DJT Crypto Is Down, Here’s How Many Billions Trump Just Lost

Five. He lost $5 billion. There, now you can go do something more productive than read this article.

The Trump Media & Technology Group (DJT, no relation) just tumbled like, 5% which I know doesn’t sound like a lot but if you’re an up-to-speed finance bro like me you’ll know that that is actually a lot.

It’s all because of crypto and bitcoin being down across the board and, though he might not look it, Trump’s one of the world’s biggest investors in crypto, bitco, and crypcoins of all varieties, buying $2 million in bitcoin back in August.

Now that BTC’s dipped below $90,000 all of this year’s extraordinary gains are gone and it looks like our very own Mr. President is left holding the bag.

Trump? More Like, Pump And Dump

Yes, this is what happens when you tie your wealth to unstable assets. But Trump isn’t ‘you’ and ironically, this financial quagmire is his own making. You see, being unstable assets, cryptos often get bought when they are in a position to take risks, ie, other markets are stable. But when the economy is uncertain, people are less likely to take risks on things like ‘fartcoin’.

Trump in theory, has some power over the stability of the economy and his big bet on bitcoin was a bet on himself. A bet that currently isn’t paying off.

Trump’s government shutdown led to unreleased inflation figures and a market downturn, something that he only has himself to blame for. Sorry, I meant the democrats, it’s the democrats’ fault…

DJT also owns Truth Social by the way so who knows maybe there’s a silver lining to this mess and Trump might be forced to shutter the unusable metal roof ad website, sorry, ‘social media platform’.

Trump Truth Social Ad
I’m not even kidding every other post is an ad from this guy, I haven’t edited this or anything, this is the President’s main social media feed the social media platform he owns

So in the coming months, if you see Trump either double down on this crypto bet and announce an Eric Trump NFT collection, you’ll know why.

Or if you see him ditch all his crypto and decide it was a load of trash in the first place, you’ll know why for that scenario as well.

Basically if he does anything, you’ll know why.

WHAT I’M SAYING is that reading this article has made you clairvoyant and you should now go out into the world and use your powers for good.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 20, 2025D

DJT Crypto Is Down, Here’s How Many Billions Trump Just Lost

The Trump Media & Technology Group just tumbled 5% which I know doesn’t sound like a lot...
Memecoins
Ima Short• D

DJT Crypto Is Down, Here’s How Many Billions Trump Just Lost

The Trump Media & Technology Group just tumbled 5% which I know doesn’t sound like a lot...
Memecoins

Trump Just Voted To Release The Epstein Files, Here’s Why He’s Playing 5D Chess

The United States President of America, Donald J. Trump, just signed into law the law that all but one lawmaker voted for, and that’s the release of the so-called ‘Epstein Files’.

Now, if you think that’s a crazy move because he’s definitely implicated in these files, well, I think you’re the crazy one because what you don’t understand is that Trump’s smarter than all this, and he knows what he’s doing.

He WANTS the files to be released, and he’s playing all of you.

Trump 5d chess game
This is the game Trump’s playing that your pathetic, not-friends-with-a-sex-offender brains couldn’t possibly comprehend.

Yes, for months he’s been publicly saying that the files shouldn’t be released, and yes, he had his attorney general and his head of the FBI claim that these files didn’t even exist, and yes, he called a reporter ‘piggy’ for some reason for even mentioning the files, BUT IT’S ALL A PLAY!

They can detail his close ties to a podophile. They can call him an adulterer. They can claim he had sex with a horse or Bill Clinton (whichever is worse), but it won’t matter.

You see, when the files get released and Trump’s name is all over them, the American public will have no choice but to accept that Donald Trump is a real-life sex offender.

Finally, he’ll be able to be his true self. No more hiding, no more lies, it’ll all be out in the open, and there will be nothing anyone will be able to do.

Trump Card

What are you going to do, impeach him? Babe. He’s famous. He’s the most powerful person in the world. You’re going to unspool all that just because he’s a little bit of a sex pest? Because he’s committed a few crimes? Phhff.

