Bill Fold | Wall Street Memes

CNBNC’s Jimothy ‘Reverse’ Cramer, just said that oil prices have reached their peak and if I’ve learned anything about finance since I started writing for Wall Street Memes Dot Com all of four minutes ago it’s that ‘Cramer is always wrong’ is a running joke in these parts.

Here’s the full quote from his Tweet (X): “The stock of Chevron which has led the futures the whole way saw a reversal today that would indicate a momentary top out in oil.. just saying, the stock’s been ahead and it’s been right”

Sure whatever.

Look, whilst most experts are drawing parallels between what’s happening now and energy crash of 2008, Jim Cramer is drawing with crayons.

Because other experts are saying the opposite. Other experts are saying that if the Iran war keeps going (which it probably will) then oil could easily reach $200 a barrel.

Oh, wait, I’m supposed to be doing a top five list of reasons why the oil price will go up, lemme do that:

5. The war in Iran

4. The war in Iran

3. The war in Iran

2. The war in Iran

1. The war in Iran

Is that clear enough for you JIM?

For more Cramer news click here: fnwaibrhelabgryilaebuiflbraeilbgreilafrilewafui.

Billionaire shark-who-is-also-a-human, Mark Cuban, bought a house that’s now worth $25 million dollars in money BUT THE CUBE got it for half its value at the time. For all you maths freaks out there, that’s a massive 50% discount.

So how did he do it? Well, it’s because the owner lost everything in a stock market crash and was forced to sell it. Oh, that’s not a very nice story. Wait, what’s that, the original owner spent three years building it himself for his wife and family? Oh, that’s really sad actually.

But who gives a DAMN about sentimental value. The CUBE knows a good deal when he sees one and this shark smelt blood in the water.

So good in fact that Mark bought the place without even looking round it. Calling it a “why the fuck now purchase.” Yeah, billionaires can just do that sort of thing.

“I’d never seen the house. I saw some pictures. I’d never been there. I was like, F–k yeah. I’m a billionaire.”

I hate you, Mark.

24,000 Mark Cuban-ic Feet

But there’s a lot us norms can learn from that, you know? For example, “Saving 30% to 50% buying in bulk—replenishable items from toothpaste to soup, or whatever I use a lot of—is the best guaranteed return on investment you can get anywhere,” said Mark in a 2010 Forbes interview.

Sure, yeah, OK, so bulk buy toothpaste, soup and mansions, got it. Great financial advice, nice. We can really learn a lot from this guy.

So, why are we talking about this now? Well, this purchase was back in the 90s and I have literally no idea why this is back in the news again. Fortune just ran a story on it but why tho? I guess it was a slow news day. It’s not like anything is happening in the world right now. And as the intrepid journalist that I am, I just blindly copied their headline without whether the content was even topical.

But hey, I guess you learned something today. Or if not, at least you had some fun and for a brief moment forgot the fact that you’ll likely never own your own home. Oh, damn, sorry, I reminded you again, my bad!

The strategist behind $200 billion investment firms, Rob Arnott has issued a warning against holding investments in the Magnificent 7. Not the movie, no, why would you think that? No, obviously the companies, what is wrong with you?

No, we’re talking about Alphabet (GOOGL), Amazon (AMZN), Apple (AAPL), Meta Platforms (META), Microsoft (MSFT), Nvidia (NVDA), and Tesla (TSLA). The big hitters, baby.

Well, Arnott predicts a 4% annual value gains and a 1.4% gain in growth continents. Idk what any of that means, but I guess those numbers are definitely small.

Magnificent? Haha, more like, ‘shit’

As Arnott explains it:

“The companies making money from AI are the ones selling the tools. They’re now lending to their own customers so that those customers can keep buying their stuff. And their customers are having a hard time monetizing that equipment.”

“These AI providers will figure out how to make money,” he says. “But not as fast as the expectations that are built into their stock prices. It will be a slow build over a long period, meaning returns on these stocks will be much lower than the market’s baked in.”

Bottom line is:

“If you’ve owned the Mag 7, say ‘thank you very much, Mag 7,’ and get out and don’t ride them back down.”

Sure, we’ve seen massive returns from them in the past but you want to quit while you’re ahead is the thing. Take what you’ve got and make a break for it.

I say ‘without you knowing’, but everyone knows the CAPTCHA is training bots, right? Clicking on lamp posts and road signs was never random, we all knew that, right?

No? Ok, well then this will blow your socks off.

This story comes from an article on X by @sharbel.

You’ve almost definitely done a CATPCHA, but did you know it’s maybe the most contrived acronym to ever be invented? The letters stand for Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.

Clunky name, but accurate. These simple tests were developed in the late ‘90s/early’00s to parse out bots flooding the internet with garbage from the real people flooding the internet with garbage.

Originally it was random warped letters that bots (and regular people tbf) were bad at reading. But then Luis von Ahn, a professor from Carnegie Mellon had a bright idea, if people are doing all this work anyway, why not put it to good use?

In 2007, reCAPTCHA added a word from a scanned book that the computer couldn’t decipher and though you didn’t know it, you were helping digitise 130 million books.

