2025 | Wall Street Memes

Amazon big boss and “Breaker of Internets”, Jeffrey Bezos is also a breaker of house valuation records after selling his Seattle mansion for an eye-emulsifying $63 million dollars. That’s the most expensive property ever sold in Washington.

Now that might sound like a lot, but it’s nothing compared to the $237 million American dollars he’s spent on his Miami compound.

Coincidentaly, J-B is worth $237 Billion dollars ($USD) so I don’t know if they picked that number just for synergy or what.

B-Z-Boy only bought the 9,420-square-foot Seattle mansion for $37.5 million dollars (there’s that 37 again, what’s going on?) so a sale of $63 million dollars gives him a net profit of… quick math… at least $20-something million dollars in money.

The area has an average house price of $8 million, one of the priciest in the US, due to its proximity to Seattle’s tech hub. For Jeff, it was only an eight-mile private jet flight to work, so, ideal.

A lake-front view, three bedrooms, four bathrooms (one for every kind of shit), an elevator, a walk-in closet, two kitchens, a rooftop terrace and a glass walkway to the two-story guesthouse. What more could you want?

Well, a lot more apparently. In Miami, Jeff owns three mansions in the ‘Billionaire Bunker’ area and he plans to demolish them to build one single megamansion. But don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll look really tasteful.

But Miami’s a long way from work, Jeff, you had the perfect commute, why’d move, Jeff? Well, why do billionaires do anything? Money.

Washington just upped their capital gains tax to 7% but Miami is way more welcoming to greedy bastards.

…sorry, sorry, I meant to say that Jeff moved to be closer to his in-laws. Yes, of course, sorry, that’s the real reason.

For more on this story, read this one: Bezos Sells Amazon Shares To Pay For Wedding, Narrowly Avoids Bankruptcy

Genuinely no one seems to have noticed…

Last week, President Donald Trump announced his plan to build America’s very own Arc de Triomphe, but better because it won’t be French.

If approved, the proposed stone archway (mockingly dubbed the Arc de Trump) would be built across the Potomac from the Lincoln Memorial, on the current site of a roundabout in Virginia.

But look at this picture, LOOK AT IT!

This is the model display that Trump used to unveil the plans for the arch. You can see the Ark Of The Covenant in the distance there and the Lincoln Memorial in the foreground, but there’s one little problem…

In real life, the Lincoln Memorial isn’t in line with the Arlington Memorial Bridge; it’s in line with the National Mall (that square of darker green at the bottom).

This can only mean that Trump PLANS TO ROTATE THE ENTIRE LINCOLN MEMORIAL 45 DEGREES.

No, there’s no way they just got it wrong on the model or set it up like that because it looks better, no, the plan is BURROW UNDERNEATH THE MONUMENT, RAISE IT UP ON HYDROLIC JACKS, TURN IT EVER SO SLIGHTLY, AND THEN PUT IT BACK DOWN.

Honest Abe will get his very own hora (that’s the Jewish chair dance you uncultured swine). We can all sing Hava Nagila. It’ll be fun, you should come alone.

The building will then sit completely misaligned from the Washington Monument, the White House, and the Capitol, but at least it’ll line up with the arch, that’s the important thing.

The Arc D’rump is just one part of Trump’s plan to do what every real estate developer does best: gentrify! He also plans to build a $250 million ballroom onto the White House. All just so Trump can do the YMCA, apparently.

It’s unclear how much constructing the arch, rotating Lincoln, building the ballroom and digging a network of secret passageways connecting them all will cost but rest assured it’s worth it.

Alright, that’s enough of that, Trump, hit with your best moves! *Trump starts to do the Floss* Everybody!

Hava nagila! Hava nagila! Hava nagila ve-nismeḥa! HEY!

For more Trump construction news, read this: Trump Slashes Social Security to Fund Diamond Hands Statue

Hello? Can you read this?

OK, good, thank god, it’s not affected wallstmemes.com yet. As a wise man once said, this is it, the apocalypse. The whole internet is shutting down one by one.

I went to check my stocks this morning on Robinhood and saw that I couldn’t. Naturally, I freaked out but thought, it’s fine, I’ve got my crypto. But ohhh no, Coinbase is down too.

It’s OK, I’ve still got money in my Venmo. But no, that’s out too, shit. Better let my friends know on Snapchat. Wtf? Snapchat got Thanos snapped too?

You know what, maybe this is a good thing, I’ve been meaning to catch up on my Duolingo streak for a while. Oh no, please, don’t tell me they killed the owl too…

What about Wordle, I can do that, right? That’s productive too. Nope. The New York Times website is down.