We already know all that and he’s still in power, babe.

This changes nothing! NOTHING!

All that changes is that Trump will finally be able to ascend to his final form: a completely bulletproof man, impervious to any and all accusations, entirely unstoppable and ETERNALLY POWERFUL! AHHHH!!!!

So when these files get released and you see Trump start to glow and levitate, now you’ll know why.

Checkmate, atheists.

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 20, 2025D

Trump Just Voted To Release The Epstein Files, Here’s Why He’s Playing 5D Chess

The Un-States President, Donald Trump, just signed into law the law that all but one lawma...
Politics
Pen Smith• D

Trump Just Voted To Release The Epstein Files, Here’s Why He’s Playing 5D Chess

The Un-States President, Donald Trump, just signed into law the law that all but one lawma...
Politics

Trump Says He’s Already Looking For a New Fed Chair And His Top Picks Are Unhinged

Jerome Powell Just Increased Perspiration Rates

About once a month, there seems to be a new headline about how Trump wants to replace the Chairman Of The Federal Reserve of Money In America (COFROMIA for short) with someone a little more pliable.

And well, it’s his time of the month again. 

When asked about replacing Jay Powell by reporters during a recent bribe, sorry, visit from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (SCPMBS for short), Trump had this to say: “We have some surprising names and we have some standard names that everybody’s talking about.”

Err, I don’t know about ‘everybody’, I certainly don’t know these names. Can you tell me the names? Are they standard names, like, politically correct names?

“We may go the standard way. It’s nice to, every once in a while, go politically correct. But we have some great names.”

Oh, OK, cool.

“I’d love to get the guy currently in there out… but people are holding me back.”

‘The guy’? You forgot his name? It’s not that hard to remember, tenth letter of the alphabet, you wore hardhats together, come on.

Trump Powell Hardhats
Fast friends. 🙂

Anyways, it looks like someone has just handed me a list of those great names that Trump was referring to… So, without further ado, these are Trump’s top picks to become COFROMIA:

(Honorable mention) JD Vance – The Backup Backup Option

Ehh, ok, fine, if we really have to, like if we’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel, I guess he’ll do. I GUESS WE COULD SETTLE. I mean, he doesn’t have much on his plate. He’s not that busy, he could probs do the Fed on the side. Not well, mind you, not a good job, but he’d do A job, sure.

JD seems a great replacement, considering that Powell is “an average-minded person” with a “low IQ for what he does,” according to Donald Trump.

10. No One – Better Than JD

Now, this is the most controversial take, but do we even need a chair? Can’t we just sit on the floor? It’s long been the belief of notable economists like me that the Fed can just run itself. If anything, it would be an improvement from that good-for-nothing POWELL.

9. SBF – Pronounced “essbeef”

Sam Bankman-Fried has done more than enough to prove his financial chops. Hell, he’s got ‘bank’ in his name, who better to lead the finances of this country? Now, there is the little matter of the whole ‘prison’ thing, but that’s nothing that a bit of presidential pardoning can’t fix.

8. Kanye – West

…West, that is. He’s a loose cannon. A renegade. And you know what? Maybe that’s exactly what the Fed needs right now. Sure, there was that whole thing with his cousin and with the Nazis and, yes, he ran against Trump but my enemies’ enemies is my friend and a friend in Ye is a friend indeed.

7. Tiffany Fong – Who?

Oh, the crypto influencer that Elon offered to have a child with. Yeah, sure, why not, throw her into the mix. The important thing is that we make HEADLINES. Ok?

6. Barron – ‘Trump’, not ‘Oil’

Now, Barron’s a good kid. Maybe the best kid. And he knows his crypto more than anyone. He’s talking about crypto, he’s a fan, he knows how to use his wallet. What’s a wallet? Well, he’s using it. So he’s a good pick.

5. Scrooge McDuck – Money Man (Duck)

If anyone understands money, it’s a man with a giant pile of money in his house. Now that’s the kind of guy I want in charge of interest rates, that’s for sure.