After Google bought the tech in 2009, the test shifted in 2012 to traffic lights and lamp posts. Most people cottoned on to the trick, but yes, for 15 years we were all helping catalogue Google’s raw streetview data.

At it’s peak around 200 million reCAPTCHAs were being solved every single day, coming out to 2 billion seconds, or 500,000 hours of labor a day. That’s around $5 million in free labor every day for fifteen years. Add that up and Google has stolen $9 billion from you personally.

You should invoice them.

It’s not an original observation to point out that the richer you are, the less you pay. From free handouts just because you’re famous to being able to afford premium accountants to find tax loopholes, if you’ve not got money, sorry buddy, but you’re double screwed.

Nowhere is this truism more true than when it comes to these location apps that you may have heard of. You’ve not? OK, let me explain.

So apps like Monaeo, Taxbird, TaxDay, Flamingo, Domicile365, Chrono: Time in Place, TrackingStates and Duolingo all offer users the ability to track time spent in jurisdictions, purely for tax purposes.

Some apps even generate logs for audits, will send you alerts when you’ve only got 48 hours left in Geneva, that kind of thing. It’s crazy. These people just exist in another world, don’t they?

Apps? More like GAPS in the law! Am I right?

But if YOU want to cosplay as an expensive bitch you too can download these apps for the low low price of $39.99 for TaxBird or $99 for Monaeo. Not bad, wait, per MONTH? Are you kinding me?? Who’s using these things, the ultra-rich? …Oh, yeah.

These apps exploded (not literally) when COVID made remote working more of a thing and suddenly people need to know where they are right now. If I’m not at work, where the hell am I?

So there you go, a new age of app integration in a way that no one expected and if you can afford it, well, then you’ll save some money to afford it. Pays for itself, really, doesn’t it?

Meta main manager, Mr. ‘Mark’ has manifested a mesmerising Miami mega mansion for millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of monies.

The Zuck and his wife, Priscilla Chan have just spent $170 million on a two-acre waterfront property on Miami’s Indian Creek Island nicknamed ‘Billionaire Bunker’ because it houses the likes of Tom Brady, Ivanka Trump, Jeff Bezos and the Monopoly Guy.

Mr. Berg adds the mansion to his portfolio of homes in Lake Tahoe, Washington and Palo Alto (where he actually lives). The question is, will he actually use the new house? Considering MZ and PC are just two people, even if they split up, only a maximum of 50% of their properties can be occupied at any one time.

Now I’m no financial expert, but I’d say that buying something you’re not going to use, especially at such a price tag, isn’t a very good use of your resources. With such bad financial planning it’s a wonder Mark has become the fourth richest person in the first place.

But what about his neighbors being unhappy, I hear you ask? Oh, I don’t know anything about that, I just made that up for the headline so you’d click over here. I’m assuming they really don’t care.

Just last October it was reported that Jezos was also upgrading his crib. In case you missed it, here’s what we wrote back then:

Amazon big boss and “Breaker of Internets”, Jeffrey Bezos is also a breaker of house valuation records after selling his Seattle mansion for an eye-emulsifying $63 million dollars. That’s the most expensive property ever sold in Washington.

Now that might sound like a lot, but it’s nothing compared to the $237 million American dollars he’s spent on his Miami compound.

Coincidentaly, J-B is worth $237 Billion dollars ($USD) so I don’t know if they picked that number just for synergy or what.

B-Z-Boy only bought the 9,420-square-foot Seattle mansion for $37.5 million dollars (there’s that 37 again, what’s going on?) so a sale of $63 million dollars gives him a net profit of… quick math… at least $20-something million dollars in money.

The area has an average house price of $8 million, one of the priciest in the US, due to its proximity to Seattle’s tech hub. For Jeff, it was only an eight-mile private jet flight to work, so, ideal.

A lake-front view, three bedrooms, four bathrooms (one for every kind of shit), an elevator, a walk-in closet, two kitchens, a rooftop terrace and a glass walkway to the two-story guesthouse. What more could you want?

Well, a lot more apparently. In Miami, Jeff owns three mansions in the ‘Billionaire Bunker’ area and he plans to demolish them to build one single megamansion. But don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll look really tasteful.

But Miami’s a long way from work, Jeff, you had the perfect commute, why’d move, Jeff? Well, why do billionaires do anything? Money.

Washington just upped their capital gains tax to 7% but Miami is way more welcoming to greedy bastards.

…sorry, sorry, I meant to say that Jeff moved to be closer to his in-laws. Yes, of course, sorry, that’s the real reason.

For more on this story, read this one: Bezos Sells Amazon Shares To Pay For Wedding, Narrowly Avoids Bankruptcy

He’s a real oil baron now.

Following in P Diddy’s footsteps, Barron Trump started hoarding oil just two days before his daddy, Donald, hit Iran with missiles, sending the price of gas skyrocketing and rocketing Barron to really living up to his name.

Except… it’s not true.

