2025 | Wall Street Memes

Beijing has denied claims by Donald Trump that they talk “every day” about tariffs and that they are ‘besties’. Instead, China says that they have set Trump’s WhatsApp to ‘mute’ and are considering soft-blocking or even blocking the US President.

On Wednesday, Trump told reporters at the Oval Office that they were ready for a trade deal with China but such a deal “depends on them”. However he did offer promising news saying that China’s last text did end with two ‘x’s as opposed to the regular one. Analysts are interpreting these symbols as a ‘kiss’ and a sign of goodwill.

However a spokesman for the Chinese commerce ministry said it was all lies, but who’s to say he isn’t lying?

Donald Trump had this to say in response, “China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, Shiner, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China.”

He then continued, “China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, Chinese China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China-China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, Taiwan, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China.”

So, I guess you can see why they put him on mute.

It’s a bold negotiating strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off.

PREVIOUSLY on America…

Can you believe it’s only been 100 days of Trump’s second term? Me neither. And already he’s changed so much. In case you just woke up from a coma, here’s a recap of the 100 most best things that he’s done since entering the White House.

1: Donald Trump has increased tariffs.

2: Donald Trump has decreased tariffs.

3: Donald Trump has increased the stock market value.

4. Donald Trump has decreased the stock market value.

5. Donald Trump has fired everyone but Jerome Powell.

6. Donlad Trunp has replaced the Pope with JD Vance.

7. Donld Trump has shut down Harvard and replaced it with Trump University.

8. Donad Trup bought Greenland for the low, low price of shattering diplomatic relations.

9. Donled Trunup makes Signal an official government communication tool so no one did anything wrong there, OK?

10. Doald Trimp released all the files related to the murder attempt on JFK (not Jr. this time)’s life.

11. Dolel Tryuinp deported 1 billion people to an El Salvador torture prison.

12. Donald J. Trump saved Sandra Bullock from being lost in space forever.

13. Donald Jay Trump solved the Ukraine war.

14. Dalon Jin Tremp solved the Palestine war.

15. Donald Trump made America great.

16. Donald Trump made America great again.

17. Donad Trump made America great again, again.

18. Donnd Trump made America great again, again, again.

18. Donnnd Trump made America great again, again, again, again, again, again… I could do this all day.

19. Donald Trump launched a new cryptocurrency.

20. Donald Trump pardoned the January 6th rioters who were totally peaceful.

21. Donald Trump DEI fired DEI hires.

22. Shit, we’re only at 22? I thought this would be easy, ok, erm, Donald Trump won the presidency. That’s an achievement. Oh, wait, I’ve got another one.

23. Donald Trump removes Kamala Harris from the history books. (Like, seriously, she was all we could talk about for ages, now where is she. Space?)

24 – 67. Donald Trump took a golf break (fair enough, he’s a busy guy).

68. Donald Trump became legally allowed to do anything.

69. Nice.

70. Donald Trump wrote into law that the number 83 will henceforth be referred to as the number 100.

71. Donald Trump, oh, remember when he almost got shot? I know that wasn’t in the last hundred days, but that was crazy, huh? Man, it’s been a crazy time.

72. Donald Trump put America first and Armenia second and Belize waayy down at number thirteen. If you want to see his full rankings of every country, follow along for Part 2.

73. Donald Trump probably did more things, but honestly, this is one hundred items for one hundred days, so I have to list one thing he’s done every day, that’s crazy, how am I supposed to think of that?

74. Donald Trump went to the toilet. Definitely at least once.

75. Donald Trump took a shower. He definitely did that; these count as achievements, come on.

76. Fuck, ok, god, really scraping the barrel here… erm… something about healthcare, something, something.

77. Donald Trump.

78. Donald Trump killed a man. But in a war way so it’s fine and legal.

79. Donald Trump did President.

80. Donald Trump set an example to all Americans.

81. Donald Trump might run for a third term. God help us all.

82. Donald Trump did a little dance.

100. Donald Trump will definitely be just as busy for the next 100 days.

And there we have it! 100 achievements by Donald ‘the President’ Trump in just 100 days in office. Suck it, Joe Biden.

It’s been a busy week, what with Trump threatening Fed Chair Jerome Powell, then saying that he wouldn’t fire him, even though, oh boy, does he want to. At the same time, Elon Musk has said he plans to spend less time on DOGE in order to focus on bringing Tesla out of its stock nose dive.

Well, now the dynamic duo has announced a plan that could kill two birds with one stone. Picture this: no more Jay Powell AND Tesla stock goes up with a ground-breaking tech demo, all in one move.

That’s right, they’re going to replace JP with a Tesla bot.

