Max Profit | Wall Street Memes

Idk, can they compete with China? You’re asking the wrong guy.

NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang is hyping up his company’s upcoming appearance at GTC next month saying that this chip is so amazing, no one’s ever seen it before, etc. etc. I mean, it’s just hype, right? There’s not really a story here? ‘BREAKING NEWS: CEO says own company is good’… like, OK.

But what I do find interesting is how far this story spread without any substance to it.

And maybe something’s been lost in translation here, but it took a little digging to actually find this quote and when I did, it was a different quote. And I know this isn’t the biggest story, like, it doesn’t really matter what he said, but I just found it interesting that this quote has been parroted across ex-Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and a bunch of actual publications without any sources listed.

I finally found the original interview and it’s in Korean, which I don’t speak, but the auto translate says that he said he’ll unveil, “A chip that will surprise the world will be unveiled at GTC next month.”

And OK, maybe the Korean words for these phrases can be interpreted a bunch of different ways, but I feel like “a chip that will surprise the world” is different from a chip that “the world has never seen before.” Idk who’s translating this or whatever but I’m just trying to say it’s crazy that you can have this quote spread like wildfire, without any sources and potentially it might be slightly wrong?

Wait, isn’t this an article about Nvidia and chips and stuff?

Sure, again, thankfully this is a pretty unimportant story, but imagine what else you’re seeing that could also be misquoted, misrepresented, etc. etc. Heck, no judgement, but you did click on this news article from Wall Street Memes Dot Com, I think you might just be the kind of person to eat this shit up.

We all know that the internet is still a wild west, we all know it can’t be trusted, but we do still use it every single day, and I’m just looking out for you friend. Be careful out there. Who knows what lies you might be facing. Be careful who you listen to. Be wary of who you trust.

Anyway, WHY DON’T YOU STOP BY OUR ONLINE CASINO!!

So this is purely unsubstantiated rumor, but it does come from journalist Jonathan Alter, who’s pretty credible. According to him, good sources tell him that Republicans are due to speak up and shoot down the Netflix bid for Warner Brothers on antitrust grounds.

This would pave the way for Paramount Skydance to snap up the studio instead (and everyone who cried antitrust will be suddenly silent). But why do the politicians care? Well, it’s because they/Trump wants influence over CBS News, CNN and HBO etc., the influence to shape opinions and hold onto power.

It’s all very brazen…

We already know the Ellisons are chummy with Trump and although he’s said he won’t interfere, this is Donald ‘I will interfere’ Trump we’re talking about here. Trump met with David Ellison days before saying he won’t “be involved” and days after that statement in bought $1 million in Netflix and Warner Bros bonds.

Jesus Christ, this is just pure corruption. Why the hell are politicians and presidents allowed to invest and make money off their insider knowledge anyway?

And this isn’t to mention Trump siccing his DoJ on Netflix to investigate them for antitrust. As ‘dealbreaker.com’ puts it well: “The Trump DOJ’s pretense is that they’re just suddenly really concerned about media consolidation and monopoly power (you’re to ignore the U.S. right wing’s generational and indisputable quest to coddle and protect monopoly power across telecom, energy, air travel, banking, and countless other industries).”

Because yeah, this is a massive antitrust issue. Warner Brothers simply shouldn’t be bought by Netflix or Paramount. Warner Brothers shouldn’t have been allowed to merge with Discovery. Disney shouldn’t have been allowed to buy Fox. Hell, how come these companies all own their own streaming services? They control every aspect of the market, isn’t that what antitrust is supposed to stop??

But the thing is, Trump et al don’t care about antitrust. They say they do when it suits them, but if Paramount gets in front again suddenly antitrust won’t be a question.

This is cronyism and corruption of the most blatant and it needs to be called out at every opportunity.

And I’m not even bringing up CBS dropping Colbert interviewing a Democrat.

Can we just stop with all of this, please?

In maybe the highest payout in the history of tech startups ever, OpenAI is paying its workers stock compensation worth $1.5 million dollars ON AVERAGE. And I know things have gotten intense with tech companies poaching workers from each other, but this is actually crazy.

The situation is that OpenAI is gearing up for probably the biggest IPOs in history and wants its workers on board by offering a massive cut of that stock selloff. With a rough valuation of $830 billion last round, the company is poised to unload to its 4,000 employees stocks worth about $1.5 million each.

And how much are you earning currently?

Whenever stories like this come out I feel sorry for the people who just missed the cut off. Like, there must be a cut off somewhere, I think it’s two years? What if you joined just a little too late? Or maybe you’re not contracted but you basically work there full time? What about the poor janitor who’s going to watch everyone around them come in the next day with Lambos whilst they’re stuck driving a battered Pontiac.

But this is rare at least. The next closest example is Google’s IPO in the 2000s, but employees in that case won just a sixth of what OpenAI’s doing.