Or at least the only instances I can find of this story is a couple posts on Instagram and X. Zero sources, links, explanations. So yeah, I’m going to assume this isn’t real, I think that’s fair enough, right?

Barron instagram post — Instagram? More like, LIES.

A Barren Desert of Useful Information

God, how long are we going to keep doing this guys? The past three articles on this site have all been complete nonsense, just made up by some randos on Instagram looking for clicks. AND IT WORKS!

People click on this crap apparently. But don’t let them get in your heads, guys, we can do better than this. We can be better. They’re just trying to manipulate you, OK? They’re just trying to make you feel a certain way, but you don’t need to be here, you don’t need to do this, you have free will, you have free will!

I’m just saying be careful out there friends, take everything you see online with a big grain of salt because no one is looking out for you, OK? They just want your clicks and they will stop at nothing to get it, OK?

Yes, Barron Trump is a dracula-looking nepo baby worth more than some countries for doing exactly nothing but that doesn’t mean he deserves this random slander.

This is rumor. Gossip. Hearsay. A game of telephone. Lies. Bunkum. Falsehoods. Garbage. DON’T FALL FOR IT!!

IT’S THE FREAKIN’ SON OF THE MOOCH?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Things have gotten crazy lately. There are just too many crossovers to count here. Turns out the mysterious, anonymous buyer of Logan Paul’s most expensive Pokémon card is none other than the son of Skybridge Capital founder Anthony Scaramucci, AKA, AJ Scaramucci. Or as I like to call him, Jr. Mooch.

Here’s what Papa had to say:

“I’m an investor with him, obviously. He’s running some of our family’s money. He’s created a company called Treasuretrove.com… I think the thing that people need to realize is that the purchase of a $16.5 million card generated about $200 million worth of media buy … One of the approaches that we were trying to take with the card is to help AJ get exposure in the land of collectibles,” Scaramucci said. “And to let people know that he’s going to be a force to be reckoned with as he begins this sort of treasure hunt that he’s on.”

“I just will say that if you believe in currency debasement, which our family does, this is a frontier that has a liquidity mismatch,” he added. “Bitcoin and gold are well exposed, but the world of collectibles, the prices are going up for a reason.”

In case you have no idea what we’re talking about (how did you get this far?) here’s what happened (as previously reported):

Professional douchebag Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack

Disney! Everyone’s favorite parasitic-organism-nourished-solely-off-childhood-nostalgia has a big shake up incoming with the appointment of its first CEO not called Bob in 21 years.

Internally, the company is very stressed about the change since the word ‘Bob’ has now become synonymous with ‘CEO’. Employees are reportedly asking one another whether new CEO Josh D’Amaro should be called as such, or be referred to as Bob D’Amaro. It’s probably easier that way. Yeah, he should just legally change his name.

So with such a massive shakeup, here’s a brief list of everything Josh/Bob might be looking at changing.

More live-action remakes!

The thing is, there’s not been enough lately. Sure, some say that the well has dried up but what we’re forgetting about is that they make SO. MUCH. MONEY. If we’ve run out of cartoons to live-action/CGI-ify why not start remaking the live-action films in live-action? And just rinse and repeat until the sun implodes.

A Disney/Netflix/WarnerBros merger

Isn’t it inevitable? Once Netflix buys the WB at last it will be big enough to consume its ultimate rival and become one with its very essence! At last, the prophecy will be fulfilled! DisflixBros will conquer the world!!!

A price hike for Disney+ subs

Idk, probably though.

A.I. Disney movies

Yeah, this one isn’t a joke though as previous Bob’s final act was to secure a deal with OpenAI’s Sora to allow them to use Disney’s IP (idea products). This doesn’t necessarily mean Disney itself will produce and distribute AI features (like, probs not, it’s just not good enough yet) but it is a clear bet that AI has some kind of a future in the entertainment ecosystem and Disney wants a cut of that pie before the knockoffs take their cut for them. Hey, I’m being ripped off, I at least want to get paid for it.

What else? Nah, actually I think that’s probably it. Yeah, I think we’re done here.

Imagine it, you’re a sweaty loser working for buttons at your local Walmart stacking shelves and dreaming of a better life. Well, maybe you don’t need to imagine if this is you. Either way, I have some exciting news for you: there is a light at the end of the stockroom tunnel.

Guiding the way is John Furner who started as an hourly employee at the ‘mart and now runs the whole goddamn company.

And I’m not just talking about any company, I’m talking the largest company in America by revenue and the top of the Fortune 500. Yeah, I’m talking about Wal-Martin (or Walmart for short).

So how did he do it? Well it’s actually quite straightforward. Starting in the garden center department, Furner studied marketing management on the side and worked his way up to store manager, then district manager and buyer, then divisional general manager in corporate and then VP of global sourcing before running merchandising and marketing for two years in China.

Oh and also he was CEO of Sam’s Club at one point.

So it’s easy! Basically just one step.

And you can do it too if you actually got off your ass and made something of yourself. I know it’s hard, but that’s what improvement feels like, it’s difficult and painful because you’re learning, because your building up a habit you schmuck. So come on, get out there and become CEO of Walmart!!!

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