Now, they claim that Trump has no plans to fire him and the bot is “just for decoration” but he’s lean, he’s mean, he’s a fighting machine what else would you build a robot for but managing the federal reserve? This ain’t ‘Mr. Too Late’ this ain’t no ‘Major Loser’ this is advanced robotics at the cutting edge.

The Tesla Optimus was initially pitched as an AI android helper but secretly it was actually designed for one job and one job only: setting the interest rates to a level that makes Trump happy.

If all goes according to plan, the Tesla Optimus will be sworn in next week and start Chairing the fuck out of that Fed before the end of the month.

Naturally, Tesla will have complete control over the robot and thus the entire economy. Call it a ‘backdoor DOGE’ if you like. And finally Trump will be happy.

And to those naysayers saying this is unconstitutional and that you can’t have a robot running the Federal Reserve, Musk already has a response for you, “Shut up.”

The only thing the Constitution says about robots is that we’re not allowed to build a robot Abraham Lincoln and guess what? Disney already did it so I feel like we can just throw out that whole document now can’t we?

I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords and truly believe that an economy married inextricably to Tesla stock is a healthy one.

The former Mr. Powell declined to comment on this piece.

For more on this story click here: Trump’s Top 10 Picks To Replace Jerome Powell

Welcome back to Wall Street Memes, your only source for news, memes, and streets named after walls (West Wall Street, Midland, Texas, anyone?).

But we’re also the home of top bets, tips, stakes, and bets, so read on below for our round-up of the top 5 degen bets this week! This is not financial advice!

5. Stonks

Now this is where Wall Street comes to play. The Stonk Market has been more volatile than ever, jumping up and down every time Trump sneezes. Who’s to say if it’s going to go up or down or a secret third direction, but for the right players, there’s some big gains to be made.

4. Soccer

Not just a European sport now, soccer is even played in places as far as Spain and even France now. There are games every weekend if you know where to look. Who’s to say if the teams will win or lose or a secret third option that I’m told is called a draw? Wtf, wtf is that? Ok, well, you can bet on that if you want, you maniac.

3. Horse

There is horse. Horse is for bet. Bet on horse. Horse bet. Money to horse. If horse win. More money. If horse lose. Horse keep money. Bet more on horse. Horse bet on you betting more. Horse race. Horse race each other. You race horse. You. Money. Horse. Race. Horse. Understood?

2. Jai Alai

Look, I don’t know about you, but I never heard of this sport until 30 seconds ago. It’s like squash or tennis, but all the players have these giant mutated hands so they can throw balls harder and not much else. The J is pronounced like an H, so you know it’s exotic, but it’s also not there’s loads of games happening all the time right here in Florida, and you’re supposed to bet on it so maybe look into that.

1. Yourself

Look, if you’re looking for a solid bet, look no further than the mirror. You should take them gains and put them all on you, son. If there’s ever been a sure bet, it’s my guy right here. The best odds, the only odds you can control, that’s all you. Believe in yourself, you goddamn angel. Bet on you.

And that’s it! Be sure to follow along for more tips and tricks in the coming minutes. Happy good luck!

Richest man in the world and part-time most powerful man in the world, Elon Reeve Musk (‘erm’ for short) has announced that he will be significantly cutting back from his work at DOGE in order to focus on his kids, no, wait, sorry I meant Tesla.

Erm has 14 children, but they’ve all got their own thing going on. However, Tesla stock has taken a massive hit this year and needs some more of that invaluable Musky attention.

But CEO Elon Musk assures stockholders that this is all part of the plan. Tesla stock is actually programmed to self-drive in this direction.

When asked to clarify by a confused everyone, Musk took to X to explain that, “We have a feature with the Tesla autopilot where, when there’s an emergency, the stock will just drive headfirst into a pit, making a really cool explosion. It’s all part of DOGE’s cost-cutting measures, after all, a bankrupt company has to downsize, saving everyone money.”

Elon reportedly set the company to self-drive mode while he was away. Now that it’s driven off a canyon, however, Musk will return to take the wheel and spend just one to two days a week on DOGE.

So Long Elon

DOGE, or if you want to be more efficient you can call it “the (not technically a department) Department of Government Efficiency (like the dog meme)”, is just one of the many government organizations you can’t believe are real alongside Space Force, the Board of Tea Appeals, and the CIA.

Even though another layoff would make DOGE more efficient, it seems unlikely that Musk will step down completely from DOGE because he paid a lot of money to get there.

As Trump’s first presidency already demonstrated, a government is just like a company in every single way, and a person who can kind of run multiple companies at once can handle little government on the side. Elon runs a lean ship: at Tesla, he replaced all the drivers with AI, at Twitter, he replaced all the users with bots, and all the letters in the name with just one. Much more efficient.

And Musky Man has now made similar changes to government, replacing all government officials with Grok and ‘The Federal Government of the United States of America’? Ugh, what a mouthful, how about just a nice, lean 𝕏.