4. An AI Tesla Bot – If Elon Can Bury The Hatchet

Picture this: no more Jay Powell AND Tesla stock goes up with a ground-breaking tech demo, all in one move. He’s lean, he’s mean, he’s a fighting machine. What else would you build a robot for but managing the Federal Reserve? This ain’t ‘Mr. Too Late’, this ain’t no ‘Major Loser’, this is advanced robotics at the cutting edge.

3. Jerome Powell – He’s Back, Baby!

A late entry to the field, this is a completely different Jerome Powell, absolutely no relation to the previous JP. Yes, he looks very similar, but this Jerome has a large mustache, so it can’t be the same one.

2. Eric Trump – Maybe The Real Powell Was The Friends We Made Along The Way

Eric Trump is well known for not really being that well known, so he’s a good choice because every other family member that Trump had in his inner circle got burned by the first administration. Other than moving some money around when maybe he shouldn’t have and then getting caught, Eric has basically zero financial experience, which makes him perfect for the role. He also enjoys skiing. 

1. Donald Trump – The Front Runner

In the top spot, I know, it seems like a curveball, but when you think about it, it makes sense. Who better to follow through on Donald Trump’s wishes than Donald Trump himself? Who’s least likely to get fired by Donald Trump than Donald Trump? Who’s got the business, pork, and financial chops to take the US economy to the next level? And let’s be honest, if Trump could, we all know he would.

And there we have it! Those are our top five picks for the role. We’ll see how things play out, but let us know what you think! Message me personally at my home address hidden in the code for this website.

For a secret bonus option, read this: Hawk Tuah To Replace Jerome Powell as Fed Chairman

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 19, 2025D

Trump Says He’s Already Looking For a New Fed Chair And His Top Picks Are Unhinged

About once a month, there seems to be a new headline about how Trump wants to replace the ...
Politics
Pen Smith• D

Trump Says He’s Already Looking For a New Fed Chair And His Top Picks Are Unhinged

About once a month, there seems to be a new headline about how Trump wants to replace the ...
Politics

Elon’s Circling $15 Billion In Equity For xAI And His New Valuation Is Crazy

The valuation is $230 billion, there you go, saved you some time…

It turns out that Elon ‘Smells’ Musk is still not content with the dubious title of ‘richest man in the world’ and wants to be a bit richer. No, a $70.5 billion net worth and a trillion-dollar pay package doesn’t buy you much these days, so Musky-man’s in the market for $15 billion to go towards his AI startup, xAI (XAAIAA.PVT).

‘Startup’? What are we even talking about? OpenAI is apparently a startup, these aren’t cobbled together by teenagers in a garage, what are you talking about?

The equity ask would give xAI (and that’s not one of his kids, just to clarify) a valuation of $230 billion dollars worth of money (USD), which is more than double what it was back in March. I’m sorry, guys, are we looking at the same product here? We’re still talking about the creators of MechaHitler right? You’re saying that’s worth $230 billion? I guess they know something we don’t…

Definitely not a Nazi
Any implied connection with the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei is purely coincidental.

I mean xAI has seen rapid growth over the last two years from not existing at all to existing now. With the flagship product: Grok and the not quite so flagship product: Spicy Grok, xAI have really made a name for themselves, even if that name is completely unpronouncable.

xAI? More like, x-A-WHY-is-this-company-so-valuable?

Tesla’s also getting in on the action with stockholders approving an investment in the company earlier this month. So I guess we’re just moving money round in circles so long as it’s in Elon’s orbit? That’s just money laundering, right?

xAI hopes to rival OpenAI and Claude and Google AI and Bing AI for AI dominance in the AI space which should be easy because Bing sucks.

We’ll see how this plays out though. Will Elon take over the world or will FOMO push him closer to become the man who finally pops the bubble?