Fine, I’ll do something unproductive. Time to load up a nice game of Fortnite. …aaaand it’s gone. Sure, PUBG? Down. That’s alright, no worries, we’ll crack out some Rainbow Six Siege, nope, shot in the head. Roblox? Bricked. Clash Royale? Crashed.

Alexa, is the internet down? Because I’m starting to feel like the internet is down. Alexa…? …Alexa…?

You know what, I’ll just ask my go-to AI chatbot and ask them. Perplexity, is the internet down? …Perplexity?

Alright, the whole internet can’t be down, let’s just try some random sites, as a test. Canva? Goodreads? Ring? Chime? AppleTV? Prime Video? Life360? Collegeboard? Whatnot? Better ask my internet service provider, Verizon…

Oh shit.

Kim Kardashian did it again. She broke the internet.

Is turning off the internet part of the government shutdown?

It’ll all be alright. You know what, I can just order a new router through Amazon.com and… god DAMN IT!

I can’t search it but a friendly stranger is shouting down the street that all these sites have one thing in common: they all use Amazon’s cloud computing service, AWS.

A&W Root Beet not AWS Amazon INternet cloud service — AWS is in no way affiliated with A&W Root Beer

AWS is the most used cloud computing service and Amazon’s main source of revenue, earning them $108 billion in 2024. Yeah, and here I am thinking that they just sold books.

Alright, well, I guess there’s nothing else to do. There’s only one thing for it, I’m going to do it, I’m going to go… outside.

aggHHGGHHH!!!!

For more on this story, click here: Literally Everyone Is Saying The AI Bubble Is About To Burst And Here’s Why

Small nuclear reactor manufacturer, NuScale (SMR), just got a 15% stock boost on Wednesday after the US Army of all people just slid a whole pile of chips their way whilst saying, “All in.”

They’re calling it the “Janus Program” which doesn’t sound evil at all and the idea is fast track these mini nuclear reactors so they become the future of clean, green, glowing green energy. Definitely nothing to do with making nuclear warheads or anything like that we promise.

Like everything these days, it all goes back to Donald Trump who demanded that military bases have operational reactors by 2028. The idea being that if one gets attacked, the whole thing’s wiped off the map.

NuScale had an all time low in April but now they’re up an explosive 375% from then. Fuck me.

nuclear power graph — Here’s a handy graph to explain… oh, shit, wait, no wrong graph

The thing is, nuclear has long been the future of energy, yes, radiation is dangerous, but modern power plants are pretty safe and way more efficient and less polluting than fucking windfarms which kill clouds.

But massive disasters like Chernobyl, Fukushima, Three-Mile Island, and that one time I farted so bad my grandma died have given nuclear power a bad rep (wrap?). Now when people think of nuclear power, they think of glowing green goo and three-armed mutants with whatever the opposite of superpowers are.

Oh and also the looming threat of nuclear war, that’s another one… huh, maybe it’s not so good…

A Nuclear Explosion But The Good Kind

So now companies like NuScale are looking to change this perception that and it seems these mini-reactors, like you might get on a nuclear submarine, may be the future of the tech. For one thing, they’re cheaper, easier to maintain, and at least 1 times less likely to explode than my ass.

Accelerating the push is those thirsty, thirsty AIs which need at least a gigawatt of electrical electricity per day. Private nuclear reactors, maybe even pocket-sized ones, might be on the horizon and it’s all thanks to Grok.

So take that, Iran.

For more on this story read this: Big Tech Invests In Nuclear Energy To Save Planet, No, Wait Sorry, I Meant ‘To Save AI’

US (United States) Pres (President) Don (Donald) Trump (Trump) has CONFIRMED that we are in a trade war with China (China) potentially ruling him out of the coveted Nobel Prize For Peace Prize.

Trump was asked by a reporter today, “Are we in for a sustained trade war with China?” to which he replied, “Well, you’re in one now. Look, we have 100% tariff– IF WE DIDN’T HAVE TARIFFS [sic] we would be exposed as being a nothing, we would have no defense.”

The Pres-ident seemed surprised that he even had to clarify that we were in a trade war saying, you’re in one with a tone as if to say, “Yeah, duh. Obvs trade war. TW. Tradey-B. Ya feel? [sic]”

Trump trade war potc gif — Trump rn but about trade wars

The comments come following a week of heightened tensions between the two countries and preceding Trump’s upcoming meeting with schzeee-shczing-ping. Is that how you pronounce it? Tremp. That’s how I pronounce Trump. Tremp. Deneld Tremp.