Commenting on Musk in a 2022 Truth Social post, Trump said, “When Elon Musk came to the White House asking me for help on all of his many subsidized projects, whether it’s electric cars that don’t drive long enough, driverless cars that crash, or rocketships to nowhere, without which subsidies he’d be worthless and tell me how he was a big Trump fan and Republican, I could have said, “drop to your knees and beg,” and he would have done it.”

Nicola Tesla Said To Be ‘Rolling In Grave’

As for Tesla, reportedly, they have delivered just 336,681 cars this quarter, compared to 386,810 last year. Now, I’m no mathematician, but those look like the exact same numbers to me.

This development follows a difficult year for TSLA. Even though President Trump has pledged to replace the presidential motorcade with Cybertrucks, the car company took a bigger hit from the new auto tariffs. In response, Musk introduced new three-wheeled Teslas to work around Trump’s 25% tariff (you can’t tax a quarter if you’re missing a quarter!).

Teslas have also been hit by vandals over the past few weeks, and a suicide fire-worker in January. Similarly, Musk’s ‘Cyberlegs’ project failed to materialize. Man, sucks to be the richest man alive, huh.

But all of this is a footnote to Tesla’s real problem: China.

China is pulling ahead as the largest EV market in the world, making them cheaper, hotter and more Chinese than anything Tesla could possibly make. Now, I might not be Chinese, but I sure can recognize when I see a premium vehicle and a quality product. That’s the kind of feeling you get from a Chinese EV.

Elon's competition — Chinese EVs: ‘Better than you expected!’

Wall Street Memes is proudly sponsored by: ‘China’. Enter the code SELLOUT at the checkout for 2% off your next purchase.

Gold has reached an ATH (all-time highest amount), rising to over $3,500 an ounce for the first time, making it one of the most precious metals in the world.

The boost comes after Donald J. Trump (the president) started fresh beef with the Federal Reserve Chair Head, Jerome Powell, and called him mean names. Coupled with a frightening stock drop, investors are now turning to gold as the new “gold standard”.

Some are now saying that gold is “worth its weight in gold”; however, others are saying that it’s not. Only time (and this set of old-timey scales) will tell.

In a matter of weeks, gold and gold related products might reach $4,000. Which is a lot of money to spend on gold if you’re really not planning on doing anything with it.

The dollar was once the stable currency global investors could rely on, but now with the volatility of the dollar (dollatility if you will), investors are turning to the far more stable and never fluctuating gold for investment opportunities.

Dow Jones (I’ve never met him but I’ve heard he’s lovely) has made his hardest drop since he used to DJ during the great depression. This is scary because that was a bad time. Historians predict that various 1930s trends are likely to make a comeback, including hobos and old-timey scales.

Gold And Days

Gold has long been popular amongst money people not only because it’s shiny but also because, unlike other currencies, it’s real.

Metal buffs will tell you that gold is one of the most golden-colored metals ever discovered. When first discovered, gold prospectors saw gold as rare because they hadn’t found much of it yet.

Since then, however, much more gold has been discovered, mostly in the ground. Gold owners across the world have attempted to make gold more valuable by naming expensive things like memberships and casinos after the metal.

Only now has this investment finally paid off, making fictional characters such as Goldfinger and Scrooge McDuck millionaires.

For more on this story, click here over there somewhere…

President Donald Trump has lashed out at Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, calling him “a major loser” and “Mr. Too Late” for not lowering interest rates. With his firing potentially imminent, here are Trump’s Top 10 picks to take over the position.

1. SBF (essbeef)

Sam Bankman-Fried has done more than enough to prove his financial chops. Hell, he’s got ‘bank’ in his name, who better to lead the finances of this country? Now, there is the little matter of the whole ‘prison’ thing, but that’s nothing that a bit of presidential pardoning can’t fix.

2. Kanye

…West, that is. He’s a loose cannon. A renegade. And you know what? Maybe that’s exactly what the fed needs right now. Sure, there was that whole thing with his cousin and with the Nazis and, yes, he ran against Trump but my enemies enemy is my friend and a friend in Ye is a friend indeed.

3. Tiffany Fong

Who? Oh, the crypto influencer that Elon offered to have a child with. Yeah, sure, why not, throw her into the mix. The important thing is that we make HEADLINES. Ok?

4. Barron

Now, Barron’s a good kid. Maybe the best kid. And he knows his crypto more than anyone. He’s talking about crypto, he’s a fan, he knows how to use his wallet. What’s a wallet? Well, he’s using it. So he’s a good pick.

5. Scrooge McDuck

If anyone understands money, it’s a man with a giant pile of money in his house. Now that’s the kind of guy I want in charge of interest rates, that’s for sure.

