsday predictions with his popular ‘Cassandra Unchained’ substack.

Since then, Burry has predicted the demise of GameStop, Nvidia, Palantir, the AI market, and basically the entire economy multiple times.

Because of this, Michael ‘Christian-Bale-in-the-Big-Short’ Burry admits in his latest Substack post that “I am now a meme for the number of times I have called a crash. I have become the boy who cried wolf.”

And sure, not all of these calls have been on the money, but here’s the thing: a stopped clock might be right twice a day, but a screaming alarm clock only has to be right once.

“Still, I got it right in 2000, got it right in 2007. Got it right in 2019, helped by Covid, and I called the meme stock crash in mid 2021. I called the bank stock run in 2023.”

So with all that in mind, let’s have a listen to Burry’s latest death knell…

“We are witnessing history. In the stock market, that is not a good thing,” Burry writes, likening current events to the “scene of the bloody car crash, minutes before it happens”.

“With what is happening in the market the last week, that I had lived this before suddenly dawned on me… The Nasdaq 100, complete reversal. … I am calling something. The market has jumped the shark.”

“Wall Street may be overstating by more than 50% the earnings at our fastest growing, most highly valued companies.”

“Absolutely non-stop AI. Nobody is talking about anything else all day.”

“Stocks are not up or down because of jobs or consumer sentiment. They are going straight up because they have been going straight up. On a two letter thesis that everyone thinks they understand. … Feeling like the last months of the 1999-2000 bubble.”

…you get the idea.

So yeah, not great news, but maybe Wall Street will get lucky for once, Burry will get unlucky, and then for the sake of the global economy, we can finally stop mentioning him in the same breath as ‘The Big Short’.

The mayor of the California city of Arcadia, Eileen Wang, suddenly resigned from her position this week after the Department of Justice charged her with “one count of acting in the United States as an illegal agent” of China.

When reached for comment, the DoJ declined to explain what a ‘legal agent of China’ might be.

The former mayor has pleaded guilty to the felony charge and could face up to 10 years in prison. Now that might seem harsh, but ‘up to’ does mean that ‘zero years in prison’ is still on the cards. She could face ‘up to a billion years in prison’ and be fine. Hopefully, she’s a glass-half-full kind of person.

Before taking office, Wang ran a local Chinese American news website with her then-fiancé, Yaoning “Mike” Sun. According to the plea deal, her website regularly posted propaganda from the People’s Republic of China. Not a good look.

In one example, a PRC official sent Wang a pre-written news article in a WeChat chat.

The article read, “China’s Stance on the Xinjiang Issue – There is no genocide in Xinjiang; there is no such thing as ‘forced labor’ in any production activity, including cotton production. Spreading such rumor to do defame China, destroy Xinjiang’s safety and stability, weaken local economy, suppress China’s development.”

Persuasive stuff.

Within minutes, Wang had posted the article on her website, ‘US News Center’, and received a “So fast, thank you everyone,” from the PRC official.

So, all in all, it’s not really what you want from your local mayor.

This story comes in the wake of the breaking news that Donald Trump is planning a crucial diplomatic trip to China, hoping to secure a trillion-dollar investment in American manufacturing. Trump brings with him a long list of tech CEOs and investors, including Elon Musk, Larry Fink, Tim Cook, and executives from Boeing, Meta, and Visa.

Eileen Wang unfortunately did not make the guest list.

We are just a couple of weeks into the OpenAI trial, and already we’ve had Elon Musk saying that AI “Could kill us all.” Surely there can’t be any more revelations, right?

Well, turns out there’s one big mystery that needs solving, and that’s why Sam Altman was ousted from the company for just five days in November 2023, an event so notable it has its own Wikipedia page and an upcoming movie adaptation starring Andrew Garfield (no, really).

Someone who might know is the CEO of Microsoft, one of OpenAI’s largest backers. Satya Nadella, do you have any answers?

No…? Ok then, moving on.

As Nadella tells it, Microsoft was not given a heads-up regarding the coup and was hit with a 3% stock drop following the news. Nadella also says that he was only informed when he was pulled out of a meeting, then never given full “clarity” over Altman’s firing.

The Microsoft CEO claimed the reason he was given was that Sam Altman was not open and communicative with board members. Nadella didn’t think this was justified and speculated that “There may have been some jealousy… coming through.”

But there might be some truth to that weak excuse Nadella got. As OpenAI co-founder Ilya Sutskever explained, he’d said Altman had a “consistent pattern of lying,” creating a toxic environment ill-suited to developing a safe AI.