But on the had hand on the other hand i mena, I mean. Sorry, I’ve. I’m very drenk. Drunk. ON THE OTHER HAND, Scott Bessent, the Treasury of… He said that an extension on the tariff pause was possible IF China loosens its controls on rare earth metals.

Basically, there’s a lot still to be worked out, so nothing to see here.

Trump Attempts To Escalate And De-escalate At The Same Time

Earlier in the week, Tromp tried to de-escalate, saying on Truth Social (like X but somehow more shit), “Don’t worry about China, it will all be fine! Highly respected President Xi just had a bad moment. He doesn’t want Depression for his country, and neither do I. The U.S.A. wants to help China, not hurt it!!! President DJT”

But what does this all mean for Trimp’s noble peace price? Well, the DJ was looking to win a prise or two after declaring war is over (happy xmas) in Gaza (Middle East), BUT it seems like he’s been gazumped. Because you can’t go around saying that you’ve solved war forever with one hand and then on/in the other hand say that we’re in a trade war.

No sir, no madam.

Congress is pushing to make their own extra cool nobel praise and then anoint Trump with that instead. If this goes ahead, Trump will officially be a part of the nobility and will henceforth be referred to as Sir Trump upon pain of death.

Tremp.

Shit, do you think the President has some kind of insider knowledge or something?

When Donald Trump anointed himself “the Bitcoin President,” he wasn’t lying: DJT is now one of the largest Bitcoin investors in the world.

No one knows exactly how much he has but it’s estimated that Trump holds about $870 million in BTC and back in June he made about $1 billion from this asset alone. Whew.

Now this info isn’t in any government disclosure of presidential assets, it’s not on Trump’s website, and it’s certainly not on his tax returns because we’re as likely to see that as we are to see the Epstein files.

No, all Trump’s Bitcoin is wrapped up in Truth Social, Trump Media and Technology Group, and a shifty corp called DT Marks Defi LLC. Boy, I wonder what that ‘DT’ stands for…

Yes, it’s shell companies all the way down.

What’s he trying to hide? Is he embarrassed to be a crypto bro? Damn, Don, you’re now the biggest crypto bro out there.

And this is even talking about the terribly named World Liberty Financial, the crypto project of Trump sons Barron and Eric (who?) that the Don owns a 70% stake in. WLFI (wolfy) started publicly trading last month at a valuation of $5bn for some reason. They have since announced plans to release a debit card and tokenise real estate, whatever that means…

All of this boosts Donald Trump to a net worth of $3.7 billy, making him the richest world leader in the world and the richest president ever. But he’s also the working man’s President. Not at all corrupt, no, no. He got this money completely separately from being powerful. Completely different thing, don’t worry about it.

You Bitcoin? Did It Taste Good?

Ironically, it was Trump who caused one of the biggest crypto crashes in history a few days after he posted on Truth Social that he might renew tariffs with China, causing investors to sell off their risky assets, namely crypto.

Bitcoin dropped $20,000, Ethereum fell 21%, Dogecoin 50% and even Donald Trump’s own $TRUMP coin fell 63% to its lowest point.

All of this is to say that no, Trump doesn’t seem to know something we don’t. The former critic of the technology likely doesn’t know what he has or what exactly it is, shielded from the asset by his more crypto-savvy sons. The boys will keep grifting off their dad’s fame, which handily leaves Trump to focus on bigger things like achieving world peace and declaring war on America, oblivious of what that means for crypto.

Because, let’s be honest, it’s not like he’s ever going to be poor.

You get a Cybertruck and you get a Cybertruck!

The world’s richest man, Elon Musk, can’t afford to be any less rich, so he’s just got to commit a little fraud quickly. QUICKLY!

You see, at launch, he promised that Cyberturcc would sell between 250,000 and 500,000 units per year. The actual figure? Just 20,000 this year. Oy vey.

What can we do, shit, shit, what we going to do? We’ve got to boost numbers stat. I’ve got all these other companies maybe, maybe… oh, I’ve got it!

Sell Cybertrucks to the other companies you own.

SpaceX has received hundreds of Cybertrucks and is expecting thousands more. xAI has been caught receiving the car too. And let’s not forget Musk attempting to flog some off to former BFF, the United States Government.

None of that’s fraud, right?

Elon Musk? More Like Elon Fucked Am-I-Right?