6. No One

Now, this is the most controversial take, but do we even need a chair? Can’t we just sit on the floor? It’s long been the belief of notable economists like me that the Fed can just run itself. If anything, it would be an improvement from that good-for-nothing POWELL.

7. Jerome Powell

A late entry to the field, this is a completely different Jerome Powell, absolutely no relation to the previous JP. Yes, he looks very similar, but this Jerome has a large mustache, so it can’t be the same one.

8. Elon Musk

I mean, does he need an introduction? Musk’s been doing a great job with the DOGE and all that, so I could think of no one better to lead the economy of the country than someone who will do exactly what Trump tells him to.

9. A Can Of Beans (bean can)

This is my personal favorite pick. The thing is, what’s the Fed chair got to do but sit there and look pretty? I reckon a can o’ beans is the prettiest gal on the block, I’d give her a shot, sure, how hard can it be!

10. JD Vance

Ehh, ok, fine, if we really have to, like if we’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel, I guess he’ll do. I GUESS WE COULD SETTLE. I mean, he doesn’t have much on his plate. He’s not that busy, he could probs do the Fed on the side. Not well, mind you, not a good job, but he’d do A job, sure.

And for a secret eleventh option: Hawk Tuah To Replace Jerome Powell as Fed Chairman

Jay Dee ‘JD’ Vance has pleaded not guilty to the murder of Pope Francis despite being the last man to see him alive and having a compelling motive.

The Vice President met with THE Pope to admonish him for not wearing a suit and not saying thank you mere HOURS before he died of an unrelated lung something.

The Vatican will now hold a Conclave to solve the crime of the murder of the Pope. Just like in that movie, oh, what was it called? Oh yeah, the Da Vinci Code. So that’s pretty fun. Although a man did die, so that’s not fun.

Pope Francis previously objected to Trump’s anti-migration policies, so it was a lil awks with the Vance. A lil tense.

Some are saying this is maybe motive enough, but to me, that’s a red herring. I reckon the real murderer was the person you least expect, like God.

Alright, that’s enough of that, back to the news.

Look, we’ve all got more important things to be doing, but Jonathon David Vance has just been awarded the award for biggest fumble, which he then promptly fumbled.

The award comes in response to the Ohio State football team’s visit to the White House, in which he tried to pick up the trophy but by the base and then shouldered the top so the whole thing tipped over him, and it was all just a mess.

To be fair to him, why is the top detachable from the base? For easy storage? In case the display shelf is too big?

Now Vance has been awarded the National Society of Fumblers’ highest accolade: the Golden Fumble. The trophy itself is a giant hand holding the base of an award and looks rad.

The trophy was presented to Vance in a ceremony this week; however, when the award was handed to the Vice President, he tried to pick up the trophy by the base and then shouldered the top, so the whole thing tipped over him, and it was all just a mess.

The crowd was delighted and exploded into applause and presented him with another award, which he fumbled too, and then the same thing happened again, and the whole thing continued late into the night.

Vance then gave a speech in which he said he was honored to receive the award, however, he did not say thank you once.

When asked about the National Society of Fumblers’ historic sex crimes, Vance declined to comment and then ran away.

For more news like this one, just shut your eyes and imagine a world more peaceful than this.

Snack company, Frito-Lay has claimed it’s going to lose $5.5 billion dollars (USD) after Washington has placed new restrictions on the export of H20 chips, which I guess is just plain salted flavor?

Ok, I’m reading it now… the H20 chip is an ‘artificial chip’? So I guess it was grown in a lab? Yeah, still not clear what flavor it is, but I guess base level it’s salted, right? Apparently, the Chinese couldn’t handle the more powerful H100 chip, so I guess that one was super spicy.

It was this H20 chip that developers of DeepSeek snacked on whilst building their breakthrough AI model so who knows what they’re going to eat now. Pringles? Ew.

But how can this be profitable for Frito-Lay? I hear you ask. Well, that’s just the point, it can’t. This sucks. This fucking sucks. Frito-Lay is the greatest snack company I can name. They got Doritos, they got Lays, they got them cheesy Cheetos. And to see them take a 14-point stock dive on this? My god. I vomited into my underwear. If America can’t look after the bastions of its snack industry, then is nothing sacred anymore?

“THIS IS DISGUSTING!” claimed Chinese snack connoisseur Steven Steven. “CHIPS ARE A HUMAN RIGHT!”

Look, Steven’s right, chips are a human right and China eats a lot of chips and if you’re going to let Frito-Lay die? I’m going to come for you.

The snack-pocolyse is the latest tremor in Trump’s trade tariff trauma. He’s cut down on cars, steel and greebling. Put on your hats kids, because it’s only got to get more shaky from here.

Oh, and Nvidia’s also hit too, or something, I guess.

Anyway, I’m hungry now.

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