2025 | Wall Street Memes

You have to pay $1 million dollars. I’m not kidding.

Yes, President Trump’s new “gold card” visa scheme has just gone live, allowing foreigners to simply bribe, sorry, I meant buy a Visa for a million dollars. Or, even better, companies can sponsor someone for $2 million dollars. They also get a shiny golden card as an added bonus (not real gold. Ts&Cs apply…)

It’s true. Just go to trumpcard.gov and if you’ve got a spare milly lying around, try it out for yourself!

And if you think that’s the end of it JUST YOU WAIT. Because what’s better than gold? That’s right, platinum and Trump has heard your request and has a waiting list for $5 million dollar “Trump Platinum Cards”.

Why these official government documents have to have Trump’s name on them like they’re steaks is anyone’s guess…

Trump sued by Willy Wonka for plagiarism

However, Trump’s latest get-rich-quick scheme has already run into problems as the estate of the late chocolatier, William K. Wonka has filed a lawsuit against Donald K. Trump regarding his latest plan to offer ‘Gold Card’ Visas to the wealthy.

The Wonka estate claims that Trump, “Plagiarised the golden ticket idea fully, wholeheartedly and with malice. We demand full compensation and a golden ticket for ourselves.”

golden ticket gold card visa trump the office — Live footage of Trump coming up with the idea of the golden ticket completely on his own

Trump’s idea differs from the master chocolatier’s promotional factory tour since the Gold Card visa cannot be discovered in a chocolate bar but must instead be purchased for $1 million. The plan aims to increase government cash flow and raise the number of immigrants entering the country, wait, no, that’s not…

“I don’t care if they’re completely different,” continued the Wonka lawsuit, “Wonka Co. has long held a trademark on the word ‘gold’ and the Trump organization has repeatedly flounced that legal ownership. We demand full ownership of Trump Tower and every gold Trump-branded item immediately, please.”

Legal experts say that Wonka is unlikely to win any such case. The lawsuit follows an increasingly litigious streak from the company after Wonka filed a claim against an unlicensed Glaswegen Wonka immersive experience last year.

Gold Card? More like card made of gold!

Meanwhile, Trump’s gold card program adds an important new color to the ‘card’ system. You see, there already exists a green card visa and a red card may be used to end a conversation, but the world has never seen anything as powerful as a magic gold card before.

When asked specifically about Russian oligarchs buying the card for some reason, Trump said, “Yeah, possibly. Hey. I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people,” which is a normal thing for an American president to say.

The gold card will replace a similar scheme called the EB-5 which is almost identical to the gold card but has a lower price tag and doesn’t have the word ‘gold’ in it so this one’s much cooler I guess.

Meanwhile, Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory continues to… wait… what’s that? Oh no, it’s… it’s… IT’S THE UNKNOWN! AAARRRGGHGGHHHH!!!

Jerome Powell can keep his job… for now

The Federal Reserve of money (aka THE Fed) has at last lowered interest rates by 0.25 percentage points to 3.50/3.75%, the lowest it’s ever been since three years ago.

The problem is the Fed is caught between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand, you’ve got a plummeting job market, but on the other hand, you have the prices of everything rising but on a secret third hand, you have me with a three-way parlay on whether Jay Powell will sneeze during the announcement.

But Trump’s only happy with more, more, MORE, saying that the cut should have been “at least doubled… Our rates should be much lower, we should have the lowest rates in the world!!!” he screamed before passing out.

And his lackays are falling in line with this sentiment. Trump’s Council of Economic Advisors person, Stephen Miran, for example, voted against the cut, instead wanting a more dramatic 0.5 point cut.

And as for ‘the hard place’, the presidents of Chicago and Kansas City’s Feds voted to keep rates as they are.

Death by 0.25 cuts

We likely won’t see any rate cuts over the coming months but with Jay Powell’s imminent retirement/assassination his replacement could easily come in and set interest rates to minus a billion as is Trump’s heart’s desire.

We’ll just have to see how things pan out but until then, check out who’s the front runner to replace Powell: Jerome Powell Is Getting Fired, Here Are The Top 5 Likely Replacements

Tanked is a strong word, is 3.4% a ‘tank’?

Netflix (NFCKS) investors have just revealed that they’re skeptical whether a $72 billion dollar buyout of Warner Brothers is a good idea, considering they can’t even afford to allow password sharing.

Couple that with the Paramount’s $108 billion in dollars hostile counteroffer and then couple that again with Trump’s not-so-subtle hints about an uphill regulatory battle and you can see why they’re squirming.

Oh and then couple all that again with disappointing third-quarter earnings and since October 21, Netflix stock is down 20%.

Tu-DUM.