For more high-quality journalism like this, click here: Elon Musk Smells

Latest news

Max Profit• November 19, 2025D

Elon’s Circling $15 Billion In Equity For xAI And His New Valuation Is Crazy

Turns out Elon Musk is still not content with the dubious title of ‘richest man in the w...
Elon
Max Profit• D

Elon’s Circling $15 Billion In Equity For xAI And His New Valuation Is Crazy

Turns out Elon Musk is still not content with the dubious title of ‘richest man in the w...
Elon

Buffett Just Bought $4.9 Billion In Google And Now Its Stock Is Soaring

AI Bubble? What AI Bubble?

Google (GOOG, GOOGL, GOOGOOGAGA) just posted some outstanding earnings, well above what you’d expect even for a company with a monopoly over the entire internet. It looks like they’ve managed to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge through the recent AI pullback to gain a massive six-point boost when everyone else is flailing.

And the hero behind the Goog’s massive rally is no other than the GOAT of investments himself: Mr. Warren Buffett.

Yes, that’s right, Buffett’s investment firm, Berkshire Hathaway (BRB) just ploughed $4.93 billion into 17.85 million shares in Alphabet. …That’s the company that owns Google, not like, you know, the dictionary.

It’s a surprising move from the Berkshire boys, considering Buffett just pulled a bunch of stock out of tech recently and seems to be pretty averse to the sector.

Here’s a quote for you, why not: “The ‌stake purchase of a tech company may represent a different type of mentality at Berkshire, though it’s not a total departure from its value-investing model,” said Steve Sosnick, chief strategist at Interactive Brokers (who?).

It’s all a good thing for Google, which just rallied 14% this quarter, gaining 46%, in part thanks to Buffett’s move. 

google stock graph
I just screenshotted this graph, is that of any interest? let me know, if not, I can take it down…

And tbh this may be Buffett’s last move. The 95-year-old is scheduled to step down as Berkshire’s chairperson and pass away at some point next year.

Google, Shmoogle

The question remains: what is Google’s place in the new AI landscape? They’ve put their money where their mouths are (is?) with a big investment in the new tech and data centers and the like. It’s what everyone else is doing but there’s a problem: AI undermines Google’s core product which is search.

Now you’ve got some market confusion because right along side its search there’s an AI mode and AI suggestions at the top of every search result. It’s harder than ever to use Google as was previously intended.

So what’s the deal are they cannibalising their own flagship product? Or is this the future of search?

We may not know for many years, but one thing is for certain: these latest earnings seem to say that it’s on the right track.

Latest news

Max Profit• November 18, 2025D

Buffett Just Bought $4.9 Billion In Google And Now Its Stock Is Soaring

Google just posted some outstanding earnings, above what you’d expect even for a company...
Tech
Max Profit• D

Buffett Just Bought $4.9 Billion In Google And Now Its Stock Is Soaring

Google just posted some outstanding earnings, above what you’d expect even for a company...
Tech

Crypto Just Lost $1.1tn But Forbes Noticed Something Most People Missed

What Goes Up, Yada, Yada…

Crypto investors just pulled $1.1 trillion dollars in money from the crypto market over the weekend and Bitcoin has fallen to below $90,000 per coin, suggesting that the Trump crypto boom might be over.

The drop has completely erased all previous gains the currency made this year, tanking 28% in just six weeks, losing $600 billion, even after it’s record high in October.

Read this one too: Bitcoin Drops Below $100,000: Will It Keep Dropping?

Also, stock in Coinbase (COIN) (ooh, that’s a good ticker, they were lucky to get that one) is down 7%, reflecting just general bad vibes overall.

It’s a bear market, which is industry speak for: the cupboards are bare, there’s no more money.

But the big question is why? Why the sudden drop?

Bitcoin? More like SHIT… coin…

Well, like all things stock-related, it’s all about vibes, and currently, the vibes are not good. You see, crypto, bitcoin, and even AI are volatile assets and when there’s even a whiff of uncertainty in the markets, all these assets tend to crash.

And well, we’ve been given a triple whammy of uncertainty over the last few days: Nvidia have a big earnings call coming up that should set the tone for the economy going forward but until then we don’t know so might as well panic.