Add on top of this, OpenAI salaries start at $200,000 and don’t even require a degree, there’s a small group of people who are making bank from this non-profit.

But the question remains, why on earth would you stay after this payout? Sure, everyone’s going to invest in OpenAI, but the moment they do it’s going to have an exodus of newly minted engineers and OpenAI might have a brain-drain.

Did you think about that? Huh? HUH?

No. You’re an embarrassment and you’ve wasted your life.

Professional douchebag Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Pokémon Illustrator Card — Here’s the card. Looks pretty darn valuable if you ask me.

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack

Sorry, ‘offer’, I meant ‘offer’. What did I say?

Paramount has increased its hostile takeover bid by $0.25 per share which might not sound like a lot but actually it is.

Paramount will also pay shareholders for each quarter the translation is not closed beyond December 31st (basically for a late fee) and pay the $2.8 billion termination fee to Netflix. Ok, now those are looking like big numbers.

WBDB is going to review the offer and get back to them. So can the Ellisons just keep throwing money at this and get what they want?

Probs not.

WBDBDB haven’t amended their recommendation to take Netflix’s offer and bear (bare?) in mind that they have already accepted the Netflix deal.

But will the Ellisons just keep raising there offer up and up until they get what they want?

And why do they even want it so bad anyways?

Paramount Importance

I’ve heard that the real reason they want WDBB is because they really want CNN which will be spun off if Netflix buys it. But then can’t Paramount just buy it off Netflix when its spun off? Apaz part of the theory is that Paramount want CNN before the midterm elections and we’re deep into machiavellian plot stuff now.

Because if Trump’s best friend Larry Elison can get his son to own one of the biggest news corps in America he’s going to have a lot of influence on the history of the planet.

The con is on.

But who knows what’ll happen. It all remains to be seen. Watch this space.

15%? So, back to last Thursday’s prices then?

PepsiCo! The company that confusingly makes more than just Pepsi, has announced plans to reduce the cost of snacks like Lay’s, Dorito’s, Cheeto’s, Tostito’s, Avocado’s “and more” (never heard of that last snack) by 15%, specifically so that you, the person reading this, can afford it.

The price slash should come into effect just before Super Bowl Sunday, aka ‘The Christmas of Snacks’, positioning PepsiCo snacks as more desirable on the shelf over this all important weekend.

Oh, sorry, sorry, no, they did this out of the kindness of their salty, salty hearts. Yes, millionaire CEO Rachel Ferdinando has personally “spent the past year listening closely to consumers, and they’ve told us they’re feeling the strain.”

“Lowering the suggested retail price reflects our commitment to help reduce the pressure where we can. Because people shouldn’t have to choose between great taste and staying within their budget.”

PepsiCo also plans to file for charity status within the coming days.

This massive humanitarian effort began when Elliot Management jumped on the flailing business with a $4 billion stake and vowed to turn around the business with steps such as these. You know, like what Jesus did.

According to an earning’s release (but not the press release) the hope is to improve “purchase frequency”. Oh, and also reduce the pressure and help people out of course. I mean, mainly the make money part, but helping people, yeah, yeah, that too. Why not both?

So, is this a sign that companies are finally seeing that things are too expensive? Well, I guess so, but we’ll only see real change if PepsiCo is successful here and if companies are so desperate they’re basically forced to. And if they can make money off it.

So, err, no, not really then, no.

Peter Thiel’s totally-not-evil™ tech company Palantir Technologies just had a massive rally of 10, no wait, 11, no wait, 12%! It literally keeps changing as I write this. And it’s looking like a rising tech company lifts all stocks because we’re seeing a lil bump for everyone. How generous.

The boost was triggered by PLTR’s latest quarterly earnings, which were $1.4 billion, well above Wall Street’s Predictions and 71% higher than the same period a year ago. And if that’s just a quarter of their earnings, imagine what the full amount is!

So why the long green candles? Well, Palantir had a massive 137% surge in domestic sales and a 66% bump in revenue from the US government and not just because Thiel and Trump are besties, but it doesn’t hurt.

But what does Palantir make exactly? Well, that’s a great question and the truth is: no one knows. Many people have wondered, but no one’s actually thought to ask them directly. Some say that it’s software of some kind or maybe computer integration… systems?

But who really cares! Whatever it is it’s selling like hotcakes so who needs to know?

That’s the thing about money, it doesn’t really matter what the product is or who’s selling it or why, just so long as the money keeps coming in and the numbers look good. I mean, you’ve got stocks right? Are you really that fussed about what the products actually are or are all these companies just numbers on a spreadsheet?

These people could be selling anything. Swap out tech with tulips and if the numbers were the same we’d still keep investing.

So when I tell you that Palantir’s AI-driven ‘ImmigrationOS’ is used by ICE to track down and deport immigrants, does it really matter? Number goes up, baby.