“A higher bid by Paramount makes it more likely that either Netflix has to increase its price or walk away,” said, Uday Cheruvu the portfolio manager of Netflix share owners Harding Loevner. But the question is is it even worth getting into a bidding war with the second richest man’s son after you already won and if the deal might not even go through at the other end?

Oh, just what’s a billion-dollar corporation to do!

Netflix? More like bag-of-dicks!

Shall I make matters worse? Ok, I’ll make matters worse. On the Paramount side of this war is another Trump ally, son-in-law Jared Kushner whose finance company has co-financed Paramount’s new bid.

I wonder which way the famously impartial Donald Trump will lean?

Idk, if I were Netflix, I’d just walk away from the deal. Lots of people were sceptical about the name Warnetflix Brothers anyway. I think the only people pro the deal were the rabid fans campaigning for a Stranger Things/Game of Thrones crossover. I mean, I ship Jon Snow and the demogorgon as much as the next guy, but I can live without it.

There are a lot of plates in the fire here, so we’ll just have to wait and see who’s going to juggle them all without them smashing.

But until then, you just KNOW that I’m going to milk this story for all the content I can get. Fingers crossed it never ends…

Yes? No? Maybe? Idk, why are you looking at me??

Gold is up, silver is up, Bitcoin’s up, that can only mean one thing: everyone thinks a rate cut is around the corner.

We’ll find out today but it’s looking like the fed are gearing up for a rate cut. How do they know? I literally have no idea. I have no idea how this works. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I am woefully underqualified for this job. I don’t belong here. I don’t even know what a rate cut is. Is that when the amount of interest goes down or is it the rate of interest increasing goes down?

And why are the numbers so small? It’s only ever like 2 points, is that the same as a percentage? Why does everyone freak out about such small numbers? Literally all the headlines are talking about the fed and Powell. Stock bros are betting on this stuff. Why? I just don’t get it and honestly I don’t know why you’re still here. Do you think you’re going to get some actual useful information?

Did you think I could answer the clickbait question in the headline? No, madam, I am asking the question. Will Powell do it? What is it? What’s he even going to do? I DON’T KNOW SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

Rate Cut? Idk, I’d say about a 7/10

Something to do with Donald Trump? Maybe.

Will this affect the price of apples? I do care about the price of apples. I buy a LOT of apples.

Alright. So that’s that. I feel like I’ve covered this story right? I mean, what else are you looking for, why are you still here? You want more information? Look literally anywhere else. Please. I beg of you. Wall Street Memes is not the place to be getting solid financial advice.

Go outside and touch a bank, idk, whatever the finance equivalent of touch grass is.

K, love you, bye…

The Biggest of Short investors (even though he’s 5’8″), Michael Burry just dropped another bombshell in his Cassandra Unchained newsletter, revealing that he own large positions in Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac expecting them to rally with IPOs in the near future.

Now, the identities of these mystery individuals have not been revealed, nor is it clear exactly how Burry can have a position on two human beings but heck, if Burry says double down on two randos, I’m doubling down.

My guess is that Fannie and Freddie are distant relations of Burry? Maybe like, third cousins who needed a leg up from their financier uncle and he was like, “Yeah, sure F&F [that’s what he calls them] I’ll just give you a shout out on my newsletter and then you’ll be famous and rich and that’ll make up for your unfortunate names.”

Freddie? Maxed. Fannie? Maybe. Burry? Better Hurry! …what?

Oh.

Oh wait.

Oh wait, now hold on a minute.

Maybe I should have googled Fannie and Freddie before writing this.

Ok, turns out the two people names are actually names of companies. How was I supposed to know that?

Fannie Mae is the Federal Nation Mortgage Association and it’s a publicly traded company?? What are you talking about? WHY DOES IT HAVE A HUMAN NAME??? We don’t call the United States Postal Service ‘Usain Potter’ that would be usain.

Either every federal organization gets a cutesy-poo name or none do.

Hell, ‘Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation? FHLMC? That doesn’t even look like Freddie Mac!

What is going on?

I can’t even find an explanation for why they’re called this. Wait, FANNIE IS THE LARGEST COMPANY IN THE US? IT’S WORTH $4.3 TRILLION DOLLARS???? WTF IS GOING ON!!

Ok, I’m sorry, I need to go, I’m having a meltdown over this. This finance writer has just discovered the financial sector. I’m going to puke.

…it’s from his dad. You could have guessed that.

Like all good TV dramas, the Warner Bros buyout saga just introduced a new twist with original bidder David Ellison doubling down on his bet by launching a hostile takeover bid of $30-per-share DESPITE both Warner Brothers already agreeing to Netflix’s offer of $27.75-per-share.

Awkward.

Netflix Paramount Warner Brothers Ellison Meme

But here’s a question: from where could the son of the second-richest man in the world possibly stump up the cash? Oh, from his dad? OK, that makes sense.