It doesn’t really make sense though, the sibretruk is an elite machine of premium engineered vehicle with a very human design. Yes, the truck has been recalled eight times, yes, it has a poor range, yes, it has terrible resale value, and yes, it looks like Megatron’s dick, but none of that’s a reason why we aren’t selling HALF A MILLION UNITS A YEAR.

elon muck cybertruck — a cybertruck in the wild

Sure, even Tesla doesn’t believe in their own product and is pivoting away from EVs to robots, AI and fast food joints but still, the cyberterk is a luxury item here.

Oh yeah, I mean, it’s a given that it looks like a car after it’s been through a compactor, but we’re talking about the future here.

And I know Elon might have lied about it being bulletproof but I’m telling you, the cberyebtarulks is on everyone’s Christmas list.

No, yes, it’s true, the trunk door will chop your fingers off but the cyveaberpturck IS a premium electric superior car truck please buy it please buy it PLEASE BUY IT AHHHH!!!

It was the Gaza Peace Summit this week and all the world leaders were there for peace. All except one: Donald Trump, who had a grand plan to turn this peace summit into the 2025 46th World Armwrestling & 27th Para-Armwrestling Championships.

It’s Trump’s go-to move. A show of force and indisputable proof that you don’t actually have small hands or a small penia. All you have to do is, when you go for a handshake, grab your opponent’s hand as tightly as you can, then yank them towards you and hold on for dear life. If you let go first, you’re a pussy.

Trump arm wrestling hulk hogan — Trump deep in diplomatic negotiations. Hulk Hogan is now dead.

Most cave in and you’re the clear winner. The Pope, the Queen of England, Barron Trump, all losers. But some, a small few, actually step up to the plate and play you at your own game. You yank, they yank, canceling out the yank. You squeeze, they squeeze. The squeeze has been negated. What is this? You don’t break, but neither do they, and you find yourself holding hands, staring into his eyes for the rest of eternity.

Shit, you’re in a dick measuring contest and this guy brought his own measuring tape.

That’s right, it’s French President and sole owner of the largest dick-to-hand-ratio in the world, Emmanuel Macron.

Yep, Macron and Trump held hands in a weird bro-fist-grab thing for an uncomfortably long time, leaving both with brittle, bloodless fingers and shattered egos. Geez, just get a room.

Trump Seen Squeezing Grip Strengtheners Backstage

But this isn’t an early heat, no this is a rematch. It’s become a sort of tradition between these two that Macron’s the only one dumb/smart enough to play Trump at his own game. DING DING DING! Round Two.

But who won? Who’s next? Well, I can’t find a video of the whole thing after 10 seconds of looking so I think we can assume it doesn’t exist. Probably because it would last two hours and no one’s watching all that. Sorry, there’s just simply no way of knowing who broke first and who has the smaller penial appendage. Let’s chalk this up as a draw.

Tune in next year for the 47th World Armwrestling & 28th Para-Armwrestling Championships when Trump will face off against 100 gorillas.

…Or at least it would have done if OnlyFans’ stock were public. No, you have to pay extra for a private room.

Anyways, the actual news is that OpenAI is planning to allow ChatGPT users to request adult content in a move that will in no way be bad for anyone.

ChatGPT Sam ALtman Erotica tweet — TLDR: Chatbots hot now.

Sam Altman Tweeted an X that, “In December, as we roll out age-gating more fully and as part of our “treat adult users like adults” principle, we will allow even more, like erotica for verified adults.”

Great, now I have literally no reason to leave the house.

Haven’t we learned that adults are the last people who should be treated like adults? If ChatGPT starts doing erotica, what’s stopping people from prompting all sorts of heinous things? And even if there are stoppers, we all know ChatGPT can easily be bullied into working around its own restrictions.

I’m not just being a prude here, I’m talking about actual illegal images, images of people who haven’t consented, that sort of thing. And speaking of a lack of consent, what about the images of real people the model has been trained on?

Shit, like anyone cares. We’re already way past that, aren’t we?

ChatGPT? More like, StripGPT, Am-I-Right?

But this isn’t JUST a desperate attempt from an unprincipled creep to increase users and prevent the AI bubble from popping. No, this is about protecting the mental health of vulnerable people.

Yes, in the same Twext, Altman also said that “We made ChatGPT pretty restrictive to make sure we were being careful with mental health issues… Now that we have been able to mitigate the serious mental health issues and have new tools, we are going to be able to safely relax the restrictions in most cases.”

That’s right, Alternate Man has solved the problem, AI psychosis is no longer a thing, people no longer think that ChatGPT is conscious, we can finally make it even MORE human (plus it can now take its clothes off).