Ok, not that insane… it’s AI

This week the S&P, all 500 of them decided that you know what? I think it’s about time to top 7000 points, yeah? Yeah, let’s do it.

But then it bounced back to basically normal so it’s basically like it didn’t happen.

Here’s some numbers for you you nerd: The broad market index ended the day down 0.01% at 6,978.03. Earlier, the S&P 500 was up 0.3% on the day, hitting an all-time intraday high of 7,002.28. The Dow Jones Industrial Average added 12.19 points, or 0.02%, to close at 49,015.60. The Nasdaq Composite outperformed and gained 0.17%, settling at 23,857.45.

People think the main reason for the boost is that is buoying up the economy with massive growth in the tech sector.

Now the ball’s in the Fed’s court with their setting of the interest rates and what not.

Powell spoke up in response to the news saying, “I think, and many of my colleagues think, it’s hard to look at the incoming data and say the policy is significantly restrictive at this time.”

Geezzz booooriing, get a room grandpa, learn to drive granddad, buy a car and learn to drive you racist.

Ok, fine, so the Fed’s not going to do anything until Powell’s out probably which means that the ball’s actually in Trump’s court.

Who’s he going to pick? Who’s it going to be? Who-who-who-who-whooooo??

A lot is up in the air is the point.

But hey, S&P 500 7000 is great news, mixed bag what with interest rates and the weak dollar, but then gold’s good, so who’s to say?

Man, this whole economics stuff is hard, huh?

It means very little.

Unless you’re deep into this whole finance stuff. Idk, are you? Unless you’re shorting the economy this doesn’t mean much does it, let’s be honest. Like, what even is the economy anyway? What is economics? I don’t know. Something about the environment?

Or maybe your a small business, I guess then it might affect you. Or I guess if you pay taxes, it might affect taxes or something. And I suppose if you’re a consumer too, might change things there… ok, fine, maybe it does matter for you, but I’m saying probably not by much!

4.4% seems like a very small number and it is because that little symbol, the %, that means out of a hundred. A feel like numbers like 80 out of a hundred or a classic 99 out of a hundred, those are good big numbers, but 4.4? That’s a shitty number.

SO what it beats a two year record and in finance terms that’s actually quite a large boost? Let me make things perfectly clear to you I DON’T UNDERSTAND FINANCE TERMS. I’m just a random guy who never studied this and don’t know what you’re talking about. All I know is that ‘4’ is a small number. Objectively. So I’m not listening to your explanations, lalalalalalalala.

Apparently consumer spending is up too, what I bet it’s a meagre 3.5%. Oh it is? Yeah, see that’s what I’m saying! These aren’t big numbers people!!

And the thing is these gains aren’t in spite of Trump’s mega tariff spree, no, it might be that people started spending more precisely because they knew Trump’s tariffs were incoming. So, an adverse win there, congrats everyone involved.

Does this mean that the economy will then slump once this effect’s worn off? Yeah, maybe baby. Only time will tell you the time (that’s what they say, right?).

Gold, silver, bronze, nickel, everyone has a favorite metal but did you know that there’s more to metals than just shiny-shiny-clunk?

Yes, as Trump’s latest tariffs send gold and silver rocking to unprecedented ATHs we think it’s time to look back on the top five reasons why that’s probably a bad thing actually.

5. Soaring gold weakens the dollar

In short, gold is a more stable currency whereas everything else from dollars to Bitcoin are a bit more volatile. This means that when the economic forecast is more uncertain, investors will transfer their funds from dollars into less risky options like gold, meaning the almighty USD takes a massive hit.

4. Gold is now worth more than gold

It’s one of those classic economic paradoxes that no one has been able to solve. If gold is worth its weight in gold but then it becomes worth more, what’s it worth its weight in now? Diamonds? Human souls? Eggs? It’s hard to tell.

3. A gold boom is a recession indicator

Pride commeth before a fall and gold commeth before a market fall. For the reasons listed above, a big gold boom might be good for pawnshops but it’s an ill omen for the state of the economy and might signal a recession in the near future.

2. What am I supposed to do with all those gold rings I was planning to buy? I was planning to buy like fourteen golden rings, one for each finger and now what I’m supposed to do? THE WEDDING IS IN FIVE MINUTES I’M GOING TO BE LATE!

I cant afford all those rings now. Donald Trump, you have RUINED my special day.

1. We don’t know anything

Like, yes, we can imply some stuff from these developments, but no one, especially not economists have a crystal ball. Who knows what will happen with the economy, especially as Trump might reverse these tariffs on a whim like tomorrow and gold will fall again.

Let’s just buckle up and strap on for the ride.

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Idk, can they compete with China? You’re asking the wrong guy.

Wait, isn’t this an article about Nvidia and chips and stuff?

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