Ellison? More like, raising hell-isson.

The Ellison family and RedBird Capital have pledged $40.7b and the rest of the money comes as a bridge loan from Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, Qatar Investment Authority, Abu Dhabi’s L’imad Holding, Jared Kushner’s Affinity Partners, the Bank of America, Citigroup, and Apollo (or SAPIFQIAADLHJKAPBOACA for short).

Yeah, that’s quite a smorgasbord of financiers you’ve got there, bro, you must reeeally want the rights to Space Jam.

But of note, is the proximity of these financiers to Donald Trump here, idk if it’s anything but the Ellisons have long been tied to the President and with Jared Kushner’s finance firm getting in on the action maybe there’s something happening?

Like, do they know something we don’t? After Trump’s comment that the Netflix-WB merger “could be a problem” is he going to shoot down the big streamer’s purchase for anti monopoly reason but allow the Skydance-Paramount-Warner-Brothers conglomeration to go ahead because it’s his friends who will benefit?

Probably not, pleasedon’tsueme…

Oh, I heard a theory (but I do think it’s just a theory) that Netflix isn’t actually serious about their bid, they just want to freeze WB out of making any big moves for a year or so. I don’t believe that’s true, but I just think it would be funny if Netflix is then raising the price for Ellison for no reason. Or they do get the bid that they never really wanted and Netflix are stuck with an Elon Musk Twitter situation.

Whatever happens, we’re in for quite a few more twists and turns before the season finale.

Hey, remember Donald Trump? Well, it turns out that since hosting the Celerity Apprentinces, Donald “Trump” Trump has gone on to become the President Of America. Who knew?

And even though he’s long since hung up his The Apprentice hat, it seems like Old Don is up to his old tricks again but this time he’s targeting impending media conglomeration WarnerFlix NetBrothers for the “you’re fired treatment”. Haha.

Yes, this is the news that Netflix just agreed to a deal to buy Warner Bros Studios for an equity value of $72 billion and a total enterprise value of $83 billion BUT NOT SO FAST!

Donald John Trump just pointed out that Netflix had a “very big market share” which would “go up by a lot” under this deal and that “could be a problem” (not a threat).

Of course, this has nothing to do with Trump’s best pal’s son wanting to buy Warner Bros. No, that would be a conflict of interest, Trump would never go for that sort of thing.

You see, second richest man in the world, Larry ELLIOSN, sorry, I sneezed, ‘Ellison’, well, ignore him, his son David he bought Skydance, then Paramount and he’d set his eyes on the WB, but they weren’t even for sale and Netflix saw that and were like, hold on, if the Warner Bros are for sale I want in on that action.

And just like that, they outbid everyone else and suddenly, Warner Bros is for sale. Sale. Sold.

As they say, if the price is right, everything is for sale.

Of course the deal won’t be inked for at least a year and it’s still got to go through regulators which might be when Trump steps in and pulls the plug on the whole thing like he should have done with Fox/Disney *ahem*.

But assuming this does go ahead, what does that mean for my monthly entertainment budget? Currently I’m paying $50 a month for Tubi so if that goes up I’m going to be mad otherwise I don’t really care.

Here’s a good question though, what would the new company be called? Take your pick from the options below:

Netflix, Just Netflix

And I mean that’s the full tile, the ‘just netflix’ part as well.

Warner Flix

No.

Net Brothers

Sounds like they’re fishermen or spiders. No.

Netflix AOL Time Warner Brothers Discovery (A Gulf Western Company)

Rolls off the tongue.

Super Warner Brothers

Because it just got a powerup.

HBO Go

I would also accept: HBO Max, HBO Now, HBO, Max, and WBO.

Please-Mr-President-Let-Us-Merge-Companies-Flix

…probably the only one that will actually work.

‘He’ As In Schiff, Not Trump, Just To Be Clear…

Hey, remember Donald Trump? Well, it turns out that since hosting the Celerity Apprentinces, Donald “Trump” Trump has gone on to become the President Of America. Who knew?

And, but, even though he’s long since hung up his The Apprentice hat, it seems like Old Don is up to his old tricks again but this time he’s targeting ‘stockbroker’ Peter Schiff for the “you’re fired treatment”. Haha.

Yesterday, daily children’s television show about a talking fox and his buddies, Fox And Friends, hosted ‘stockbroker’ Peter Schiff on the podcast for some reason. But here’s the thing: Trump likes the fox but he also likes himself so it’s kind of awkward to have himself-critic on the thing he likes. It’s kind of hard to get your head around, “Thing I like likes thing I don’t like?” *Tim Allen wooouuuuhh?? noise*

“Why would Fox and Friends Weekend (of all things?) put on a ‘Stockbroker’ named Peter Schiff, a Trump hating loser who has already proven to be wrong,” said Trump on Truth Social. (What would a social truth look like? Oh, like the popular kid who just tells it like it is and is actually really mean but calls it honesty, is that what Truth Social is?)