On top of that, people still don’t know if the Fed will cut interest rates (but do they ever?) exacerbated by the refusal to release October’s job and interest rate data because of the government shut down.

And THEN the third and final reason bitcoin rates are down is that u/stroking_greencandles said it would crash on Reddit and if that ain’t a recession indicator I don’t know what is.

But here’s the crazy thing: Forbes already called all this. They have this thing, right, that when they put someone on the cover as some kind of big shot qunderkind it turns out that they’re not all that. They did it with SBF, they did it with whatsherface from the Dropout.

forbes crypto bitcoin cover

And now they just had Micheal Saylor on the cover, right before this big crash. Coindincence? Yes? Maybe.

Do they know something we don’t?

Yes. Yes, they do. It’s all a scam. Just short whatever they put on the cover next, it’s the investment strategy I subscribe to.

Latest news

Ima Short• November 18, 2025D

Crypto Just Lost $1.1tn But Forbes Noticed Something Most People Missed

Crypto investors just pulled $1.1 trillion dollars in money from the crypto market over th...
Memecoins
Ima Short• D

Crypto Just Lost $1.1tn But Forbes Noticed Something Most People Missed

Crypto investors just pulled $1.1 trillion dollars in money from the crypto market over th...
Memecoins

Trump Decides He’s Not In The Epstein Files, Actually

After entering into a very public spat with Marjorie Taylor Greene (green? And is it hyphenated? There’s no way of knowing…) over the release of the Epstein Files, or as I like to call them, the Epstein DOCUMENTS, Trump has now about-turned and is urging all Republicans to vote in favor of releasing the so-called Epstein documents because he definitely isn’t in them and wasn’t campaigning to keep them secret which kind of looks like he’s in them and no one wants to think that you’re best friends with a pedofile (peadophile? Is it hyphenated?) anyways the point is that Trump just realised he’s not in the Epstein file (s) because he took a close look himself and got his name removed so now if they get released he’s not in them haha, take that Democrats, he just needed a moment just to check on some things **quickly scrubs out name**, Ok, it’s good to go now, you can vote in favor of the release but only because that’s what I was planning to do the whole time and not because I removed my name from them that would be crazy and illegal? No, when the President does it, it’s not illegal.

Is that enough for an intro paragraph? Yeah? Ok.

Keyword: Epstein

I mean, that’s it, there’s not much else to say. What do you want from me you want me to embellish more? You’ve not read this far, I know you’ve not read this far. You have the attention span for the first half a second of a tik-tok video and then you black out, no way you’re reading even a hundred words.

What’s that? I still have to reach a word count? Jesus Christ, this is supposed to be my day off and I’m very drunk… Alright, FINE, chatgpt, take the wheel:

Trump Decides He’s Not In The Epstein Files, Actually
By The Unnamed Yet Deeply Exasperated Political Desk

In a surprise press conference held somewhere between a golf course and a courtroom, former President Donald J. Trump announced Monday that, upon careful review of the newly released Jeffrey Epstein files, he has determined that he is, in fact, not in them—despite several entries that appear to contain his name, handwriting, and what experts have called “a very Trump-shaped silhouette.”

“I looked through the documents very strongly, very powerfully,” Trump told reporters. “And I can tell you, with tremendous certainty, many people are saying I’m actually not in there. If anything, they put my name in as a compliment. A tribute, really.”

Trump then held up a stack of papers that, upon closer inspection, were blank except for the words “NOT ME” scribbled in Sharpie at the top of each page.

‘It’s Just People Who Look Like Me,’ Trump Explains

Asked about references to “Donald Trump,” “DJT,” and “Trump + 2” in flight logs and phone directories, Trump dismissed them as “ridiculous coincidences,” adding that “Trump is a very common name, like Smith, or Caesar.”

He continued, “There are lots of Donalds out there. It could be anyone. Could be Donatello from the Ninja Turtles. Could be Don Draper. You don’t know. Very unfair to assume it’s me.”