What could possibly go wrong?

Current richest man, Elon Musk, just Tweeted an X in response to a post that might just change your life… ok, probably not, but let’s hear it anyway.

“True. That is why Bitcoin is based on energy: you can issue fake fiat currency, and every government in history has done so, but it is impossible to fake energy.”

Now look, I can’t be bothered to look up what the original post was. They could have said, “Energy is gay,” and then Elon’s reply means something completely different.

Or maybe the OP said, “I’m going to blow up a school Elon Musk says it’s true that Bitcoin can’t be faked.” That would also mean something different.

But hey, we’ll never know so currently it just reads like Elon doesn’t know how anything works…

In an AI-written article summarising the story, CoinPedia summarises the point: “The line hits at a simple truth: governments can print money, but they can’t print energy. Does this give Bitcoin a huge advantage?”

Err… no, because governments do print energy, that’s exactly what governments do, they build, fund, and organise power plants, energy grids, power lines, etc. What are you talking about?

What do you mean you can’t fake energy? How, what, what, who, what could that possibly mean?

Fake what? It’s not the energy that’s possibly being faked. Energy is just energy. I’m so confused. I don’t understand what’s going on. Why is the world run by idiots?

Or maybe I’m the idiot? Maybe I don’t understand anything. Maybe I don’t know what’s going on. Who am I?

Where am I? What is energy? Am I a Bitcoin?

Latest news

Melania Trump In Million Dollar Fraud Case For Promoting $MELANIA Shitcoin

The 2028 Presidential Race Is Already Heating Up: Here’s Everyone Who’s Running

Trump Pardons Binance Co-Founder Changpeng Zhao For Some Reason

Oil Now Called ‘Black Gold’ After Reaching New Highs Following Trump Sanctions

NBA Stars And Mafiosi Arrested In Gambling Sting Worth Tens Of Millions

Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Related Articles

Pen Smith • October 22, 2025

ChatGPT Just Launched A Web Browser, Is Google Doomed?

Ima Short • October 20, 2025

Robinhood, Venvo, Coinbase And The Rest Of The Internet Is Down And Everyone Just Touched Grass For The First Time

Max Profit • October 16, 2025

The US Army Just Bet Big On Nuclear Energy And Here’s Why

Latest news

Melania Trump In Million Dollar Fraud Case For Promoting $MELANIA Shitcoin

The 2028 Presidential Race Is Already Heating Up: Here’s Everyone Who’s Running

Trump Pardons Binance Co-Founder Changpeng Zhao For Some Reason

Oil Now Called ‘Black Gold’ After Reaching New Highs Following Trump Sanctions

NBA Stars And Mafiosi Arrested In Gambling Sting Worth Tens Of Millions

Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Max Profit• October 21, 2025D

Jeff Bezos Just Broke A Record For The Value Of His House, His Set Up Is Insane

Max Profit• D

Jeff Bezos Just Broke A Record For The Value Of His House, His Set Up Is Insane

Trending News

Latest news

Melania Trump In Million Dollar Fraud Case For Promoting $MELANIA Shitcoin

The 2028 Presidential Race Is Already Heating Up: Here’s Everyone Who’s Running

Trump Pardons Binance Co-Founder Changpeng Zhao For Some Reason

Oil Now Called ‘Black Gold’ After Reaching New Highs Following Trump Sanctions

NBA Stars And Mafiosi Arrested In Gambling Sting Worth Tens Of Millions

Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Genuinely no one seems to have noticed…

Related Articles

Pen Smith • October 27, 2025

The 2028 Presidential Race Is Already Heating Up: Here’s Everyone Who’s Running

Robert • October 23, 2025

Oil Now Called ‘Black Gold’ After Reaching New Highs Following Trump Sanctions

Barbara •

Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Latest news

Melania Trump In Million Dollar Fraud Case For Promoting $MELANIA Shitcoin

The 2028 Presidential Race Is Already Heating Up: Here’s Everyone Who’s Running

Trump Pardons Binance Co-Founder Changpeng Zhao For Some Reason

Oil Now Called ‘Black Gold’ After Reaching New Highs Following Trump Sanctions

NBA Stars And Mafiosi Arrested In Gambling Sting Worth Tens Of Millions

Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

Pen Smith• October 20, 2025D

Trump Just Unveiled A Plan To Rotate The Lincoln Memorial 45 Degrees And No One’s Talking About It

Pen Smith• D

Trump Just Unveiled A Plan To Rotate The Lincoln Memorial 45 Degrees And No One’s Talking About It

Trending News