However, Sutskever also called the firing “rushed” and was one of the many employees and investors who signed the successful petition calling for Altman’s reinstatement.

The plot thickens.

So what actually happened? And how does this affect the ongoing trial? Well, maybe we’ll never know the full details…

OR maybe we’ll find out EVERYTHING when Artificial starring Andrew Garfield as Sam Altman, Yura Borisov as Ilya Sutskever and Ike Barinholtz as Elon Musk comes to the big screen in 2027!

“I have one simple request, and that is to have dolphins with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.”

Last month, the Wall Street Journal (no relation) reported that Iran was looking for creative solutions to America’s blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, including some very creative solutions such as “kamikaze dolphins.”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chair General Dan Caine were then asked about these rumors at a recent press briefing. Caine replied, “I haven’t heard the kamikaze dolphins thing… You mean like sharks with laser beams?”

Hegseth then took the wheel, responding, “I can’t confirm or deny whether we have kamikaze dolphins, but I can confirm they [Iran] don’t.”

OK, none of us were thinking you had kamikaze dolphins, but we definitely are now.

To be fair, the idea isn’t without precedent.

In World War II, the Soviet army trained explosive dogs to run under enemy tanks, but the bomb-laden dogs continually returned to their Russian trainers and were deemed ineffective. Bomb-donkeys, bomb-horses, and bomb-bats have all been used to varying degrees of success, but there are no recorded cases of exploding dolphins.

But that doesn’t mean dolphins aren’t used in warfare.

Dolphins are very intelligent and are routinely trained to help militaries across the world detect underwater obstacles and spot intruders arriving at seaports.

Most relevantly, in 2000, the BBC reported that Iran was purchasing dolphins for a similar program, which might be the origin of the WSJ kamikaze rumor, which has not been substantiated.

The US Navy, for its part, runs the Marine Mammal Program, which explains that, “Mines and other potentially dangerous objects on the ocean floor that are difficult to detect with electronic sonar, especially in coastal shallows or cluttered harbors, are easily found by the dolphins.”

But, after a panic in the 90s that these trained dolphins might be used as weapons, the declassified project revealed no such plan. In fact, the dolphins are reportedly free to leave the program whenever they enter open waters.

That’s nice.

Of course, Hegseth’s ‘can neither confirm nor deny’ adds fuel to the fire of this kamikaze dolphin rumor, but that was likely a default, ‘best to keep ‘em guessing’ tactic and not an admission of anything.

Probably more telling is General Caine’s initial reaction: laugh it off and quote Austin Powers.

The richest man in the world, Elon Musk just posted-then-deleted a cryptic X post on his social media platform, ‘X’.

The post read:

“Bitches
Money
No Taxes
Party”

Musk offered no explanation and merely deleted the X 18 hours later but not before the post gained 48 million views, 300,000 likes and a swath of unhinged memes.

So what was Musk actually trying to say?

Well, Elon was clearly trying to signal something to all of us and it turns out that if you take the first letter of each word it spells: “BMNTP” which is exactly the sound you might make if you were beatboxing, meaning that he’s going to ‘beat’ ‘boxing’ because he’s going to win against Mark Zuckerberg in a previously-unannounced but upcoming cage match. It all makes sense now.

OR… an anagram of Elon’s Tweet is “Chatterbox mistypes, anyone?” meaning that he didn’t even mean to type all that and it was all a typo from the prolific chatterbox. Ahh, of course, that’s probably it.

OR…!! Maybe Elon meant what he said and this is a list of the things that he has recently acquired.

OR MAYBE… it’s a grocery list? These are things that he needs to pick up while he’s out. That’s why he deleted it because he already picked them up and doesn’t need the reminder any more.

ORRRR!!!! He’s addressing someone, he’s talking to a group of women, “Bitches. Money? No, taxes. Party!” He’s thinking out loud to a group of his favorite women and realises that taxes is a viable source of income and then suggests they celebrate this revelation.

ORRRR MMAAYYBEEE IT’S A HAIKU. ELON IS GETTING INTO POETRY.

OR HE FELL ASLEEP ON THE KEYBOARD.

OR HE ASKED GROK TO TWEET FOR HIM.

OR IT’S A GENUINE INVITE TO THE ‘BITCHES-MONEY-NO-TAXES PARTY’

OR IT’S THE TITLE OF HIS NEW AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

…or it’s just a fun little late night Tweet that he decided against the next morning. We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

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An Open(AI) And Shut Case

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