Trump then briefly suggested the documents may have been forged by the Biden administration, the FBI, the deep state, the shallow state, and “possibly Disney.”

Advisors Back Him Up, Sort Of

A senior aide speaking on condition of anonymity confirmed that the campaign’s official position is that Trump is “not in the files unless there’s something positive in there,” at which point they reserve the right to say “he’s always been in the files, more than anyone.”

Another advisor noted that Trump believes his presence in any document is voluntary.

“Mr. Trump views documents the same way he views subpoenas,” the aide said. “He’s only in them if he agrees to be.”

Crowd Reaction Mixed, Confused

At a rally held later that evening, supporters embraced the announcement with the same enthusiasm they typically reserve for merch tables and conspiracy theories.

“If Trump says he’s not in the Epstein files, then the Epstein files are wrong,” said Linda Harper, waving a sign that read “DOCUMENTS LIE.” “Besides, he said he didn’t know Epstein that well—just, like, in all those photos.”

Others expressed uncertainty.

“I mean… I saw the documents,” said Ray Mullins, wearing a “Make America Document-Free Again” cap. “But I also heard Trump say he’s not in them. So I guess reality’s split 50–50 right now.”

The Conclusion: A New Presidential Doctrine

Trump ended the day by unveiling what he called the “Trump Doctrine of Documentation,” which states:

  1. Any document that mentions him negatively is fake.
  2. Any document that mentions him positively is true and historically significant.
  3. Any document he doesn’t like will be replaced with a document he wrote himself.

“From now on, I will be deciding which documents contain me,” Trump said. “No more surprises.”

He then departed the stage to thunderous applause, or possibly the sound of reporters head-desking—sources disagree.


If you’d like, I can also generate a shorter version, a harder-hitting satirical op-ed, or a parody news broadcast to accompany it.

NO, no thanks ChatGPT, that’ll do, I don’t care. Publish.

Latest news

Robert• November 17, 2025D

Trump Decides He’s Not In The Epstein Files, Actually

After entering into a very public spat with Marjorie Taylor Greene (green? And is it hyphe...
Politics
Robert• D

Trump Decides He’s Not In The Epstein Files, Actually

After entering into a very public spat with Marjorie Taylor Greene (green? And is it hyphe...
Politics

The Louvre Password Was Just ‘Louvre’: The Heist Of The Century Just Keeps Getting Dumber

Wait, who tf is that guy on the cover image? Idk that guy? Did you put him there? Does he own the Louvre or what?

Yes, it’s true. I don’t blame you for not believing anything you read on this fake news site, but it’s true. In 2014, it was revealed that the password to the Louvre’s CCTV system was just “LOUVRE.”

Here’s another one, do you want to guess the password to the cybersecurity system the Louvre used, provided by the company Thales?

Yep, if you guessed any of the words in that previous sentence, you’re smarter than the person who picked the password which was “THALES.”

Of course, I think we can safely assume these passwords have been changed in the ten years since the public report and the thieves probably didn’t need a password to break in through the window. In-tru-da window. Intruder window… huh.

Louvre Heist Tweet

But the point is that people have been shouting about the Louvre’s weak security for over a decade and it’s like… it’s like it wanted to get robbed…

Nah, that’s not true.

…but maybe.

Nahhhh.

The Louvre’s focus was much more on restoration and on acquiring new paintings than actually beefing up the security and now just look what happened.

As for the robbers themselves, I think they got caught? Or they got the wrong guys, idk, I’ve not really been following it and I can’t be bothered to look it up.

Alright, I’m to go change all the passwords on this site, currently they’re all just “WALLSTREETMEMES”…

For more on this story, click here: Top 10 Museum Heists: How Does The Louvre Robbery Compare?