Related story: Donald Trump

“Either the show made a mistake, or it is heading in a different direction. He thinks prices are going up when, in fact, they are coming substantially down. Gasoline hit $1.99 a gallon yesterday, in certain states, and is down BIG since Biden.”

Biden? Jesus Christ, he’s DEAD, move on!

Oh wait, I forgot to mention the ‘crazy’ part I teased in the headline. Bitcoin critic Schiff responded on X, saying, “Since Pres. Trump called me a jerk and a loser for claiming that prices are still rising when he insists they’re coming way down, I challenge him, or his designee, to a debate on the U.S. economy and the efficacy of his policies. If I’m as wrong as he says I am, let him prove it.”

In a separate post, Schiff also said that Donald should change the name of his social media site to “Lie Social.” Hahaha. That’s clever.

So whether Trump will actually take up the ‘stockbroker’ on his debate offer remains to be seen but no, he definitely won’t, what are you talking about? Of course that’s not going to happen.

Facebook’s daddy company, Meta, has just announced a 30% scale back of spending on their flagship VR ‘metaverse’ product and the whole planet let out a collective sigh of relief.

The market’s agreed that giving up on this dream is probably a good idea, gifting the Zuck a 5% stock boost for the company worth about $69 billion dollars in money.

We call that in the biz, “a carrot”.

facebook meta metaverse stock — Here’s a graph. Does this mean anything to you?

Metaverse? I hardly know her

For over half a decade, Facebook has really been trying to “make fetch happen,” but hasn’t released any substantial products, the ones they have shown off are janky af and no one really wants a virtual reality world in the first place except for sex pests and cool sci-fi hackers.

But no, when the Zuck goes, he goes hard, reskinning the company as ‘Meta’ in 2021, signalling its commitment to the pos product that no one wants.

That’s quite a statement there son, would be embarrassing if after committing to the name you then pivoted to AI in 2023, huh?

I mean, that really says it all. Tech companies all have that startup mindset of chasing growth above everything else. The moment you stop, you die. That’s why they all seem to branch out into these bizarre disparate products and it’s why they’ll push whatever new shiny thing they can find if it looks like it’ll get more eyes on them.

In the 2000s it was the internet, in the 2010s it was cloud computing, now it’s AI but for a moment there, the Zuck reeeeallly thought it was going to be VR.

The dog that caught the car

And yes, some of those bets paid off, but those successes are littered with the corpses of companies that lost out chasing the same goal. And on top of that, us poor consumers had to suffer through every fad being stapled to every product then rammed down our throats whether we wanted it or not. (Need I mention NFTs?)

So good riddance to the metaverse, but then, it was always meant to die. Just wait and see, when the next shiny shiny waves itself in front of Mark he’ll ditch AI just as quick. They all will. Because this isn’t about making good products. It’s about growth. It’s about making money above everything else.

And it always has been.

For more on Facebook just nailing exactly what everyone wants, read this: Facebook Announces “Smart Glasses” To Make You Look Smart

Was the night out at an accredited college or something?

I mean, this it just a regular night out with the lads. I know, it always starts with the promise of “only a couple drinks” but you know how it goes, drinks are expensive these days, plus club entry fees, who hasn’t racked up these kind of numbers on an average Friday?

Oh, sure, Chase Bank and the woman in the viral TikTok “claims” it was a computer glitch, but we all see through you, Maddie. We know what the sitch is, and you just don’t want your parents to find out.

In a now-deleted TikTok on her own account, she recounted the experience, saying, “I wish I could say I bought the city of Los Angeles. It’s not the case here. I’m not really sure what inclined me to check my bank account at like 2 am. But I did. And then I saw negative 49 billion.”

woman 50 billion debt — not sure I should be screenshotting someone’s banking app and putting it online but, err…

But before anyone could arrive to break her kneecaps, she called the bank, who replied, “‘Hello this is Chase bank how may I help you?’ Hi, I’m negative 50 billion dollars in debt, and I’m not quite sure why. Do I have 50 billion dollars? No. I do have $76. So she goes, ‘can I put you on hold?’ I’ve never seen this before. I was like, oh.”

‘Oh,’ indeed.

As some Redditors have pointed out, she probably just left a cute waitress a reasonable tip and didn’t want to own up to it. That or she did a little too much drunken online shopping on Lockheed Martin’s website.

You know, girl math.

For more solid financial advice, read this: A Man Disguised Himself As His Dead Mom For Three Years To Steal Her Fortune