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 13, 2025D

The Louvre Password Was Just ‘Louvre’: The Heist Of The Century Just Keeps Getting Dumber

I don’t blame you for not believing anything you read on this fake news site, but it’s...
Culture
Pen Smith• D

The Louvre Password Was Just ‘Louvre’: The Heist Of The Century Just Keeps Getting Dumber

I don’t blame you for not believing anything you read on this fake news site, but it’s...
Culture

Blue Origin’s Mars Mission Just Got Delayed Again, Like It’s Rocket Science Or Something

We’re seeing some fantastic Aurora Borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen. Ok, maybe not that last part… And that’s a great thing for sky-watchers, but do you know who’s not happy at this magnificent interstellar phenomenon?

That’s right, Jeffrey Preston Bezos, who just can’t enjoy a nice thing. Just last night, the Amazon founder was spotted shaking his fist at the Northern Lights, yelling, “I’ll get my revenge on you one day, The Sun!”

Don’t get the joke? OK, let me get you up to speed.

Blue Origin (Bezos’ space company) was due to have a big ‘ol space launch, BUT due to the solar storms, the launch was delayed (not for the first time, btw, read this: Jeff Bezos Postpones Plan To Flee Earth).

Solar storms are a burst of increased radiation from the sun that, when it interacts with the Earth’s magnetosphere, causes the Northern Lights, aka AURORA BOREALIS.

Oop, OK, I’m just getting word in through my earpiece here that the solar storms have subsided and the launch is back on! Yay! We should see lift off during a new window sometime this week. 

Like, Thursday? Ok, by the time you read it it’ll probably be in space so this article is completely pointless. JESUS CHRIST I don’t know why I bother, honestly, I slave away…

What are they launching this time? No, not Katy Perry again. No, this time they’re throwing up two satellites for NASA which will measure weather on Mars and hopefully be one small step closer to manned missions to the red planet.

The rocket being used is also a big deal because it’s Blue Origin’s big boy: the New Glenn rocket. It’s only been launched once before and this mission is a big test for the rocket and the company.

Latest news

Pen Smith• November 13, 2025D

Blue Origin’s Mars Mission Just Got Delayed Again, Like It’s Rocket Science Or Something

Blue Origin (Bezos’ space company) was due to have a big ‘ol space launch, BUT due to ...
Tech
Pen Smith• D

Blue Origin’s Mars Mission Just Got Delayed Again, Like It’s Rocket Science Or Something

Blue Origin (Bezos’ space company) was due to have a big ‘ol space launch, BUT due to ...
Tech

White House May Never Release October Jobs/Inflation Data And Wall Street’s Flying Blind

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally enter the government again without having to stage an insurrection like last time… ALSO, I can now get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs and inflation data that I so desperately need to set interest rates…

…wait, what’s that you say? You don’t have the data? Oh… Oh, it’s because you were shut down, so no one was actually collecting the data?

Oh, so that’s what a government does.

Right, that’s cool, no worries, can’t you just gather the data now, like, just a little after the fact? Oh, you don’t want to? OK, that’s fair. Can I ask why not? Because you’re worried that you might have slightly warped statistics? I’m sorry, does economic data have a best-before date? Have the inflation numbers gone moldy?

Or… devious grin… or are you hiding something?

Inflation data tweet

Nah, probs not.

As White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt explained, “Democrats may have permanently damaged the federal statistical system with October CPI and jobs reports likely never being released. All of that economic data released will be permanently impaired, leaving our policy makers at the [Federal Reserve] flying blind at a critical period.”

That’s right it’s all the DEMOCRATS fault. Those stinky, fat, long-limbed democrats ruining OUR politics for GOOD this time.

Oh well, I’m sorry The Fed, I guess you’ll just have to lower the interest rates like President Trump has been telling you forever. Hey, I’m sorry, it’s not my fault, don’t blame me, blame those small-assed democrats.

Don’t get the joke? That’s OK. Read this: Bessent Demands Powell Lower Rates By One Million Points

Latest news

Marge Incall• November 13, 2025D

White House May Never Release October Jobs/Inflation Data And Wall Street’s Flying Blind

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs an...
Politics
Marge Incall• D

White House May Never Release October Jobs/Inflation Data And Wall Street’s Flying Blind

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs an...
Politics